Calmly Painting, Finally At Peace With My Work-

As there’s a lot of current events going on, I just want to say, you did really well. Great job sticking things out. You’re strong and amazing and I’m happy to see you’ve made it so far. Sure there’s a lot of shit going on but you’ve pulled through. So no matter what happens, don’t blame yourself okay? We did our best. And if you need a break take one. Here, I’ll save you a seat. You can come take a break next to me if you want or with the many others who care about you. Don’t know where to take a rest? Anywhere is fine as long as you feel safe. So find your safe place and cuddle up. We’ll get through this together.

Have a safe and cozy day/night everyone. Stay strong, cry, relax, breathe, we’ll be here.

I feel like part of the reason I’m not enjoying Xenoblade 3 as much as Xenoblade chronicles 1 is that every character essentially has the same backstory. They’re all child soldiers. Which, is kinda boring. There’s no interesting dynamic of the meeting of different cultural views like there is in the first game. I highly enjoyed learning about the different ways of life, belief systems, and biases that the first game has. It also doesn’t help that the tutorial is multiple chapters long in 3. And even then you still get more and unlock important exploration abilities based on the heroes you meet far later than anticipated. The amount of times I have tried to jump on a zip line only to not have that ability, so all I can do is stare at a chest beyond my reach. I just feel like some parts of the game could be executed in a way that feels less of a slog. I have to say the more I play it it is a tad more enjoyable than when I started the game. However, it really doesn’t help that none of the characters have a differing backstory so far. Ah that’s enough of my ramblings for now. Have a wonderful day/night!

Haven’t been able to fall asleep and the amount of work I need to get done feels too much right now. Feels like I’m probably gonna fail, which makes me feel like shit. But even if I do fail

I could always retake the course. I just don’t want to disappoint people. So what happened was I was taking three courses this semester and prioritized one over the other two causing me to fall behind in both. Now it’s finals week and ima till so fucking behind. So I don’t know if I’ll pass them. And I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t. I’ve almost caught up in one of them but still. Feels like I should just cut my losses and focus on which one I’m more likely to pass. But I want to try. And by trying to do both I might just shoot myself in the foot doing this.

But what if I succeed? What if I fail? If I succeed I’d most likely get a c, if I’m lucky a b. If I fail I could retake the course. Don’t know if I’d still qualify for financial assistance though if I fail these two. I mean I’m not on a scholarship so it’s not that big of a deal I suppose but still. You know I never planned to go to college. Like when I was in school it was expected of me. But school really fucked me up. Had to get As all the time that I’d breakdown over get a b or just a fucking 90%. It wouldn’t matter which assignment, or how many points it was. I would stress over everything. Then I failed a few classes (there were extenuating circumstances that added to this), but it was so freeing. I redid the courses over summer and just felt so alive. The world didn’t implode and I was still alive. It had a lot less impact than I expected. I mean I was still pressured to get good grades but it didn’t hurt as much. Now though getting an A doesn’t feel like an achievement or something that I accomplished, it still just feels like an expectation. So it still hurts when I fail to meet it. And so I decided after graduating that there was no way in hell id go to college. But then I took a single course and honestly enjoyed it. It does help that I qualified for some financial things that cover me for a few years (which really was the deciding factor, it only lasts a set amount of years for me so if I don’t take courses now the money assistance would expire so gotta use it while I can). But old mindsets keep creeping back in. Lack of faith in myself, what could very well be executive dysfunction, mental health issues, just piled up again this semester. Keep thinking I overcame it that I’m doing better and it all comes crashing back. It’s hard. And I don’t know how to tell people that. I just accept my actions as they are and continue on. And I fucked up a lot this semester. But I also did try. There’s also the fact that I get sick when I stress out now. Started happening junior year of high school. On the very last day of school I puked due to stress. Ended up not going cause I couldn’t tell if I was sick or not. Since then whenever I stress out or overthink I puke. I’ve gotten better at managing it but I also have started to get nauseous when anxious so I need to do something. I’ve been meaning to meditate consistently but it’s the consistent part I’m having trouble with. Though I do think it would help. So I guess I’m just worried. And I still have all the work I need to do. I know I’m gonna try but if I fail anyway it’s gonna hurt so much. But I’ll be prepared for next time. No matter the outcome I’ll be prepared for next time. Okay, yeah. I’ll be okay. Sorry just needed to vent. Needed a moment to breathe.

Reading a story that has a mongoose and all my brain can picture is an actual goose. looked up a pic and they're so cute. Also the story now makes more sense.

Bon Appetit- a cute romance story. An office worker and a chef are neighbors. (I haven’t finished this one yet).

Venus in the Sky. - Seems interesting. I stopped at a scene cause I was fairly positive it’d turn into a misunderstanding and I’m kinda sick of those plot lines at the moment. Will continue watching at a later date. An interior designer quits his job and returns to live with his brother. Now working in his brother’s shop he runs into a doctor he knew back in college. What caused the tension between them? Why does the doctor keep coming back?

The eighth sense - imma be honest, I’m a little bit lost with what’s happening in this show currently. I watched the first episode a bit ago but I can’t remember much. I think there’s a lot of family drama in this one, but I don’t remember for sure.

La Pluie - soulmates. The concept is interesting and I like the way they do soulmates. It’s not like a set in stone type deal, a possibility but not a necessity. I love the parents’ relationship and was rooting for the side couple the whole time. However, I got sick of the main couple real fast. They were fine at first and then just kept thinking the other one was cheating. It got old real fast and they mainly only stuck together because they were soulmates. So while I’m not a fan of the main relationship I highly enjoyed the side characters.

Love with flaws - Seems funny. A woman with three brothers learns to distrust handsome men after watching her brothers continuously break hearts. Quick to judge a book by its cover, will she ever be able to trust a handsome man? Will she ever get a date who isn’t interested in one of her brothers?

OMG! Vampires - it’s goofy and I love it. Plus vampires.

Love on Lo - cute short series. They were roomates.

Sing my crush - Appears to be a romance show. I haven’t watched it yet so I don’t know all that it’s about. I’ll watch it at a later date.

Golden blood - The son of a mafia boss and his bodyguard. I haven’t finished so I can’t say much about it.

Stand by me/Addicted - Two separate shows about the same story. Addicted shows more of the toxic character traits and has more intimate scenes. Stand by me does the Aunt (that’s just how I refer to her) and her kid really well. They are a bigger part of the story in this version. The romance is questionable so watch at your leisure.

Until we meet again - this show made me cry. From what I remember it was beautiful and tearjerking. I’m pretty sure there’s a second series showing more of the side couple, Between Us.

Happy ending - now I don’t know what this show is about but I pray it actually has a happy ending. Okay so I’m watching it as I’m writing this and I like it so far but I’m so scared. This show better not make me cry, please be happy. Noooo please don’t let this show be just a misunderstanding, please nooooo. Not another, please. Okay, ya know I liked it. If I’m correct it’s just 4 episodes. I enjoyed the formatting and execution. It was cute.

Happy Ending Romance - ? No clue what this one is or if that’s even the title. I’ll check it out later. Update: So this does exist I just can’t find it. Well if I am ever able to watch I will add a summary of it, until then you can look it up if you’re interested.

Happy Merry Ending - A singer with social anxiety (it’s what the subtitles said were one of the things his meds help with, ah the show just described it as a panic disorder) and the new pianist meet. How will their interactions go? Content warning: the main character experiences some anxiety attacks (I’m only on the first episode so I don’t know what else may occur during the series). Please be aware of what you can handle before watching. Please be careful that there is nothing triggering in this show before you watch. If you have any questions feel free to ask me and I’ll try to scan this show for anything you want to be aware of. I’m just rambling now. His anxiety is giving me anxiety. Reminds me of my anxiety attacks, ahhh. The scenes are fairly short but do be warned. Ah I’m on episode 5, I’ll continue this show later.

Advance bravely - A rich man and a bodyguard. The bodyguard’s sister wants him to help her court the rich man, who is entirely uninterested in her advances. Will the rich man be able to get the siblings to leave him alone? Will the bodyguard ever let anyone date his sister? Who knows, but their interactions are funny and interesting.

Bad and Crazy - I love this show. But my second hand embarrassment be ruining me. The characters are all so fun and the overall vibe is amazing. I feel like explaining my second hand embarrassment a bit. Okay so I get really bad secondhand embarrassment from shows. When I was younger I had to full on leave the room, now I can manage by just covering my face and plugging my ears for some scenes. It’s still incredibly difficult for me to watch some scenes so I tend to watch shows that have a bunch of those scenes with other people. That way I can just get a recap of what happened. Ah this leads me to another thing (by the way I’m just going off on a tangent so this part isn’t related to this specific show), a lot of the romance shows I watch have scenes where one character says another character is blushing. But there’s like no difference. Okay I find this funny because when I blush my entire face just goes bright red, like the entire thing. So when watching a show where they say a character is blushing I’m just like, come on please man can you put a little bit of blush on them or something cause when I blush it’s so freaking obvious. Not a complaint by the way, I just find it amusing. Ah also this show isn’t a romance show, I just went off on a tangent. Still love this show and all the awesome scenes! The fight scenes are so cool! And the characters’ interactions are all so fun! Love the main characters partner!

Beloved in House: I do - I don’t remember why I paused watching this series. But I do remember it was cute and a bit goofy. Ah now i remember, I stopped on an episode because I was afraid of a potential misunderstandings in the next episode. I really should continue it, it seemed so cute. I’ve done some metalworking before so I found the designs super interesting.

Yo fall guy, the movie is incredible. Hands down, I loved it. It was highly enjoyable for me. I loved the execution, formatting, jokes, and music. It was a highly enjoyable film for me.

Our dining table - super cute romance! I’m only on episode one but I am loving it so far. A tired office working going through the motions meets a child and his older brother on his lunch break. What will come of this interaction? Will the office worker continue living a monotonous life, simply surviving? Or will he find more?

Ah I’m a bit sleepy so I’ll stop here for now. Hope you guys find a show you like! Have fun!

Im done, oh I’m fucking done finals have ended and I can breathe again. Thank fuck man. Actually slept last night dear lord. Feeling better also I fucking love end of the world with you apparently, it’s so fucking good man. Also stealer treasure keeper is fucking great might I say. Circle two worlds connected is also fucking fantastic.

Two worlds - I’ve definitely started watching this drama before but I don’t remember what happens in it. Eh may as well try watching it now. Honestly I’m just trying to figure out when I watched this before now. Eh who knows, I’ve watched a lot of dramas. Well at least this will keep a record of them. Anywho, show intro. Ahem: There is a tale that when the pond shines blue one will reunite with the deceased. An artist and childhood friend reunite after years (?) apart. What is the relationship between them? Murder, betrayal, love, loss, what lies in store for the artist?

Tale of a Thousand Stars - I watched this a couple years ago. I enjoyed it. There’s one iffy plot line with medical inaccuracy (weird soul connection that’s confusing and unnecessary in my opinion). Other than that I enjoyed it and the storyline.

2gether the Series - I watched this a while ago and can’t remember enough of the beginning to give an overview. Takes place in university and is a romance show. Well that’s all I can think of at the moment. I’ll make a more organized list of shows with summaries later, these are just my rambled summaries at the moment.

Because of you - Seems fun so far. Three brothers are heirs of the Yuan company. Same father, different mothers, the three care for each other in their own way. Through all their bickering, they are brothers. Rumors of another Yuan son in existence, what will these brothers do? (Just a short and sweet romance. I expected more of a plot with all the kidnappings and attacks but that is not the plot line of this show)

Manner of Death - It feels sad and I don’t feel like watching something sad so I don’t know what this one is about. If it has a good ending then maybe I’ll watch it but I don’t think it does. I’m just not in the mood for another bad ending. If this show is for you then enjoy!

Laws of Attraction - this one’s scare me. I know there’s going to be like a lot of manipulation, secrets, and plotting so I’m just uh not prepared for that at the moment. I can’t write an overview on it since I haven’t seen it yet so uh, good luck and have fun!

To Sir, With Love - the reason I know about Laws of Attraction is because I watched this one. Woo! The characters are very different. Anyway, hmm. I can’t think of a good overview at the moment but I’ll probably be back to write one. Super cute, I highly enjoyed it and I love the brother. There’s drama, mystery, romance, and bad*ss characters. There’s one plot line that’s dragged out for a while and once you think you can’t hold on anymore it gets revealed. So stay strong, it’s worth it. The setting is in an older time period during a war or invasion (sorry I don’t remember correctly. I believe it was Japanese occupation? I’m not good at history but I’m fairly sure that was the premise of the story). Anywho, two brothers born from different mothers grow up as heirs to a company (I can’t remember specifics, I’m sorry). Meant to be rivals, they bond and care for each other as amazing siblings. They are super supportive. With war on the horizon and hidden plots going around, what will become of these brothers? Who is this mystery woman? Is that an assassin? Oh dear…

The World Owes Me a First Love - Appears to be a cute romance. I’ll check it out later.

Long Time No See - A novel writing hitman wants to retire. Will he be able to leave this life behind?

Rebound - I love basketball man. I should really start playing again. Anyway, old friends reunite. A basketball club in flames. What will happen?

My Sweet Dear Korean bl - Chef versus Chef, what will become of the dueling cooks? (Honestly it’s a nice cute movie)

The Tasty Florida - movie. Cute so far. I’m halfway through this. Some drama was going down so I just needed a breather.

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding - Cute short series. Nobleman Ryu gets married only to find out that his supposed to be wife is missing and her brother took her place. Watch as they work together to find out what happened to the supposed-to-be-wife and keep their cover from being blown.

At 2500 in Akasaka - Old university classmates reunite after receiving the leading roles of a bl film. As co-leads these two will need to learn how to work together. Will they support each other? What happened in the past? (Honestly I’m only two episodes into this one at the moment, I hope the intro was a good enough overview).

Why r u - there’s a Korean version and a Thai version. I’ve seen some of both of them, they seem good so far. Both take place in university but the Korean one focuses on acting and production whereas the Thai one doesn’t. I like both. They’re fun. Hatred spewing between the two, a rivalry arose as one’s romantic interest was seeing both of them. While disliking each other, the main character’s sister is having the time of her life writing a bl novel taking inspiration from her surroundings. Unfortunately for our main character, that includes him. After making a bet with his sister, main character is now afraid that the novel is coming to life. What will the mc do now? Ah I finished one version, it was super cute. I loved the ending.

Do we submit reasons for the poll characters here? If not then sorry for the long character spiel.

I know there’s hardly any time left for this but I just wanted to send this in to protect one of my comfort characters. Guo Changcheng. For the greenest flag category. So he’s basically just a literal puppy. Thrown to the wolves on his first day of work, he tries hard to connect and help out his coworkers. Clumsy and a bit lost most times, he will do his best to cheer anyone up. Constantly taking notes so that he can be of better help and being the one who always comforts others. He tries his absolute hardest to learn so that he can protect his friends, so much so that it can be detrimental to himself. Has literally pushed through death defying experiences and injuries just to give strangers comfort. (Next part could spoil but only if one knows the show. I don’t think it spoils anything with the way it’s written but just want to write this just in case.) He won’t let you die alone, even if it kills him.

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Wooo! My brain is choosing not to be kind to me at the moment so I will take this time toooooo ramble! Now let’s see, what to ramble about today?

Zombie detective is a mystery comedy type show. An amnesiac zombie awakens one day to discover, he is in fact dead. Join him on his journey to find out who he was and how he’ll survive being a zombie in human society. Warnings: it is a zombie show so there is some death mainly of animals that is shown. It is also a detective show where they investigate humans and take on jobs. The show is mostly comedic but it does deal with some dark stuff so make sure to check a guide if there’s something in it you’re not able to watch.

Pending train is about a group of people who get stuck on a runaway train. Where are they now? They don’t know but they sure are trying to find out. Romance, mystery, drama, betrayal this show has it all. There are three main leads and the cast is pretty much all there from the first episode. (I find the three leads would be awesome as a polyamorous relationship). I don’t know what warnings to give for this one but there is some violence. I enjoyed the show and all the characters grew on me by the end of it.

Knock knock boys is about a group of guys who end up living in the same condo. Follow their journey as they bond and come up with all kinds of shenanigans. This show is for mature audiences only. They discuss the importance of consent and how talking about intimate relationships/health should be normal. It’s a nice comedic show that discusses the inadequacy of social norms.

Omg! Vampire is a comedic vampire show about a group of vampires who flee to the human world to enjoy life! Or uh afterlife I guess. Undead life? Eh, whichever works. Mainly humourous and friendly fun. The main characters all have bright personalities and their friendship with each other is just so fun. They banter, tease, and support each other. While also trying to make sure they don’t get caught.

Hospital playlist is a group of doctors who form a band together. Friendship, romance, loss, and hope. Follow the group of friends as they all deal with their personal problems. Watch as they help their patients and navigate the social hierarchy of being a doctor. Will they ever get a gig as a band? Who knows but they’ll keep playing together as the bestest of pals.

Insect detective. Honestly I have no idea what this one’s about. Haven’t finished the first episode yet but it looks interesting.

Vampire detective. Yes I like detective shows… and vampires. I’m only four episodes in but so far I am highly enjoying it. Three main leads and they have wonderful interpersonal relationships. The main woman is headstrong and powerful. All three are super smart and protective of each other. Though one could have better taste when it comes to romance. Oh well he’s got his pals to protect him now. Did I forget the main characters names? At the moment, yes. Mystery, drama, intrigue, vampires, this shows got it.

My roommate is a detective. Three main leads. A journalist with no journalistic integrity (or thought of consequence of actions), a policeman, and an unfortunate banker fallen on hard times. Join them as they investigate crimes, solve mysteries, and put up with each other begrudgingly! The three make for fun banter though some of their actions highly confuse me. Like… huh? Mainly the leading lady cause with as much as she talks about having journalistic integrity it really doesn’t feel like she digs to the truth of it all before jumping straight to a conclusion. Otherwise strap in for a fun time and chaos!

Tomorrow. A group of reapers try to help the living continue living. Their job is to help those who have given up in life find the strength to go on. A heart wrenching story of the beauty of life and death.

Dad of light. A father and son work to rebuild their relationship in the heartwarming show. A son tries to find ways to reconnect with his father after years of loosing touch. He gifts his father a final fantasy game and secretly joins him in co op to grow closer. Will they bond? Will they game? Watch to find out.

Navillera. A man recently found out he has dementia pursues his passion for ballet. Will he find a willing teacher? How will his family handle everything going on? A beautiful story of family, friendship, and life.

Well I feel a bit better so I’ll leave it there for now. Thank you for reading and I hope one of these shows can bring you joy! Hugs and best wishes, a random fan!

Spoilers for Alice in Borderland season 2 finale. My rambles.

Are you kidding me!!!!! They don’t freaking remember each other!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

You know what more of them lived than I was anticipating and they did meet back up, and they are absolutely adorable together so I can accept this, but also pls fucking remember, please.

Are you fucking kidding a joker? Really? Fuck off!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ah I loved it. I cried so much.