It's When Elrond Shouted Profanities In Quenya That Aragorn And The Twins Knew They Were In Deep Shit.

I absolutely love that hobbits have such a low threshold for weirdness or "not like folks round here" that a Ringwraith doesn't register as more than just a rather odd customer. because everyone is a rather odd customer. you're already tall and dressed funny, sure, you may as well have no face and hiss at people

To maintain proper focus while writing, I like to make my characters smokin hot.

-JRR Tolkien (probably)

Sauron’s First age elf ratings:

Feanor: husband stealer -5/10

Maedhros: squishy, screams loudly 7/10

Fingon: stole favourite prisoner 2/10

Celegorm/Curufin: commited grave sin of letting Lúthien leave to fuck shit up 0/10

Lúthien: FUCK NO. SCARY AS HELL -1000/10

Thingol: has scary wife 1/10

Finrod: tasty 9/10

Fingolfin: hurt husband -2/10

Turgon: unreasonably paranoid 3/10

Maeglin: whiny 6/10

Gil-Galad : who is he?? 1/10

Galadriel: too close to Melian -1/10

Elrond/Elros: mini Lúthien x2 -20/10

Eärendil: killed favourite dragon -30/10

You're telling me that I can't eat plain marinara sauce for lunch, even if it's my safe food? Who came up with that rule?

If anyone wants a fic with this, I liked Drag0nst0rm’s Scion of Somebody, Probably on ffn

best Gil-Galad lineage headcanon is that he’s not descended from any of them, he’s a pretender to the throne and that’s why his story keeps changing

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Dancing under the stars and calling clients while lightly bouncing on the trampoline are not mutually exclusive with adulthood.

Don't deprive yourself of joy because you think maturity is being serious and worried all the time.

So my friends and i came up with a sort of AU where people sprout flowers in their hair when they feel any sort of love. So anyways, ahklut crew teases Zuko about how many blue family flowers have been growing in his hair the longer he stays on the ship.

This puts his Season One hair into a whole new perspective.

---

Uncle's hair has dried flowers: his wife's panda lily, Lu Ten's dragon ivy. Everyone knows that dead flowers aren't as fragile as they seem, but he has the crewmen carry an umbrella over him when it rains, anyway. Carefully, he combs around them every morning. Leaves from the vine, Zuko hears him crooning sometimes, even though Lu Ten won't ever lose his leaves. He won't grow any new ones, either.

(Tucked away under his greying strands, still too close to the scalp to be easily seen, a bud has been growing for years. Iroh does not pressure it to bloom, but he does look forward to the occasion.)

(And then a storm, and the Dragon of the West realizes there is no way to tell a dead bloom from a live one without prying its petals open, and this he cannot do. A dead bloom can never heal.)

The Akhlut's crew find the Fire Prince's shaved head profane. When he's caught stealing razors, they crack down. Stubble grows around the black ponytail. Flowers don't.

(At thirteen, the Fire Lord set a hand on Zuko's face, and burned Ursa's sheltering rose bramble away. It would have grown back if she was alive.)

("It would have grown back if she still loved you," Azula corrects him, and he's never sure it if was a fever dream that placed her next to his sick bed, or if she really was there, her precise flames as good as any garden shears as she burned his fire lily from above her ear.)

"Whose is that?" Toklo asks, delighted and too loud, when he catches sight of the little sprig of blue flowers that are only visible when the Fire Prince lets his hair down to wash.

"No one," Zuko says, loudly. "My little sister," he says, more quietly.

Uncle's white jade flower is too large, too showy, it sticks out as it curls above his head. He snips it off between his fingers each morning, but it never stops trying to come back.

The crewmen, their own heads in ruckus and unashamed bloom, watch his daily pruning with distaste. No one ever catches what the Fire Lord's flower looks like; they can never catch him pruning it.

(They assume it's there to be pruned.)

(Zuko would like to know what his father's love looks like, too.)

His outrage at Toklo's snowdrops peaking their way through his black fuzz is as hilarious as it is worrying.

("Don't get attached, Toklo," they warn.

"But warm water," says their younger crewmen, who has never seen a reason to be stingy with his love.)

The Fire Prince shouts and steams. The snowdrops shake quite merrily in his rage. He doesn't pluck them.

He doesn't pluck Kustaa's grudging little cloudberry flowers, either.

"Are you loving me to spite me?" the Fire Prince accuses.

"Yes," says Kustaa, who parted his hair specifically to show off the new little bud trying so hard to hide.

They don't give the boy to the Earth Kingdom. They forget to scowl while they teach him how to do new things. They stop threatening him, mostly. That shouldn't be all it takes for those little buds to start spreading among the crew.

(The Wani's crew had them, too. Back when the prince was a shouty little thirteen year old monster, they'd taken it as a sign that things would soon get better. Things did not get better. Most of them forgot about those under-developed buds, except on the odd occasion when their combs would jar against them.)

Then they fight a Fire Navy ship, and find the prince curled up as far as he can get from the man he's killed. Kustaa holds him as he shakes, a fire lily in full bloom on his head. It would look ridiculous, if it didn't look so much like blood.

He's not the prince for long after that.

His hair isn't so barren of flowers for long after that, either. Eventually, he even lets his real uncle's bloom find its place among the rest. It doesn't look so overbearing, when it's not so alone.

"I miss him," The boy admits, as they sit on the main mast (as one does).

Somewhere far, but not too far, a tired old man passes his mirror, and catches the impossible flash of something new. A red fire lily, finally unfurled into bloom.

"Zuko," he says.

This neatly accelerates his plans for active treason.

Okay, you guys were excited about this so here's how I would have written the Water Tribe characters as an Inupiaq

Note: this is entirely for fun and is based on my cultural experiences as well as my personal taste in media. There's no way I actually expect Nickelodean would let any of the darker content fly, nor am I trying to play script doctor or say any of this should have been canon. I have my own writings for that. I'm also not bothering to assign them Inupiaq names for the sake of simplicity and ease of communication.

Sokka

Sokka would be named after Bato's father who was killed in one of the Fire Nation raids. He would have dismissed the idea he was Bato's reincarnated dad whenever it was used to embarass him (usually courtesy of Katara calling him a grumpy old man) but go along with it when it was a positive thing like Bato calling him "little dad" or people saying he was brave like the one he was named after. He would probably use more Inupiat language than Katara, because he was less interested in works of fiction and poetry that were available from the rest of the world. He reads weather conditions, the process of learning that from his father was his first introduction to science, and respects the animals he hunts.

Katara

Named after her mother's uncle, who showed signs of waterbending skill but kept it hidden so he wouldn't be taken away. A bunch of her and Sokka's little cousins call her Grandpa and she later jokes to Aang they should have called him that because he's the one who's technically over 100 years old. More likely to explain cultural things than Sokka, who prefers to let them observe and figure it out, but knows more of the traditional stories. Even Sokka will admit she's a better storyteller than him. Eventually everyone who travels with them asks her for a story and she gives her best every time

Kanna

Still dumped Pakku for his suffocating ideas of a woman's place but also over some family drama he wouldn't let go of. Her grandchildren make a point that she has sworn to never drum, dance, or sing, and won't even be in the same room as it until the War ends

Bato, Kya, and Hakoda

Bato and Hakoda have labrets now. Hakoda is not just a prankster, but also a skilled dancer. Bato and Kya were both known for the beautul masks they made

Yue

I've already said she's the closest to perfect rep the series has, so all I'd add was scenes of her alone with Sokka's carving. She'd try to find ways to explain to him, holding the carving and talking to it as if it was him, that it wouldn't work out between them, as much as she'd want it too. Stuff like "You've had great adventures and that's exciting, but I don't want that for myself" and "You don't understand, I have a life here and I can't go galavanting off and leave it all behind" and ultimately deciding it would just hurt him more.

Arnook

We'd get to see more of his governing, specifically in the form of figuring out what to do with Fire Nation soldiers taken prisoner. When the Fire Nation says that a few foot soldiers aren't worth calling off the seige, Arnook gives them the choice to live among them and try to assimilate, or take their chances on the tundra. Terrified and abandoned in a strange, dangerous land, two of them agree to stay. The other one decides to take the banishment because he will not live under another nation's rule. Later, when Aang says they can't just leave Zuko behind, we see ravens picking at shreds of a Fire Nation soldier's uniform. This underlines the nature of Arnook's decision to give the soldiers options and shows that he hates senselessly throwing away people's lives.

Pakku

Still unwilling to teach Katara and firmly held to the belief that women shouldn't fight, but specifically as a result of his sister dying after defending against an animal that would have killed her and an unconscious friend. Some bitter part of him thinks the (male) friend should have died instead, even though said friend was Kanna's favorite cousin. Less smug and convinced he's always in the right, more sad and prone to anger, still as unpleasant to be around.

Hahn

His mother was a shaman, or something close to it, with a special connection to the spirit world, who asked the moon to breathe life into Yue. The youngest of three brothers, Hahn was the only one not to go missing on a hunt. Rather than believe they're dead like everyone else, he insists that he will find them someday. He's happened upon various animal spirits before and can painlessly finish off large game with his bare hands. Knowing the spirits are on his side as well as the attention his skills as a hunter have gotten him have made him arrogant. He has the dream of Yue sacrificing herself instead of Arnook, but he mistakes it for Yue sacrificing herself for Sokka, starting the animosity between them.

Hama

Taken from the Southern Water Tribe but after being kept prisoner, a man of minor Fire Nation nobility decides to keep her as a maid, mistreating her and eventually forcing her to marry him. They have a son, who ends up being the first person Hama bloodbends into the underground cave. She accuses the woman on a nearby property of bewitching her son and making him disappear, and the next full moon she bloodbends the unwanted husband into that cave. The people are convinced and the woman is driven away. More people disappear, regardless of class but nevertheless people around her. She plays up the grieving just enough that no one could ever suspect it's her. She's assumed to be cursed and lonely, and so when she leaves this house where her family was taken from her, people understand. When she weeps that the curse must have followed her after the first full moon she lived in that town, the people show her pity. A few suspect her, but they are shut down as being cold and heartless.

Friendly reminder that 1200 calories is the recommended amount for a 5 year old