Noodlesramen13 - NoodlesRamen13

Fun Fact: 

When I say I ship Spideypool I don’t mean MCU Spideypool because that’s fucking gross. 

I mean I ship this Spideypool from the comic books: 

Venom: “LADIES AND MUDDAFUCKIN GENTLEMEN. YA BOI, THE LEGENDARY CHEEK SPREADER IS BACK AND BLACKER THAN EVER AND I’M LOOKING FOR A FRESH TIGHT CHOCOLATE STARFISH TO KNUCKLE FUCK ALL THE WAY UP TO YOUR COLON AND NOW WHO VOLUNTEERS TO BE MY FIRST VICTIM”

Eddie, all the way in the back: [slowly raises his hand]

Hmmmmmm......

Wanna run that by me again?

It is with great joy that I must admit, after watching the sonic 06 fandub, I have reverted back to the age of 12. I will enjoy sonic without shame. Silver is my favorite character. I’m fucking free once more

shrugs

*flug dreaming about getting praise from black hat

 villainous, pilot episode

Columbiners are like “there’s an orb in my selfie I think it’s Dylan Klebold watching over me” Like dude why would a 17 year old kid that hated the world want to watch over your special snowflake ass he just wanted to watch foot porn and die it’s probably a dead relative or something

You should hurry home. Simon and I are waiting.

Markus uses his powers for good seduction.

___________________

Connor is relaxing at Hank’s house, sitting on the couch and petting Sumo while watching the basketball game. As the game nears the end, Hank is hollering the screen when a foul ball is called and suddenly Connor seems more alert, tense even. Then he appears calm for a bit, and then suddenly is gripping his jean clad thighs, and a moment after that his eyes go comically wide.

Hank misses all this, having been cheering that the other team missed their free throws and that Michigan was still in the game.

A few moments pass before Connor clears his throat, and abruptly stands up and dusts the dog hair off his legs.

Connor: Uh, Hank, it’s about time I go. Thanks for the evening.

Hank, engrossed in the game: What? There’s 4 minutes left on the clock how could you leave now?

Connor: I… oh, I really, really should get going.

Hank looks up from the and notices the android acting nervous: Are you alright, Connor?

Connor, defensively: Yes, absolutely. I’m just going to call a cab and see myself out. Good night!

—— What Really Happened ——

Connor is relaxing at Hank’s house, sitting on the couch and petting Sumo while watching the basketball game.

As the game nears the end, Hank is hollering the screen when a foul ball is called and suddenly Connor seems more alert, tense even.

Markus, telepathically: You should hurry home. Simon and I are waiting.

Connor: The game is almost over, I’ll be home soon.

Then he appears calm for a bit, and then suddenly is gripping his jean clad thighs, and a moment after that his eyes go comically wide.

Markus: Simon’s lips are so soft. You remember kissing them, don’t you? And Simon always has that bruising grip on your hips when you press against him and bite at his ear. And you can feel his grip convulse when you slip a hand up under his shirt…

Connor: Markus, stop! I’m at Hank’s!

Hank misses all this, having been cheering that the other team missed their free throws and that Michigan was still in the game.

Markus: I’ll stop the moment you walk through our bedroom door. God, that bedroom door. Do you remember when I pushed you against that door frame and pushed up your shirt? When my mouth was on your chest, you squirmed and whimpered like you were trying to escape, like you wanted to run away from pleasure.

Connor: Shit! Markus, I literally have like 5 more minutes please just wait I can’t do this at Hank’s.

Markus: I’m not going to wait. I’m going to torture you with this until you stumble in, blind with need.

A few moments pass before Connor clears his throat, and abruptly stands up and dusts the dog hair off his legs.

Connor: Uh, Hank, it’s about time I go. Thanks for the evening.

Hank, engrossed in the game: What? There’s 4 minutes left on the clock how could you leave now?

Markus: Oh god, I loved that time against the doorframe. It was the first time you really let us touch you. Your LED kept flickering from yellow to red because you kept trying to fight the sensations and, Connor, that was the biggest thrill of all for us. Knowing you wanted this but was fighting it because it was strange and new…

Connor: I… oh, I really, really should get going.

Connor: I swear I’m leaving right now you’ve got to stop…

Hank looks up from the and notices the android acting nervous: Are you alright, Connor?

Markus: The way you sound now is how you sounded then. You’re fighting your reactions.

Connor, defensively: Yes, absolutely. I’m just going to call a cab and see myself out. Good night!

Markus: And then when we slid your pants down your hips—

Connor: No, no-no-no. I’m leaving! I literally walked out the door you have to stop talking to me or I won’t even make it home.

Markus: I’ll give you a ten minute break to make it home.

Connor: But the cab ride is at least 15 minutes—Oh.

Markus: By the way, Simon said for me to tell you, that you should take off your shirt and tie but leave the jacket on.

Connor: God, I’m going to die. This is how I die.

Markus: Simon also says that if you’re going to die, death by pillow talk is in the top 10 ways to go.

The cab arrives.

Connor, mumbling aloud: Thank god.