And My Opponent Is SYLUS FANART 😨

the shape of grief.

as far as rafayel is concerned, pygmalion's is a horror story, not a myth. guy decides all women are beneath him, quite literally designs and builds one for himself, and somehow his narcissistic prayers for her to live are granted. what humans define as love and the stories they tell about it are always so revealing of their selfish nature. he only ever gets the appeal of it when he looks at his faceless galatea unable to take shape in his clay-sodden hands, and thinks, what wouldn't i give for you to open your eyes so that i could remember their exact color.

♯ ⸻ pure angst, sfw, 3.7k, read on ao3

note: directly inspired by this post about rafayel trying to sculpt mc/reader but not remembering her face. a bit late to this but i was hit with the procrastination fairies LMAO . i wrote this in a feverish delirium without caring for any canon at all, i apologize if rafayel is ooc !! this work assumes he has his memories of his life as the god of tides, you can think it as an AU if you believe he has no memories of it in the main timeline (yet.) This also takes place before the Addictive Pain anectode (if you like nitpicking and think why he doesn't have a photo of her and that this could have been avoided HAHA)

but without further ado, i hope you enjoy, please let me know what you thought!

The gallery Thomas had to basically bribe him to attend was cold with intention. Whitewashed walls were almost blinding beneath the overhead lights, each fixture angled to make the sculptures glow faintly at the edges like relics, a violin track playing at a volume calibrated for reverent hush with the crowd adjusting its voice accordingly. Somehow, the worst of it was that they'd scented the room with something floral and expensive, and it clung to the back of Rafayel’s throat. 

The exhibit was titled Breathed to Life: The Divine Muse in Modern Form. He’d read the placard twice, though once would’ve been enough. Wherever he looked, Rafayel couldn't escape from the oozed hauteur for the attempts at capturing a miracle, sculptures of taxidermied epiphanies resting under glass that was tempered with more care in Rafayel's opinion, preserved with just enough light to make the delusion shine. Words like transcendence, revelation, and worship had been worked into the catalog copy, and even the bubbles of champagne he was swirling in the flute glass was more interesting as he moved through the space slowly.

He passed a piece labeled Galatea No. IV — a full-bodied woman in bronze, lips parted in awakening, arms half-lifted as if to greet the man who had imagined her, the texture of her skin smoothed to impossible precision, idealized down to the the pores with not a single wrinkle or mole.

One of the critics standing nearby called it sublime. Another said, "She looks so real I almost expect her to blink."

Rafayel said nothing. He kept walking.

A curator caught him between rooms. She was in something backless, dark green, dripping with confidence. “You must feel at home here,” she said, beaming. “Mr. Rafayel, you're the Pygmalion of our time."

He looked past her to one of his own works, mounted near the final archway. A man slouched on a low stone, arms folded, spine curved with a kind of refusal, turned away from something but looking up at it at the same time in criticism, his face gaunt with a pinch of displeasure, half-shielded by a fall of hair. No awe or supplication.

His was the only Pygmalion in the entire exhibit, and no one seemed to realize it. Rafayel had heard some talk about how progressive it was to genderbend Galatea for gay representation, or that this could be the moment Galatea came to life and rejected her maker in a plot twist. 

Rafayel had left it up to interpretation if his Pygmalion was looking at Galatea at all. He was staring past her — past all of them, really. Every woman he ever imagined beneath him, too dull or too much or too sharp to matter. A man convinced that the thing he made was a compromise, that he’d been forced to shape it because nothing real had measured up. Neither a lover, nor a muse. A reflection bent to fit him. And maybe resenting how much of himself had ended up in the marble anyway. Nothing of the yearning saint the myth preferred. 

The gallery had tried to soften this image of human ugliness within the divine benevolence of Galateas all around, projecting wind through bare branches beside the figure, trying to frame the posture as meditative. They titled the piece Invocation. Rafayel wasn't even asked before they changed the name and he was definitely having a talk about it with Thomas after.

He offered the curator a a dismissive hand. “A flattering comparison. Though I hear his success rate depended entirely on divine intervention.”

She laughed, unsure whether it was flirtation or rebuke. “Still, what an honor. So many of us see ourselves in the myth, don’t we? The ones who love so deeply we bring our muses to life.”

He excused himself with a nod that meant nothing. Her perfume followed him down the corridor.

The flowing hallway was a blur of marble, alabaster, glass, bronze, the women luminous and soft, the men always absent — except in the titles. The Sculptor’s Prayer. In the Hands of the Maker. Love Before Breath. One artist had suspended a torso in resin, veins threaded with copper, the heart cavity open and waiting with the accompanying quote that read: “She lives because I saw her clearly enough.”

Rafayel stopped in front of it. The figure inside was beautiful and fragile, designed to be admired.

He traced the edge of the plinth with one fingertip and thought: She lives because you needed her to. Not because she wanted to.

He left the gallery floor and stepped into the auxiliary corridor lined with donor plaques and black-and-white photographs. One showed a young couple posed beside a sculpture mid-process. The woman’s face was amicable, and the man looked directly into the camera, his hand on the small of her back. The caption read: The original Galatea — forever immortalized by love.

He looked at it until the focus dissolved, and the polished surface of the frame stopped reflecting anything but his own cold expression.

Pygmalion was granted his wish. That alone was enough to make Rafayel despise him. 

A man shapes greed with his hands, pulls at the skirts of heavens like a petulant child, and the gods — watching from a distance they rarely breach — clap their hands in glee and say yes.

The myth pretended that mercy could be earned by longing, that a body sculpted by a beholder who sees himself so above others is owed because he called it love. There was no weight in that kind of miracle, only cruelty dressed as grace, a prayer granted just to mock the millions that weren't. 

Pygmalion was the epitome of human selfishness, the final limit where want transformed into greed for more than the world could grant. Only his statue, made by his own greedy hands and given life through someone else's breath, was beautiful, because only she embodied perfection to him, not because she was worth desiring but because he desired her. Pygmalion's love didn't reach past his self, it served only to feed himself and satiate him with the sight of his narcissism, like any other creation brought to life by humans for their own benefit; machines built to kill, guns painted gold so they look like art when killing — all just tools made to feed men's hunger for more.

But he would have never cared about Pygmalion if it wasn't for the gods.

Because Rafayel envied those gods, all too human in their vanity, for the power and might they wielded to give so easily like that. Their ability to move mountains without ever being touched by grief, to pull strings that bind worlds without fearing losing something of theirs; it was unfathomable to someone so bound in mortal tethers such as he.

It must feel so freeing, living like that, he thought. Must feel so good, pulling at other lives like they are your playthings. So easy to get lost in those dreams.

The same way he did back then.

The disdain covering Rafayel in a second skin as if he was an oil-soaked seagull was fuel enough to get back to work after that travesty of a gallery.

He’d been developing a concept for a painting — a large-scale composition of a coral-devoured, bleeding cathedral submerged in the sea, its steeples fractured and stretching toward the surface in a gesture that evoked both surrender and yearning, an image meant to convey the contradictions of loss and reverence, a symbolic convergence of decay and devotion. At least that’s what the so-called critics were about to yammer on about. It in fact was the fate of a certain buyer Rafayel was targeting, and the message was meant for his people and his people only.

The draft lived on the sketchbook propped against his raised knees, his legs crossed on the high stool, charcoal gripped tightly in one hand and smudging downwards the length of a pillar as he added textures and shadows to create depth. It was a hasty thing, but effective at illustrating what he envisioned, complete with notes scribbled around the edges, jotted reminders for little details here and there he needed to add to truly flesh out the piece later on. Rafayel was so distracted by a couple more things to add to the sketch that the canvas already prepared beneath the dome skylight felt neglected despite the brushes sitting ready and dipped in paint atop a palette of bruised violet scraped from stormclouds, diluted ultramarine, blue fog, a soft grime green of oxidized copper, rotten ivory, a sliver of warm rust, a cold pink scraped from the underbelly of spent roses, and more.

And yet, when he finally got up to start for good, his gaze drifted elsewhere.

Toward the bust armature.

Rafayel stood beside it, hands in the pockets of his black suit pants, head tilted sideways with one hand playing with it in thought. He loosened the buttons of the white dress shirt he wore after flinging off that horrid tie, sleeves pushed to mid forearms as he dragged a stool and took a seat before the armature, right elbow propped atop the round table to the side holding supplies, chin resting on knuckles, now gazing up at the base of the clay cast while chewing the inside of his cheek.

He had always told himself he would return to it when he was ready, when time had softened the raw, exposed nerve endings of loss, when he could render your likeness with a steady hand instead of a shaking one.

But then months stretched into a year, days faded into seasons which blended together into a period of numbness broken occasionally by an intrusive thought here and there while he focused on Lemuria and Lemuria only, and then — nothing. Until it was easier not to think about it at all. He became absorbed in his mission, dedicated to getting revenge, and avoided thoughts of you, for all intents and purposes, until moments like these where he simply sat in silence looking up at a form without feature to remind him why exactly he did what he did.

Galatea, huh?

He crossed the room with the same distracted focus he used to summon bruyous, hands rummaging through the storage shelves until he found the sealed bag of clay, not expecting it to be heavier than he remembered, dense with neglect. Dumping it unceremoniously beside the armature, he sliced it open, letting the block fall onto the slab table with a dull, resistant thud, finding it cold to the touch, too stiff to yield immediately, so he pressed it between his palms, wetting them, working the material slowly until the top layer lost its brittleness.

He didn't sit right away, hovering over the lump with furrowed brows, kneading it down into something usable, folding in water from the bowl on the side, rotating it as he moved, pushing and turning until the tension bled out. Once softened, he dunked the mass onto the metal plate mounted over the dented and sluggish, old man of a banding wheel. Only then did he sit, lowering himself onto a battered wooden stool, one bare foot braced against the leg of the wheel’s base while the other nudged gently to angle it.

All done. He reached for the wire loop tool without thinking or looking over, fingers already coated in the dull slip of moisture and clay.

The first lines came quick and confident. Indents for the eyes. The line of a nose. Just scaffolding, clearing a space where you might return to him, the only sound in the room the soft grind of his tools and his breathing. 

He narrowed the chin, adjusted the brow. Then sat back, frowning.

Too young. This was closer to the child at the beach who had hooked pinkies with him. 

He scraped the forehead flat again, thumb dragging clay down like peeling skin. The smoothed face stared up at him in blank reprieve, a temporary erasure before he tried again, less baby fat on the cheeks, sharper cheekbones this time, a more adult curve to the jaw, something more defined around the eyes, though he wasn’t sure what. A firmer mouth, perhaps. A stronger line. He reworked the nose — it ended up being too straight the first time and he chided himself for the mistake, then he decided it was too narrow, crooked it just slightly at the bridge, something he'd sworn felt right.

It wasn't long before the moment slipped from his fingers, and all the revisions felt more like mistakes than anything, tilting the whole balance of the face into something uncanny. He could pretend it was nearly familiar, but only in the way dreams pretended to be memory.

With an annoyed click of his tongue, Rafayel tilted the wheel. Leaning in with an emotion-tense strain in his spine, he angled the bust toward the overhead light until the shadows shifted and spilled away from the features he’d laid out like a confession.

He stood up for a burning stretch to contemplate, stepped back, squinted with his head tilted, and stepped forward again.

Was it just him? The angle? The lighting? The fatigue of the gallery distorting everything?

After he sat back down with more determination to get over whatever this slump was that made him get you wrong over and over again, one adjustment in the temple led to a collapse in the jawline, and the later correction to the mouth made the chin too long.

The realization that the eyes looked distant now and he couldn’t tell if it was him failing the depth or the absence of something deeper was particularly worrying. Rafayel had always trusted the process, but this didn’t feel like a detour into arriving at the same destination, the clay was actually resisting him in a non-art block way and it was starting to actually bother him. 

He scraped again, set the brow differently, ignoring the thing niggling at him at the back of his head and brushing against some the internal nerve. Was it ever really that shape? Or had he once wanted it to be, and kept telling you about how doing your brows that way would compliment your features better when Algie had sat you down before the vanity in your room to try out some dresses for the ceremony and work on make-up to go along with each one of them?

The clay warped gently beneath his fingers as he tried to trust the sensation, but every stroke seemed to subtract rather than add. The frustration Rafayel hadn't sensed had made its way into his hands like fire following the path of a wick, making the cheekbone dip under the tool, and he had to sit back straighter with a huff from his nose. 

His eyes flew all over the features of the bust, the whole incomplete face. Rafayel couldn't even call it yours. One mistake or two could be expected, even pictures could be unflattering. But it was worse than that — he couldn’t figure out where it had gone wrong. The structure was exactly the same, proportions were what he remembered. The surface was close to reality enough to breathe, but the person who would come to life if they did wasn’t you, and he didn't know where he had gone wrong. 

Rafayel stared longer. A pressure grew behind his ribs, and it was beginning to feel like trying to hum a melody he hadn’t heard in years. The more he reached for it, the more the silence beneath it yawned open.

He reached up and pressed his palm against the clay, not to shape, just to feel if it might suddenly remember for him.

It didn’t.

This was someone else. Too much of him.

He looked down at his hands, coated in slip and streaked with fine dust, and flexed the fingers slowly as though wondering how long they’d been disobeying him.

He pressed the backs of the base knuckles of his thumbs into the inner corners of his eyes, pressing at the tear ducts.

Where was the scar you used to trace absently while thinking? He tried to recall the way your mouth moved when you were amused but trying not to smile. Was it one side that curled first? Or both? He had drawn it once, years ago, sketched it from memory with absolute certainty. But when he reached for it now, he found only doubt.

The chair scraped backwards and nearly toppled as he sprang to his feet, crossing to the small cabinet beside the canvas where he kept what little he dared to revisit. He almost flung the drawer halfway through the room when he yanked it open, pulled the first sketchpad he could reach, pages flipping too and frenzied to register until he paused and kept going through them slower to make sense of it. 

Eyes, alone. Dozens of them. Glancing sideways, gazing directly, lowered in thought, every single one of them slightly different in expression, none of them quite right. A nose rendered in three-quarter view with a soft crease that might have been tension. The arch of a brow, mid-expression — concern, maybe? Hair texture studies in every style you wore it that he remembers. A mouth caught in a smile with no cause. Hands more frequently than anything else — folded gently, held in motion, reaching out. The gesture of a wrist mid-turn, the curve of a knuckle mid-thought. A sketch of a nape that vanished into the shadows of the page’s lower edge.

None of them carried your name. But they were you. Bits of you. Shards. And every one of them had been committed to the page when he hadn’t even meant to — absentminded, between tasks, in the margins of other projects. A fragmented archive of heartbreak he’d been too cowardly to complete. As if assembling you would demand an answer to where you had gone, as if seeing it finished would require confronting what it meant for him to have stayed, inviting something too vast and unhealed to fit back inside him without breaking something else a lie in full.

Rafayel had underestimated the sheer amount of notebooks he'd gone through for years now, like paper towels one would wipe away their tears with. The grudges he'd immortalized left to collect dust and avoided religiously.

He could only look through a draft of your eyes and hold on to the sketchbook for dear life when his vision blurred and something trickled down his cheek. One by one, the tears solidified into pearls, striking the floor and rolling away into obscurity among the chaos of his studio.

Dropped right into the throes of a realization far bigger than he could accept.

Like a dream that slipped away upon waking, your face had receded to the place where Lemuria had sunk — unable to be grasped fully or played back clearly unless he called them forth, the rest reduced to snippets and gestures instead, images that flickered through his mind like slides projected on a screen, ephemeral and fading faster the harder he fought to keep hold of them. What remained was abstraction — softness that used to be hair, the dimple of an incisor tooth, a tilt of the mouth that belonged to laughter. Those fragments still possessed color. What they lacked were definitions that would allow him to shape the clay in your image.

He went through more sketchbooks until the last of it joined the pile around him and he was left standing motionless in the wreckage of graphite and paper spilling open across the floor like overturned reliquaries, pages fluttering mockingly gentle under the breeze nudging through the half-cracked windows, reflecting back a half-you, or an almost-you. He stared at them for a long time without moving, eyes dragging from shape to shape, as if willing one to speak with your voice.

What answered was a notification pinging in his pocket, a sound so mundane amid the shambles of his misery. He pulled his phone out in a detached daze, swiping at it with no thought.

Thomas: Pygmalion and Galatea gallery photos are up on their page! Your attendance was well publicized and people are talking about your piece, so I expect requests for interviews soon. Just letting you know 😃

 His knees gave out before the grief did, he caught the armrest at the very last possible second, and slid down the length of the sofa's side.

She lives because I saw her clearly enough. Those words barricaded his mind like blood rushing to fill a bruise.

Rafayel was a creature built from ripples, shaped by a lineage of memory so ancient it existed without written record, a primordial awareness of past pains and future sufferings alike, generations upon generations worth of invisible scar tissues patching him up like a rag doll. Cities had fallen and crumbled behind him, yet he could name their street corners and the songs sung during their funerals.

So why — how — had you slipped from him this way?

The thought unspooled inside him slowly, a wet thread tugged from a wound so raw that Rafayel didn’t dare touch it. He had thought, in some arrogant, buried part of him, that if he ever tried, truly allowed himself to miss you more than he mourned his people, and stopped tormenting himself by creating puzzle pieces of you out of scraps in his refusal to obtain a photo of you living your new life, he would be able to rebuild you perfectly. Even the gods who breathed life into Galatea would turn green with envy.

His gaze crawled back to the Frankenstein's monster of a bust, all unrelated bits and pieces that had looked like you when isolated but made no sense when he put them together, taking the shape of grief itself.

She lives because I saw her clearly enough.

He tossed the phone aside without giving Thomas an answer, threw his head back to lean on the lip of the couch, and covered his face with a forearm.

And at last, bitterly, he realized he was no different than Pygmalion: longing for the memory of a woman to etch itself into life.

it is almost 6AM now

im currently in a very philosophical. self-reflecting state. ive concluded tht im so down bad for caleb i want him to wrap his mechanical arm around me and hold me real close and tight (i want him to put me in a headlock and break my neck even if it results in immediate death)

this is rafayelbiter. signing off. goodnighr linkon city

my MASTERMIND ahh plotting my next move😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

REAL😳🤑

WERE GETTING MARRIED! CONGRATS TO ALL OF US HAPPY BRIDES

oh my god You guyds wtf

For those who didn’t know, it has been confirmed that Philos is a Galaxy

so he’s not “just Xavier”, not “just” the Crown Prince of Philos,

he’s the crown prince of a whole ass Galaxy. 🌌 Put some respect on that name🤨

fucking disgusting.

despite whatever situations happened in our community, i want you to PLEASE TAKE ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING POST.

DONALD TR*MP JUST ANNOUNCED A PROJECT FOR THE ETHNICAL CLEANSING OF THE GAZA STRIP.

In his words : “The U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip, and we will do a job with it, too. We’ll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site, level the site and get rid of the destroyed buildings, level it out, create an economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs and housing for the people of the area.” “I don’t want to be cute. I don’t want to be a wise guy. But the Riviera of the Middle East, this could be something that could be so — this could be so magnificent.”

i'm genuinely tearing up as i write this, and i beg you from the bottom of my heart, PLEASE, don't let this go unnoticed despite the things happening on enhablr or any other community. tr*mp is literally threatening to wipe gaza and all palestinians from the map.

there's an ETHNICAL CLEANSING AND DISPLACEMENT threatening to happen despite other country leaders avidly going against it. please, please don't ignore this, and don't ignore the fact that he said this right after a CEASEFIRE was announced. even then, gaza keeps being bombed and there's no sign of stopping or good news.

no matter where you live, i BEG YOU BOYCOTT ANYTHING THAT MAY FUND ISR*EL.

boycott ANY brands that you can find near you. don't buy from them. don't buy from food chains you like if they support isr*el. don't buy from your favorite clothing brand if they support isr*el. don't watch a movie from disn*y or any other entertainment source because they support isr*el.

a guide on how to boycott (almost) full list of brands you should boycott

DON'T STOP SHARING.

SHARE news from RELIABLE SOURCES about the things happening in gaza on your social media, DONATE, go to RALLIES, ATTEND to everything and any kind of event or parade that supports palestine in your city. EDUCATE yourself and the ones around you. DON'T DENY HELP to the ones here on tumblr. DON'T BE AFRAID of showing your support to gaza and palestine. the people there are the ones who should be frightened for their lives.

here is a long list of gazan aid.

additionally : DAILY CLICK

ESIMS FOR GAZA

PETITION FOR FREE PALESTINE

WPF PALESTINIAN CHILDREN FOOD EMERGENCY

CAREFORGAZA SUPPORTING DISPLACED FAMILIES

SOME GFMS THAT NEED DONATIONS MORE VETTED GFMS (please check the tumblr tags #vetted gfm #gaza gfm and similar for more gofundmes)

some accounts to follow :

@.palestinianyouthmovement @.qudsn @.pslnational @.jewishvoiceforpeace

Before this issue gets drowned out like certain bootlickers do everytime..

Here's more on Papergames and Infold’s unreasonable money milking

via twitter fandom

• how it was worse and how certain things were slightly improved only after CN whales complained

• endless mistranslations aka issues with Lumiere's r2 solar pair bonus (Lumiere havers you might know) + the mistranslation and wrong flower still being mentioned on Xavier's Lightseeker Myth (it should be Forget-me-nots, not whatever that other flower is)

THE BUGS IN MASTER OF FATE ZAYNE 🫠 something my friend constantly keeps complaining about but no fix..

• JOURNEY

There used to be a feature where you used to get some extra rewards by completing certain actions per chapter of Main.

I started playing around end of May so i still experienced this. But this feature only lasted till 4 chapters??

And after the version 2.0 update, this feature was completely eradicated. Not even there for NEW players.

Now I can't believe i have to praise Genshin of all but they DO have chapter rewards as well..

Genshin has rewards for even leveling up characters and artifacts (similar to protocores) to a certain level.

• lack of events (genshin runs at least 3-7 events at the same time)

• a lot of content locked behind cards, and even then the amount charged far more compared to the meagre content in said cards

• Reruns (though i believe they might happen from next year onwards)

• Insane Difficulty in leveling up cards

this game just doesn't allow people to have spare materials! forget hoarding, you can barely save on the materials you acquire..

compared to this.. I can't believe i have to praise Genshin and Star Rail again..

Below are 2 characters I pulled recently in Genshin, and I've managed to upgrade both in like a few minutes because Genshin allows me to keep spare materials instead of charging insane amounts to get a card to just level 40

You can see my in-game currency, my upgrade materials compared to the bare amount of bottles we get from Heartbreaker (and we don't even get the golden bottles for free)

• Reduction in the amount of New Event Rewards

someone pointed out how the Diamond rewards are lesser (from 750 to 500) for the upcoming event, compared to the past ones

• Amount of Banners in a Month

Y'all can call me annoying but doing this many number of banners in a month is INSANE. It allows no room for breathing to any LIs fans.

“pick one guy & you won't have to spend” 🤪

I STILL BELIEVE A BANNER SHOULD RUN FOR AT LEAST 25~30 DAYS because rn running 3+ banners in a month seems like nothing but low quality cash grabs with pretty outfits..

Lastly, I do not mean to spoil anyone's mood for the upcoming quad banner but these are all issue that need to be given consideration, instead of brushing them off simply because sOme PeOpLe cAn pAY 🫠

🫵 fake idgaf-er, fake nonchalant, big phony, down bad loser etc.

lowkey hate non MC fics

not for the reason you think. I love a non MC fic where reader isn't MC because of AU/OC reasons, author doesn't self insert or does so differently, just because the author feels like it, MC is her own separate character for the plot etc. No issue there.

But I'm baffled tbh when it comes to a certain type. Why would you even want to be the third wheel or disposal placeholder even in your imagination? Over a fictional man?🥀🥀....That a billion dollar renowned greedy ass company created to elicit strong emotions from you so you can keep paying them for months and years?....🥀🥀 Oh my God, stand UP!

The LIs looking at you 👁👄👁 watching you lament in self imposed anguish over being the side chick...in your own self ship (if you choose to ofc!)....in your own imagination...When this is canonically a multiverse type of story with infinite endings....Yet you always choose the one where you lose? Not even Xavier is this...(this is a strong word but) pathetic over Lumiere like please.

I do think MC has a strong personality but (ugh cw defending Infold🤮) the writers hands are tied here. If she's too bland, many of us would lose interest and call her a doormat pick me. If she has some personality, the people who can't relate to her are feeling disconnected which is valid but still. MC's personality is also more fluid than the writers are given credit for. The way MC acts with e.g. Sylus or even Caleb, she would never with Zayne I'd bet you anything. We're also forgetting how much of personality is shaped by our environment and circumstances so there's a good chance you're more similar than you think, yknow?

I personally like MC but she's not perfect omfg! Sitting there like oh no I could never match up to this actually very everywoman ass lady who's sometimes rude, cranky, puts her foot in her mouth, childish and fucks up sometimes. On a semi related note, it's good that MC is very obviously not some angelic paragon of virtue because that does not stop the LIs from loving her so wholeheartedly.

I also hate how the LIs are portrayed. It is a scummy thing to play around with the feelings of people you're not that into when you're in love with someone else. I'm confident in saying they'd break your heart in the short term by shutting it down from the start than long term by stringing you along. Omg. Like no wtf I'll die on the hill Zayne and Xavier of all people in the world are not having a fake relationship with you while pining for MC every second. All of them of ofc but I have to emphasise my mains. They'll be some single ass yearners instead of using you as romantic collateral damage like what kind of trash ass man do you take them for???

Okay let me end it here or I'll keep yapping but tldr; pull yourself together and stop mischaracterising the LIs so you can sit in self pity and pretend you're so unlovable even a fictional man created to do just that, mind you, would leave you when you are literally his main character. Some of the worst people I know irl have partners obsessed with them, I promise you, your main would choose you too.