One Of Those Days
One of those days
Today is one of those days "I took the Tylenol at 2:30 and again at 6:15 I took the ibuprofen at 4:30 so I can take that again at 8:30" I can't tell if it helps but it's all I can do that and laying on the couch with a heating pad trying to read and distract myself feeling horribly guilty about all the house work and other stuff that needs to get done that's not getting done feeling nauseous and exhausted no spoons but knowing I can't sleep or do more than doze off for a few minutes before the pain wakes me up wondering if I should take the stronger pain medicine the doctor gave me but very nervous about it wondering again what the fuck is causing this pain is it kidney endometriosis the birth control doesn't seem to be helping that much I was told it was hydronephrosis caused by UPJ an obstructed ureter but what caused THAT it only started when my daughter was about 6 months old she's 6.5 years now so that's 6 years of sporadic debilitating pain maybe something post pregnancy related I guess
All we know is it's not kidney stones tried a ureteral stent that was a nightmare and didn't help trying the birth control the obgyn will only check for endometriosis by going in through the front but all my pain is in one spot in the back exactly where my right kidney is the kidney doctor won't operate until my kidney function gets worse its only a little bad right now so I'm stuck second guessing and wondering people think maybe it's just a muscle thing but I don't see how that's possible always in the same place on and off sometimes for a few days or sometimes just a day for years now always along with nausea and exhaustion heating pad doesn't really help either maybe IBS flare-up coincides it's hard to tell maybe PMDD often happens the week before my period but not always and sometimes (like now) the week of or the week after or any random time of the month often on Tuesdays I have no idea why stress related maybe I just know when it hits I want someone to cut this fucking kidney out of me and be done I'm so tired
More Posts from Openscrts3 and Others
Inauguration
Listening to the inauguration speech like...
Skyward Book #2
First 8 chapters of Starsight...that escalated quickly
Major Spoiler Alert for Defiant
**Spoilers**
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The Taynix viewing the Delvers as big slugs and the Delvers viewing the Taynix as little Delvers and helping each other 😭❤ That is all.
RUSH quotes
"Where would you rather be?
Anywhere... anywhere but here
When will the time be right?
Anytime but now
Where would you rather be?
The doubt and the fear I know would all disappear
Anywhere but here
Anywhere but here"
ReDawn revelation
Did Alanik really just imply that Tolkien preserved some of her people's language in the Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit?!
Tress quotes
Re-reading one of my favorite books of all time, Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson. Actually, I'm listening to it on Audible this time, with the incomparable, amazing Michael Kramer narrating. I'm convinced Hoid is the funniest character narrator ever, but also somehow the most poignant; Sanderson is incredible. The thing that gets me about this book is the quotes. For example:
"One of the great tragedies of life is knowing how many people in the world are made to soar, paint, sing, or steer, except they never get the chance to find out. Whenever one does discover a moment of joy, beauty enters the world. Human beings, we can't create energy; we can only harness it. We can't create matter; we can only shape it. We can't even create life; we can only nurture it. But we can create light. This is one of the ways-the effervescence of purpose discovered."
First post
This is my first post. It's nothing special. I agonized over it for weeks, trying to think of something clever or original, but unable to think of the "right" or "best" or "perfect" thing to post first. #perfectionist problems
Anyway, this is it. And now at least it's done so maybe I can get to posting some other thoughts and ideas I've had.
If you're curious, I'm a stay-at-home mom in my late thirties. I have one incredibly smart child who is going to public school (for now) so I have way too much time on my hands and yet never enough time to do the things I want or need to do. Mostly lacking in energy and motivation more than anything else. Also definitely lacking in creativity and talent. I'd like to be someone, to create or do something special, but I'm not and I can't. In school I excelled with academics and getting good grades. Now I pretty much fail at everything, so that sucks. In case you couldn't tell I struggle with anxiety, depression and self-hatred. That's about all anyone would need to know.
I've given you exactly 0 reasons to follow me, why are you still here? If you got this far I'll tell you this: humans are amazing. I love quotes so there will probably be a lot of those. Thanks for... listening? Reading?
Just saw this for the first time. This is some powerful music; this and his song Sick Boi.
Ren - Hi Ren (Official Music Video)
Love
"'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word And love dares you to care for The people on the edge of the night And love dares you to change our way of Caring about ourselves This is our last dance..."
Ramblings, writings, reflections, musings, quotes
31 posts