New Chapter:

Redemption by Proxy

When my best friend informed me what the Dark Urge in Baldur's Gate 3 is, my brain screamed, SUIKOTSU.

Mind you, my brain defaults to the Band of Seven more than I like to admit, because sue me, but I love almost all of them. (Mukotsu can die in a fire and I have no attachment to Kyoukotsu because we meet him for all of five minutes, but I honestly love the rest of them, all of them, as of late.)

When I first watched Inuyasha, I fell for the poor unfortunate soul but I understood he had to die. I was about 20 and never thought beyond this.

Cue the pandemic, and I binged Inuyasha for the first time after way back when. Of course I still loved Suikotsu, but I also sort of started liking Kikyou and how she grows. From someone who has learned (been told and adapted to that logic) that she cannot live among humans to someone who sees that ... she could? Because this guy, this dead guy, he has no idea he's a corpse, but he's here, helping, for no reward. Purest, softest, altruism, the way she offered before being ousted by an overzealous monk. And when later, he has a clear moment and begs for death, she wants to save him instead.

Of course, she can't. Not because Jakotsu is faster. Because in the Middle Ages there is no helping a man with severs dissociative PTSD. And of course, because the only thing keeping him and her alive is a jewel shard they won't be able to hold on to. But adult me thought, please just let them leave. Let them go away, far away out of Naraku's reach and just find peace somewhere together, giving all the love and warmth they have to offer to poor people with no-one else bothered to help them. It was never an option, but oh how I wanted that.

And along comes BG3 and when halfway through my first run I understood what the Dark Urge is and what Shadowheart is, I knew I can give them exactly that arc through those proxies. I have no idea what the Dark Urge is exactly, I only started a couple of days ago. The casualty I couldn't avoid so far was a squirrel, and I fear this will get a lot worse before it gets better. But I'll keep resisting and trying to make this work. I know the redemption is possible and I'll fight tooth and claw for it.

This is him, by the way. I picked a Drow over a human, but apart from that, I think the visuals check out.

I'm currently watching the MDZS donghua with my Mom - and yes, I'll make a list of her opinions again when we're done, but my schedule right now is crazy, so I don't get to sit down in peace as much as I'd like.

This isn't about that. This is about me warning her that I'll sit her through The Untamed, eventually. (Assuming I'll survive this. Every time Jin Guangyao shows up on the screen a beam at him, actually whooped in his first scene because it's so, so late in the donghua and WHAT AN ENTRANCE THEY GAVE MY LITTLE GUY, and I've said I adore that man. She's going flay me alive because she's not going to feel the same way.) She's all for it, but I warned her that the special effects are ... ahem. Not it.

Her response: Is it phallactite-level bad?

Me, trying to process this question for a minute and failing: WHAT-level bad?!

Her giving me a huge grin: You know, pallactite. Like the one from Kirk.

It took another hot minute for me to get what she meant, but then I told her that I knew she was okay with the horrible effects and props from Star Trek, but it's one thing in a no-budget 60s show and another in a modern one so I wanted to warn her. I also said the props and costumes and what not are good and SOME of the effects are, too, but she shouldn't think too much about how physics work most of the time.

(Look up the scene in 'What Are Little Girls Made Of' with a stalactite. Or just look for Kirk and stalactite. The scene is about a minute. If you find a still of Kirk holding a huge, unfortunately shaped prop - yes, that is, in fact, a real still.)

Now keep your fingers crossed that I live long enough to do this.

Dye Their Flowers With My Blood - The Thunder and the Sunshine

How to cross a burnt bridge.

Adding that if anyone needs an example of a character that acts VERY feminine and uses ore, I'd like them to take a good, hard look at Jakotsu, who also uses 俺.

Do you know this queer character?

Victor is MLM and uses he/him pronouns!

I have fought and lost a small internal battle today. The result will be a Huaibao oneshot. I'm going to read through it tomorrow and send it to my beta as a surprise. Once it's back, I'll post it to Ao3. The name will be Nothing Sweeter Than His Peace.

Dye Their Flowers With My Blood - Tho’ Much Is Taken, Much Abides

New beginnings need new rules.

Avenge the Living, Heal the Dead

A ghost is being harassed and a mortal is taken. A god and his ghost king follow the trail.

Someone sneaks into the temple Shi Qingxuan and his beggars use as a shelter, acting like a sneak-thief. Of course, he won’t have that. Hua Cheng and Xie Lian on the other hand just want to spend the morning in bed. Possibly the whole day. An unannounced visitor spoils that plan.

Oooh this is interesting. When I write gay couples (in fan fiction or in original fiction), I usually depict them as an egalitarian's wet dream. (I'm shamelessly borrowing that wording from somewhere, but I cannot for the life of me remember where.) Hold on, my couples are always like that, but with straight couples I sometimes feel like I have to make more of an effort to make this evenness seen, if that makes sense.

Now I've read a bunch of YOI fan fiction, some very recent one, among them, only a couple of months ago, that depicts Yuuri as the sole provider of household chores. With one particular creator, that became so glaring that to me Yuuri seemed to be more a glorified maid with benefits than a partner, and I wondered, what on earth is Viktor doing while you slave away? Sleep? How did he survive before? Yuuri, of course, is completely grateful that he's allowed in Viktor's life and of course he's doing what seems to be his tasks by default.

Now I can totally see Viktor having a cleaning service. I can also see Yuuri saying that this is really frivolous and unnecessary and they can do it bloody well themselves. I can see Viktor saying, yeah, great, knock yourself out. But I can't see him letting his partner do everything without lifting a finger like Yuuri is his demure wife in some male boomer's utopia.

I was aware of this entire uke/seme division and that there are people who see a clear divide there, but I have dismissed it because it's completely ridiculous to think that the preference towards being receptive or active in bed equals personality traits and what the person is expected to do in the household. This is not how people work, pure and simple, it's dated, it's harmful, and above all those, it is plain false.

Now かっこいい is probably the exact word I'd have used for Viktor. It's the word Yuuko uses for Viktor in the flashback. In the anime, however, Viktor has several moments, where I think かわいい is much more fitting a descriptor for him. (Where he's fallen asleep against Yuuri on the plane, for example.) In YOI, both characters can be assertive and cautious and foolish and kind and harsh and soft. Just like people in real life. Reducing them to this flawed uke/seme duality does them a huge disservice. It makes them so much less human.

Of course this is just a 0730 opinion that deviates miles from the original post and not any sort of deep wisdom or insight.

Today's translation #460

Go Yuri Go!!!, Yuri!!! on ICE official fanbook, Jun'ichi Suwabe interview

Part 4.

-- Please tell us about a scene, in which you had trouble playing Victor.

S: The honest answer would be "all the scenes", but if I have to pick up some, then I will say it was the beginning of the show, episodes 1~3, I think? It was really tough for me, trying to understand the nature of Victor Nikiforov. It seemed to me that I didn't have enough information to create the character as one realistic, living human being - well, one reason was that it is an original anime. I don't usually have to worry a lot about how I should express emotions of characters I play, but as I've mentioned before, in case of Victor, I often was asked to play him in a completely different, almost opposite, way to what my image of the character was. It was me, who played the role, but I don't really feel that I did. Probably because often I was expressing [in my performance] different emotions than those of Victor that lives inside me.

-- What the directing was like during voice-over recording?

S: If I played the character going based on the context of the lines I was saying and additional information written in the screenplay, Victor would become a cool (かっこいい) character. But I think that the directors wanted Victor to be, first and foremost, not so much a "cool character", but "a genius that don't fit the standard". I think it was like a trial and error method for us to get that right. I was often asked to do multiple takes like: "It wasn't bad, but lets try something different".

-- Victor's "Vkusno!" was so cute. Was that you who came with the idea to say in that way?

S: I said it that way during a test recording and I wasn't told anything about it, so I said it in the same way during the actual recording.

[Notes: I must have stop reading this interview on the Makkachin vs. Yuuri answer, because it really surprised me that he has said that Victor wasn't supposed to be a "cool character"...

A large part of YoI fandom in Jp were fujos absolutely obsessed with gender norms and who is seme who is uke blah blah... (I've ranted about this before).

Seme should be cool (かっこいい) and uke should be cute（かわいい）period... And based on that cute Victor arts were according to them "against canon".

It's really interesting, because before this guidebook was published uke-Yuuri fujos had a massive meltdown over the art that was drawn for it, with Yurio in the center and no rings.... It was then slightly redrawn (but Victor still has gloves, so "no ring").

There was so much anti-fujos dog-whistling in YoI, and reading this interview I wonder if maybe this "Victor not cool, but cute" and the weird, slightly anti-Yuuri answers (the Makkachin vs. Yuuri etc.) were because of that... It would take me a lot of time to summarize for you the whole history of this behavior from Avex&co., but one day I'll do that 💀]

Reblogging and signing. Conversion therapy is a terror on the face of the world. One I nearly lost a very dear person to due to suicide. It's evil, and I never use that word lightly.

Tagging this with gay fandoms sorry

There's currently a European proposition to ban conversion practice in Europe

If you're European please sign it

If you're not please reblog

eci.ec.europa.eu

European Citizens' Initiative

Give your support !

Edit 1: Just in case the previous link doesn't bring you where you need here

Edit 2: It's EU not Europe sorry

If anyone ever wonders why I left the Abramamitic religions behind me in favour of some weird form agnostic omnism with strong pagan leanings, read the answers to that one. So much earnestness for what can't be proven, so much fervour for old story books. Oh boy. With someone who hasn't done this entire Catholic thing any more for almost two decades, this is bizarre.

I mean. I did consider myself Catholic, I even considered joining a convent, but it NEVER occurred to me to call pagans satanic or any such things. This is the kind of attitude that turned me off the whole thing. (Apart from the bits that say 'I am the only god' and 'I am jealous of all the other gods that TOOOOTALLY don't exist' thing that makes ZERO sense and is toxic af. I don't want anything to do with jealous people, human or otherwise, they can stay the hell away from me. I ain't doing this.)

That the person in question is not even Christian doesn't matter. All three are the same thing to me. Same sky daddy, same arbitrary rules that made some sense back in the day and none now, same fervour in the followers that gobble up what they're fed by the higher-ups in their particular brand of the 'I love you but if you step a toe out of line I'll destroy you even beyond death' cult. They were when I liked them and they are when I'm glad to be out.

Boy. I really don't like them any more it seems.

Edit: I mean, it's poetic, in a way. I used to wear a gold chain with a small cross, Star of David, and crescent to signify that they have the same value and worth, and then I started, little by little, to resent all three. That process took many years. And then, one day, my chain broke. I was really sad and decided to have it fixed. I noticed in time and didn't lose any of the pendants. I never had it fixed. I know now I never will. The broken chain is a symbol in itself. I am lost to them and they are to me.

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite