Damnnn, I See People Actually Liking My Posts And I'm Super Grateful, But Tbh I Use This Platform To

Tw suicide

How do you tell your family that the reason you can't think from their perspective that you're hurting family or that you're wrong is because you can't balance in the middle ground between - "you're wrong you just don't understand me why can't you try and understand me" and "I'm wrong I just should kms everyone would be better off if I just kms". There is literally no middle ground, I'll either tip onto on side or the other WHY DONT YOU GET IT

I feel like I don't have much of a relationship with my mom anymore. She's alwaysss, alwayssss busy with her MA Psych classes - morning, afternoon and night, and when she does come out of the room, the only thing she talks about is this leg pain she has and how this massage thingy is so good, with my grandma. She doesn't listen to me when I talk, she doesn't want to hear anything I say, but somehow she thinks she can come and scold me and repeat the things my grandparents tell me to do when she gets the time 😒 when all she does the whole day is stuff related to her class.

And what made me the most upset today was the fact that she said my kitten would die if it ate kitten food rn because it's too small and won't be able to digest it when I was talking to my GRANDMA. She never listens when I freak out about my kitten, never proactively asks about it or gives it any attention - atleast as far as I know, she claims that she gives it attention in the morning and I don't see cause I'm sleeping, but whatever. I dunno, maybe it's super petty and childish, but I feel unwanted.

The first time I read Ursula Le Guin’s The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, my chest constricted with the passionate onslaught of too many thoughts, too many emotions, too many opinions. No matter how many perspectives I could logically think from, my brain circled back to the outcry of why no one spoke up, why no one resisted, revolted. How strong could be the ones who walked away? After all, walking away is the easiest thing one could do. It didn’t take much for me to unlearn that; just Louis’ outburst of leaving being the hardest thing to do, as he says so in COAGDP, was all it took. And when I tried that angle, I understood. I understood what Le Guin was trying to convey, what she wanted to make us see. It was a statement; it was saying: “this world was built for me. This suffering is meant for my happiness. This is all I’m aware of. I choose to not be happy. I would rather leave to a place I know nothing about, a place I don’t even know exists, than be happy at the cost of a child, of someone being collateral damage, for my happiness. If this torture is for me, for my sake, I would rather live a miserable life in the unknown.” It was not just brave, it was revolutionary.

Staying there, fighting for change, would lead to: “do you want us all to suffer just because of your selfish ideology?” / “do you want our lives to collapse just to save one child?” / “does this strange child mean more to you than your loved ones’ happiness?”. The age-old argument of collective good versus the wellbeing of an individual is one with an answer that’s a double-edged sword. There is no end, no solution; strength comes in many forms, many faces, and sometimes turning your back on all you’ve known your entire life is the strongest thing one can do to make a point.  

We see this in all the people who’re the black sheep of their family; the leftist, the feminist, the divorcee, the queer one, the atheist and the agnostic, the free-thinkers, the child rebels, the child who questions; we don’t see much of them, because they’re forced to hide underneath cloaks saying something different – “anti-national”, “violator of culture, of family values”, “the reject”, “the one with conduct issues”, “the heathen”.

Walking away is many a time metaphorical, and it doesn’t always mean the same thing; but when one has lived their whole life as a frog in a well, jumping out isn’t escapism, it is resistance.

-kpm

The in-between part of depression is the worst. Where you can feel the anti-depressants working, you can feel yourself getting better - but then can you claim to have depression anymore? What if someone accuses you of faking it? What if someone expects too much, but you're not there yet, but they don't get it because they see you're better? What if your body want to sleep all the time but your mind is learning to wake itself up? What then?

Can someone recommend books which have a trauma informed/schema theory perspective/non-ableist non-sanist or even an anti-psychiatry take on personality disorders?

how to tell your family you got a boob tattoo :

step #1 - don't.

what is harm reduction in simple, everyday terms? (because i like applying social justice approaches to my daily life for authenticity)

harm reduction is "here are some ways you can do *insert something with drawbacks/something that could be harmful/something that might cause health issues* safely" instead of "don't do this"; harm reduction "come to me, don't do it alone" instead of "stop doing this"; harm reduction is "you know yourself best, if you're doing something with full information, then it must mean something to you, so instead of judging you, I'll trust you and support you" instead of "if you know it's problematic/unhealthy just stop doing it"; harm reduction is "I'll meet you where you're at" instead of "you should be here instead/I'll bring you here/you should work on yourself and change where you are"; harm reduction is "you don't have to stop doing or start doing *insert above mentioned particular thing* to deserve unconditional acceptance and positive regard/help when you need it etc" instead of "you need to change *insert thing* to be worthy of aid".

this can be applicable for drug and alcohol use, sexual/reproductive health, eating disorders, self harm, and so on. harm reduction is a principle, a social justice approach, and an evidence based practice.

suicide rates are going up in educational institutions. an increasing number of kids are using drugs. and the problems seem to be "rebellious teenagers", "weak minded students", "unable to engage in healthy competition", "spoilt", "no cultural values"; when ACTUALLY these are reactions to a pervasive problem much larger than this: capitalist culture. students can't cope with competitiveness because it's no longer competitiveness - it's threat, it's fear. why can kids relatively handle losses in sports and art/writing competitions? why is the issue largely with academic competition? ever thought that it's not the kids who're problematic, but the academic system? we live in a culture which is misleadingly called "survival of the fittest". which is nonsensical because in the so-called "real world"? people do help. in workplaces, in higher education institutions. but students are isolated and made to view people as opponents instead of a support system. instead of encouraging cooperation and support in classrooms. suicide is not solely a mental health issue, it's a systemic+social issue; and making it an individual issue would mean giving institutions a free pass.

kids are turning to drugs because society is putting pressure on them, the demands and expectations made of them exceed coping capacity. because society doesn't forgive people who fail; the system works to keep people who're low down on the bottom instead of helping them get back up. in an experiment called the 'rat park', researchers found that rats who were placed in a cage all alone (no company/pleasurable activities etcetc) with two bottles - one full of water and the other heroine/cocaine, would drink from the bottle laced with the drug; but when they placed the rat in a "rat park'", with other rats whom it could play/mate/socialize with, they opted for the bottle of water.

with COVID came a variety of issues - unemployment, relationship issues (all sorts of relationships), loneliness, and so on. along with this are identity issues, academic pressure, social issues that certain kids face (poverty, casteism, misogyny, queerphobia), and lack of proper support/inclusiveness for neurodivergent kids, and also students who've undergone trauma.

we need to change the way we look at kids who use drugs. we need to stop criminalizing kids who use drugs. we need to change the way we look at suicide. we need to stop with absolute bullshit "spring fan" and removing the ceiling fan altogether alternatives, and instead acknowledge the ACTUAL PROBLEM.

I think more than jealousy, the emotion i feel when my parents tease me when they say they have 4 daughters including my cousins is something close to fear? Because then truly if I were to die , then they would also have others . Other important people. And they wouldn't feel an absence as such .

I'm sad.