Just Cleansing My Energy

Ok as promised toxic tnt duo. Disclaimer: this is very toxic duh and meant to show the characters at their most damaging to each other. These are the characters views of each other not my veiws of them. We Cool? Cool

Tw: Implied/ referenced suicide, suicide being thrown in someone’s face, physical violence, Implied drinking issues, slut shaming, unintentional victim blaming and everything c!tnt duo is.

Wilbur hummed, taking a drag from his cigarette. “No need to be so cold big Q. I mean you seemed pretty attached to me last night-.”

Quackity stiffened. “Last night was a mistake.” He said curtly. Wilbur laughed before he could stop himself. “You can’t just act like it was a hookup or something . You hugged me, sobbed hysterically and then threw up on my boots. Those where really good boots by the way.” Quackity’s wings flared, a sure sign he was annoyed. “I know what happened, I was there. You can fuck off now. I’m sure you have a busy day of manipulating children and kicking puppies to get to.”

And this was where Wilbur should stop. He had gotten what he wanted after all, a reaction, those coal dark eyes focused only on him, anger flaring up to meet his own, fire on fire. If Wilbur was smart he would back off before he got burned. But Wilbur had never been smart when it came to Quackity. “Don’t worry Q there's nothing to be ashamed of.” He said, sugar sweet. “Everyone has mental breakdowns. I mean drinking yourself to death might not be the healthiest way to deal. You know that reminds me of someone-.” Quackity stood in single motion hands on the wood of his desk, eyes on Wilbur. “Don’t fucking go there Soot. You wanna spend the day in my office? Fine you can have it, I’m not in the mood to deal with your bullshit.”

Quackity stalked past Wilbur heading for the door. Halfway there he paused speaking over his shoulder. “ You know next time you bitch about everyone liking ghostbur more than you, maybe think about why that is hmm?” Wilbur blinked, the words stung more than he expected. He quickly stepped in front of the other. “Come on Quackity. Relax.”

“Or what?” There was a strange note in the others voice and for the first time Wilbur noticed how tense Quackity was, the way his eyes darted between Wilbur and the door and he realized how dumb it had been to plant himself between Quackity and the only exit. “What are you gonna do Wilbur pitch a fucking fit and blow this place sky high?” Wilbur flinched before he could stop himself. “L’ Manberg needed to be blown up Quackity all it did was hurt-.”

“Bullshit!” Quackity was in his face now standing on tiptoes to look into Wilbur’s eyes and on any other day it would have been funny. “You lost L’Manberg and decided that if you couldn’t have it, nobody could! We won Wilbur! Schlatt was dead. We got our home back and you blew it up and then you weren’t even man enough to deal with the consequences.”

There was a shocked silence in the wake of Quackity’s words like Quackity had even surprised himself saying them. Wilbur thought he saw something like a regret flash over the others face but it was gone in a heartbeat, too quick to catch and Wilbur was already filled with anger and adrenaline. “Our home Quackity? When was it ever yours?” He got a sick satisfaction in the way Quackity flinched. “Actually, actually let's backtrack.” Wilbur laughed loudly and the sound was empty of humor. “Why did L’ Manberg get to be where it needed to be blown up, hmmm?” Quackity drew himself up. “Bullshit that wasn’t my-.”

“Wasn't your fault?” Wilbur cut in. “Is that what your boyfriends told you? The one who fought on Dreams' side from the beginning and the other who sided with Manberg. Yes, they're very objective I’m sure. We all know you were the only reason Schlatt got into power, because you used that stunning face of yours-.” He reached for Quackity only for the other to slap his hand away hard. “Don’t fucking touch me Wilbur-.” Wilbur raised his voice. “You used that stunning face of yours to gain votes and laughed as Tommy and I were exiled. As I was murdered and hunted down like an animal.”

Quackity rolled his eyes. “That’s a real nice way of saying you ran off to start a little rebellion in the woods. Gods forbid you lose with grace! No, you had to pitch a fit about it and drag Tommy and Tubbo into it to fight your battle just like you always do. They were kids-.”

Wilbur snarled. How dare Quackity pretend he knew anything about Pogtopia. “Don’t act like a hero Quackity.” He snapped. “What did you ever do to protect Tubbo? Nothing. You rolled over for Schlatt at the first chance you got.”

Quackity clenched his fists like he was going to swing at Wilbur only to back up a moment later. “I did protect Tubbo. I tried so hard to protect him, you have no idea what I had to do-.” Wilbur laughed. “Right, you tried so hard Tubbo got executed while you stood on stage and watched.” Quackity drew back. “You-you know Wilbur?” Have you ever considered that maybe you weren't the great president you thought you were? Ever thought that maybe there was a reason your own people didn’t vote for you? That maybe even then you were a fucking failure just like you are now.”

Wilbur couldn't hide his flinch, he stepped away as if the words had thrown him back. Quackity grinned cold and vicious and Wilbur lost any self control he might have had.

“You wanna talk about bad leaders, Quackity? Let's talk about your Vice Presidency. Manberg fell in months and gods only know you where useless before then. You know it's a miracle Schlatt didn’t fire you on the first day. It really makes me wonder. Well you know what you were bringing to his table.” Quackity, went still smile gone, turning pale. Wilbur got a sick joy in knowing that he had gotten under the other’s skin. Affected him enough to see it in every line of his body and every breath he spoke. “Wha- What exactly are you implying Wilbur?” Wilbur shrugged innocently. “Don’t play coy Quackity. I mean you're a very beautiful man. And Schlatt made it clear that he was fond of your um assets.” There was a long silence and Wilbur added. “To be clear, Quackity I’m saying you got the Vice Presidency because you f-.”

Quackity hit him and Wilbur felt his nose break with a crack. The pain was a shock to his system, a pleasant rush and as Quackity tackled him to the floor and hit him again Wilbur couldn't help but laugh because he was alive, he was bleeding, heart beating, lungs working. There was another human body touching his, sharp bones and white hot skin pressing together. Wilbur reached up and grabbed Quackity’s wrists to avoid getting punched again. It just made the other fight harder, kicking at his legs. Wilbur finally hit back knocking him over only for Quackity knee him in the gut sending Wilbur crashing on top of him.

They rolled over and over on the floor like wolf pups fighting instead of two grown men. Wilbur was laughing and Quackity was screaming and swearing at him but Wilbur couldn't make out the words over the blood in his mouth and the pounding of Quackity’s heart as their chests pressed together. Wilbur didn’t hear the door open but he did hear the sound of shattering glass and an angry voice “What in all the hells are you two doing?”

Happy new year!! I decided to start this year posting some art around here, made for #zosanclubsecretsanta2024

This is my piece for pyrosengineer (on x)!

I'll be posting it every other day if it all goes accordingly. It's my first comic ever, so let me know what you think!!

Read left to right! (4/30)

awkward hug with an awkward height difference

Raskolnikov: Doctor, it hurts when I do this.

Zossimov: Do what?

Raskolnikov: Exist.

NIGERUNDAYO!! PURPLE!!

Zoro just wanted to do smth for Sanji and it worked TOO WELL

I swear i was gonna make an elaborate valentines post and everything but then i forgot in favor of making THIS tomfoolery

Happy Valentine’s Day 💖🌹

Food Crime: Frosty the Slawman

so a while ago, I saw this photo going around on tumblr:

at first, I thought this was photoshopped. I mean, "welcome new man in your life"? that feels like a translation error, or someone being silly on purpose.

but guess what! turns out, Frosty Slaw Man is real!

and soon...he will be mine. let's get cooking

(full disclosure: I crafted this snowman and took notes about it over a year ago. and then, like with many things in my life, I forgot about him, and let him drift into the ADHD void of Things I'm Not Currently Staring At, where object permanence is tentative and largely unrealized.

but here we are! and here he is: the slaw man. it's time to share him with you, so that you can suffer as I have suffered, and/or rejoice in my gelatin creation!)

so this recipe photo originally came from Mid-Century Menu (archive link), a blog that seems like one after my own heart, and which once tried to make the Slaw Man (with not much success; but we'll get back to that)! but it's not just that blog that has copies of this ad. I also found it on reddit, and in a few different places on ebay!

lookit that guy! he's a real guy!

both the reddit post and some of the ebay listings say that this is from 1963 (though I haven't been able to figure out which magazines it was printed in, to confirm this for myself). but in looking this up, I discovered something else fun! there's another version of this ad!

Best Foods is what Hellmann's stuff is called on the west coast, and the "this is no place for second best" thing makes a lot more sense when you consider that the ad was probably made for Best Foods first, and then just reused and rebranded for the east coast

the more you know!

anyway the benefit of finding this alternate ad is that the scan on this image is a lot clearer, and so the recipe is more readable! and in looking at it, I've realized something important:

when Mid-Century Menu tried this recipe, they got an ingredient amount wrong.

when they made their beloved Slaw Man, they had the water amount written down as 1/4 cup, but looking at this scan up close, it is actually 3/4 cup of water! something that might make a significant difference, considering we're working with gelatin!

(there's also another change I want to make compared to what they did, when I do this recipe. but we'll get into that in a sec.)

for now: we begin

so. there's no way I'm making a Slaw Man this large. I am just one person, and considering the ingredients of this, I don't think I'm going to be able to consume that much Slaw.

two entire heads of cabbage? three pounds of cottage cheese, a thing that I don't even like to eat? no. that's a bad idea.

so I'm starting small here and making this 1/3 the size of the original:

2 packets of unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 1 cup mayo 1 tsp salt 1lb cottage cheese 4 cups shredded cabbage

surely this will result in a reasonable amount of Man

...okay, I started chopping the cabbage thinking it would be easier, but I've given up and pulled out a grater. this is much better! and somehow more violent (affectionate)

the recipe says to soften the gelatin in cold water, and then stir over hot water until it's dissolved. I'm going to assume "stir over hot water" means a double boiler, so let's do that

hmmm, the gelatin is very foamy? it’s melted, but the bottom of the pot feels really....sticky

okay. after a couple minutes more and no change, I’m calling this good enough.

so one thing that others who have attempted this recipe have not taken into consideration is the cottage cheese. you see, the others used normal cottage cheese, but the recipe says to use "cottage cheese, cream style"

I’ll be real, I’m not 100% what that means, since we don’t have that here. but I can take an educated guess! so let’s blend the cottage cheese!

(with an immersion blender. I am not willing to wash an actual blender because of this)

mmm, yes. very smooth

...actually. why isn't all cottage cheese like this? the thing I hate about cottage cheese is the texture, so why isn't it all smooth and creamy like this?? I could eat this!!

a new discovery is made every day in this house.

okay, time to start mixing things together.

ah, frosty. I opened a whole new thing of mayo for you! do you feel special?

(I'd make a "pre-dinner snack?" joke, but sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time)

okay, the mayo, cottage cheese, and salt have been added to the gelatin. but as this cools, the texture is getting...hmm. less than appealing.

lastly: the cabbage

oh. oh this is not very nice

next it says to pack the "salad" into a one pound container, and two six-cup bowls, but since I made this recipe so much smaller, I'm going to uhhhh. uh. find some bowls that seem like they'd be correct...snowman? proportions?

ah. this bowl is too big.

hey, these'll work!

now I just have to let them chill for a while, and continue another day.

(edit from current!me: ahhh oh my god I forgot this was pretty soon after we adopted Jackie! look at these cat pics that I took while I was food crime-ing!

look at them having their little interactions! Knuckles was trying so hard to be friends with her! I love them)

hello! two days later and we are ready to assemble the slawman. and my sibling has started referring to him as "frosty: attorney at slaw", so that's fun.

I've done a thing where, as these set, I flipped them around in the bowl so that hopefully they'd be more round. we'll see if they actually stay like this.

I have also made some decorations for him out of peppers, olives, and carrots!

let's build our boy

oh he's so heavy. and wobbly

no no no he almost fell over!!

okay. he's fine. but more skewers were needed.

and...okay. he is complete.

behold!

gaze upon my beautiful man!

(he is not structurally sound! he wobbles unsteadily as I rotate him! there are already cracks forming in the gelatin around where his arms are! don't worry about it!)

 now it's time to stab him

and...to devour him

this tastes like...a bland coleslaw? and not even that. it's just sort of a salty, cottage cheese-y cabbage. the ingredients don't combine to become something greater, they simply...sit there. like this.

and the texture is...mmm. it's not a jello kind of texture, but it is a bit squashy in a way that's mildly strange.

it's very creamy once it softens in your mouth.

...I don't like this!

and look! taking just that one chunk from him was enough to destabilize him entirely :(

RIP frosty. now I just have to see if I can eat all of you before you go bad.

(note from current!me: I could not.

 I ate maybe half of him over the course of many days, often adding other stuff to him to try to add some flavor: bacon, frozen peas, cheese, etc. but even with that, I just couldn't stomach him.

after a while I stuck what was left of him in the freezer, hoping that maybe I'd find the will to consume the rest of him some other day.

do you know what a frozen-and-then-thawed mixture of cabbage, cottage cheese, mayo, and gelatin looks and tastes like?

bad. the answer is: bad.

I threw him out pretty quickly after thawing him.

do not try this recipe at home)

ESTE SEPTIEMBRE EN KARMALAND VOTE POR NUESTRO PRESIDENTE!

are these still funny?? 🤨🤨

I felt obligated I dunno.