Soudam Week - Day 6: AU
Soudam Week - Day 6: AU
Hi! Ultimate Angst here to make its debut! Good Luck!
The God of Death knew little of weakness.
How could he? He was the the Great Gundham Tanaka, he was Death itself. Nothing fazed him. Nothing hurt him. He was immortal and everlasting. It was his destiny to watch the world wither and die around him.
And he found to qualm with that.
===
Centuries passed.
Death every constant and only growing as mortals became more and more violent. Starting to kill one another for the pure rush of it, and not for survival. Now that, that disgusted Gundham. Because suddenly it wasn’t about survival. Now it was all about hatred and foolishness.
And Gundham hated human for it.
Such pathetic, vain creature lost all favor with the God of Death. And so the God’s heart froze. Turning his back away from humans and their pettiness, Gundham turned towards the lives of Beasts. Immersing himself in their lives and struggles that were, unlike humans, pure and untainted by such filthy feelings. Their Deaths were more frequent, so Gundham made a habit of keeping selects souls around to keep him company. Naturally, the God of Death chose only the fiercest and most loyal of warriors to keep by his side.
Four hamsters.
The feared Four Dark Devas of Destruction who were the only ones to give the ice cold God of Death any warmth. Which was just fine by Gundham, the God of Death had no need for any sort of deeper attachment.
To anyone and anything.
===
A mother died today.
Gundham never enjoyed their deaths. Because, even though they were humans themselves, they had carried a Life within their mortal forms and committed to the agony of birth to bring that new Life into the world. Indeed, out of all humans, Gundham hated mothers a little less. But that wasn’t what made this whole ordeal harder.
It was her child.
The woman, a rather lovely thing with hair the color of darkness and eyes a brown the color of loving home, had given every ounce of her strength to bring her child into this world. A boy, Gundham noted, with many of his mother’s features. But the God of Death could do nothing.
He had to take the mother’s soul.
A sort of burning in his hands as the Overlord of Ice reached for her that alerted him to how the woman’s time was up. She, at the very least, seemed at peace. Smiling softly at where her screaming, breathing, and wonderfully alive was being passed around by many a doctor. She was ready, accepting of death.
Her job done.
But Gundham, for the first time in his immortal existence, hesitated. Was it...right of him to separate a child from his mother like this? With that same child screaming and crying for any sort of comfort? Was it right for hi to-Wait. What?
What was he doing?
He was the Great Gundham Tanaka! The God of Death! The true ruler of this world and all others! What was he doing?! Sympathizing with these...mortals! Their problems, their plight, their agony and despair were of no concern to him! And so, with his terrible resolve restored, the God of Death reaped the soul of one Hanami Rei-Kazuichi.
Leaving Souda Kazuichi without a mother.
===
The will of causality was a cruel one.
Ever since reaping the soul of his mother, he saw more and more of this ‘Souda Kazuichi.’ The boy and his father seemed deadset to live in the sort of area were other humans were mugged and killed or beaten to death. Even most beasts knew better than to spend more than a few hours in such a volatile environment. But, amidst such brutal Death, Gundham found himself trailing behind the young boy.
Naturally, he couldn’t see him.
But Gundham noticed every little thing the child did. From chasing the stray dogs in his neighborhood on wobbly legs. To falling down, and bursting into shiny, salty tears. But, to Gundham’s disappointment, no one seemed to comfort the crying child any time he burst into tears. Every adult around him just...left him there. Be it in the middle of the sidewalk or the road, no one reached down to offer a single scrap of comfort to the young human.
And it's not like Gundham could do it.
His touch was far too poisonous and soul-stealing. Through the Dark Devas took to brushing against the young child with ice-cold whispers of their fur whenever tears spilled out of those warm eyes. The second he made any contact with the young mortal, Gundham would have to take Souda’s soul completely. And the child still had far too much Life in him.
Still, the God of Death found himself reaching out nonetheless.
===
There were different types of humans.
It took Gundham longer than it should’ve to realize that, but he did. There were two main types of mortals that Gundham chose to concern himself with, those who were cruel and those who weren’t. Souda, wasn’t cruel.
Those who bullied him were.
They looked at his dark hair and warm eyes and spat in his face. Kicked at him. Beat him. Teased him. Mocked him. All while those warm, sweet eyes let loose an endless stream of tears.
All while Gundham had to hold himself back.
Which was ridiculous! A God of Death, an Overlord of Ice, reduced to caring for a mere mortal boy? Preposterous. Downright insulting. It was beneath him in every way.
But still Gundham’s anger rose.
===
Oh, believe him, he tried. He tried to put some distance between them. To recover some of the ice around his heart that those warm eyes had melted. Gundham had tried that one day.
The same day Souda’s father beat him for the first time.
Gundham had felt something...deeply wrong in the air. As dangerous and unsettling as the smell of blood in the air. His instincts screaming for him to act, to do something. That Souda was in trouble. And, before Gundham’s common sense could talk him out of it, he was there. At Souda’s house.
Watching his father’s fist connect to his face.
Gundham, for all his immortal life, would never forget that sound. That crack, that strangled cry the boy gave off as he hung, limp and defenseless, in his father’s grip. Gundham, even as the God of Death, would always be haunted by that image. By the picture of Souda’s pale skin striped with bright blood and lovely eyes rolling back into his skull. And, in that moment, Gundham never wished to kill a human so strongly before.
And he nearly did it to.
The God of Death’s hands were right there. Ready to wrap around Souda’s father’s neck and snap his head off like a toy. He had all the fury of a true, bloodthirst Death God. Vision running red with the sheer force of his anger and the screaming of all the soul he had reaped in his ears.
But Gundham stopped himself.
What was he doing? It was not this man’s time yet. What was he doing, trying to take a mortal before his time? And for what? For one mortal boy Gundham owed nothing to. The God of Death had taken his mother, but so what? It was her time, her choice. And she chose Souda’s life over her’s. So it wasn’t his responsibility to look after her spawn.
He owed Souda nothing, Gundham told himself as he watched as Souda’s father eventually grew bored and left his son. Bleeding from the nose, on the living room floor. I don’t care, Gundham told himself as Souda eventually regained consciousness and pulled himself up on scraped knees. Salty tears mixing with open wounds and whimpering whys? leaving his mouth. This has nothing to do with me, Gundham told himself.
But it still sounded like a lie.
===
Souda grew.
And Souda changed.
The teeth, serrated and sharp still stayed the same. The only trait he had gotten from the Demon that was his father. But the young man had willingly changed everything else about him. Gone were those dark, deep tresses and warm, lovely eyes. Only to be replace by bright pink hair and striking contacts. And, fool himself as he might, the God of Death mourned the loss of suck soft, precious features. But to his horror, Gundham found himself doing something else whenever he could visited Souda.
He studied him.
Focused on the teenager as if they were only two beings in the world. Gundham, with time, found that he did really mind the changes Souda made to himself. So many things were still the same after all. Souda’s excitement over stray dogs. His timid, crybaby nature. The thick line of his eyelashes. The absent-minded braiding of his hair. The wonderful way his hands moved when working on machines.
Gundham found himself even more entranced.
Found himself even more enamored and endeared. Souda had grown up strong and clever. Getting accepted in the prestigious school and getting away from the evening beatings of his household. Souda had escaped.
He was free.
Which should’ve released Gundham from any and all guilt and worry. And, to most extents, it did. Seeing Souda so happy after so long in despair was wonderful. And a hopeful Souda was the most beautiful thing in the world to Gundham’s all-seeing eyes. He watched Souda make pure wonders out of metal. He watched him make friends out of all his strange classmates. Watched him grow a little more confident, a little more brave.
Gundham watched Souda fall in love.
First with a royal classmate of his. A beautiful blonde girl who Gundham swore could sense his presence. An impressive creature with the girl of the Dark Arts that didn’t quite reciprocate his feelings. A sweet girl who still made Souda bawl his eyes out many a night. All while Gundham could just stand above him, fighting the urge to reach out and comfort Souda. With his hands, with his arms, with teeth, lips, and tongue. But Gundham did nothing but hold his own body back from acting on his deep, dark impulses. But before the Overlord of Ice could come to terms with these bubbling, dangerous feelings, Souda fell in love.
Again.
But this time it was different. This time it was with boy with hair a similarly dyed, spiky mess. This time it was with a loud, funny mortal with cool blue-gray eyes and a lopsided grin. This time it was with a sports star with equally calloused hands and similar desires to change themselves from the outside. This time it was different.
This time the mortal loved Souda back.
All while Gundham could only watch, invisible to their eyes, as the mortal pressed warm, wonderfully alive kisses onto Souda’s mouth. The same mouth Gundham had watched smile and laugh and cry and scream for all his life. Truly, Gundham thought.
Humans were horrible creatures.
===
It was easier to leave Souda alone after that.
But it was harder to tell himself that he wasn’t hurting. Him! The God of Death! Hiding away from human like a scorned admirer. But what was Gundham to do? The very sight of Souda hurt him worse than anything he had ever experienced in his mortal life.
Which was ridiculous.
Souda had never seen him, felt him, or talked to him. The mortal boy had no reason to choose Gundham over another mortal. Another mortal he could touch and hold and have dry all his tears away. Souda was better off loving that mortal. Souda was happy with that mortal.
No matter what Gundham felt about it.
It was only then that Gundham learned what true weakness was. Weakness was always looking, always wishing for something but always having it just out of your reach. Just dancing out of your fingertips. Weakness was a cruel thing.
And love had made Gundham weak.
===
It happened one day, years later.
But, to a God of Death, those years passed with a single blink of his eyes. Those years were nothing to Gundham. Nothing but hurt feelings and childish avoidance. Those years were nothing to him.
But they quickly became everything.
It started when Gundham felt...that again. That overwhelming wrongness in the air. A crippling sense of despair that Gundham knew immediately that it was Souda.
Souda!
Gundham was there in an instant. There, in that familiar place. There, at Souda’s house. The one with his father, the one with the Demon who beat him all his life. The scene was horrifically similar as well. Police cars lining up with narrow, dirt-filled streets. Sirens slashing into the air with frantic madness. An ambulance at the ready past the tangle of squad cars. Gundham couldn’t move at first. Then the world stopped.
And he moved.
Slowly, stiffly on lead legs. Right, left, right left. Gundham stumbled past police officers frozen in place. Past movements halted in the moment. Gundham moved past it all. Souda?
Souda where are you?
Gundham walked through the familiar entrance to the Kazuichi household. That’s when he saw it. That's when Gundham’s immortal soul knew true fear.
True despair.
Souda’s father was passed out on the couch. Too drunk to be of any use to the world. But that wasn’t an unusual sight to Gundham by now. No. What hit the God of Death like a barrage of bullets was that Demon’s hands.
Slick with blood.
Ah, there it was again. On the kitchen countertop, not to far away. It was pooling there. Dripping down to the floor to make another puddle. Oh.
There was a trail of it.
Gundham’s head felt light. The long-since melted heart in his chest felt like it was trying to climb up and out of his throat to explode out of his mouth in a scream of blood. Gundham followed the trail of blood. Like breadcrumbs leading him home. Home? Souda?
Where was he?
The Overlord of Ice was able to squeeze past the narrow hallway, following the spotted trail of blood, to Souda’s room. The door hanging open like he had rushed in. And it was then and there that Gundham Found Souda.
And Death fell to his knees.
===
Souda had came home.
He had promised himself he never would, but it happened. Mainly because of Leon. Souda...Souda wanted to marry him. After the both of them graduated Hope’s Peak, they had talked about it. Even going so far as to looking for apartments that could double as recording studios and garages. Everything was looking good.
Too good.
But Souda had to see his dad, just one last time. To do what, he wasn’t exactly sure. Make amends, he supposed. But time and love had dulled the innate fear Souda had of his father. And, the second he stepped inside his old house, it was like he was a fucking kid all over again.
Getting the shit beaten out of him.
The only difference now was that Souda was just as strong, if not stronger, than his father. And, for a few precious seconds, he wa able to escape his father’s raging fists for a few, wonderful seconds.
That’s what killed him.
His dad rushing after him and smacking his head against the pointed edge of the countertop. Blood clouded his vision. Blood ran down his face in ways it hadn't for a long, long time. Blood bit at his tongue as he tasted his own sweat and panic.
After that it was all a blur.
A huge stumbling, painful blur of making his way to his room and trying to call Leon. Trying to get his boyfriend’s voice on the other line to clear up the blurring coldness that was eating Souda from the inside out. Souda hit the call button.
And then the world went dark.
===
Humans were such weak creatures.
Souda was one such creature. Funny, Gundham had forgotten about that. But now, with the moonlight streaming into his familiar bedroom, such a fact became painfully obvious. His hair was spread out beneath him. Like a halo of fiery, blood-speckled pink hellfire. There were lines of blood on his face. Some dry, some still running with rich red liquid that stained the carpet underneath him.
Gundham’s hands burned.
It was time. Time for Souda to die. To leave this mortal world. The God of Death looked at Souda’s hand, still clutching his cell phone. Calling, calling, calling that mortal he loved. What was he going to say, Gundham wondered.
I love you?
What do mortal’s say with their last breath? Gundham had never wanted to know more than now. But, for SouDa it was too late, his brain was malfunctioning too much, too dangerously. Death would be a mercy. A sweet, cherish mercy that would be Gundham’s first and last gift to his beloved Souda. But one, just once, Gundham wanted to say it.
“I love you.”
With a palm cupping both sides of Souda’s face and those teary eyes with the popped blood vessels looking at him, Gundham leaned down.
Kissing Souda’s cold mouth.
Reaping the soul of one dear, precious, beloved Kazuichi Souda.
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24 for the ask fanfic author thingy (btw I love your writing and you inspire me!)
Gah! Where do all you wonderful people come from?!
(jk i love you and thank you for that wonderful compliment. Though the fact that ANYONE is inspired by me is still awesomely baffling.)
But as far as your question goes...
24. favorite scene i’ve ever written
Tbh, its a really close call between two scenes in ‘Golden Madness’ for me
The first one being the part where Sifair (my OC and Keith’s mom) says goodbye to Matt and Shiro in Chapter 5: Lick Your Wounds.
Mainly barbecue i feel that that scene, if nothing else, TRULY conveys the whole of Sifair’s character. I character i’ve spent so long rewriting and revising.
The qualities she shows in that scene are the qualities that have stuck with her through her first iteration and to her present stage.
She’s a mom.
A mom who’s had a hard, bloodly life full of regrets and death. A mom who’s willing to go through all that again if it means protecting her kids. A mom who, at the same time, doesn't want to put her kids through what she had to go through. She just wants love and the someone to love.
That scene really captures that.
The second one would have to be a scene in Chapter 10: A Version of the Truth
The one where Allura’s telling the side of Laila’s story HER father told her, and, at the same time, Coran is telling the side of the Laila’s story that the ALTEAN PEOPLE were told.
It was confusing to write.
But it was a risk i wanted to take. It was something that the plot of ‘Golden Madness’ hinged upon. The concept of POV and which narrative is the right one is something i’ve always wanted to play with.
This scene is really the culmination of those ideas.
After i posted that chapter i got theory after theory in the comment section. And while comments and feedback are easily the best parts of writing, THEORIES are in a league all their own.
They show that my work made people think.
That it made them reevaluate what they knew and present it in a way they wanted to see come to fruition. This scene allowed for theories to finally come into GM and i’m so thankful it exists.
Once again, thank you for the ask! And i hope that answers your question. It was surprisingly difficult to try and pick one scene, so just had to pick two!
Thank you for your support, and the best of luck with your own writing! May you never be too afraid to take creative risks!
Hey! So ,it's the first time I write to someone on tumblr and I do this because I want to tell you how much you inspired me and how amazing and awesome your work is! As for the ask meme , if it's not to much to ask for, 1,4,5! Thank you ! :)
Well thank you very much for asking! :D
And a bigger thank you for your support, tbh i never thought i COULD inspire someone, so hearing you say that literally made by day! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
(I’m the raccoon)
On to the ask meme…
1. things that inspire you
In all honesty, there are too many places to name! But i’d have to say that the biggest spheres of influence for me are animated movies and Bollywood.
Weird combo, i know.
But i grew up with 80′s and 90′s animated movies from the bottom of the bargain barrel that had AMAZING ideas, but poor execution. So when i write, i remember the good and snip out the not-so-good.
Bollywood is just crazy.
Colorful and full of emotion. Which is what i want my writing to be associated with. Every movie is a musical and every song pure poetry (if you don’t believe me just find the English subtitles to any song, i promise its great). Which i’m also a big sucker for! ;)
4. name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why
uhhhhhhhhh…
Oh boy…
Well the first one would definitely have to be @hollyblack .
I’ve never read any collection of work that’s impacted me as much as her. She’s the first one that got me interest in writing, the first one to really connect to me as a person. Her writing style is gritty and real, but still contains such a refined air. If i had to describe what reading her work is like, it’s like wearing fishnet stockings under your wedding dress in a forest filled with Faeries.
The second one would have to be @/titekubo
Not because of the ending of Bleach OH GOD NO PLEASE DONT BRING THAT MESS ONTO MY GOOD DISCOURSE-FREE BLOG
But because the large portion of Bleach had such poetic, symbolic relationships and character arcs. Every chapter’s title was like a line out of a poem and, obviously, I've tried to emulate that as much as possible.
And though his version of the ending spelled disaster for his own characters’ development, i admire how beautiful the majority of the story and it’s characters were.
Last, but not least, would have to be @gailcarsonlavine
Most know her for her book ‘Ella Enchanted’, but what i love her for is her lesser known book ‘Fairest’.
It had everything i love about Lavine’s work: her dedication to her characters, her weaving of good vs bad, and her heart-twisting fairy tale romance. But ‘Fairest’ was different. It was a Beauty and the Beast retelling (a trope you must know i use a lot).
But both the Beauty and the Beast were the same character.
It was a self-acceptance book ahead of them all. And when i was twelve it kept me going when nothing else did.
5. since how long ago do you write
Welp, this is embarrassing…but i first started writing seriously in FIVE years ago.
Yeah.
I’m old!
But it all started, as most great things do, with crappy fanfiction and a Wattpad account. God knows how much blackmail material is on my old account.
I still look back at those old files and cringe so hard I’m tempted to throw my computer at a wall.
But i hang onto those files.
Because, yeah, they were bad. But they were mine. They had my ideas, my time, and my effort in them. I keep them around to show my development and thank God i know what i’m doing now.
Sorry for the long reply, but i wanted to make sure i gave your questions the answers they deserve!
Thanks for the ask! And i wish you luck with all your writing endeavors as well.
Don’t Let Go (Of Me)
@shidgevalentinesexchange for @adeerli !
Nice to meet you! This was really challenging for me to write, but I hope you enjoy all the work I’ve put into this and help spread some of that quality Shidge all around.
As you might be able to tell, this fic was heavily inspired by James Arthur’s song ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’
I will also cross-post this on my AO3, so make sure to check it out over there! <3
“I met you in the dark, you lit me up”
They met on orientation day.
Not her orientation day, mind you, but her brother’s. And freshly graduated Garrison Officer Takashi Shirogane couldn’t help but notice them.
He introduced himself to Matt first.
Immediately taking a liking to the bright young man with the mischievous eyes. He answered his questions and helped quell some of his parents’ worries.
Then he saw her.
“You made me feel as though I was enough”
A quiet, small little thing with long hair and a brand-new dress. Looking half in envy and half in worry at the state-of-the-art facilities all around them. Then she caught his eyes looking her way.
Her’s were gold.
Bright and burning and not unlike a punch to the gut. Somehow, Shiro managed to send a smile her way before he was whisked away by their father, a Commander Shiro had nothing but respect for.
But the look of her and those intense eyes never left him.
===
He was here.
Of course Katie knew him, Matt never shut up about him in his letters. The Garrison golden boy that everyone seemed half in love with, Takashi Shirogane. And Katie definitely couldn’t understand the allure. Absolutely. No way. Not at all. Pffft!
That’s ridiculous!
“We danced the night away…”
Who was she kidding? Katie has faced a lot of problems in her 14 years of life, but this was, by far, the worst one. Katherine Annalise Holt had a crush.
And she had it bad.
“We drank too much.”
So bad that the young girl couldn’t help but wring the hem of her dress in her hands. The Holt family had traveled back to the Garrison after an entire year to celebrate Matt graduating from Cadet to Cadet Corporal at the youngest age of 17. Pride warming away every one of Katie’s frazzled nerves at the sight of her brother standing at attention in a brand new uniform.
Iverson continuing to drone on.
“…as acting Drill Sergeant of this year’s class I have had, not only the honor of watching these young men and women mature and grow, but to collaborate with one of the Garrison’s brightest alumni, Takashi Shirogone.” Iverson’s constantly shrill voice paused to allow the room to fill with applause.
For him.
Katie’s stomach flip-flopped as she clapped along with the crowd. Everyone’s eyes on Takashi. Who looked illegally handsome in his Officer’s uniform. Fit to his figure, it showed off a great deal of his excellent build.
Much to Katie’s destress.
“A few words Shirogone?” Iverson called out, Shiro clearly caught off-guard but accepting the offer graciously nonetheless. Flashing a smile so bright, Katie’s brain had to reboot for a solid minute. He turned toward the graduating cadets, Matt being one of the smallest among them. Dark grey eyes alit with warmth and pride.
“As my first year teaching, I must say that it’s been an eventful one.” Laughter titered amongst her brother’s class, in inside jokes Katie longed to know. The young girl wishing, not for the first time, that the age requirements for apply to the Garrison weren’t so high.
“But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” At this, he looked back to the crowd. That warm gaze sweeping over everyone like dawn’s first rays of sunlight. Katie barely fought back a blush as Shiro’s eyes seemed to settle in her direction. But, to her surprise, Shiro suddenly seemed so nervous.
Those warm eyes lowering.
“I-um…I’m really humbled by this experience. Teaching the next generation like this…has been amazing a-and a tremendous honor. So, thank you all for sticking with me for so long.” There was something incredibly endearing about the way Shiro seemed so bashful in that moment. Something so sweet that Katie could help the bright, brilliant smile gracing her young features.
“I held your hair back when you were throwing up.”
Then his eyes were on her.
Not on the crowd. Not on her brother’s class. But on her. Katie knew it, she felt it. That soft gaze nearly gave her a heart attack, sure, but she did her best to smile encouragingly at him.
And, to Katie’s surprise, it seemed to work.
“Then you smiled over your shoulder…”
“I look forward to seeing all the boundaries you all willbreak. And I know that each and every one of you are capable of incredible greatness. But I must admit…” Her heart leapt to her throat. But what? What did he-Shiro’s gaze on her warmed, a bright smile tugging at his lips as he looked at her.
“And for a minute…”
“I eagerly await the conquests of the newest generation of graduates, I…have a feeling they’re going to do so some pretty amazing things. Thank you.” Katie couldn’t even hear the applause, she was still glued to her seat. Heart slamming against her windpipe. The image of Shiro’s encouraging half-smile and soft eyes imprinting onto her mind. Cementing itself amongst all the other theories and equations that made way more sense to her than her own feelings for Shiro.
“I was stone-cold sober.”
===
Don’t think of her.
Don’t picture her. Don’t try to remember her voice. Don’t try to remember how her eyes shone. Don’t bring her visage to place like this. Don’t say her name.
Don’t you dare bring her memory here.
“I pulled you closer to my chest.”
Who knows how long Shiro had been in this place. Purple fluorescent lights and alien, animal faces blurred together in his mind. Or in what little cognitive function he had left. Everything seemed to be an endless cycle of blood and bone and screaming.
Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill. Lunge. Cut. Fight. Kill.
Katie.
“And you asked me to stay over…”
God, but then there were moments, too many for Shiro to count, where he’d think back to all the people he’s failed. Matt, who was God knows where. Commander Holt, who Shiro hoped and prayed was still alive, despite all the horror of their situation. And…no, he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that. Shiro can’t think of-
Katie.
“I said, ‘I already told ya-‘ ”
Out of everyone, Shiro had failed her the most. He remembered how proud she looked on launch day. How those golden eyes turned molten with joy as she and her mother sent the three of them off. How she jokingly made him promise to keep her family safe.
So lovely he couldn’t breathe.
He still couldn’t breathe as he, guiltily remembered memories of the brilliant younger Holt in a place like this. A place so messed up and violent that it should never tarnish her memory, no matter how secondhand it was.
But Shiro didn’t have long to think.
Two more purplish aliens cornered him in his cell. Shiro couldn’t even muster the spirit to fight them. The former pilot roughly shoved into the wall and muzzled. Bound in strange, glowing chains until it was time to release him.
Out of the fire and into the frying pan in the worst way.
But even as Shiro was pushed and shoved towards the slaughter fest that was the Arena.
His thoughts were of her.
“ ‘I think that you should get some rest…’ ”
===
She saw him again.
Part of her knew she would, eventually. But this time the sight of him did nothing to her. Gone we’re the blushing cheeks and fluttering heart. She wasn’t that crushing young girl anymore.
She wasn’t Katie anymore either.
Nothing like love twisted her heart at the sight of him, seemingly deranged and pleading on that hospital cot. Katie, now Pidge, only felt one thing as she looked at him. Felt something ugly and hideous coil in her stomach.
How dare he?
How dare he be here instead of Matt and her father? How dare he be the only one who came back? How dare…how dare he just show up?
Crashing back, quite literally, into her life.
“I knew I loved you then.”
She had spent so long killing whatever she had felt for him. Exhausting herself with the search to find her family to avoid thinking about him. But it never worked.
Not really.
And now here he was, screaming, pleading for anyone to stop and listen to him. That they were all going to die. That there were Galra just outside-
Pidge couldn’t take it.
She had had enough. Enough with the lies. Enough with the hurt. Enough with the constant dull ache in her chest. She had to end this the only way she knew how.
She had to save him.
“But you’d never know…”
===
She can’t leave, was his first thought.
But Shiro looked at her face, at those burning gold eyes and that furious glare, and couldn’t find it within himself to stop her.
He failed her.
“'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.”
Shiro a had failed to protect her family, of course she wanted to leave them and find them herself. Of course she’d want nothing more to do with him. Shiro knew all that.
But it still hurt.
“I know I needed you…”
It still hurt seeing how little she seemed to care about him. How much she wanted to get away from him. It cut him worse than the Galra ever had.
But he’d let her go.
“But I never showed.”
It’d kill him, but he owed her so much. So, for the rest of the night, Shiro kept outside. So no one could see how much he was hurting. He liked her.
He really liked her.
Which was horrible because she was only 15. Which was awful because he had left Matt and her father in the hands of the Galra. Which was just wrong because-
“But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old…”
“Shiro? Can we talk?” Trying to tell himself that his heart didn’t skip a beat at her voice would’ve just added insult to his many injuries. Shiro took a few moments to school his expression before turning to her.
And how much she’d changed.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
The last time he saw her everything was different. Everything was simpler. Her cheeks were flushed with cold, but Katie’s smile was so electric that she seemed completely immune to it. She was so small then, so delicate.
Not anymore.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
Seemingly everything about Katie had hardened, sharped to a deadly point. She was force to be reckoned with. A young girl becoming a woman in war. And Shiro couldn’t help but morn the fact. Especially like this, when she was standing just to his left in her armor. All its sharp angles and thick plating doing nothing to help Shiro’s guilt.
Doing nothing to stop his heart breaking.
===
“I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed.”
He’d get nightmares sometimes.
After the first couple instances and the deep, dark bags under his eyes, Pidge had decided enough was enough. She, despite her best efforts, had begun feeling something for the Black Paladin again. Something gentle and flickering in her chest that warmed her when this war chilled her.
Thus began their unique sleeping arrangement.
“I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head…”
They’d head for his room at about the Earth equivalent of 10 o’clock, and, while Shiro would usually knock right out, Pidge would just slip in beside him and continue working until she was either done with her project or passed out from exhaustion.
But it was usually the latter.
“And I’ll take the kids to school…”
Still, for reasons Pidge refused to think about, Shiro seemed to sleep better with her there. Even when she wasn’t under the blanket with him, Shiro would still rest surprisingly peacefully. And for that, Pidge was immensely thankful.
Even if mornings were a little awkward.
“Wave them goodbye.”
Shiro, for the most part, would wake up before her. But the 6-foot-something guy had no chance of leaving the small, twin sized bed without disturbing her awake in some way. Neither would really talk about it, seeing it was a habit the two just sort of…picked up.
Shiro would leave.
Leave Pidge alone in a suddenly too-big bed in a room that smelled just like him. The young girl having to tell herself over and over that this was bigger than her resurfacing feelings for Shiro. This was for his sake and sanity.
She couldn’t take advantage of that.
So every morning Pidge had to stumble back to her own room, alone. Then go to breakfast and act like the whole arrangement never even existed. Like Pidge never knew how much younger Shiro looked when he slept. Or that sometimes his hand would fall to her waist and sleep would suddenly be the furthest thing from her mind. Yeah.
It’s sucked.
“And I’ll thank my lucky stars for that night…”
But there were bigger things than the aching hurt in her chest to deal with, so Pidge just fought it down and threw herself into everything she did even more. Hoping that, one day, things could be normal again.
That she could be honest with Shiro.
===
Years passed.
Everyone grew harder, tougher. The war still raged on, but now they were fighting fire with fire. The Coalition was growing everyday and people were shedding their fear of the Empire like a second skin. Everything was looking up.
But Shiro didn’t feel that way.
“When you looked over your shoulder-“
They found Matt. And for the first time, in a long, long time, he saw Pidge truly and purely happy. Pidge, now 17, had finally gotten a piece of her family back. Not as battle scarred or traumatized as him, Matt fit in right away with their crew.
Falling back in place with Shiro.
The two rekindling their friendship and trust. But one thing, one very important thing was different now.
Katie.
Pidge.
Before the younger Holt had been a witty, brilliant young girl who Shiro liked to joke with. Now? Now things were different.
Now she was different.
“For a minute, I forget that I’m older.”
She was still as burning and brilliant as those gold eyes, but there was so much more to her now. She was a woman on the war front. Battle-scarred and formidable in every sense. Pidge was someone he’d trust his life with. The only problem?
He wanted her to have his heart to.
“I wanna dance with you right now…”
Pidge had indeed grown lovelier over the years and to say that Shiro had never imagined the two as couple would be false in every sense. As beautiful as she was smart, those golden eyes seemed to spell ruin for suitors who weren’t careful.
And Shiro was one of them.
“Oh! And you look as beautiful as ever!”
Matt had found out embarrassingly easily. But the older Holt never ridiculed Shiro. No. Matt did something much worse.
He encouraged it.
“And I swear that everyday you’ll get better.”
Saying that the two were perfect for each other and that she definitely thought of him the same way. Which, naturally, Shiro knew better to believe.
But a part of him hoped.
Hoped that Matt was right every time her smile seemed to linger on him. Everytime he’d find himself lulled to rest by her focused face illuminated by her computer within his room. Everytime she’d pull him back from the nightmares and visions and into her brilliance. A dear, dangerous part of him hoped for such things.
And maybe, one day, he’d tell her all that.
“You make me feel this way somehow…”
But war was never kind to such sentiments. Such sentiments already begged to be proven wrong.
And they were.
===
Oh God.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. This couldn’t be happening. No. No! This wasn’t real! This is just a dream.
Just a nightmare.
“I’m so in love with you…”
“SHIRO!” Her throat hurt, but Pidge couldn’t care. All she cared about was getting down this damn hill and rush to his side. What was he even thinking?
Taking that bullet for her.
Oh God, there was blood everywhere. A usually orthodox sight made horrifically new when she saw who caused it.
Shiro.
Was he even breathing? Oh God please be breathing. Don’t stop breathing. Don’t leave me again. Don’t go until I-
“K-Katie?”
“And I hope you know.”
“I’m here, I’m right here Shiro. Stay with me. Stay with me please.” When did she start sobbing? When had her tears began to choke her?
She grabbed his hand.
Slick with blood, the metal was cooling in her hands. Hunk quickly rushed in, med kit in tow while Pidge tried to keep Shiro awake.
Alive.
“Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in…”
“Shiro! Shiro, look at me! Eyes on me, c’mon. Please!” Dark, blood soaked lashes fluttered up to her. Shiro’s bloodied head in her lap as Hunk tried to stanch the massive amount of blood leaving his body. But his eyes, warm and gray and heartbreaking, still cling to her so dearly.
So preciously.
“Gold…” He murmured weakly as she gazed up at her. Pidge’s tears falling onto his soiled face. Creating clear tracts in the dirt and gore. But, despite all that, the sight of such a soft look on Shiro face made Pidge smile.
And tears fall harder.
“We’ve come so far my dear…”
“Stay with me ok big guy? Well get you patched up s-”
Shiro coughed.
Blood splattering against his lips as the man sounded as if he was trying to retch out his lungs. Pidge cupped his face, trying to bring him back to her. Trying her best to ignore the warmth of his blood against her palms.
“Shiro? Shiro please stay with me…” She hated the whine in her voice, but the tears just wouldn’t stop. The pain in her chest damn near killing her. No…No, I couldn’t end like this.
Not like this.
“Look how we’ve grown.”
Not after everything they’ve been through. Not after how long she’s loved him. He can’t die. She wouldn’t let him.
She couldn’t let him.
“And I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old.”
“Katie…Katie I-” Pidge saw it then. Saw it in the way he looked at her, halfway dead and broken beyond measure, but still gazing up at her like he’d do it all again for her. She saw it in those gray eyes and how they shone with unsaid words and unshed tears. She saw it in the way his bloody, bruised hands held onto her arms so reverently. Pidge saw it then.
And cursed herself for not seeing it sooner.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
“I know…I know…” She soothed, gazing back at him. Pidge’s face a near mirror of his own. Vision blurring with tears as she leaned down.
And kissed him.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
===
Kissing her was all Shiro wanted to do.
Pidge made a soft noise in the back of her throat as she pulled him closer and out of his thoughts. The air between them, in his room suddenly too hot. Too stifling unless every inch of her was pressed against every inch of him.
“I wanna live with you…”
Shiro’s mechanical hand slid under her shirt. Reveling in the smooth curve of her hips and waist. Against his throat, Pidge sighed contently and sent Shiro’s heart fluttering.
He kissed her again.
“Even when we’re ghosts.”
Kissing Pidge was like nothing he’d ever imagine it to be. Kissing Pidge was all bursting citrus and warmth and freckles against his hands. Kissing Pidge was the best thing in the world, and Shiro didn’t know if he could ever give it up.
Her arms wrapped around his neck.
Pulling him even closer, if that was possible, as Shiro rubbed his hand along the gentle curve of her bare back. He parted away from her, if only slightly. Just to look at her.
And those gold eyes.
Made a little darker from their kissing, but shining in the lowlight of his room nonetheless. Pidge was older now, her features more prominent, and fondness sang so loudly in Shiro’s heart, he couldn’t help but feel weak.
“'Cause you were always there for me…”
“I love you.” He breathed, the declaration coming out half scared and half infatuated. Watching the spark in Pidge’s eyes light up and a bright smile stretch along her face.
“When I needed you most.”
Her palm on either side of his head.
Seeming to memorize all his features with her calloused, thin fingers. Trailing along his jaw and over his temple. Across his eyebrows.
Fluttering over his scars.
“I love you to.”
===
“I’m gonna love you till my lungs give out.”
The war was over.
The greater evil had been defeated. The universe could finally breathe a breath of freedom after so long a time spent suffering.
Especially for the Paladins.
“I promise till death we part…”
Hunk chose to stay with Shay and help her fellow Balmerans discover what it meant to be free. Though, judging by their entwined hands as they waved the Castle off, that wasn’t exactly the only reason.
Allura and Matt had a lot of work ahead of them.
The rebel fighter and the Princess had grown close over the course of the war. Matt every bit a gushing, loving boyfriend that never failed to make Allura laugh. Coran watching the two carefully all the while. Allura’s diplomacy plus Matt’s strategy proving to be an incredible combination for the Coalition.
And, naturally, Lance and Keith went back to Earth.
“Like in our vows.”
Lance, apparently, having promised the Red Paladin an introduction to the entirety of Lance’s family. The sight of their entwined hands and bright red cheeks never failing to bring a smile to Pidge’s face.
Which left only two.
“So I wrote this song for you…”
What was next for her? For Shiro? Well, with the Empire out of the way, someone need to take charge of the noncombatant Galra and establish the Blades of Marmora as pillars of stability. And who better to do it?
Than the Champion himself.
“Now everybody knows!”
He was hesitant about it. She could see it in his eyes and the way his human hand wrapped around his metal one. Pidge knew that the thought of overseeing the entire race of creatures that harmed him would be painful.
But that’s why she was there.
“ ‘Cuase now its just you and me…”
Whatever the challenge, whatever the curse. Pidge would help him bear it. So, come the day Kolivan and the Blade came to take them away to rebuild their enemies, they just held each other.
Steadied each other.
“Till we’re grey and old.”
Shiro looked to her then, concern pinching the worn planes of his face in such a way that he seemed to ask her, “are you sure?”, all over again. He looked older now. Older in ways Pidge couldn’t even describe. But he was hers.
And she was his.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
So while she knew this new adventure would test them, as long as they had each other, Pidge knew that they’d be fine. They’ve gone through too much to just back down now. Squeezing his hand in hers, Pidge took the first step toward leading a new legion of Galra. With her hand in his, Shiro walked right beside her.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
Side by side.
Toward a new future, together.
“Just say you won’t let go…”
“Just say you won’t let go…”
wow! there’s so many more of y’all now.
hi!
consider this a reminder that requests for web weaves and comparatives are currently open! i’m running a bit low on inspo atm, so i’d appreciate your thoughts.
HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY GUYS!!! 😘❤️❤️❤️✨🌟⭐️✨🏆🎉🎊💖As promised, I will be hosting a HUGE giveaway where I will be give one of you lovely people a full paperback version of Golden Madness so far! Rules are as follows. • ❤️Repost this pic. ❤️Tag me and must be following ❤️In the caption, tell me your favorite scene/line from Golden Madness and why. ❤️One entry per person! (Though I will allow redos after the new chapter is posted!) ❤️ Will run from May 21st - June 28th! Good luck!!!! • #potentiala #drawing #doodle #sketch #sketchbook #art #illustration #selfie #selfportrait #milestone #voltronlegendarydefender #contest #artcontest #artcompetition #fanfic #voltron #giveaway #artgiveaway #artist #artistsoninstagram #artistsofinstagram #instagram #tumblr #tumblrcontest #free #girlswhodraw
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