Hi Do You Write For Ben Pavard Or Florian?? I'm Just Asking Because There's Actually Zero Stuff About

Request for y/b being insecure about her looks and her body because the other wives/girlfriends look so much better than her in her opinion? (And can it take place during the World Cup celebrations?) oh and this is for Antoine btw

Just posted, thank you for requesting! Hope you like it!

All that matters

An Antoine Griezmann imagine

Based on this request:

Request for y/n being insecure about her looks and her body because the other wives/girlfriends look so much better than her in her opinion? (And can it take place during the World Cup celebrations?) oh and this is for Antoine btw

Enjoy!

~~~

Crowds. Crowds of people surrounded the football pitch in hopes for their favourite team to win. Cheers embraced you as Antoine scored his penalty shot against Croatia. Another goal closer to being the champions of the world. A pang of proudness shot through your heart, and an enormous grin found its way on your face. You knew how much it meant to him. He has always wanted to make his country and family proud, but most importantly - he wanted to make you proud. You found yourself in the middle of friends, families and lovers of the other football players and you couldn’t help but to notice the how beautiful the other women were. Their cheekbones looked almost carved by gods, their lips plump, hair done to the perfection and their slim figures moved themselves in the rhythm of another cheer song. A sudden insecurity hit you that you were probably looking like you have too much going on at a time, your hair a mess, face flushed from cheering too much, clothes chosen to be as comfortable as possible, not glamorous like the others’. Your arms found their way around your midriff, almost shielding your stomach. You couldn’t help yourself, you knew you are nothing compared to them. Tears pricked in your eyes when you understood that Antoine deserves someone flawless, like him.

Til the end of the match only a couple of minutes were left, a huge smile was plastered on your face both because the french national team is destined to finally win and because you were trying to put your mind at ease from all the negative thoughts about yourself. It was Antoine’s day, you couldn’t bring yourself to be so selfish and ruin his mood with your own problems. As the whistle blew, tears slid down your cheeks. They had done it! You noticed Antoine on the pitch, happy tears in his eyes and that gorgeous smile of his on his face as he congratulated his teammates. Some were running towards their children to bring them on the pitch, some were rushing to their wives and girlfriends to engulf them in an embrace and say thank you for supporting them. Seeing them together made you feel crushed, because you knew that next to Anto you look like a nobody, yet he was still there, calling loud and clear for your name and extending his arms as if waiting to be hugged.

He was ecstatic, absolutely mind blown and couldn’t believe that he had just won. His mind was going a million miles per hour, yet the first thing he thought of was you. He searched for you in the crowd and when he found you, his legs started working before his mind did. He couldn’t help himself, he was in awe of how beautiful you look in his jersey, the stripes of the french flag drawn on your cheeks. Hair up in a perfect mess, showing off your beautiful face. Once he reached the benches, he noticed the look on your face, though the smile was bright, it didn’t quite reach your eyes the way he loves it so much. Your eyes were filled with sorrow as you looked upon the families of his mates. He called for you:

“(Y/N)! Baby!”

She ran towards him and quite literally almost fell over from the excitement of seeing him.

“I am so proud of you, Anto,” she whispered in his neck as he tightened his hold on her.

“I did this all for you, love,” he whispered back, feeling his eyes sting once again, now that he is in the arms of his lover.

He lifted you up and spun you around, shouting out of excitement, and though at first you were doing the same, you soon realised that he is holding up the whole weight of your body, the feeling of insecureness once again returned and you begged him to let you down.

“Hey, what’s wrong, mon amour?”

“It’s nothing, you are tired, I don’t want you to hurt yourself while holding me up for so long, you still have to celebrate, you know,” you tried to laugh it off, however the hint of panic in your voice screamed louder than your words to Antoine to know that something indeed was wrong.

“Tell me, please. I want to know what’s bothering you,” he said, once again engulfing you, knowing that cameras are everywhere and will probably catch the two of you off guard at some point.

“It’s nothing. Just stupid old me being stupid”

“You are not stupid, stop it, (Y/N). Please, I am begging you,” he said, took your face in his hands and looked deeply in your eyes.

You looked away. Once again your eyes averted to other girlfriends and you couldn’t help but sigh at how gorgeous they looked. Antoine, however, not being a fool soon caught up.

“Is it because of them? Did they say anything bad to you? Did they hurt your feelings? Tell me,” he demanded, getting rilled up even from the thought of them being rude to you.

“No, no, they didn’t, I promise.. It’s just..”

“It’s just what?”

“I am nothing compared to them… I am not as beautiful or skinny or well dressed as them. Hell, I look like a wet rat while they look like angels in this stupid rain,” you confessed, your voice small, “I am not worthy of you, Antoine. I will never be that someone you are proud to show off, I will never be the one people look up to and call beautiful, I'm just not..” you trailed off.

“I… I-I..” he stuttered, “I cannot believe how big of a fool you are, (Y/N). You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever had the chance to lay my eyes upon in my entire life. What you were saying are all lies. I love you for who you are and the way you are. No one will ever be able to top that. God, I am so smitten with you that even the thought of you thinking so low of yourself makes me angry. Please, never, ever say that again. I promise you that 'til the day I die I will cherish every single inch of you and will make it my task to prove you how truly beautiful you are. Don’t ever be ashamed of it. I will carry you in my arms until they give out and then I will pick you up again and again. Je t’aime.” he breathed out and you couldn’t help the smile on your face from appearing and tears glistened in your eyes.

He took you by the hand, intertwined your fingers and took you down to the pitch. He put his medal around your neck and kissed you in the pouring rain.

“I am only a winner, because I have you,” he breathed out and kissed you once again.

Everything else faded away, it was just the two of you in the world. And it is all that matters.

Hi, you are an amazing writer and I believe that you have a bright future and as a personal advice, I believe you have to be comfortable and happy with the things you write because at the end the work you made is for you, so I´ll be more than happy to read all your ideas.

Thank you so much for the kind words. It really means the world to me that people like my writings! I appreciate it :)

No more

A Whoever-you-want-it-to-be imagine

Trigger warnings: Angst, domestic violence, blood.

Read at your own risk!

If you ever come into contact with such violence against you or anybody you know, please, contact the authorities or call the domestic violence hotlines. Nobody should ever feel oppressed and violated. 

~~~

Tired. You were simply tired of all the meaningless fighting. It wasn’t like you two didn’t have anything to fight for, having been together for so long had to mean something, didn't it? It didn't seem to be enough anymore though, to keep you two together. The once intertwined hands now pointed at each other in rage more often than they met in peace, the only laughter that was shared was out of anger and pity. The kisses once shared turned into harsh words, while love slowly turned into hatred. You don’t even remember when and how it all went wrong anymore. Days you once thought to be the worst of your life now only serving as a proof to the wind before a storm. A storm you were never ready for.

It had come to a point when neither of you even knew whether the other comes home, the bed once shared in peace and love had become only one of the evidences of a broken relationship, a lost war that had only left heaps of unhealed wounds. Some days it seemed to have stopped. The fighting, the lies and the hurt. His hands once again found yours, his lips - your body, leaving love bites next to the bruises he had left before. He had never intended to hurt you, no. He says to even not remember doing so, yet you do. Each mark, each wound, each word that often hurt more than what he left on your flesh for the world to see.

Each mark on his body. Ones you had never left there. Others have. And no matter how much it hurt you, there was nothing you could do about it. The smell of their perfume made you sick, the stains of their lipstick on his shirts made your stomach twist, but your hands never did anything more than clean and fold them for him to wear again, only to return with the same stains, just a different perfume. Was it really none of your business anymore?

More often than not you found yourself hiding. You kept trying to tell yourself that you are hiding from him, when in reality it was you you were hiding from, but couldn’t. Your heart was broken. To an extent where it was way past the point of repair, yet you managed to heal it every time you thought the pain had passed. And you were once again in love. He said to feel the same. Until the next time. And the next time proved to be worse than the ones before. It almost felt gradual. Like levels of a twisted game you never got tired of playing, but when you finally did, it presented you an offer you knew you couldn’t pass. It lured you in. Badly. Yet were you in the wrong for falling for the devil? They say that even the devil was an angel once locked out of the heaven. Maybe it was him the people had warned you and others about.

Summers had always been your favourite. Not because of the blooming nature, the bright colours or the warmth. It was because you could finally put on the dresses you had insisted on buying during the wintertime. It was until this summer that you realised your hatred for them. The marks on your body made you feel disgusted and unloveable. 'No wonder he didn’t love me anymore,' you had thought. 'Who would love somebody this broken on the inside and outside?’ But he did.

You came home to a smell of freshly picked flowers. A smell you had not felt in a long time. And there he was. A living devil in disguise of an angel. He smiled at you, making you wince. What had he done this time? Was it another girl he was trying to apologise for? No, it couldn’t be. He had stopped apologising for it a long time ago. Was it another broken mirror or a wall he had broken in the midst of having a spark of anger? However, his knuckles showed no evidence of it. His hand reached behind his back, you were no fool, you noticed that. You took a step back just as he did toward you. He sighed, yet didn't say a word. Then he spoke up.

“I love you,” he had said after what had felt like years of silence, “I love you and I want you to be mine forever. Marry me and I promise - no more,” he had said.

“Yes,” was your answer, even though your mind and soul was screaming no. He made a promise. You couldn’t do that to him. No, not you. You couldn’t hurt him. Not like he hurt you. Wounds heal, don’t they?

It had been a year since that day. He had come home to you, kissed you on your forehead and given you a bouquet of fleshly picked flowers.

“For you,” he had said. You smiled.

He took you by the hand and lead you to the garden. It was a peaceful night. The stars shone bright. A glass was put in your hand as one was in his. They clinked against each other.

“Cheers,” he toasted and smiled.

So much had changed within a year. It almost felt too good to be true. Almost. One glass turned into two. Two toasts in three, and four clinks in the breaking of the thin glass. Wine coated your lap. You had tried to laugh it off, but the alcohol in his system had other plans.

You had been here before, yet you were not the one to learn from your mistakes. Your body collided with the wall that was recently repaired in the hopes of never being broken again. The blood from your nose soon found your white dress. It was summer after all, and the old wounds had healed. But he wanted more. You looked back at him when he shouted. The veins on his forehead and the black eyes made him look insane. Yet he hadn’t expected your act of bravery. He had not expected to see you looking back at him as he raised his hand.

“Look away,” he demanded. You didn’t. You stood there and looked him dead in the eyes. Understanding. Hurting, but no more hiding.

His hand was still in the air, his breath got caught up in his lungs. Unmoving.

“No more,” she had whispered as she made her way to him. Caressing his cheek in such a manner that made silent tear run down his face. He fell on his knees. Begging.

“No more,” she repeated, as she took off her ring and made her way towards the door. And she didn't look back.

Missing you

A Harry Styles imagine

Based on this request:

hiiii!!! so i'm really wanting to read something like "y/n woke up cuddly", please. ❤

Hope you like it! Requests are open!

~

Waking up on Sunday has always been something you’ve looked forward to, no matter how weird it may sound. Ever since you and your boyfriend Harry moved in together, you’ve made an agreement that on this day it will be just the two of you spending your day off, whenever you get the chance. It’s been a long and tiring week for the two of you, so you knew getting out of bed early won’t be an option, and that made you feel perfectly content...At least until you woke up to realise that there is no one sleeping next to you.

You propped yourself on your elbows to get a better view of your shared bedroom, seeing both of your yesterday’s clothes on the floor after the rather steamy events. Harry’s phone and wallet, however, were no longer on his bedside table where you last saw them, which made you frown. You took your phone and checked the time - 9:16AM. The notifications on your phone consisted of the usual news reports, some friends wanting to arrange plans and someone liking your latest post every once in a while. No messages from Harry. You took off the blanket, crawled out of the bed and slowly padded to the bathroom, not wanting to make a lot of noise, even though there was no actual reason to do so. After doing your usual morning routine, you exited the bathroom and tiptoed down the stairs, secretly hoping that Harry has been making breakfast the whole time and you will be able to get your long deserved cuddles, which you have been craving ever since you woke up. Walking into the kitchen made disappointed find its way into the pit of your stomach, seeing that not only there was no food ready to be devoured, but also no Harry and his strong arms to hold you. I know, priorities. Before getting slightly irritated by the fact that he has left the house without making sure you knew as to where, you heard the front door unlock and Harry’s heavy Chelsea boots making their way into the house, making a relieved sigh leave your mouth. You then propped yourself on the dark marble counter of your kitchen, slightly wincing at the cold surface hitting your bottom and making you shiver.

Harry, on the other hand, took of his boots, happily humming a new tune he had come up with when he woke up this morning, seeing you sound asleep by his side. Even though he did not want to leave you, breakfast for two sounded good enough to leave the warmth of your body and to head downstairs in order to cook a mean French toast with eggs and bacon. To his surprise there was no food left in the refrigerator, his only option being grocery shopping, which is exactly what he did, hoping to be back before his love woke up. Unfortunately for him, after taking his boots and coat off and making his way towards your shared bedroom, forgetting the shopping bags by the door, as he approached the room, he noticed you no longer sleeping as the little angel you are, very well knowing you never wake up this early, and a worried expression made its way onto his face. As he hurriedly headed towards the bathroom, hoping to see you there, he was met with the soft voice he had fallen for when you two first met.

“Are you looking for something?” You spoke up.Harry quickly spun around, his green eyes meeting yours, worry leaving his body as he takes in your appearance - hair disheveled, cheeks red and lips puffy as usual, begging to be kissed, your body only clad with his dress shirt from last night, baring the right amount of skin to get Harry worked up, his breath heaving.

“Morning, love. What are you doing up so early? You got me worried for a second here.” Harry said while making his way towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close to him.

“I woke up and you were gone, I thought something happened..” you sofly said and looked up to him with your puppy dog eyes, making Harry inwardly curse.

“Oh, baby. I was doing some shopping, we must’ve forgot to buy more food, the fridge was empty” he reassured while stroking your hair, making you sigh.

“I missed you, Harry. I was hoping for some cuddles when I woke up” you sadly said.

With that Harry picked you up and took you to your bed, softly landing the two of you on its soft surface.

“I missed you, too, babygirl” he said, wrapping his arms around your warm body, and kissed your forehead, his scent enveloping you as you slowly fell back asleep in the arms of the man you love unconditionally, while Harry himself thanked the lucky stars for having someone like you by his side.

New series alert!

Hi guys!

I have been thinking about writing new series on Kylo Ren x !Princess Reader, where the reader is also the last Sith sorceress. I am not sure whether or not you are familiar with the concept of Sith magic, however, I have had this idea for a long time now and the whole series is essentially mapped out already.

It would take you through the rise of Kylo Ren right after Ben Solo had turned to the dark side up until the events of the sequels, although it would not follow everything that happened in TFA, TLJ and TROS. You would be able to follow the story of the princess reader and her journey through learning about her abilities after a tragedy strucks her home planet and she is forced to flee from the grasp of the First Order and its Supreme Leader Snoke.

I don’t want to give away too much, but even I am excited to see how this story unfolds, so if you are interested in reading this story, do let me know in the comments or my inbox. I would be happy to give you a prologue by the end of the next week!

It's me that's lucky

An Antoine Griezmann imagine:

Based on this request:

Also i just had this imagine in mind like I read somewhere that one player finally said in the interview that he had try so hard to get this girl she really like to go ona a date with him for like 40 times before she actually said yes and I was wondering if u could do it with anto like u know he's a footballer and all but he have to impress you first because you're not that easy and he's trying so hard because you're like a challenge different from his other girls and he likes you so much 😘

Just now understood that it's not exactly what was requested, but nevertheless I hope you will enjoy it! 

~~~

“I am here with the world famous french football player Antoine Griezmann, thank you for coming and congratulations on your win, your performance was spectacular,” the interviewer greeted him, while they both shook hands.

It was another interview filled day in which Antoine felt like a circus animal in a cage. Though he had grown accustomed to all the attention and the typical questions he was asked over and over again, something about this interview had sparked his interest. Not because the interviewer was a drop dead gorgeous woman, rather than a 40 year old man, as it was in this case, but because of the questions he was asked. Now normally he respects his fair share of privacy regarding his family and personal life, however the accomplishment he was feeling just wanted to burst though him and reveal how truly happy and excited he was about you finally agreeing to give him a chance to prove himself as a man worth loving.

“Now, I know that you are a man of your word and always keep things as quiet as possible when it comes to your family and loved ones, but by the looks of it neither you, nor your teammates cannot contain the excitement of you finally having a special someone in your life, am I correct?”

“Well, yes, that is correct. There is this one absolutely stunning woman I have been trying to get a hold of for the longest time. She really is the woman of my dreams, yet every time I had asked her on a date, she always refused, which was extremely frustrating. I had tried everything, but me being a public person had made her weary of me and the person she thought I was. Of course that left me desperate, but nevertheless she finally agreed to give me a chance right before I left for the World Cup, which sort of worked like a kickstart. I believe this victory has something to do with her,” he laughed, but deep down in his mind he truly believed it.

“Was it something you could call love at the first sight or was it a bit more complicated?” the interviewer inquired.

“We first met almost a year ago at one of my mate’s birthday party. The moment I saw her I knew there is something about this woman that makes me really attracted to her, yet I never got the courage to ask her out that day. I did try to show off a bit, though,” he chuckled, “but even my mates were more impressed than she was, and it was not something I was initially going for. I do remember talking to her that night, however, she was an absolute sweetheart and I knew I was crushing hard when it was time for her to leave. I never got to see her again until a few months ago, though. Then I did manage to get her number and literally started asking her out every day at every change that I got. God, she was so annoyed by it, but she is too sweet of a person to tell me to lay off. It’s sort of ironic, though, because she kept refusing my offers,” his smile was so bright it almost seemed like his eyes are nonexistent from being squeezed together by his cheeks so tightly.

“And how did you manage to get a date in the end?” the man had grown very interested as was the filming crew, which had grown quiet and listened carefully.

“Well, I don’t really know if I want to spill all the details, I’m afraid someone might use it against me and ask her out,” he said seriously with a hint of humour and a smile in his eyes. “I arrived at her house, knowing that she was not there, because on those days she had late meetings. I knocked nevertheless, just felt the need to make my presence known. I remember being extremely frustrated that day, because we had had some quite extreme trainings for the whole week and we had to leave the next day, but I didn’t feel ready to go. So I stood there and just talked. About everything. I spoke to her door of how much I like her smile, how ridiculously annoying she was when she refused to give me a chance for a god knows how stupid of a reason. How I liked the way her hair smells and the way her lips curve in that devilish smile of hers, I confessed how much she truly means to me, even though I could not say that I know her that well or was in the position to even hope for something more than just the friendship she had offered to me. I may have wanted to hit the door with the flowers I had bought her on my way to her house. At least ’til the moment she told me not to, because “that would be a waste of a lovely effort”. When I say that my heart stopped the moment she spoke up from behind me, I mean it. I was so extremely embarrassed, yet so relieved that she had heard me. I believe it was all it took, because she said yes,” he said, his voice small, a faint smile played on his lips as he was deep in his thoughts.

The interviewer cleared his voice, but no words seemed to come out of his mouth for a moment.

“I believe she is a lucky girl to have you, Antoine,” he said, genuinely meaning it, and patted him on the shoulder, “if there were more men like you in the world, it would truly be a more love-filled place. I respect that, my friend.”

“It’s me. It’s me that’s lucky. Not every man can find someone that makes his heart beat faster. I did."

I need you

An Antoine Griezmann imagine

Based on this request:

Hey! I saw you’re taking requests so I thought maybe something about Antoine being with a new girl after Erika and him broke up and she’s a lot younger then him and she meets his family for the first time and she feels really insecure and scared that his family will think she‘s ruining his life?

Part two will be up shortly! Enjoy!

~~~

It’s been over six months now since Erika and Antoine's divorce. Though it was hard for both of them, especially knowing that they share a child, Antoine had known that it is for the better. Though at first the thought of them two splitting was only something he had seen as a side effect of being so tired, thus always frustrated with everything going on in his life, he could not for the dear life of him forget the night he had met you.

It was around eight months ago. The season had just ended, and Antoine and his team mates had gone out for a drink to the local pub in Madrid. The night was filled with alcohol and laughs, a few more serious topics had found their way in the conversations, but it was nothing more than just drunk talks, or at least that’s what Antoine had thought. He vaguely remembers telling his friends that he is tired of the consistency in his life, tired of coming home to be met with his wife that always says and asks the same meaningless things, tired of feeling no more spark in their relationship. He loved her and his daughter, of course, but the feeling in his guts was trying to prove him otherwise to mess with his mind. But maybe it was just the alcohol...

You, however, were sitting by the bar with your friends and sipping the not-so-club-esque drink of Coke, not feeling in the mood to get piss drunk and not remember even anything that had happened the night before, like it had happened to your friend the other day and left her traumatised to such an extent that she did not even attend your weekly friday outing. Your friends were spinning around the dance floor, some were looking for a compatible one night stand, while the others were way too tipsy to even look like they are dancing, not just having a casual seizure in the middle of the club. The feeling in your bones had sent shivers down your spine, once you recognised that someone has been watching you the whole time you were lost in your thoughts. You felt the piercing look, but you didn’t dare to glance in its direction. You figured that it would be for the best, as it would not provoke something you were not even sure you would be able to handle, if necessary. After a while, though, the curiosity had gotten the best of you, making you look directly in the direction of the glare, but you found nothing. Just a couple of backs turned in your direction, some shaking with laughter, some twisted in an ungodly way to see someone that had fallen off of a stool. It almost felt as a disappointment to you. It’s not like you wanted the attention, but the fact that you never really got it angered you. It was until you felt a warm breath on your neck that triggered your heartbeat.

“I’m sorry for bothering you, but you look way too lonely and beautiful to spend the night alone,” the stranger had said.

You turned around only to be met with the most beautiful blue eyes you thought you had ever seen. Your breath hitched in your throat and it was suddenly hard to breathe, yet you managed to get out a response that intrigued the handsome man in front of you. One sentence lead to another and by the end of the night it felt as if you had know Antoine already prior your meeting, but it certainly didn’t bother you. Though you had learned that he was in his mid-twenties, married and had a child, with you being almost six years younger than him and single, something about him screamed despair and longing for something more in his life, but it was against your principles to even imagine having something more with him than just a conversation. When the time came for you to leave, you had decided against giving him your number or even telling him your last name in the hopes of him trying to find you via social media. He was saddened, to say the least, but understood that asking for your number would lead to something more than just a friendly relationship, or at least that was what he had imagined. He was smitten by you in a matter of few minutes and letting you go seemed as the worst decision in his life.  

The next few days went by as a blur for both of you, as neither of you had been able to think of anything else than one another. It was until one night that Antoine had only seen you as just a girl in the bar that he oh so desperately was trying to get out of his brain. A night in which he dreamt of thoughts so unholy that even he himself was surprised by how needy he was to see you again, to smell your perfume and touch the silkiness of your skin. It was once again Friday, when he had told Erika he was going out with his mates, when in fact he was just hoping to see you again. Of course he had remembered you saying that this was the usual weekly outing place for you and your friends, and he couldn't have been more anxious yet giddy just to see you again. Once he entered, his eyes were looking for your face, butterflies were swarming his stomach - a feeling he had not felt in a very long time. Once he saw you, he couldn’t help but smile, but that soon vanished as he noticed you sitting with a guy he knew you hadn’t mentioned before. A pang of jealousy had struck him then and there, yet he knew there is nothing he could do about it as you weren’t his. He slowly approached the bar and made sure that he did so in a manner that would not go unnoticed by you. He pretended to notice you only after a while of sitting by the bar and sipping on a glass of scotch. He noticed your eyes smile when they met his, and he was met with a reassurance that you were indeed happy to see him - something he didn’t know he needed. He approached you and introduced himself to the man sitting next to you. It turned out he was a best friend of yours and was keeping you company to make sure you are safe, and Antoine appreciated it. After a while the guy left and the two of you were once again left to a conversation that soon grew a lot more personal and intimate than when it first started. He confessed that he was not able to get you out of his head and that he needed more of you, to which you responded with the same neediness and desire. You two exchanged numbers, yet you had felt the need to exchange more than just that.

The days spent texting soon turned into a few hours spent together, which turned into days and sometimes even nights. You knew he was married and so did he, but neither of you seemed to care when the two of you were together. Erika, though oblivious to the two of you, knew that Antoine no longer wanted to be in a relationship, which had left her broken. They had set a date of divorce, which she had desperately tried to postpone or even cancel at all, yet Antoine had made his mind. When you asked him as to what made him make this decision and why with her, he only responded with:

“I have never felt anything like this with anyone else than you, (Y/N). I need you, and if I won’t have you, I will go insane."

Do you write only for Antoine? Xx

As of now, yes. It is what I had mainly decided on writing, because I feel like I know enough about him to freely come up with some ideas, but as I already answered to one of the previous asks, I am looking for good prompt lists that I could use in my future writings and maybe do sort of a “multiple scenarios for different characters” in one post kind of a thing, if that makes sense? I will at some point in the near future (most likely today) make a post about which players would you guys like to read about and then I will try to come up with a solution. I hope this somehow answered your question. Thank you for asking! 

Never the same

A Raymond imagine ( 'The Gentlemen' 2020)

Summary: Before Raymond became a man hardened by the harsh reality of the world he belongs to, one to never get attached and live for himself alone, there was her. Someone he would have given his life for and someone he ultimately chose to let go. And after her, he has never been the same.

Warnings: Substance consumption, angst

I hope you will enjoy reading this piece as much as I enjoyed writing it. It has been way too long since I have written something, but whilst I was gone I developed a massive love towards Charlie Hunnam and characters portrayed by him, the latest one being Ray. Feedback is always appreciated and my apologies if the aforementioned warnings lack something important, as it is the first time I am disclosing them in my writings! Enjoy! :)

Italics indicate retrospectives!

~

Raymond wasn't always quite like this. He wasn't one to seek out one night stands, too endorsed in guarding his already broken heart to give a shit about the heart of a girl he takes home for the night. Too endorsed in satisfying his primal needs after drinking the night away to forget the emptiness his soul has strung along since the day he left her. The day his soul last felt complete. Ever since then nothing has been able to fix what was broken and Raymond hadn't bothered to, anyway. He didn't feel like he deserved it. Too engrossed in self-hatred that he has managed to hide from the prying eyes of his boss and subordinates. At least that's what he thought. 

Every morning is a painful reminder of a past self that he can no longer recognize in the mirror, however, that has never stopped him from putting on a happy face and going on with his duties as Mickey’s right hand, only to fall in bed with a woman whose name he wasn't even bothered to remember, too drunk to feel anything at the end of the day. The only thing keeping Raymond from going insane is that he truly believes letting her go was the right thing to do, even though lately he has been having trouble distinguishing right from wrong, happiness from sadness and dreams from nightmares. It's her that has been poisoning his dreams, getting a hold of his most hidden memories, ones too good, yet painful to ponder on even for a minute without them leaving a bitter aftertaste in his mouth with what-could-have-beens and what-ifs. Ones that make him wish he could take it all back and once again become the man he used to be with her.

~

“You do realise that I love you more than life itself, do you?” she said, letting out a light chuckle afterwards as to not sound so desperate. Desperate to love him, have him, call him hers. But her eyes gave it away. They always did. Raymond was able to read her like a book. A book filled with secrets, pain, suffering and outweighed by joy, happiness and love so pure it could complete his own corrupted soul. With her sun seemed to shine a little brighter, the water seemed to be a tad bit bluer and he was able to see past the life of a criminal he had decided to become a part of. 

This was a reoccurring conversation they seemed to be having almost daily at this point. Just like Raymond was able to read her like a book, so could she read him. And behind that handsome face and beautiful, albeit tormented soul hid a vulnerable man scared to fully commit to her, give himself to her and just love, because the life he is used to leading is no place for love and weaknesses. And a weakness she is. 

“I know,” is all he would answer. But that seemed to be enough for her because behind those two words hid a sea of emotions he felt for her. And she knew. She knew he loved her, possibly more than she could even comprehend. What she didn't know, however, is that through these simple, yet oh so vulnerable conversations they have also been saying goodbye.

~

Raymond awoke in cold sweat, too shaken by his dreams to fall back asleep, too restless to just numb his mind and rid of the feelings he thought he had grown out of. Foolish of him, he knows, but how could he not think that the love he once felt for her is gone if he doesn't even remember the last time he willingly thought of her. Only in his dreams does he let his guard down and unconsciously prays to go back to the days when he called her his. Before he found a remedy in alcohol and drugs that for once filled his system with something that numbed his bottled-up feelings. But tonight it wasn't an option, he was on a job that required for him to be alert of his surroundings and the looming threat of getting killed by Mickey's rivals looking to retaliate. And so he was forced to face his biggest enemy in the dark of the night. Himself.

~

“I just… don't understand. How can this be a goodbye, how can you just walk away?” she cried, too hurt to hide her tears, too broken to pretend like she can fix this. Because even though she doesn't want to believe it, she knows he is leaving. And there is nothing she can do, even though there is nothing she wouldn't do just to have him for one more day.

“You knew all too well how this is going to end when we decided to give this a shot. We are not working out and there is nothing you can do to change my mind,” he said, seemingly unphased by their imminent parting on the outside, while he was absolutely breaking on the inside. However, for once in her own heartbreak she wasn't able to see past his exterior, only meeting his cold eyes and stoic face that made her soul break a little more, for she thought she had truly lost him. In reality, he was breaking on the inside, too, a little more now that he sees the pain he has inflicted upon her. But this had to be done to protect her. Because if there is one thing in the world he wouldn't forgive himself for, it's being blinded by love and letting her get hurt by the world he belongs to, a world all too harsh for someone so pure. 

~

The job had gone smoothly and Raymond awoke to a world filled by one less enemy lurking behind his back. And so it called for a celebration, one to numb his mind and put the last night's events to rest. What he didn't anticipate, however, is seeing her occupying his favourite seat by the bar he often joked to be his third home. While at first, his heart skipped one too many beats, causing his face to pale and palms to sweat, something about her presence brought the feeling of peace. For once in the longest time, everything seemed to fall into its place, as if stars had aligned in his favour. Because he can no longer stand the thought of living through another night dreaming of their shared past that still haunts him. Admittedly, after her, Raymond has never been the same. But maybe, just maybe, after seeing her for the first time in years, the same glimmer in her eyes, bright smile and laughter that made him fall utterly and unconditionally in love with her, being the foolish boy who once used to be able to call her his is not what he yearns to be any more, for he was the one who let her go. Maybe what he needs is another chance at being a better man. 

With her.