pileoftrash69

Latest Posts by pileoftrash69

Reblog daily for health and prosperity

I hate how people will look at popular indie artists who had one or two songs go viral on TikTok and start making fun of anybody who listens to them. "Oh you listen to Lemon Demon, Will Wood, Jack Stauber, Glass Animals, and Mother Mother? Tsk, don't you know that is stupid TikTok neurodivergent white transmasc preteen music? It's so mid and bad you should listen to real music–" you are a pit of misery

📞 oHhh she’s gossiping

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

starting a collection

Mona Lisa cat nest 😭

Dutch longsword fencer Tosca Beuming

Photographed by Martin Philippo and Andress Kools

I know a lot of folks take issue with Bella taking Edward back and forgiving him right away in New Moon without any groveling on his part but I do think it was in-character for her, and that's what's important to me.

That doesn't mean the process of them getting back together could have been more complicated. As it is, it feels like canon more or less washes its hands of the events of New Moon like "whew glad that's over". Edward and Bella don't really grow from it as individuals or a couple; it's just a dark period that they try not to talk about because it makes Edward feel guilty. The greatest lasting change from New Moon is Edward magically overcoming his bloodlust for Bella, and I don't care for that.

One aspect of New Moon that was particularly interesting and was dropped like a hot potato was Bella hallucinating Edward. I'm far from the first person to talk about it but it was delicious, ok

So make Bella reckon with the fact that she saw and heard things that weren't really there, and (indirectly) pushed her to do things she normally wouldn't, and these hallucinations were the catalyst for her getting Edward back. She did worry in New Moon that she would wake up and it would have all been a dream, iirc.

(cutting here because this is getting to be longer than is polite to put on dashboards)

The whole way home from Italy, Bella's bracing herself for Edward to leave again. I don't have a copy handy but I think I remember her entertaining the idea that he's accompanying her home more out of guilt than a desire to be with her? This is all despite Edward behaving in a way that's clear to the readers that he's happy to be reunited with Bella. So there's some established dissonance.

Why not push that dissonance a little harder? Why not pair it with her increasingly estranged grasp on reality? (remember, her last hallucinations of Edward on Cliff Day were the clearest yet)

She was actually pretty fortunate that she was aware she was hallucinating. Maybe that luck runs out-- or at least she thinks it has. Have her question the reality of her situation more and more; Edward being back, still loving her (having always loved her), not being dangerous to her is all awfully convenient, isn't it? She starts to think so. It's always been a little unbelievable to her that he would choose her.

It would be wonderfully ironic if Edward coming back is what finally pushed her from "hmm yeah I'm seeing things that aren't really there, that's interesting" to "am I seeing things that aren't there? have I always?"

Her trust in what the real Edward says can't be restored by her simply choosing to trust him again, and if she can't trust Edward and she can't trust herself, her confidence in what's real or not gets worse and worse, too. Does Edward really still love her, or is he just placating her despite wanting to leave again, or is she having hallucinations when he's saying he loves her? -> Is Edward really back at all, or was Alice coming back and the whole trip to Italy all in her head, just a dream? -> Was Edward ever real/are vampires real?

...Okay maybe the questioning doesn't go that far, but you get where I'm going with this: consciously, Bella loves and forgives Edward. But she can't just decide to start trusting him again, no matter how much she wants to. And since her relationship with him is so all-consuming (this is a feature of Twilight not a bug btw) and losing him broke her, how does that affect her ability to accept that everything's back to normal?

What I'm getting at is it would be perfectly logical for Bella to shield herself from potentially going through the heartbreak again by not letting herself think she has him to lose again.

I know the "was any of it real?" plot is a bit basic and trite but I think it's made more interesting by Edward having tried to make it "it'd be "as if [he] never existed", after all. Is the memory of him saying that a hint from her subconscious? His own words continue to bite him in the ass by hurting Bella and his ability to make her feel truly secure and loved... which is his life's purpose, at this point.

He's in agony when he says "I love you" and she looks at him with big sad eyes and a wistful smile and says "I loved him, too". She's trying to act as if the Edward in front of her is real because Charlie said hello to him that morning, but at this point she thinks she's cracked so bad that she only imagined Charlie acknowledging him. As far as she's concerned, she's not dating a vampire anymore; she's entertaining a phantom. She tries to keep the phantom happy by acting as if he's real, because she can't bear to make any version of Edward sad, but she slips sometimes. This means whatever Edward says/does to convince Bella that he is back and real and in love with her, he can never be 100% sure that she believes him like she says she does.

I think this plotline could have a bittersweet ending with Bella more or less giving up on the idea of reality itself, because what's in front of her feels real enough, and if she can't fix it anyway she might as well make the most of it and enjoy "Edward".

Anyway shoutout to @edwardskhakipants who played with a similar idea in this fic, in a way that's pretty novel (spoilers): Bella is still hallucinating and she knows it, but the hallucinations are no longer the protector they were in New Moon. They (literally) give a voice to her worst fears and push her over the edge. The idea is devious and horrible and g o r g e o u s. Khaki is so, so good at stressing me the fuck out

these are actual diagnoses from my dr appt today

I'm so ass at measuring distance that if I woke up in a Saw trap and the only requirement was to "run 30 ft, give or take a foot or two" I would still fuck it up and get slaughtered

my favorite fucking trope is chubby!reader living your life completely oblivious to the fact that the literal man of your dreams is in love with you and you're none the wiser.

like - you just traipse through life like "well he wouldn't like me back so it's wtv" all nonchalant and shit while the poor man is literally falling over himself trying to get it through your head that HEYYY that's not right??? i'm literally in love with you??? i worship the ground you walk on???? i'll do whatever you want????

and bless your heart, you see every single time he tries to hit on you as an act of kindness:

"awww, he got me (insert fav food here) cus i said i was hungry, what a nice guy!"

"he complimented my outfit! he must've liked the color of my shirt!"

"wow, he seems to be zoning out a lot, i hope he's okay!" (he's been staring at your lips for the past five minutes)

and he just... doesn't know what to do to make you see what he sees.

like you're so gorgeous and funny and why wouldn't he like you??

he's convinced that if he were to stand in front of you and tell you he loves you, you'd be like, "I love you too! you're such a good friend!"

(which has happened before and a little part of him died inside)

it literally takes him everything in his power to make you realize his feelings, and you just stand there for a moment, seemingly connecting the dots over the past few months, and all you can come up with is a small, dumb, "oh."

lord give him the strength.

AU where Bella’s gift is not so much a shield as it is an Uno reverse card

Edward can read everyone’s mind but Bella’s as in canon, but now she can read Edward’s mind

Alice’s visions are blank where she’s concerned (like the werewolves in canon), but Bella can see visions of the future involving Alice, or has visions when she’s around Alice. Jasper’s gift is already kinda 2-way so he can still sense/manipulate her emotions, but she can do it back to him. She can hurt Jane, zap Kate, etc etc

Bella would have the weirdest fucking first day of school anyone has ever had, ever. There’s a voice in her head saying “yeah okay I guess she’s pretty but kind of plain and— wait why can’t I hear her” and then Biology is just. The worst hour of her life. but being Bella she’s just sitting there like

…while Edward plans the death of her and all her classmates right next to her

Big fan of Dipper "if I ever see you again outside of my nightmares, there is no force in the universe that will stop me from putting you in the ground" Pines

No fucking way I found my little rubber fetus

Astronomy I-

Compilation (ongoing?)

me acting like I just didn't read the most filthy nasty hot smut fic of my life

Stan o' war conversations - or: another Billford comic of mine, since this hyperfixation is not going anywhere

I made this while my brain was melting with fever, if there's any mistakes I'm blaming on that. Otherwise, hope u guys like it!!

Girlies and non girlies of the jury,

worthless machine. you have failed me for the last time

Reunion...?

Akello's Chapter 2 is UP NOW!

Do you like hot dilfs? What about hot dilfs that turn into monsters? Do you like hot monsters??? Tri City Monsters has got you covered with three hot love interests and a dark urban romance plot that will give you plenty of thrills. It's 18+ and free on Steam!

A deep breath...

where the fuck was bro even going. like what was his plan. there's some alternate universe where wade lets him leave or logan declines his offer and he just becomes a local cryptid living under a bridge

So *claps hand* I have a test tmr but billford is living in my head rent free