You Should Allow Yourself To Compassionately Examine The Thoughts And Feelings You Are Ashamed Of Having

you should allow yourself to compassionately examine the thoughts and feelings you are ashamed of having

why?

okay, bear with me here. say you get uncomfortable around drag queens. you don't know why--you don't want to be. you're afraid that if you open a dialogue with that feeling, you will become a Bad Person, so you shove it down and try to be cool.

but unfelt feelings don't just go away. they stay in your body as tension and pressure, and if they aren't processed naturally, your brain will find ways to justify releasing them through other outlets. ("I just don't like that person in particular, I just don't like Loud People, it's just what my religion tells me.")

but you're not going to get to the actual reason unless you can actually examine that initial discomfort with grace and curiosity.

so you think people should validate their own internalized homophobia or whatever?

I think they should validate the feelings their prejudices stem from, as a starting point. when you feel safe expressing your feelings (to yourself) you will have an easier time working through them (with yourself (or a trusted, impartial friend)).

if part of you is a kid who's still clinging to regressive talking points because it helped them survive growing up, and you're the only person available to teach and nurture that kid, are you really going to smack them around and tell them to just shut up, because you said so, that's why?

to validate a feeling isn't to give yourself a carte blanche to act on it. it's merely the act of understanding. like, "hey kid, given the way you were raised, it makes perfect sense that you get nervous around acts of fearless self-expression." and then you follow that up with: "can you try and believe just a little that it's okay for these people to live their lives as their happiest selves? that it's safe for us to do that too?"

but prejudice is bad! I would never offer that kind of compassion to someone else having those thoughts!

right now we're not talking about other people. the important thing is that you are the person best situated to give yourself this understanding, so that your brain can learn new, appropriate safety protocols.

that said, prejudice is a universal human experience, like fear of the unknown and desire for stability--feelings which can also foster intolerance and hate. you and everyone you know are going to experience these things, and it's no use pretending we can eliminate them if we just ignore them real hard.

thoughts and feelings are neutral entities. a thought is not a transitive action, nor a reflection of your moral character--regardless of how uncomfortable you feel. it's okay to be uncomfortable.

however, denying the existence of an emotion, as discussed above, can end with it coming out in unexpected, sometimes harmful ways.

but if people have shameful feelings without confessing them and apologizing, that makes them deceitful lying liars!!!

who are you, the catholic church?