Touch Repulsion

Touch Repulsion

Some people can touch me

Some.

People I trust

People I know really well

If I iniciate it it’s okay

But—

No.

Strangers touching me make me want to scream

People I don’t know touching me makes me very uncomfortable

People I don’t like touching me make me want to snarl and hit them away

Trapped

Obligated

Angry

Scared

Not right.

Wrong.

I have a list of people who can touch what when I say it’s okay

If someone not on the list touches me wrong I feel violated

They violated my body, but more importantly,

They violated my trust.

I am not obligated to hug you

Ask to hug me first if you don’t know me really well,

Wait until I hug you first,

Or if I know you,

I can always turn down a hug.

Pressuring me into a hug makes me want to fight or run away,

Fight or Flight

Or like I’m trapped in the hug and in my body, obligated, numb

Freeze.

Sometimes I want to snarl:

“Don’t fucking touch me”

Sometimes I’ll put my hand up in front of me with 2 knuckles out so that if you try to hug me you’re stomach will run into them.

Sometimes I want to run

Lock myself away.

If I don’t want your touch I will either react with:

Anger, aggressive defense

Fear, flight

Disassociation, numb dissconected indifference. Hey, touching my body is fine if I’m not in it, right?

If anyone touches my ass I will come around immediately with a punch

Stomach

Face

Hands

I will break them in a second

No hesitation—

I will break you.

“Don’t fucking touch me”

What you should do:

1. Ask to touch me first

2. Don’t lunge for a hug like you’re entitled

3. Don’t get in my space if I don’t know you

4. Fucking listen when I say no, if you know what’s good for you and you like your bones where they are

All-in-all: I think I might be touch repulsed