Well, I Was Rewatching Pending Train So May As Well Use Pending As My Name. But That Was Taken So Added

Ahhhhhhhhhh

My rambles about Hidden moon the series. Spoilers for episodes 1-9.

Like I already thought Khen was dead and that they could have been stuck in limbo but I didn’t think that would happen. T^T whhyyyyyyy. My heart. Not a shred of happiness for my lovelies. These shows are breaking meeeee. I wanted more friendship moments between the main group but all I got was pain and suffering and then… and then that just happens. I hope they’re happy wherever they ended up. I don’t expect this show to have a happy ending but I hope it’s at least a bittersweet one. Let them find peace, please.

I’m gonna go cry in a corner. Maybe I’ll rewatch Rak Diao for healing or finish Your Tooth My Love (just started and it has the fluff I need right now).

I want you guys to know that your posts make me incredibly happy. Your blogs brighten my day and put a smile on my face. Your existence brings me joy and I’m so happy to be able to interact with a part of you. Thank you for existing. And being so freaking amazing and wonderful. Love you guys.

-peacefully working on a project-

…

-giant black bug of unknown species-

…

-standing up to put my project together-

-bug leaps into the air making itself known and dives off the right side of the desk-

… I don’t have the mental capacity to handle the maybe fly or some other bug at this point in time.

For the writing ask game, number 26: story your most proud of

oof.

this is a loaded question, because I'm proud of a few different stories for their own reasons.

The Sorcerer And The Court Noble, my first self-published novel (which is available to buy digitally through my dms for those interested) is the one I am *most* proud of, because it was a labour of love for nearly 10 years of revisions and based off a series of films and novels that have firmly planted themselves into japanese folklore and pop culture. It's a love story between Abe no Seimei and Minamoto no Hiromasa, real men who really lived and whose shrines you can visit to this day. It's a very special story to me.

The Agony And The Ecstasy Of Sherlock Holmes, my second self-published novel (which is also available to buy digitally through my dms for those interested) based on the events of series 4, told through emails, texts, surveillance footage, hospital records, and therapist's notes. I've never written a story of that length in such a short period of time, when I myself was in indescribable physical pain due to several spontaneous disc herniations in my spine. It's a deeply personal study of Sherlock Holmes' character and I'll always be very proud of it.

Runaway Judges, a post-series the devil judge fic inspired by the mishima: a life in four chapters OST, specifically the track runaway horses (poetry written with a splash of blood). It examines the push-and-pull relationship between Yo Han and Ga On in the aftermath of the courthouse explosion in episode 16; it's about the characters' pain and sacrifice as declarations of love for each other and how they begin to heal from all the hurt and misunderstandings between them now that they're both ghosts as they flee to Switzerland and start a new life. It's probably my favourite TDJ fic I've ever written.

The common thread between all three of these works is actually something based in the first onmyoji film, which TSatCN follows. In it, Hiromasa cradles the woman he loves, Sukehime, in his arms as she succumbs to a spell that turned her into a vengeful demon; a demon that feeds on men's blood. He offers her his life, presenting his bare arm to her and tells her, "It's alright. I do not mind, in the end, if it is you that kills me." Watching that scene as a child (I was twelve) rewired something in my brain pretty fundamentally when it came to my understanding of love and sacrifice. It's followed my writing ever since, and these three works all examine the relationship between pain, sacrifice, penance, devotion, and love - the concept of dying for love of someone else makes my heart ache in the best way, and I love exploring that depth of emotion in my writing.

thanks for playing! <3

Okay okay I just watch Color Rush 2 and (spoilers included) hear me out.

Poly. That’s all I really want to say. What if, all three of them just start going out. I think it’d be fun. But also, I just, I don’t think the way they see colors would be like that. I don’t think seeing colors would automatically be euphoria or anything, like yes I enjoy colors but hearing about colors would probably make them sound fantasy like with how others would stress over how much better it is but it’s not like seeing in grayscale is bad. Like okay I’m sorry but I think it’d be way more overwhelming and headache inducing to suddenly see more colors. It’d be interesting but something someone has to get used to, and there’d be a disconnect for a while. Anyway, sorry I have a lot of thoughts about how the shock of being bombarded with differing visuals would take a toll (listen I know he faints the first few times but also like I don’t think seeing colors would automatically be magical. I think it’d be more nauseating for a while there.) ahem, okay yeah still love it I just, lots of what-ifs, you know (and it’s super interesting to me, these aspects)? Anyway yeah poly, I think it’d be cute. Do I think they’d all get along? No. I think they’d need to get used to it first but I would love to see how they would interact with each other. Yo I’m just imagining so many different scenarios. Clearly the first things that happens when (I don’t remember any of their names) the guy (the probe? one) shows back up without a mask and both the others faint. I just, man I think it’d fun. Okay I’m done rambling for now. I’ve got sooo much shit to do but this makes me feel happy so yeah. Have a good day/night!

Okay YouTube this is absolutely ludicrous. I have gotten an ad every five minutes on 1 video. 5 minutes. YouTube are you kidding?

Well it’s being consistence now doing this on every video. Farewell ads, I shall be enabling my blocker once more. (I don’t have them on my usual device so computer, return to me)

Oh, sorry, found myself doomscrolling on your page. Pay no mind to the flood of likes. I am merely enjoying your humour and presence in this online world.

What’s your favorite color?

Don’t have one? Don’t know?

What’s your preferred colors? Color preference?

More open. Works better. More options of colors. Nice.

Don’t have an opinion on the topic? Don’t worry. You don’t need to be super opinionated about everything. People seem to think you always have to be apart of one side and against a different side even if they’re the same thing. I like blue. I like red. If you ask me I’ll say pink. Cause I like pink too. And blue and red are equal to me so I can never decide between them. Pinks a comfort color to me. Though there can be too much of it (looking at you designer Barbie, why would you make the entire building pink? Even I cannot handle that much (if that’s your vibe though good for you))

Ah I just wanted to ramble. People can get so caught up in things that they forget they can enjoy other things too. You don’t need to have an opinion on everything and you don’t need a reason to like something.

I’ll leave it at that. Ah got my thoughts out. Have a good day!

Reblog if your blog is boopable-safe so you can get all the (probably new) achievements. I don’t care about notes I just want boops

That’s it imma start collecting these. Every time something uses an unfathomable amount of candles all I can think about is everything going up in flames.