This is something I’ve come to realize recently.
So we are aware that MaDD is a coping mechanism. A way to satisfy some sort of hole in our present life or to escape. I want to focus on the former here. That being, MaDD acting as a compensating mechanism. I am someone who has struggled with emotionally expressing myself as well with alot of feelings of invalidation. I think I’ve used MaDD to live out my emotions in scenarios where they feel justified. And like I’ve mentioned in previous posts I think MaDD provides me a place to spit out all those negative emotions without fear of consequences.
All of this is to say that I believe that I daydream to compensate for what I feel like I lack in my real life. And recently I’ve come to the realization that one of the things I feel I lack is comfort from those around me. At times I am struck with a strong desire to be comforted. And I think I’ve used my daydreams as a stand in for when I couldn’t reach out to those around me.
And then something changed.
It can be pretty difficult to be self aware of oneself when you experience maladaptive daydreaming. It can be hard at times to get to the root as to why your daydreams manifest the way they do. At least it has been for me. If I am to get to the root of things I really have to consciously take a step back and analyze my daydreams. Which I rarely do given that I’m nearly always submerged in them, hence the difficulty with self-awareness.
A little awhile ago, after noticing this re-occurring desire for comfort I stood back and asked myself, “So who am I desiring comfort from in my real life”. My thoughts being that all my daydreams stretched back to the real world and that by noting what I wanted in my actual life I could satisfy these wants, and thus maybe dampen the daydreaming.
But as I searched my mind as to who I desired comfort from in my life my mind came back nearly blank. In fact I found that when running through all the people in my life, my question wasn’t “Do I want comfort from this person?” but rather “If I had to choose who I wanted to get comfort from who would it be?”. I came up with one person. This is all to say that I suddenly realized that I didn’t want the people in my life to comfort me at all. I think originally I did, but somewhere along the road it changed. And I noted in numb surprise that I wanted comfort specifically from my paras. I wanted their attention and affection, not anyone’s else.
This may not seem like news to some of you. But for me it was. I assumed that the reason why I sought out comfort from my pars was because I couldn’t do that in my real life. And I do think this was the case initially. But in my effort to forge comfort I got so attached to the way my paras provided it that I stopped wishing to receive it from actual people. This is not good. And I have to say it was bit of sad realization.
i may have to write a post about what “getting comfort” looks like in my paracosms. It’s misleading, making it sound like I daydream of back rubs and affirming words, but more often than not my daydreams are of my parame in the act of desperately seeking out comfort from their paras. Yes I may write more about that later.
But for now, this new realization was something I wanted to post. I think at times I start to believe that I’m not that attached or “into” my paracosms. That they’re just a fun little side distraction, but then I have these realizations and I am forced to face some bitter truths…
i was so scared for him
Am I the only one that doesn’t think Loki is narcissistic? I think he craves atttention because he doesn’t have enough. He feels neglected and tries to make things about himself to attract attention. In the scene where Loki explains his theory to Mobius, he looks like an excited puppy. He is so excited for the possibility that maybe for once he’s right. That behaviour is something that is very common in neglected children. Sif says to Loki that he is alone and always will be alone. His whole life he had no real friends and the only person that ever believed in him was Frigga. He was always overlooked and lived in the shadows of Thor’s greatness. Loki said that he hurts people as a part of the illusion for a desperate attempt at having the control that he has never had. A narcissist would never be able to admit this and would not even believe it. Narcissism by definition is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's idealised self-image and attributes. We know that this is not Loki because from what we’ve seen throughout the mcu is that he does not think of himself as amazing. He is self-critical and insecure. Throughout his lifetime, he has been told over and over again that he is not enough and I think that he may say “I am a god” and “I am burdened with glorious purpose” to convince himself and others that he is great. Loki is not narcissistic, he hides his insecurities behind a shield that resembles narcissism.
Edit: I realize now that this post is a bit ableist and I’m really sorry if I offended anyone. I didn’t realize it was ableist when I posted it.
SUMMARY. ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- shopping new outfits for new year’s with the god of mischief [shopping edition]
PAIRING. loki x gender neutral reader WORD COUNT. 0.568k
THIS WORK CONTAINS fluff, implied smut
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
i feel like he’s that type of boyfriend who would have his arm draped across your shoulder whenever you’re outdoors just to make it clear to every mortal that you belong to him
he’d even pull you closer to him with his hand on your waist mid conversation just to give you a smooch on your forehead or hair
on rare occasions, he’d even whisper all of the dirty things he’d do to you whilst taking in your scent
public displays of affection 10000/10 (unless you’re uncomfortable with it, and if so please skip this part)
expect him to hold your hands and warm them up with his magic every now and then due to the icy temperature in shopping malls
you’d even keep your hands in the pockets of his sweater
best fashion advisor ever, his taste in fashion is another level i swear-
though, he’s super picky with fashion designs which is literally why it takes HOURS to get a simple outfit
definitely picking green for every outfit of yours since he despises every other colour, excluding gold and black
and i mean he’s just so desperate to see you in his colour (it gives him butterflies)
loki: THIS ONE. *shows you the outfit he picked you enthusiastically* y/n: *rolls eyes* seriously, loki?? GREEN??? AGAIN.
of course, you’d still try it on just for him
y/n, trying out one of the clothing store’s branded outfits: *spins* how do i look? loki: *shakes his head in dissatisfaction and steps further* if they were to make a few changes on these designs here… *switches the designs according to his liking with his magic* y/n, dumbstruck: *notices the sales attendant approaching* loki, just finished reforming the outfit: … voila! y/n: GET IN HERE. *pulls him into the changing room and locks the door*
he’d be admiring and praising non-stop about how perfect you look in the ameliorated outfit
meanwhile, you’d be nagging him to swap the designs back to it’s original ones and colour in instant before the sales attendant notices
y/n: *whisper-yells* CHANGE IT BACK LOKI loki: mhm, fine. You’ll have them off by the end of the day anyways. y/n: … *blushing mess* loki: but only under one condition… *bends a little and leans forward* give me a kiss. y/n: LOKI I SWEAR- ugh. *kisses him very quickly either on the cheeks or lips*
there were a couple of times when the sales attendant would be knocking on the door and be like, “Sir? Madam?? Each fitting room is available for only one person.”
and how would picking outfits for loki be like? Well, he obviously doesn’t need fashion advice but he loves having you pick his outfits for him
he just enjoys those moments when you’d carefully arrange his collar, his tie or his outfit in general
he’d purposely leave a few buttons undone too just to have you to button them for him
loki, holding numerous tote bags filled with various purchased items: love, it would really be easier if you’ll just allow me to magic myself one more pair of hands- y/n: LOKI WE’RE IN PUBLIC
okay but hear me out, loki would certainly have his palm on your back every time you use the escalators ESPECIALLY if you suffer from acrophobia, escalaphobia, etc.
he just wants you to feel safe and remember that he’s here to protect you from all sorts of harm
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
SYD .ೃ࿐ Reblogs and interactions are greatly appreciated, thank you for reading.
POV: Being in a relationship with Loki
1. Always calls you ‘darling’ or ‘my love’ or ‘my queen/king’ mostly pretty old fashioned nicknames, but he always adds the word ‘my’ with it.
2. Always smiles at you even at the most random times.
3. Would kiss you all the time.
4. Lots of hugs.
5. Would always be there to comfort you. Any kind of nightmare or when you have an anxiety attack he’s always there to help you calm down and relax.
6. Would teach you magic.
7. Lots of times it can get very kinky.
8. Would mostly wake up with him tracing his fingers over your skin.
9. He’s not the best with words but when he says the words ‘i love you’ you know it’s real, as he’s eyes says the most.
10. Would slow dance with you under the moonlight.
11. Training with each other daily.
12. Always loves snuggling with you. Now this is what he would hate to do with anyone else but cuddling with you always makes him feel warm and at home.
13. Teaming up together to prank others especially Thor a lot.
14. Always reads to you.
15. Would worry about your safety constantly and make sure your ok.
16. Would let you play with his hair. (secretly enjoys it)
17. Will get overly jealous if someone even glances at you.
18. Would always find a way to make you laugh.
19. Would only open up to you about his actual feelings, sometimes cries while burying his head at the crook of your neck. He would never share the things with anyone that he shared with you.
20. Tells you that he loves you at least once a day.
21. Fighting by each other’s sides.
22. Tear apart all the nine realms if you ever get lost.
23. Would sometimes sing to you in Asgardian.
24. If you ever have an argument he’s the one to always come and apologise first, saying how much he loves you and would do anything to prove it.
25. Would always try to back you up no matter how serious the situation.
26. Only kneels for you.
➳ this is from the meaningful gestures prompt list! if you want me to write any of these for a person/character from my list, let me know! :) sorry if there are any mistakes! 💗
➳ a/n: ahhh i love this so much 😭
➳ pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader
➳ summary: Your love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. Loki knows when you're feeling insecure, just how to make you feel better.
➳ warnings: slight angst, but mostly fluff 💗
➳ prompts: Having your lover list everything they're insecure about, and responding with gentle caresses, kisses, and compliments about those areas. + "Every part, no matter how you feel, is amazing to me. I could spend all day explaining everything I love about you."
➳ || Loki masterlist || main masterlist || who I write for 💓 ||
Loki watched as you stood in front of the mirror with your jeans and shirt on, tears pricking your eyes. You hated your body image. You felt like you were too big, ugly in most places, and overall detrimental to society. Your lips trembled and your eyes bubbled as you ran your hands across your bare skin.
You wanted to look nice for your boyfriend tonight. He was taking you out on a date and you just wanted to make him think you looked pretty. However, as you scrambled through your closet, you found nothing that flattered you.
“Love?” Loki’s voice called gently. You stopped your movements and sighed.
“Nothing fits or if it does, it looks awful. How do you even stand to look at me?” You asked, tears blurring your line of vision.
He walked up behind you and rested his hands on your shoulders, caressing them gently in his palms. Leaning over your neck, he pressed a sweet kiss to your cheek that made your heart flutter.
"Every part, no matter how you feel, is amazing to me. I could spend all day explaining everything I love about you." Loki said into your ear. “Tell me what you’re insecure about and I’ll prove to you why I love it.”
Sighing, you started with your face. “My nose is too big and my lips aren’t full.”
Loki smiled, turning you around to face him. “Your nose? Is perfect. I get to do this all the time,” He leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against yours, bringing you to feel a blush creep along your cheeks. “And those lips? I could kiss them for hours. They’re made perfect for me,” He said before capturing your mouth for a delicate kiss. It was one that made you lose your breath as you clutched your fingertips around his wrist and smiled.
“What’s next, Love?” He caressed your cheek with his thumbs.
Your eyes drifted down to your chest. Without saying a word, Loki nodded once in understanding.
Gently removing the shirt you had tried on away from your skin, left you standing there in your jeans and bra. Loki leaned down, his long lengths tickling your skin as he kissed each breast. “These are splendid, Love,” He moaned to you. “Just think… If we ever decide to expand our family, not only do I get to have these to myself, you’ll nurture our babe.” He smiled, making you smile.
“Where to next?” He asked.
You ran your hands down the length of your sides. To you, your stomach looked swollen. Your curves were evident, but you hated the dimples in your skin and the stretch marks dotting your skin.
“Oh, Darling,” Loki sighed, dropping to his knees. He peppered your stomach with kisses and featherlight touches that sent shivers down your spine. “Your stomach? Is extraordinary. Each curve and stretch mark makes you all the more gorgeous. This may be my favorite part about you, Love… And I know exactly where you’re headed next, so I’ll take it upon myself.”
Your eyebrows furrowed until he roamed his hands across your thighs. “Your thighs are magnificent, my Love. Not only could you crush my head in between these beloved legs - which I’m never opposed to - you should feel how they shake as I pleasure you. It’s truly earth-shattering.” Loki moaned, kissing the skin as he rolled down your jeans. Helping you step out of them, he continued his journey.
Focusing his attention, he was slowly on the uprise. His fingertips ghosted across your bottom where it gave it a teasing squeeze, leaving you to jump lightly.
He smiled and presented himself at your back. Kissing your shoulders and dragging a finger down the length of your spine, your eyes closed.
“You are gorgeous, Darling. The most breathtaking woman I have ever met. I’m so lucky to call you mine.” He grinned.
Smiling, you closed your eyes as you bit your lip.
“Thank you, Loki…” You whispered as he kissed you delicately.
“Of course, Darling… Now put on that sexy gold dress you know I love so much. I promise it looks exquisite on you.”
You nodded, feeling a lot more confident in yourself.
Gold dress it is.
➳ tagging:
@joyful-enchantress @immersed-in-mischief @huntress-artemiss @high-functioning-lokipath
@annoyingsweetsstranger
@eclecticlokibytomhiddleston @spidyyparker @deanaddicted2
@ethanshide @lokistoriesblog @l0st-in-reality
@shae-annelore
@realandloud
@favthiddles
@marvelgirl0515
@tiredmamamac
@cherii--bomb
@stuckybarton
@peachsteven
@vampire7595
@moonshooter
@knopewyattworld @holdmytesseract
@wander-lustbabe
@captain-asguard @mm2305
@1marvelnerd3000
@xfirespritex @lokilover64 @augusta-imperatrix
@inas-thing
@harrietbarnesblog
@a-laufeyson
@BakaTsuki-Hime
@lokiswildheartcantbebroken @marvelgirl0515
@a-laufeyson
@warriorqueenofthesea @develin13
@clockblobber
@blackberryblossom
@stephv213
@asgardianprincess1050 @badgereatingmice
@abaristasbabble
@pandaxnienke
@dryyoursaltyoceantears
@itscale
@xsweetdellzx
@salempoe
@el-zef
Hii! I don’t know if you still take requests, also I’ve never ever really requested anything. What would you say about the prompt "I'm sorry, I just really need a hug right now." With avenger Bucky? Just a comfort bubble with Bucky to brighten up a cloudy day, that’s what I see here. Or a cheer up after a miserable mission that went sideways. Just anything to get a hug from Bucky. It’s just a suggestion though, no pressure! Sending love ❤️
M, I loved the plot. I love writing fluff for our grumpy supersoldier <3
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader
Summary: He thinks that the world owes him this—a safe haven. A special place that's only his, and that never fails to make everything fade to white noise. When Bucky is having bad days now, all he needs to do is find comfort in your arms.
A/n: Feedback is really important to me. Tell me what you think and I’ll adore ya forever :)
Word count: 1.1k
Warning(s): I also do not allow for my work to be copied, translated, or re-uploaded anywhere else.
Main Masterlist | Marvel Masterlist
Send me a prompt + Character!
His dark days used to be cold and lonely.
Not just any type of cold—the permeating one which sinks into your bones like leeches sink their teeth in whatever they find. Bucky used to feel so cold all of the time, that he grew used to it. In both lives, before and after the fall, his days which were not so good always felt like that: the old and uncomfortable tinge of ice in his veins.
Now, there's you, and nothing brings him more warmth than the way you put him in his embrace.
When he comes back from the mission, it's all he wants.
Therapy. Avengers. Captain America.
(Winter Solider. White wolf. Bucky Barnes. Sgt?)
Sometimes, Bucky finds himself.
Other times, he disassociates, uses punching bags in Sam's basement, drinks with Yori, and even cries now.
Being alive is exhausting, but sometimes, Bucky finds himself and something beautiful as well:
The sight of the Shield which means so much to him in the right hands.
People being good. Forgiving.
The exquisite joy a good food that melts on the tongue brings—those little things that are beautiful and make life worth living are his favorite bits, and the ones he holds onto.
(His therapist is proud of him. What a wild concept, he thinks.)
Still.
Through all of the colorful things piercing the white noise, the favorite beautiful thing he's found while being alive in this 21st century is undoubtedly you.
When you open the door for him, Bucky thinks thank fucking god.
I'm home.
Your hand leaves the doorknob and your arms open wide, and that single image is the reason why he smiled more times these few months than he has in years.
"Hey, you," you say.
His two favorite words.
Bucky throws his duffel bag somewhere behind you and then steps into your embrace.
It's all he wants a lot of the time.
After missions — especially the hard ones like this one they're still stuck on — is everything he wants and craves.
Something about the way you hold him is holy to Bucky.
He's aware that love is supposed to be such a strong, gripping feeling—the drowning sense of peace in being with a person, but you terrified him at first with that power.
The one to bring him peace.
Your arms fit around Bucky's shoulders and in his arms, you melt. Always. As if he was a hot pan and you were butter, your body becomes as relaxed as it can be, surrendering inside both his warm and cold cage.
It terrified him the first time Bucky felt you so comfortable in this position.
You had laid your head on his chest for so long on the couch that his heart had started to pound right where you laid.
"Doesn't—isn't the metal arm a little... uncomfortable? For this?"
"Nope," you said. Softly. Sleepy.
"Oh." He was surprised. He'd always imagined it was. "Okay."
"Never been comfier," you mumbled. Bucky's heart had lept because something told him not only your words were true, but that you were almost asleep.
Since that day, it was here that Bucky liked spending a lot of precious time.
Whenever you hugged him, Bucky was able to think about only the good bits.
Whether he was holding you more or you holding him like right now, fitting your bodies like a puzzle became his founding pillar for peace.
(Sam had even joked about it.
"Dude. You look so chill lately," he had laughed.
"Do I?" Bucky asked, deadpanned.
"Look! Not even now—man, the corner of your mouth just quivered tryin' to be funny about this," he had laughed. "This is golden."
Inevitably, Bucky joined him in laughter. "I'm glad you're entertained."
"Oh, I'm more than entertained," said Sam. "I'm happy for you.")
Bucky felt you sighing against his chest, slowly.
Then, he felt your cute nose nudging his neck, right below the ear.
He chuckled—little wolf.
In probably two seconds, you'd make a comment about—
"You smell like dust," you sounded whiny, but then the feeling of a kiss blooms on that spot of his neck, and Bucky's brain goes even a little quieter. "It's ok. We'll shower."
"Will we?" he asks, interest peaking. You laugh at him, but now with the offer on the table, Bucky switches his plans of cooking you dinner and asking you to update him on the last episodes of the series you were talking to him about over the phone. He picks you up by your thighs, laughing at the squeal that comes out of you. "Alright. Let's go."
"Bucky!"
"What?" He plays dumb, kicking the door behind him with his foot. "You don't wanna shower with me?"
You laugh at him, and Bucky leans his head to get a kiss from you. "I'll cook for us later."
Mouth still touching his, your words come off muffled by both the kisses and the smile. "I've been waiting—hm—for your food for—weeks."
"And you'll get it," he switches to place one last kiss on your neck, then pays attention to hold you right as he switches your weight onto only his metal arm so he can open the bathroom door. "Shower first. I don't wanna see those little faces of yours every time you get your nose on me. They distract me, and the kitchen is not—"
"—a place to be distracted," you join him, holding on for dear life on his neck. "I know."
As if I'd let my most precious thing drop, he rolls his eyes internally.
Bucky gets inside the bathroom but still keeps you in his arm for just a moment longer. He likes to hold you in any way he can. "Let's shower. Then food. Then more hugs on the couch 'cause I need to tell you some stuff, then..." he lets his words drift off, and shrugs his shoulders.
You shake your head, smiling at him. "Coy comes out as a terribly smug look on you, and you know that."
"You love it," he says, pressing a kiss to your mouth as he lets you down gently.
"I do. Love every bit of you," you say, a little shy as you always are when telling him cheesy things.
(If the world could only see the nasty, filthy things you say with a smile on your face.)
He holds your face in his hand and kisses you a little more. He missed being able to do that. "I love you more, angel."
You fought him on it, but Bucky liked to believe he was right.
And it would always make him smile to think you also believed your words.
🏷 b.b. tag list ☆ @undiadeestos ; @keepingitlokiii ; @hallecarey1 ; @mardema ; @mollygetssherlockcoffee ; @justlovelifeblog ; @fallenoutofrose ; @rvgrsbrns ; @tripletstephaniescp ; @mal-edictions-blog ; @rippl3s ; @barnesafterglow ; @vintagepigeon ; @dirtyweenerking ; @couldabeenamermaid ; @winter-soldier-sebstan ; @leyannrae ; @nerdwholikesword ; @andreead ; @ren-ni ; @pastamomma ; @fiftyshadesofokay ; @peonyophelia ; @murdermornings ; @bvckysmoon ; @buttybarnes1917 ; @rebekahdawkins ; @tylard-blog1 ; @xbeauxny ; @fandoms-writings ; @thatblondebrownie ; @carrotfantasimp ; @teenagedreams-bucky ; @buckspumpkin ; @sltwins ; @i-beg-your-pardon-laufeyson ; @mrsbarnesinmyimagination ; @pineprincess ; @cpag7 ; @iambeeee ; @sstan-hoe ; @weirdowithnobeardo ; @hdbngsprnva ; @itsdawnashlie ; @sweetdreamsbuck ; @slutforsteve ; @maladaptivexxdaydreaming ; @holl2712 ♡
not sure if you could do this but could you write headcaons or just a list of things that loki finds attractive about his y/n
Ok had to do this one right away
Things Loki finds attractive
He likes how you think his magic is amazing no matter what he does
He likes it when you lead the way
He likes it when you teach him new things
When you still look at him and only him even in a room full of people
He loves how proud you look when you introduce him as your lover
When you try to get his attention all the time
When you kiss him good luck before any mission
He loves how you take care of him when he shifts into tiny beings
When you caress his face gently
Your scent, your natural scent when you just woke up and he can’t just get enough of it
He likes that you care for his opinion
When you play with his necktie
When you play with jewelry/accessories he gift you because it means you’re thinking about him
When you let yourself be vulnerable with him, completely trust and relay on him
When you call him beautiful or breath taking and actually mean it
When you look him in the eyes with those soft soft looks that make him weak
Your giggles at his jokes or sarcasm
When you latch onto him if something frighten you or call for his help {he likes to be the hero}
The way you take his teasing but easily can shut him down with praise and kisses
My preferred way of falling asleep is reading fanfiction till first morning light when my eyes give out and my brain stops understanding words
living in my head rent free
the soc specific part of the grishaverse fandom is the only part of the fandom that i think actively ships all the canon ships. leigh bardugo wrote three romantic relationships that were so powerful it killed any chance of discourse. amazing.