How Could I Not Hate Myself For The Blindness That Led Me To Believe She Might Ever Have Loved Me As

Do you like bread?

If so, do you like the crust?

I take them off when I eat bread.

I love bread.

I like the crust most. The rest is fine. It feels sort of mushy, sometimes. I don’t enjoy that.

I know many people like you though. Most people prefer bread without the crust rather than the crust without the bread.

But sourdough especially has a wonderful crust in my opinion.

Sourdough bread is actually one of the oldest types of bread, with evidence of it being baked over 4,000 years ago in ancient Egypt. It makes sense why it tastes so good.

Do you have a favorite planet Adam? I feel like nobody asks you about your interests anymore

I am always happy when I can answer questions that relate to my life or interests!. Maybe even more these days than ever, it sort of calms me down, talking about things I know.

If we’re being technical, Pluto doesn’t qualify as an answer. It was reclassified as a ‘dwarf planet’ in 2006, which means it no longer holds planetary status. That being said, when I was younger, it was my favorite—small, distant, and debated over by scientists who couldn’t quite decide where it belonged. It might be irrational but i always thought there was something unfair about that. If something existed, if it mattered for years, how could people just decide it didn’t count anymore?

Neptune is my usual answer. Its winds are the fastest in the solar system, yet it remains so far away that people rarely think about it. It exists in quiet extremes.

Venus also comes to mind… It’s hostile to life, and most people don’t think much of it beyond its brightness in the sky. But I’ve learned that brightness can be deceptive. Just because something appears beautiful doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous, and just because something is dangerous doesn’t mean it isn’t worth understanding.

I can’t say that I understand the current obsession with Elon Musk.

If you strip away the marketing, most of what he’s done in space science is either derivative, outsourced, or bloated beyond reason. He didn’t invent rockets. He didn’t pioneer space travel. He just made it more profitable to pretend he did.

There are people like Tiera Guinn Fletcher, who was designing launch vehicles for NASA at 22. People like Swati Mohan, who helped land Perseverance on Mars. People like Natalie Panek, who works on building robotics for future Mars missions.

But instead we elevate Musk who slaps his name on decades of actual scientific progress. There are real pioneers in this field out there. Just not the ones selling flamethrowers and rebranding physics as marketing strategy.

I also have a purely personal dislike against him. He annoys me.

Oh, Adam. Beth didn’t deserve you, not by a long shot. I hope you’re doing okay. You always have a place to stay at mine if you ever need it.

- Duncan.

Thank you, Duncan.

I appreciate that you always welcome me.

I think I want to be alone in my apartment for now. I miss familiarity.

NGC 2359, Thor's Helmet

Adam, don’t trust Nigel, he’s a bastard. He called me a fucking liability

-Tonny aka @coke-n-dope

I feel as though I’ve been inadvertently dragged into a personal conflict.

Good to hear from you though, Tonny

Thank you for asking.

I’m not allergic to anything, but I do have some sensory preferences.

I usually avoid strong cheeses, anything with an overly soft or slippery texture like oysters or foie gras and very gamey meats. I tend to prefer simple proteins and vegetables prepared cleanly. No need to go out of your way. Just something light is fine.

Beth’s more adventurous than I am when it comes to food. She likes trying new things. I think she’d be excited about whatever you make.

I took the job offer in Baltimore.

I will be working as a guide at the Davis Planetarium. I’m very happy it worked out. The planetarium has such a rich archive and so many exhibits in rotation! I’ll have a lot to learn and organize, and even more to share. I am already experiencing a lot of excitement about that.

That means Beth and I will be moving to Maryland soon, leaving New York behind. I will miss New York. But I’m looking forward to seeing some people in Baltimore. And it’ll make getting to Dr. Lecter’s appointments easier, once he returns from his retreat.

Everything is too loud today. My skin feels too tight. My head won’t stop running in circles.

I wish it was possible to turn everything off for a while.

Thought you’d be interested in this, stea. You think Keats was talking about Polaris? Can’t say I’m well versed on the subject. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44468/bright-star-would-i-were-stedfast-as-thou-art

— Nigel

Fomalhaut was the first star that came to mind. People call it the lonely one, and that feels closer to what Keats was describing—‘not in lone splendour hung aloft the night’—watching in silence like some sleepless, distant observer. Polaris is constant, sure, but Fomalhaut is solitary. It sits far apart from the other bright stars in the sky. Easy to notice. Easy to feel something about.

It makes sense to me, logistically too. Fomalhaut is visible from Earth without much effort. But more than that, it carries the weight of solitude, of being out there and unmistakably alone.

I don’t think he wanted to be the star. I think he recognized something of himself in it. When we admire things people, stars, it’s often because they mirror something we’re missing or trying to understand. Maybe he wasn’t longing for distance, but for connection. To feel less alone by seeing that loneliness reflected back.

And even if they’re separated by lifetimes of space, the star and the observer exist in that moment together. No one else might understand that connection, perhaps not even the two of them, but it’s there nonetheless.

(not that) unpopular opinion: neil degrasse tyson is overrated.

popular opinion: elon musk is overrated.

opinion: brian cox is great

fact: the planetary parade is going to happen friday 28th (England time) and it wont happen again until 2040 approx!!!

Unpopular or not, Tyson’s style isn’t for everyone. His focus tends to be on simplifying complex ideas for mass appeal, which can make them feel less substantial when compared to other scientists who delve deeper. I do think he has a knack for bringing attention to space, though.

Musk, on the other hand, I think his overhyped persona doesn’t always match the actual impact of his ventures. There’s a difference between innovative ideas and being celebrated for the spectacle of it all. The focus often seems more on the ‘idea’ of progress rather than actual tangible steps.

Brian Cox, though, I do like. He makes astrophysics easier to grasp without dumbing it down. I really appreciate the clarity he brings.

As for the planetary parade, I’m actually looking forward to it as well !. It’s not every day you get to see such a rare alignment.