Immediacy Is A Big Plus. (I Understand All Too Well How Easy It Is To Forget An Idea If You Don’t Externalize

Nice moment

Our youngest cat was crying for attention from the kitchen this morning. I walked in to find her on the countertop, and when I came near she put a paw up.

I think I understood, so I bent down a little and she jumped onto my shoulder. Then I walked over to the fridge, and she jumped on top of the fridge.

Now she is singing from on top of the fridge. I’m not quite sure what happened, but it was a nice moment we shared.

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

Charcuterie

Ah, my spouse knows me so well! For Valentine's Day they got me my own charcuterie board, and I had to put it to use right away!

Ahhh, I love them so much! ❤️

Dose two

Well; three weeks later, and we got our second COVID vaccine doses.

Although I wish this was not the case, I went from zero to full-on flashback in bout twenty minutes; and expect to remain in some variation of that mindset for the next few days.

I would like to stress for the new reader: this is not a side effect of the vaccine, and I strongly recommend that (where medically possible) everyone get it. This is purely my past history interacting with current events.

On the bright side, in a little over two weeks I will start treatment with a new EMDR therapist. I am very much hoping that goes a long way towards bringing these sorts of undesirable episodes under control.

Clint Eastwood

Last night my spouse hit me up with one of their best impressions. With the most gravely, world-weary voice they could muster, they said the following:

“I want to do a Clint Eastwood impression, but... ...Turns out you need to know... ...Some of his lines.”

I love them so much!

Piano: addendum

To continue the metaphor: if playing the piano is analogous to Dance Dance Revolution, then the the right-hand A# in the ascending F major scale is some sort of special arrow where when you step on it, it explodes and kills you!

Unexpected HRT side-effect #4

I have no ability to regulate my temperature anymore. At least, not compared to how it used to be. Blazing sun? Sign me up! Below freezing? It’s all good! But... not anymore.

Now, that in and of itself wasn’t unexpected - pre-HRT, I read a comment from a trans girl to this exact effect (and indeed, that entire thread was the inspiration for this series of posts).

What really gets me is when and where my newfound lack of temperature tolerance likes to strike. Today, I was sweating bullets and getting flushed because I was eating soup. Soup!

Movie Tag Game

Tagged in by @owlrageousjones! List seven favorite films, and then seven mutuals. (I'm going to whiff on the latter; sans the spouse, I don't have many movie buffs in my orbit.)

Favorite Movies

1. The Godfather (1972, dir. Francis Ford Coppola); 2. Batman Begins (2005, dir. Christopher Nolan); 3. The Dark Knight (2008, dir. Christopher Nolan); 4. Die Hard (1998, dir. John McTiernan).

There's a reason these four are grouped together! There was a time when my spouse struggled with falling asleep; and so we employed the above films as a soothing soundtrack, against which they could peacefully nod off.

(At least, as soothing as one might expect from a chorus of Chicago typewriters, eagerly punctuating Sonny Corleone; or John McClane, yelling intensely as he improvisationally repels down the side of Nakatomi Plaza.)

5. Grosse Pointe Blank (1997, dir. George Armitage).

An unusual blend of dark comedy, romance, and the occasional action set-piece; all set to a Gen X soundtrack. The premise sounds like high-concept word salad ("An ailing assassin in the midst of a midlife crisis rekindles an old relationship and battles fellow death-dealing competitors while attending his high school reunion"); and yet it somehow just works in the hands of the superbly capable cast.

(As a personal aside: there is a scene in which the protagonist finds himself staring into the wide eyes of a newborn infant, as Queen and David Bowie's Under Pressure swells in the background. I found this moment particularly touching; not least of which because it spurred me to the realization that I wanted to become a parent.)

6. John Wick (2014, dir. Chad Stahelski).

A fantastic example of a modestly-budgeted action film succeeding wildly on the strength of its compelling premise, intriguing world-building, and marriage of breathtaking choreography and stylish cinematography.

(Honorable mentions: Drive (1997); Dredd (2012); and The Raid: Redemption (2011) and it's follow-up, The Raid 2: Berandal (2014).)

7. Transformers: The Movie (1986, dir. Nelson Shin).

My god; there is so much I can (and will!) say about this movie.

For starters: it is not, conventionally-speaking, good.

Toy manufacturer Hasbro demanded that the dramatis personae of the first two seasons of the Transformers cartoon be written off; to make room for a new cast (and by extension, new toys). The producers gleefully complied by slaying beloved characters in an orgy of robot-on-robot violence that traumatized a generation of movie-going children.

(I should know; I was one of them!)

The narrative is nonsensical; and bounces frantically from one hair metal-accompanied set piece to the next without pause - until our protagonist (who has grown in literal height, if not as a person) unleashes the power of a previously undocumented McGuffin to save the day.

(In this respect, I harbor the belief that the producers cribbed significantly from 1981's Heavy Metal; which, respectfully, should probably not be the first choice of inspiration for a children's movie.)

Despite these deficiencies, however: it is a very, very watchable film!

The characters are likeable; the dialog, eminently quotable; and the voice cast perform their utmost.* The animation is spectacularly frenetic; and the soundtrack is surprisingly catchy (featuring the work of Stan Bush and Vince DiCola - notable for their contributions to Bloodsport and Rocky IV, respectively; and even "Weird Al" Yankovic)!

More than anything: this is a movie that trades in Rule Of Cool™ with childlike glee:

"What if we had a fully-operational battlestation; but instead of blowing planets up with a laser, it ate them?"

"...The two of them are out of ammo, and there's hundreds of enemies. So they hold a destruction derby - only it's underwater, right?"

"So the barbarian trash robots turn into motorcycles, and take turns riding each other, and they chase the good guys and then the good guy leader is exploded but it's okay, because the other good guys use the power of nonsense words to convince the trash robots to make him better; and then they have a dance-off..."

You won't learn anything from watching Transformers: The Movie; but it's fun, and strange, and surprisingly creative (while still operating within the unexplained requirement that everything and everyone turn into a robot, sooner or later)!

* There is a persistent rumor that Orson Welles was displeased to have starred in what was effectively a glorified toy commercial; exacerbated by both his self-professed lack of understanding of the movie's premise and plot, and his passing just five days after completing recording. This was not the case, however; as his grandchildren were fans, and he was enthused to have contributed to a franchise they loved.

Unexpected HRT side-effect #7

Muscle strains.

I knew I was going to (and wanted to) lose muscle mass on HRT, and that this would significantly lower my functional strength. I assumed that during this process, I would simply adjust to my new strength levels as I went along.

Not so - my brain continues to assume it’s working with pre-HRT muscle capacity.

As a result, I keep injuring myself in new and novel ways. For instance, I used to buy 40lb containers of cat litter at the store; but after straining the muscles in my forearm several weeks in a row, gave up and switched to 24lbs instead. I don’t recall ever having strained a forearm muscle prior to that.

Now my neck and shoulders are kicking my ass; I assume from either tanking a forty pack of water or moving my desk (or both).

I imagine at a certain point I will (like everything else) unlearn this habit and replace it with something more fitting. Until then, I find myself pausing before certain physical tasks and asking myself: “Wait, can I still do this?”...

For a friend

I finally completed a painting for a friend:

This person has done so much to help me in my transition; I wanted to do something in return, and commemorate her two wonderful cat sons.

The line art for the cats came together fairly quickly; but then I found myself stumped for months on end as to how to effectively transfer it to the canvas. (Ideally I would have projected it on to the surface and traced over the top; but that would require, you know, a projector of some kind.)

To complicate matters - the lines were inked with a fine point marker; but the canvas would not absorb the ink and the ink would not dry. It was in incredibly frustrating experience, constantly finding new smears and smudges. Next time I will try a permanent marker instead.

(That being said: I fully recognize that much of the issue comes down, as always, to my belligerent insistence on mixing mediums that simply don't belong together. This kind of canvas is really designed more for acrylic and oil paints; I'm the lunatic trying to apply ink and watercolor.