If I Could Protect Turin Turambar From All The Evil In This World I Would

Whenever I read LotR and reach the battle between Eowyn and the Witch-king, I get the impression that the reason why the prophecy loophole works isn’t that the Witch-king is unkillable except for some illogical weakness nobody had thought about yet for misogynistic reasons, but that the Witch-king himself derives so much of his power from the fear he instills in others and from his own belief that he is unkillable. Eowyn doesn’t fear him, because she doesn’t fear death. When she twists his words right back at him, she’s not trying to exploit a prophecy loophole, she’s just making a play on the double meaning of the word «man» with fairly standard battlefield bravado.

But, crucially, it gets the Witch-king wondering if there might be an actual loophole in the prophecy. He starts doubting his own invincibility. There’s no logical reason why a woman might be able to kill him if a man cannot, but prophecies are tricky things. What if …

And this is what undoes him, in the end. This last minute doubt. The Witch-king, deep down, believes that Eowyn can kill him, thus making it possible for her to do so.

It sure is convenient that all these songs that ostensibly weren’t written in English all rhyme when translated into English, isn’t it, Mr. Tolkien?

So I was doing some thinking on the Huge Spiders that haunt Greenwood and I had some THOUGHTS about how it might affect the ecosystem of the forest. Now, these thoughts are sort of based on two main assumptions. 

One - That the spiders either grew larger and larger over a steady period of time OR 

Two - They didn’t wipe out the original habitat and ecosystems to the point of all other animals dying or being driven out / eaten and allowed time for change and adaptation. 

There are several animals that regularly eat spiders in normal settings and ecosystems including but not limited to: Other Spiders, Wasps, Reptiles, Amphibians, Praying Mantis’, Scorpions, and Birds. 

When a certain part of an ecosystem begins to change dramatically the rest of it is sort of forced to change along with it, or die out. And I think that Greenwood chose to change along with the Spiders. That as the Spiders grew, so did the creatures that hunted them. 

So not only does Greenwood have unnaturally large Spiders, they have huge Wasps flying around through their tree’s. Each wing is nearly the length of a fully grown Silvan, and their stingers the size of a leg. You can hear them buzzing from miles away but they’re almost impossible to see until they're right upon you. Their nests no longer hang from the trees as they are too heavy, but fill entire meadows bigger than a human's house. 

Lizards and other reptiles skitter along the ground or across thick branches. As silent as ever but each one capable of killing or at the very least putting up a damn good fight against a spider. They grow more teeth, or become venoms as a self defense. Snapping turtles lurk in the riverbeds, large enough to snap several elves in half if it so wished. Waiting, lurking, always ready to snap at the next thing to wander by. 

Cunning birds grew in size to accommodate the extra muscle needed to power they're powerful thick beaks, able to peck through a spider's shell with one go. Or snap a leg off with ease. Smaller birds linger around these larger one’s, each one being elected the ‘ruler’ of part of the forest. Gone are the days where songbirds ruled the canopies, and here are the days ruled by lightning fast hunters, each beak thicker than the bark on the three’s or the weight of a door. 

Beetles large enough to ride and pull carts scuttle around too. Their exoskeleton is almost more sturdy than metal and their blood contains anti-venom components that keep them moving even after they’ve been stung or bitten by other animals. Their heads seem to have helmets now, and their tunnels underneath the forest rumble with their movements. 

Other creatures have to get bigger too, or become meaner. Harder to kill. Fish grow in size to become more difficult for birds to find, growing teeth of their own and a taste of any flesh that comes too close to their waters edge or passes too slowly over their waters. 

The wolves get taller, become faster runners with wide jaws and better muscled to clamp them down. Deer horns begin to stay year round, more pointed than seen anywhere else so serve as self defense. 

Greenwood is not a place of huge spiders. Greenwood is a place of huge, terrifying, and weird creatures.  The kind that should only find existence in nightmares, the kind that should never exist. The kind that even Eru would cringe when gazing upon them. 

I’ll just let the piece speak for itself.

Mood.

people are cowards about fantasy settings and not including some things in em. I get the aversion to not wanting too modern of tech, however dwarves would invent and fucking love metal folding chairs

Just got the most valid bookmark comment on Salvage:

Bookmarked by Misty_Silva_Moon, 11 Jan 2023

Tf w the kids don’t like the feral raccoon that u adopted from a dumpster

[ID: what looks to be a watercolor painting of Aragorn and Gollum at some point during their journey to Mirkwood. It is nighttime, and dotted white stars are visible in the black sky. The ground, patches of sparse vegetation, and low distant mountains are shaded in burnt sienna, other warm browns, and black. Gollum is crouched with his back to the viewer, grasping tensely at his head. A thin rope is tied about his neck, the other end of which is held by Aragorn, who is facing the viewer and watching his prisoner. Aragorn is clothed in a long brown tunic and a long dark green cloak with the hood up. He carries his bow and full quiver on his back; if he has a sword it is not easily visible.

End ID.]

Aragorn found and captured Gollum . The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring / J.R.R. Tolkien

Y’all should check out Four Seasons Landscaping’s facebook. They keep posting memes and it’s hilarious

Fëanor: I put the “war” in “Tengwar”

Curufin: I put the “goth” in “Nargothrond”

Elros: I put the “men” in “Numenor”

Galadriel: I put a frog in Fingolfin’s boot once. They don’t even know it was me

Which of the named maiar are most huggable to the least huggable? Please, include sister Ilmare too. She CAN potentially hug, it is just that her hugs will be diffrent!

A simple quandary on the surface, but more confounding upon inspection!

I note that the question is who is “most huggable”, and not “who gives the best hugs”, or “who would I most like to hug”. BUT you’ve also stated that Imarë’s capacity to initiate a hug makes her eligible for consideration, so I will expand the definition of “huggable” to include “able to hug” as well as “able to receive hugs”. This will affect ranking as well as hug quality.  

1) Olorin.  Here’s my reasoning: He is already in physical form, he is mostly amiable to other living creatures, he is a man of great empathy and insight and would probably know when and why you needed a hug the most, he wears big robes which seem cuddly, he probably smells nice, like sweet tobacco smoke and wool. It’d be like a really good grandpa hug. 10/10, accessible, unambiguously platonic, pleasantly survivable. It might not be the hug you want, but it’s the hug you need. 

2) Uinen. Have you ever hugged someone in the ocean? While you’re both floating, and your body temperature has adjusted to the water so you’re almost not able to perceive that it’s water anymore, and you’re both just weightless and adrift with the hush of waves and gulls the only sound around you, and the sun is setting and sparking off the droplets on her skin, her arms and breasts soft as pillows, buoying you gently up upon the surface of the vast, rocking sea, her hair rolling like a kelp forest with the current, and you are safe, safe and loved and in the embrace of eternity itself and it is so beautiful you no longer remember your own name, or that your skin was ever dry or your body ever cumbersome and grounded, and all that matters is the pink sky and gentle smile and the crook of her neck and shoulder that your head cradles against so perfectly. This hug affects you on a spiritual level, but you do get salt water up your nose and your fingers are pruny.  9.999~/10.   Leaving the hug forces you to return to a disappointing and squelchy reality with sand in your shoes. 

3) Sauron. It doesn’t matter how tall you are or how much you weigh, you will be swept up in this hug; it doesn’t hurt you but it is a powerful hug, you are at no point able to forget that if he wanted he could squeeze you into a cup of grapejuice. He smells like warm leather and some kind of exotic beard oil that probably costs a lot of money and a little bit of sweat but not in a bad way. There’s serious muscles behind this hug but also just enough padding that its like “oh shit this dude lives deliciously”; there’s a lot of well-groomed body hair and perilous intentions. This hug is an acquired taste, but absolutely the finest vintage. Will almost certainly lead to bad decisions. The author’s bias has been noted. 9/10. 

4) Huan. Gets top marks for being huggable, despite not being able to hug back in the traditional sense. Loses half a mark for knocking you over and licking your whole face even though you asked him not to several times, but it’s still cute. 8.5/10, a good boy, you’re a good boy yes you are. 

5) Tillion aka “Tillybun”. Hard to catch! Gets squirmy if you try and pick him up and cuddle him, but is more amendable to hugs if you come down to his level. Even more amenable if there are treats. Cannot hug back, but is VERY soft, and has tickly whiskers, and that’s wonderful. 8/10  Difficult to obtain, but worth the effort. 

6) Melian. This is a, hmmm, regal hug. It’s good! But a little reserved? It always feels a bit like a photo-op? But she’s wearing these really long silk sleeves and has little jingly ornaments that sound really pretty and she smells like cedar wood and amber and lotuses, so the whole procedure is an Experience. 7/10 Could use some more emotional availability, but the catering is exquisite. 

7) Ossë. Aside from the potential drowning risk, it’s really awkward and forced, like you can tell he’s not really into it and doesn’t understand the appeal. Also, unlike Uinen he’s kind of taut and sharp and spiny and slippery? Smells STRONGLY of iodine. MIGHT be poisonous. COULD forget you can’t breathe underwater. Aside from those concerns though, he’s got big Shape of Water energy and it’s kinda hot if you’re into that. 6/10. 

8) Eonwë. The likelihood of obtaining a hug from this uptight piece of work is slim to none, but if you ever do get one, it will be with your face smooshed into hard, unforgiving plate armor, jabbed by pointy metal flanges, for exactly 2.5 seconds before you are released with some kind of stern appraisal, like “good work citizen” or “so it pleases heaven”. You will not know what is happening and it will be cold and scary but afterwards you’ll feel strangely elated? You did it champ, you won approval from Constable Tightass. You hate it, but a part of you loves it, don’t you bootlicker? Yeah you love being praised by authority you thirsty regime doormat. 4/10 

9) Curunir. This hug lasts too long. You notice that he is uncomfortably bony and smells like wetwipes. He keeps saying embarrassing platitudes the whole time that make it seem like he’s doing you a big favor for gracing you with attention, and it comes with a little pat on the head! This is the most patronizing thing you have ever endured. You need to take a long shower. He seems pleased with himself. 2/10

10) Arien, Gothmog, Durin’s Bane, Ilmarë: Too spicy to hug. And look, it’s not their fault their hugs aren’t survivable! Other folks who are Ainur might find their hugs very rewarding and pleasant! But for the rest of us, a hug from them means being incinerated, or freezing asphyxiation in space. Simply. too. spicy. 0/10