A Year In Review: 2020 Edition

In my experience, there are four approaches:

Take an existing name, and translate it into a unisex or opposite-gendered equivalent. (I went from 'Lawrence' to 'Lauren'.)

Select a different - but otherwise traditional - name. (Often this is as simple as a person seeing or hearing a name and thinking "I like that; I could be a _____".)

Choose a name with symbolic connotations. (I know a devout trans girl that settled on 'Faith'; and another that chose 'Phoenix' for fairly obvious reasons.) This option appears to be particularly popular with non-binary individuals.

Create a new name from whole cloth; running letters together until something unique and lyrical emerges.

Of course, one can combine these approaches in various ways. (One girl I know chose a new first name; and then converted her original first name into a female equivalent, and made that her new middle name.)

As for suggestions? Well, that depends on what direction your child wants to go in. Do they want to retain the spirit of their current name? Then seek out other-gendered versions. Are they looking for something different? You could stroll through a baby name website together. Perhaps a more representational name? Then discuss how they see themselves and how they want others to see them.

Lastly: don't feel pressured to get this right first time. Let your child try different names on; call to them by their new name, and see how they feel. Even if you get all the way down the road to a legal name change, there's generally very little preventing you from changing it something else if needed.

(I mentioned that I went from 'Lawrence' to 'Lauren'; I skipped over the year in between I spent as 'Lawrie'. It's okay to take your time on this!)

So like, if you’re a parent whose child not only trusts you enough to discuss their trans journey egg hatchery with you, but asks for your input on their new name-

Like, that’s a big deal and you’d want to do right by them, right? So how would you go about finding/making suggestions? Aside from avoiding names prevalent in pop culture and/or that can be overtly or incidentally connected to people/things that suck.

Ponytail

At the age of fifteen I decided to grow my hair out and tie it up. It stayed in a ponytail for twenty-two years (excluding a brief period where I was foolishly convinced to cut it); even when swimming, or at night.

(In retrospect, I really wish I had been kinder to my hair; I’ve been fortunate to retain my hairline, but there’s some thinning at the front and I’m convinced that this isn’t age but rather, mild traction alopecia. Alas; live and learn.)

Leaving my hair down felt... physically uncomfortable. It was a rarity.

Fast forward to today, and I had temporarily tied my hair up to keep it dry in the bath. It didn’t occur to me until after: “Why does my hair feel so weird?”... And it was then that I realize that I still had the tie in.

It’s fascinating to discover that there are actual, physical sensations associated with my gender and how it might be perceived by myself and others!

Unexpected HRT side-effect #9

I sometimes get asked by people that have to stare intently at my face (usually in some professional capacity):

“Your skin is so good! What’s your secret?”

And I tell them:

“Every two weeks I shoot my thigh full of the cool, sexier estrogen!”

As with a number of other effects, I knew that I could expect softer, better skin. However, I didn’t truly appreciate with any kind of granularity as to what that actually meant.

For one thing: I have no breakouts, no blemishes; I changed literally nothing about my diet or skincare routine, and suddenly my face is completely crystal-clear.

(The one exception to this seems to be immediately after I load up my progesterone; although even here, ‘blemish’ seems kind of a strong word for a series of nearly imperceptible bumps.)

For another: my pores have shrunk! This caused some issues in the first couple of weeks, as it effectively forced some of them to trap their contents; but that went away after a little over a month and it’s been plain, small-pored sailing ever since!

The one downside - and it really isn’t much of one - is this: I am actually allergic to cats (which is probably not a great trait in a cat owner); but have great tolerance providing said cats are not rubbing themselves on my face. Doing so would set off a reaction where my lips would tingle and I would break out in hives.

Since starting HRT, the time in which this reaction occurs has gone from many minutes after the initial contact to practically seconds. It really isn’t much of a problem (and truthfully, I’ll gladly accept hives as a consequence of cat affection); but it’s interesting to see how yet another tiny part of my life has been impacted by the simple expedient of transposing my hormone levels!

I grew up in the UK. As a teenager, I inadvertently lacerated my index finger; an injury that necessitated emergency medical intervention, followed by surgery to repair the two tendons I had severed.

The total cost to myself and my family: £0.

A few years later, I was employed; and I am lead to understand that around 11 - 12% of my income was taxed in the form of National Insurance (which pays for the NHS; plus a number of other significant social services).

...

I then moved to the US; where I contracted a series of common respiratory infections that, unfortunately, would routinely lead to such complications as bronchitis, pneumonia, and (on one memorable occasion), pleurisy.

My first major introduction to the exorbitant cost of American-style, privately-funded healthcare came when, during one of these instances, I needed a chest x-ray; for which I paid $400 out of my own pocket (equivalent, at the time, to a month's rent).

There was a later instance in which a family member was experiencing breathing difficulties, and was directed to the ER. The medical professionals involved ordered virtually every test in their arsenal (as they were not privy to, nor concerned, with the costs involved). Our private health insurer refused to pay for these, citing the need to investigate a possible preexisting condition.

That one event cost us $15,000.

...

At my company, a mid-level employee is paid a salary of $60,000. They then have the option to purchase a mid-range private health insurance plan with coverage of all family members. This costs $600 a month; 12% of their income.

So far, there is relative parity with the NHS.

However: the plan also includes a $3,750 deductible; and a $7,500 out-of-pocket maximum. That is to say: until you reach the first threshold, the insurer pays little to nothing; and it is only when you reach the second threshold that they will pay for the entirety of your care.

(And this does not account for out-of-network care; i.e. conducted by medical providers that do not have a contract with the health insurer specifying payment rates. The out-of-network thresholds are tracked separately; and both are on the order of tens of thousands of dollars.)

So really, in the event that you actually need to exercise your health insurance, you are potentially paying up to 24.5% of your income on healthcare.

But wait, there's more!

The aforementioned $600 per month isn't the full insurance premium; merely the part the employee pays. The employer also pays a portion - another $1,600 per month.

(This is, of course, part of the employee's overall compensation package; but most Americans don't think of it as such, as the expense circumvents their paycheck. Just one of the many ways by which the true cost of private health insurance is kept opaque.)

So really, our hypothetical mid-level employee receives $79,200 per year in compensation; of which a minimum of 33% goes to healthcare (and as much as 42% if you actually need to exercise said healthcare).

(Now to be fair: a family health plan would cover our employee's partner; so their contribution of income would be 0%. Assuming that they earn a similar salary however, you are still looking at an average cost of between 16.5% and 21% for each partner.)

...

The American healthcare system is a travesty; one where health insurers and (other various middlemen) demand an enormous portion of American income, while interfering with (and frequently preventing) access to care.

The simple reality is that private industry will, in any given context, prioritize profit; and that in certain sectors of service, this will place the needs of industry in direct conflict with those in need of said service.

Put another way: to make a dollar of profit in the healthcare industry, you must take it from someone that has paid for and needs healthcare; and then you must choose to deny said healthcare, and keep it for yourself. It is the vampiric exploitation of a group of people particularly unequipped to fight back.

The people of the UK should seek to defend, tooth and nail, any and every attempt to not only privatize the NHS in general, but especially at the hands of the same US health insurers that have so successfully raised costs and lowered health outcomes.

The NHS will last as long as there are folk left to fight for it” – Aneurin Bevan

I’m no fan of Keir Starmer or Rishi Sunak. Sunak is completely out of touch with ordinary people and Starmer will promise just about anything to get himself into power and then break those promise when it suits him.  However when it comes to the future of the NHS I feel it will be safer under a Labour government than one run by free market, neo-liberal Tories.

From a purely selfish perspective  - something the Conservative Party excels at - the NHS saves all of us a small fortune. When your child needs medical care it is free at the point of use; when your parents need medical care it is free at the point of use; and when YOU need medical care it is free at the point of use.

Of course we pay for this through taxes and national insurance contributions but the clue is in the phrase “national insurance”. Medical treatment in Britain, is, at the moment, paid for through collective funding. It is a system based on community, social responsibility, and the old fashioned concept of caring for your neighbour. . Aneurin  Bevan, the "Father of the NHS” said:

“No society can legitimately call itself civilized if a sick person is denied medical aid because of lack of means."

It is a sad fact that Conservative Party members, many of them rich individuals who can afford private medical treatment, have been undermining the NHS because of their unwavering adherence to the ideological belief that all things run by private enterprise are good while all public sector institutions are bad. . The Tory’s will, of course deny this, claiming the NHS is save in their hands and that they have no plans to privatise it.

 Lets look at the facts.

Despite Prime Minister David Cameron promising there would be no cuts to the NHS this was the headline in the Daily Mirror when the Conservatives took over from Labour in 2012.

“David Cameron cuts NHS spending by £500million.” (06/11/12)

Two years later and we have this headline from the Guardian:

“David Cameron accused of hypocrisy over £1.4bn ‘raid’ on NHS funding." (06/07/2012)

By 2014 NHS staff were on strike because of the Tory government refused to give them a 1% pay rise. Rows over poor pay and under-funding continue to this day.

While Jeremy Hunt was Health Secretary patient experience and staff moral took a dramatic turn for the worse. Despite presenting himself as a “champion of patient safety”, targets were missed, waiting times increased, and the very fabric of some hospitals began to crumble, leading to Hunt being labelled “the man who ruined the NHS”. (Open Democracy: 08/07/22)

In 2016 The Independent ran this headline:

“Jeremy Hunt co-authored book calling for NHS to be replaced with private insurance.” (10/02/2016)

Is it any wonder the NHS has been seriously under-funded and run down when the man in charge was an advocate of private medical health insurance? Millionaires like Cameron (£40m) Hunt (£15m) and Sunak (£651m) can afford to pay for expensive medical care but the rest of us are not so fortunate.

This brings me back to the purely selfish reason we should vote for the party most likely to protect the NHS. Below are some AVERAGE costs for private medical procedures and treatments in the USA provided by Statistica 2021

Heart valve replacement…….$170,000     £133,390

Heart bypass………………….......$123,000     £96,518

Cornea (per eye) ……………......$17,000       £13,339

IVF treatments ………………......$15,400      £12,084

Hysterectomy ………………….....$5200          £4,080

In addition, Americans have to pay for their stay in hospital. This fee is on top of medical treatment costs. According to Debt.org (30/11/23) the price for the average stay in hospital of 4.6 days is $13,262. (£10,406)

Whatever your political leanings, the protection and restoration of the NHS should take precedent over all other electoral considerations because we will ALL need medical treatment at some stage in our lives be that as a child or as an adult.

We know the Tory mantra "private sector good public sector bad” just doesn’t live up to reality: we only have to look at our polluted waterways to realise this. Whether Keir Starmer would be any better at protecting the NHS from profit motivated private companies is a moot point.

With headlines like:

“Can Wes Streeting’s private sector plans save the NHS?” (Guardian: 14/04/24)

and

“Labour’s Wes Streeting just used the SUN to talk up NHS privatisation” (Canary: 08/04/24)

we cannot rely on the Labour Party leadership to protect the NHS from the profiteering private sector, not least because Wes Streeting has been paid £175,000 from donors linked to private health firms. (National: 14/04/24) There is no such thing as a free lunch so one doesn’t have to wonder to hard what these “donors” might want in return for their money!

Even so, I feel there are those within the Labour Party who would work very hard to stop the leadership of the party from running down the NHS to the point of collapse, as is the Tory plan, so with great reservation I will be voting Labour in the coming elections.

Save Our NHS

Unexpected HRT side-effect #3

So... your sense of smell becomes more sensitive. That’s not particularly unknown (although you’ll hardly find it on the informed consent form). No, the unexpected part is this:

CATS SMELL SO GOOD.

Oh my god! They are like tiny precious babies. All I want to do is inhale my cats (while they look on in utter and well-justified bewilderment).

Dancing

I did not dance in in my past life. At various points I was cajoled into the act, which resulted in a display lacking any kind of gracefulness or aesthetic pleasure.

I played a lot of Dance Dance Revolution, which I love dearly but resembles actual dancing in much the same way that Jazzercise resembles actual jazz.

Post-HRT, I found myself spontaneously dancing; while enjoyable for me however, I doubt the end result was particularly enjoyable for anyone else.

Recently my spouse has made a point of impromptu slow-dancing with me. This is not a new thing per se; but they have very sagely opted to start taking the lead.

That’s how I found myself this afternoon, hand in hers, eyes closed. It was then that I experienced what I can only describe as a profound moment of rightness, and I was so overcome that I burst into tears and was rendered speechless.

I can’t stop thinking about it. For one, singular moment, I didn’t feel like a work in progress; or an imposter; or a woman with an asterisk over her gender. I felt like a girl; the girl I always had been and will be.

I look forward to more moments like this!

Incomplete sentences

Sometimes, when I’m writing, I will omit words or even entire portions of a sentence. I don’t know why this is; only that it’s something I’ve done for a very long time.

The solution is, of course, to proof-read vociferously. Ironically however, I will often not notice that I have made this mistake because my brain kindly fills in the missing detail instead of alerting me to its absence.

I note this because I know I have written posts previously that suffer from this issue; and I’m sure there will be more in future. To that effect, dear reader: thank you for your continued patience, and understanding!

Gardasil

During my last check-up, I got my first shot of the Gardasil HPV vaccine. The administering nurse did mention at the time that it would sting; and I say that she lied, it is only in the sense that the sensation was closer to what I would describe as a tremendously uncomfortable burning.

(I've accidentally achieved a similar effect when injecting my estradiol, by giving the alcohol I swab my skin with insufficient time to evaporate before inserting the needle.)

I did some research afterwards to see if there was an explanation as to why the vaccine had developed this reputation; the manufacturer indicated that the discomfort was the result of "Virus-like particles" in the vaccine content (which strikes me as a cop-out if ever there was one).

Today was my second shot; and playing a hunch, asked my nurse to try injecting the vaccine slowly. This was hardly a scientific test, but she kindly agreed and the injection experience was definitely more tolerable.

I am most certainly not medically trained; but I was instructed by my endocrinologist's office to administer my own estradiol and progesterone shots as slowly as possible. (My takeaway was that injecting a sizeable amount of fluid into a muscle at high speed causes unnecessary trauma to the surrounding tissue.)

Conversely, I've noticed that vaccine administration is usually done extremely quickly - I assume in part because the amount of fluid injected is much smaller; and also to minimize the length of the procedure. (You really don't want the patient to get restless and move while the needle is still inserted...)

It appears the Gardasil vaccine might utilize a larger amount of fluid; and a thicker medium, also. These things being true, I can see how rapidly injecting the stuff could be a lot more unpleasant versus most other vaccines.

So: if you're getting the shot for yourself, or for your loved ones - maybe ask the administrator to go slowly?

Unexpected HRT side-effect #8

Skittering!

Strictly speaking I started HRT on year ago; but my endocrinologist didn’t want to go full-throttle with dosages until he had established that doing so would, in fact, not cause me to die (which seems perfectly reasonable).

It really wasn’t until around... April-ish?... that my levels actually got to where they needed to be; and the moment it happened, it was like a switch in my body just flipped.

Then I started skittering around the apartment. I would bounce off the walls! Dance in the kitchen. There was shimmying. Oh so much shimmying!

I told my spouse: “Sorry, I don’t know why I do this. I guess it’s just a thing!”

I’ll never forget their response: “You don’t need to apologize. It means you’re happy.” Beat. “I’ve... I’ve waited so long for this. For you to be happy.”

Of course, this does rather make it sound as if the preceding years were spent in unspeakable misery, and this was not the case. It might be accurate however to say that I spent a lot of time giving my love to others and never reserving any for myself. Undoubtedly there are greater acts of loving oneself out there; but I figure committing to turn one’s gender upside down is up there!

Here’s to my newfound physical expression of joyousness!

Multiple of the above!

I take my extended-release Adderall and half of my estradiol in the morning. Generally I do this by sheer routine; and it’s very unusual for me to forget.

Addendum 1: it helps that I’m also responsible for giving one of our cats her medication at the same time; so one event acts as a reminder for the other, and vice versa.

Addendum 2: if I do forget, it’s usually because I am under the weather, and my neurological issues are making a temporary appearance - in which case, my Adderall isn’t going to be of a whole lot of assistance anyhow. 🤷🏻‍♀️

During the day, I take omeprazole and an instant-release Adderall. I have alarms set for these; but I’ve also found that if I don’t take them at the exact moment the alarm goes off (or do something to remind myself as soon as I’m able, such as move my phone to the wrong pocket) then I absolutely will forget.

Addendum 3: my spouse will kindly follow up a few minutes after my afternoon medicine alarm goes off, to make sure I’ve taken it.

I take the other half of my estradiol before I go to bed; which again, happens to coincide with medication time for Old Lady Feline.

…

Everyone is different; and what works for one person might not be true for another. What I’ve noticed for myself however is that:

Taking my medications at home isn’t too much of issue, because (a) they are in a place where I can see them all the time (which is a helpful reminder) and (b) I’m not distracted.

Taking my medications at work is a whole other ballgame; partly because they are out of sight, but mainly because there are too many unplanned interruptions that distract from the task and / or apply unwanted time pressure.

(Which has me thinking: I wonder if I could block out time on my work calendar for taking my medications; and more critically, set my availability to “Do Not Disturb”? 🤔)

Alright I'm terrible at waking up to take my meds on time and I'm not sure if it's OCD, ADHD, or just my fatigue. So anyone who has this or a similar problem,

Please reblog for a bigger sample size!