Latest Posts by queenbean92 - Page 4

I like

Petals that were on the ground of the catwalk last night at The Forum. (via helenepambrun)

Interior of Salisbury Cathedral, 1805, William Turner

Medium: watercolor,paper

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Fan number one right now is http://dareeldeel.tumblr.com/ !

Thank you for all! xoxo

your daily dose of Christmas

❄❄ https://www.instagram.com/p/B5d5ISOJIQkIMwWlhtMJimIsOozT72K-JUccvA0/?igshid=1lw4dss3tehcy

My Stardew Valley game. This is the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies Festival #stardewvalley #beautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/B5bkbSqJngV_mLQcFZfBIwYW_W8NetYDTIjk5Y0/?igshid=vkiixewi606g

Man!! Wish I found out sooner about the Jeffree Star Christmas mystery boxes 😣😣😭😭

One of my top favorite shows. Such a good show

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Source.

Yes I know I look super unattractive. Too skinny, fucked up face.

Feeling down and want to go disappear but think everyone would honestly do better without me around. Maybe Jacob would actually try for someone else

Nov 27

8 o'clock at night. At his parents. I feel a little invisible and boring to everyone. I try to talk but always get cut off or ignored.

Am I really that disinteresting to everyone? Makes me sad. But guess I do this to myself and should be more interesting and outgoing. But that's not me, never has been and honestly won't ever be. So guess I just need to stop being upset by it. Get over it.

I just wonder if his mom ever wishes for a better daughter in law? Who she can go do things with including drink. I think his Dad likes me a little more.

Always feel everyone is always wishing for someone other than me. But that's an assumption.

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Why don't people ever see how they treat me? Man it sucks.. Of course I try to always treat my friends and close others good. And try to put myself in their shoes to see how they might be feeling towards my actions. And I'll apologize, try to make up for any wrong doings I did. But it's never the same it seems. This happens with everyone and idk why.

Nov 27

Ugggghhh my face looks TERRIBLE. My goodness. And we see the in-laws tomorrow and really didn't want my face to be this way. But that's my own fault. I just pick and pick till everything is bleeding and huge holes in my head. FUCK I really have to find a way to stop this habit... I've destroyed my body. I feel so unattractive and gross. Idk how my bf finds me attractive at all.

Really need to find a way to stop this. Hopefully my face will look at little better in the morning ...

Man I need more cover up to. But haven't been able to cash my last 2 checks so I'm broke and yeah... Ugh

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Just some cool pics I have if anyone's interested.

HOLY FUCK NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA HOW SICK I AM OF THESE PEOPLE. REALLY THIS IS ALL JUST SO FUCKING DUMB. I DON'T DO ANYTHING TO BE TREATED LIKE SHIT FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ME AND PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS JUST ASKING ME FOR SHIT BUT NEVER REPLY BACK TO ME.

Fuck off. I'm so happy to be leaving Wednesday for a couple days.

UGH I HATE HAVING THIS ANXIETY AND BEING NERVOUS.

I shouldn't have to feel this way at the place I call home. Home suppose to be safe and secure. I don't feel either of those ways about my "home". I really really wish we could find another place to live. I wish his parents would let us stay there but I know that'll never happen. I just need to keep working and working and save, find a place or even room to rent somewhere. Hopefully that'll be soon and back in Aurora. Shannon only pays $800 for their loft. It's small but honestly perfect size for Jacob and I. But have to get a car first so I don't have to find another job up there for awhile. My biggest check so far was $350. Get paid twice a month thats $700 and know I can get more hours. So then my checks could go towards rent and then I'll still have my tips which are more than enough for us to still get food, pay electric, etc. And if Jacob starts working to then we'll be 100%. Even have extra money. Really we could do that!

Nov 21 19

Again not so great last few days. Just bullshit after bullshit like usual lately. Been trying to get my check cashed for 2 weeks now and now just got my next check which I could really use the money from them. Everytime I've asked for a ride to get my ID shit done Barb has just ignored me. Then yesterday I asked and she bailed on me and today asked again and she says "wow I wanted a stress free day". So I replied saying nevermind then, her reply was "well it's not a no". Which have no idea how that doesn't imply no. I just didn't reply, I'll just walk to King's and hopefully this time they just let me cash it. I do not want to have to wait through the weekend to try to attempt next week getting my ID or it cashed. Thanksgiving is next Thursday and want it done before Monday so can get everything done before we go to Jacob's parents. But think it'll be unlikely and probably have to wait till we go up to their place to do it. Idk why his Aunt has been this way lately. Just very not ok attitude towards us i guess best way to say is passive aggressive? Hmmm not sure how to explain. But you can feel some sort of tension. Think she's harboring anger from what happened the day with the fire, because we weren't caring about dumbass being supposedly "hurt". And that made us "inhuman" to her? And that we were pissed off about what he'd done. She let that slip out then immediately changed what she was saying instead of letting us confront that. Like a couple weeks ago everything was really good here and with her. Then I started my job and we weren't hanging out as much really with her and then idk. Now she's this way and don't want to be around her at all. She obvi thinks we are some kond of terrible by thinking we'd somehow try to get paid from the fire situation. Really have no idea why????? Sick of her switching up on us like this. Liking us and us all being close and shit to everything we let her know about us is turned against us and somehow we've shown that we are bad. Idk???? I'm assuming again but that's the feels I get about it all. Just don't like this weird uncomfortable feeling. I feel this way here and same way at work. I need somewhere that's just ok. I mean our room but ya know not in her house. Just want things to go back to good and not shady. Feel played everytime this happens. Like we are bffs then somehow it all changes and whatever tiny trust she felt in us flys out the window and has douchbags back n believes whatever he says, does whatever he wants. But we can never get any trust to take the car down the street or anything. Even when were good. And we treat her so well like a homie and have her back, help her out whenever. Don't do anything to not be trusted. Ever. Fucked up... But this is how it always goes

I hope I get the days off next week to go to Jacob's parents. No i will get them off. Because if i don't I'm going to be so livid. And it'll be very very hard not to walk out of there. Just need Wed-Sat off. Thursday is Thanksgiving. So don't think Wed-Fri-Sat will be very busy at all! Gosh please please please. Need a break. Want to go see his parents SO bad. If we don't then get to spend Thanksgiving in this shit hole and no not okay. We missed out last year won't do it again. I need things to please turn around into good. And I myself need to stop being so hateful and mean like this really. I feel so overwhelmed and stuffy I wanna feel okay.