Chloe X Halle - Who Knew

i. your father speaks of his youth with revelry spills his life across the kitchen table like an overturned drink your mother doesn’t speak any stories of her pre marital life come from your father’s mouth he speaks of how he tamed her saved her from a life of reckless abandon clipped her wings to keep her from flying too close to the sun but Icarus would have just as soon drowned than burned and the silence in your mother’s mouth is a saltwater darkness she does not speak up to defend herself even now, years after their divorce your father’s voice can fill a room your mother still makes space for it when your mother teaches you not to be swallowed, she is already sitting in the belly of a beast she once loved you wonder if she has grown to love the darkness like she once loved the man ii. the day you learn the importance of emergency exits is the day your heartbeat stops sounding familiar it is a stuttering tongue a trembling hand your heart beats like closing doors like your father’s fading footsteps like every plea you learn how to swallow don’t go, don’t go, don’t go, don’t – your father teaches you to be the first one to walk away leave before they realize you are not worth staying for iii. when your mother tells you not to be afraid of falling in love you do not miss the way her hands shake you wonder if they miss the handcuff weight of the ring that used to rest on that finger you wonder if you, too, will fall in love with a padlock man you begin to be wary of boys with birdcage hands they have mouths like oceans and your mother is still wringing seawater from her bones iv. you master the art of slipping away by starting small fix your body clock so you always wake up first plot escape routes like past times force your heart to beat just go, just go, just go, just – practice on the ones you love most that way, nothing can hurt you you cannot break a mangled thing and you don’t know the last time your heart sounded like a heart v. he tells you you eat like a bird you tell him your mother taught you well he laughs, and reaches for your hand you smile, and begin to slip through the cage of his fingers vi. when boys begin searching for hospital room hearts you warn them yours is a broken glass bottle they don’t care, or they don’t hear you they cut themselves on sharp tongues make fingerpaintings with the blood on their hands make it sound so beautiful you almost believe them soon, though, they will wake up with scars and blame you you leave them a bandage in the dark and don’t look back leave before they realize you are not worth scarring for vii. you see every outstretched hand as a palm preparing to drown you so you sink farther underwater and ignore the burning in your chest run your fingers over every name that has left your mouth for the last time and tell yourself you have done the right thing

the heartbreaker poem | bianca phipps (via biancaphipps)

when Charles Bukowski said "and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"

The creatures here don’t seem to like us.

Photo in the bathroom at the only lesbian bar in Kyoto

The blood on my teeth begins to taste like a poem, like religion, like the way you look at me.

Sean Glatch, from “Caffeine, Pt. 1,″ 4:41 (via lifeinpoetry)

look this is really dumb but noah and ronan totally do that thing where they point to random stuff that they think abstractly reminds them of their friends and inform them “that’s you”

like gansey knocks a bowl of cereal onto the floor and ronan points at it and turns to adam “that’s you” or noah sees two squirrels fighting and points like “that’s you guys” to blue and ronan

gansey tries to fit in with the cool kids but he doesn’t get the point so he just points to really pretty flowers in cabeswater like “adam that’s you” and adam’s blushing just “gansey pls you’re embarrassing me in front of our friends” or he uses it to awkwardly flirt with blue like gansey: *pointing to the sun* blue that’s you bc you’re bright and painful to look at

"#and now i'm thinking about the fic#where ronan and gansey-on-fire#accidentally get married" Now you clearly need to write that!

I nominate anyone else to write it! Which is what I told allthroughoursplendor. And then she told me I was no fun, which is accurate! 

But if I WAS writing it Adam and Blue would mostly find this hilarious, since neither of them were even thinking about getting married so it’s not like it changes their immediate plans, and it would change literally nothing about Gansey and Ronan’s relationship. Because seriously. Gansey and Ronan the two-headed creature. Gansey and Ronan of the “this is precisely why I didn’t want to have a baby with you.” Like, Gansey was always going to be the first person to the hospital/jail/moving van rental place anyway. Just now he can do all of the shit he was doing for Ronan before with an added legal benefit. 

You know, until Helen and/or Declan is just like ‘seriously you guys, the Gansey parents are displeased and your taxes are going to be fucked and this is not cute or funny, no Helen stop laughing, it’s really not funny.’ Helen thinks it’s kind of funny. 

Adam’s mostly like, “WE LEFT YOU ALONE FOR A WEEK?” 

And Blue chimes in with, “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO CAMPING, WHY WERE YOU EVEN IN VEGAS?”

And Ronan says, “Camping got boring, Vegas had better food.” 

Gansey sniffs and just says, “the Grand Canyon was a thing of splendor Ronan, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. We didn’t even get to take a donkey into the bottom.” 

Blue rolls her eyes. “At least being married hasn’t changed you into people who aren’t contrary assholes.”

“The coyotes were making Chainsaw nervous.” 

“The lack of A/C was making you nervous, more like,” Adam says, because he has heard Ronan whine about the heat in his apartment SO MANY TIMES. 

Ronan gives him his best shit eating grin.

“That’s gotta be a five hour drive,” Blue says. 

“Three hours, fifty minutes,” Ronan breaks in. 

Blue huffs. “Why can’t you just do whims like the rest of us? Maybe get a different haircut or paint your nails something fancy?”

“What are you saying about my hair?” Gansey asks. 

At the same time Ronan says “My nails are already fucking fancy enough. Plus I let Noah paint them black that one time and it took forever to get that shit off.” 

And that’s when Adam starts laughing because holy shit their boyfriends are the most ridiculous people on the fucking planet and that’s the only explanation. “Let me see it.” 

“You okay being my mistress then?” Ronan pulls a thin gold band out of his pocket and tosses it at Adam who catches it mid-air and turns it over. 

“Mistress,” Adam says, and giggles in spite of himself. “It sounds so clandestine and exciting. Not at all like I have to put up with your socks on my fucking pillow.”

“My socks are a gift and so are the feet that go in them.”

“Gansey, make your husband behave,” Blue says, just trying it out. She finds this is also hilarious and joins Adam in the giggling.

“I still don’t want to have a baby with you,” Gansey says with fake misery, just to make sure it stands. 

“That’s what the mistress is for. Right, Parrish?” 

Adam closes his fist around the ring and punches Ronan lightly in the shoulder.

And that’s how Ronan and Gansey are married for a whole two weeks or something before older heads prevail and they have it annulled on the grounds it was never consummated. Ronan chimes in that he consummated it many times, just with someone else. Blue says that that’s not what consummated means. Adam says nothing. He just rolls his eyes a hundred times, because seriously you guys. Why can’t we ever doing anything the way normal people do it? How do we always find ourselves in these situations? You guys, seriously.  

Me: dangling hand off bed Demon: *grabs it* Me: what are we