Bucky: Look Stop Fucking Around And Show Us Your Flying Car Tony

James: guys I think I’m homophobic…

Remus (who James helped asked Sirius out): okay…. Why do you think that?

James: I saw Regulus holding hands with Barty and it made me so physically ill I had to leave the room

Sirius (who knows Reg is fake dating Barty to help him make Evan jealous): I don’t think youre homophobic mate, I think you wanna fuck my brother

Irondad Prompt #210:

Peter: Why don’t we have any pets?

Tony: I…

Tony: Why don’t we have any pets??

Tony: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Stephen: What did you do?

Tony: Nobody died.

Stephen: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Thor: Loki, wake up

Loki: i’m not sleeping, i’m dead. leave the flowers and get out.

A Random Rainy Night:

Peter: *Enters completely drenched & shivering*

Tony: Underoos!! *starts screaming & pampering him*

*While making cold chocolate to warm up his little spiderling*

Tony: Why didn't you swing in your suit? It would have saved you from resembling a kicked & drenched puppy.

Peter: *pouts* I am not a puppy

Peter: Also, it’s a million dollar worth suit, Mr. Stark. Couldn't get it wet

Tony: astonished, slackjawed, flabbergasted

Tony: Is my age catching upto me or did you actually took a nose dive into a freaking lake with that suit?

Peter: oh! It was waterproof?!

Tony: Flabbergasted Stark

Bruce: the real treasure was the memories we made along the way

Thor: i almost died

Loki: *wiping away a tear* that was my fondest memory

It had started like a joke. Here and there with rhodey and pepper making comments like "wow tony. your a dad!"

Tony would laugh them off, a joke in his mind as Peter would shrink away from the attention with a nervous giggle.

It just wasn't one of those days, unfortunately for Peter.

They both were tinkering in the lab, Tony working on the repulsors while Peter worked on his webshooters,

Peter blabbered on about who knows what as the other scientist took concentrated sips from his cup of coffee, a migraine starting to form

"kid, maybe-"

Peter couldn't hear him as he rambled on

"and then he flipped in the air, can you believe it, dad?.. oh." Peters face flushed in embarrassment

And Tony just couldn't take it

"I am not your Dad!" He slammed the wrench down making Peter violently flinch tears in his eyes as he stared at Tony, wide eyed.

Tony ragged breaths were all they could hear in the lab before Peter spoke up

...

"...I know."

With that Peter stood up quickly the metal stool making a slight screeching sound making tony cringe.

Before the older one knew it, Peter was gone. The innocent one, the sunshine to Tony's cloudy day, was gone. Pushing past his way to the elevator with tears in his eyes.

Bonus- bucky wouldn't let sam fall either...

Sam: You could have announced yourself.

Kate: Hi, I’m Kate. I’m crawling through the crawl space.

Tony: I think you like me.

Stephen: What part of the look on my face gives you that impression?