IT’S THE MIDDLE OF ＪＵＬＹ

I have such respect for this girl, you don't even understand

One time in 6th grade, I was in after school care (just all the kids whose parents work late hanging around in the back field with some adults watching them), and a couple of boys and one other girl and I were playing soccer, but the boys were being douches and kept picking up the ball and running away. I told the supervisor playing with us that I wanted to tackle them.

He said go for it.

Now, I understand that I wasn't exactly threatening with my orange braces, hipster glasses, and Hello Kitty lunch box, so he might have been joking, but I WAS given permission.

Long story short, I ripped one guys shirt, everyone of them got a few bruises, and they stopped stealing the ball.

Don't mess with a girl with two older brothers and three other older boy cousins.

I painted my face with someone else’s blood 

Reblog with your own brutal events, tag some brutal ladies 

@percees @empressamy 

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.

How can anyone say no to that??

Reblog this picture of me holding a Family Size box of Honey Nut Cheerios? I’d really appreciate it.

Taking Drivers Ed, and while the instructor is talking about all these car crashes, one guy says, and I quote, "Man! That be women who do that. They the ones getting in them accidents. They just drive with their emotions, while us men just be chillin'. Not to be sexist or anything." I just almost screamed in the middle of class, "What part of that is not sexist!" He just said something about it again, and I couldn't stop myself from yelling, "If you say 'not to be sexist' I will punch you!" So I guess I've made a nemesis for Drivers Ed. Someone please help me

C12H22O11 is sugar

First picture: sugar

Second picture: sugar cubed

deserves at least a sarcastic laugh. xp

This got so much better since the last time I saw

the sudden decrease in animation quality between the first hunchback and the sequel is both hilarious and sad 

are you ready for my favorite fact?

If you leave a hamster wheel out in the forest, wild mice will come and run on it.

that is my favorite fact