(clickbait Hehehe)

The power of emotional attachment - My Beautiful Man

This is going to be long, buckle up.

This might be a hard pill to swallow but hardly any lasting relationship can be entirely healthy.

Call it what you want but unexplainable attachment, shared past/trauma is what works to keep people together when rationality fails (and emotions aren't rational). Sometimes you stay together just because you're used to being around each other. Familiarity is comfort.

Sure, Hira is touched when Kiyoi steps in while he gets bullied but the unexplainable attachment is his attraction. Hira hated going to school since day 1. He stuttered like he dreaded on the first day of school & was ready to get bullied. Kiyoi walks in late with carefree strides & draws attention away from Hira much to his relief. He looked like everything Hira was not. Popular, confident.... Attractive. For the first time Hira is helplessly attracted to someone. Watching Kiyoi was an incentive to go to school. This helps Hira endure the bullying. Since he had decided Kiyoi is unattainable, loving him felt safe. There was distance, no fear of rejection, no shattered expectations. Hira subconsciously associates Kiyoi with his will to wake up & continue going to school, continue living daily life when he had no one to come home to.

Initially Kiyoi is weary of Hira's intentions. Hira gives off an impression of a weirdo, a sore loser, a stalker. Kiyoi softens gradually as Hira keeps his secret safe. For the first time someone wants nothing from him. Hira loving him from a distance seems so selfless that Kiyoi can't help but find it cute. So he subconsciously associates Hira with unconditional love & admiration. Kiyoi wanted to be a celebrity for the exact same reason - to witness the adoration he saw in Hira's eyes. Something he had in his own eyes for those on TV.

As time passes, Kiyoi sees the downside. Hira likes his imaginary version of King Kiyoi & not the attention starved Kiyoi. He is indeed a fanatic & his religion/God is Kiyoi the mere mortal. Kiyoi is torn between attachment & his need for acceptance at this point. He's heartbroken that Hira refuses to see through him. After all the drama that happens, these scenes are a turning point.

This is Kiyoi finally communicating his needs for once. He admits that he wants to melt into Hira's embrace only if Hira will NOT act like a devotee but as his boyfriend. Yes, Hira is selfish. He wants to feel safe so he decided it was goodbye after Kiyoi kissed him & said see you again. He chose to ignore the endearing tone of stalker. It's obvious even without context that Kiyoi meant "Yes you're gross & annoying. But I love putting up with you, Idk why. So please stay around me."

These Hira scenes with Hira as top are especially meaningful. It not only shatters the stereotype of the ruder character with heavier built topping, but also shows the true essence of the characters. (This is has nothing to do with who is more dominant/ submissive in the relationship!!) Kiyoi wanted to feel loved, cared for & pampered. And Hira wanted to do exactly that. To give Kiyoi the attention he craved for.

Hira pins Kiyoi down. It's like he's bringing him down from the pedestal he put him on. Hira is letting himself express his desires. As for Kiyoi, he's finally feeling safe being vulnerable with the one he yearned for. The ending is symbolic of a new beginning. It's 2 people choosing to put aside their perceptions of each other & start looking at the other as an equal. Look at each other beyond appearance & image.

This is Kiyoi accepting Hira. Notice how he never talked to Hira in public in the past? They barely talked even if they were together in isolation back in high school.

But now, he's clingy IN PUBLIC. It's Kiyoi saying "Yes Hira you are extremely gross to the point I question why I love you. But I love you regardless & I am willing to accept even your most disgusting form."

Hira can come across as a creepy stalker to others but he's Kiyoi's beloved stalker.

no one talks about how difficult it is to never settle. they just say "never settle. you are the icon. yay. slay." no. one. ever. talks about how difficult it is to decide that it is not worth it.

bcs more often than not we are not even sure if we are passing something that is the best we can get. sometimes we are not sure if we are even being reasonable when asking for more. the confusion whether we are actually not settling for less or having unrealistic expectations. the constant battle in our head between waiting and trying for better vs taking the easy way out of putting up with the first good-ish thing offered to us.

sure, one should never settle for less but no. single. person. ever. fucking. talks about how confusing it is to decide between high standards and delusion.

YURIO HAS A CAT & THIS IS ALL THE SCREEN TIME IT GOT???

Gifs from @namchyoon & @petevegas post

I can't help but wonder if these similarities were intentional.

Let's look at the couples. Both are facing a shared problem. Pat Pran are sick of their controlling parents. Puen Talay are trying to cope with the untimely demise of Joob.

Pran & Talay have a fear of patterns. Pran is afraid of his mother forcefully transferring him again. His high school heartbreak is unhealed. He's afraid that every time he gets close to Pat, fate will split them apart.

Talay has a fear of abandonment. Just a week ago Up & Aou went their separate ways. Puen disappeared entirely. Top it all Fuse & Kita graduated before him. Hardly had Friend Credits re-united when Joob passed away. His fear of abandonment resurfaced.

Pat & Puen themselves didn't have it better. Pat had gotten scolded by his father for prioritising the play over rugby. He also had to cope with his father's betrayal which caused him & Parn to be star crossed lovers.

Puen too was mourning the loss of Joob. The one in whom he saw a maternal figure. Even his own fears were likely to be triggered watching Dol regret holding back from confessing until it was too late.

Puen & Pat exhibited immense strength by not only standing tall, but also by holding their partners from collapsing.

Pat could have simply asked for a break or ended it altogether. Because from the looks of it, they both were financially dependent on their families. Instead of being practical or reckless, Pat asked Pran to run away with him until they could come up with a solution. A solution that would let them continue holding each other's hand.

Puen too, could have done anything. Confessed impulsively, cried or remained silent. He himself was shook & unsure of his fate. Moreover watching Dol regret must have added to his own insecurities. But he mustered up his last ounce of courage & confidence to reassure Talay.

"Can I hug you to sleep all night?" In this case was not "I'm in love with you" or "I will protect you" but rather a reassurance that "I'll still be holding you after you sleep & wake up. I will never disappear on you ever again. I won't abandon you."

"when death// takes my hand// i will hold you with the other// and promise to find you// in every lifetime ~ commitment, rupi kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers”

PS it's funny is that Talay technically looks like Pat & Puen like Pran in this alternate universe given the casting....like you know what I'm saying right 😂😂

Episode 11 | “Have you ever thought that I might be worried? Please understand how worried I am of you.”

A round of applause for Fort please, please. This is probably the first moment that I really felt heartbroken for Prapai. He’s so goddamn worried. He still doesn’t know fully what happened to Sky, so all his assumptions are based purely on his own imagination. He was worried, but also immensely hurt, but he also cares too much about Sky to make him feel guilty about it. So you can see how conflicted he is in this moment, trying to reign in his emotions. He’s angry out of concern, but he doesn’t want to take it out on Sky in the slightest.

How Kim & WIK were 2 different people until Porchay came along.

Part 4/4

For the first time Kim almost immediately loses his composure on hearing Porchay didn't turn up for his college interview.

Let's take a moment to appreciate how deep Porchay's love was. 😭 He must have dreamt of joining music school after idolising WIK. The more he got to know him, his idol became his muse & first love. (There's a quote which says "Love is creating a religion with a fallible God") He loved him with all his heart so when WIK left so did Porchay's ability to make art 🥺🥺🥺🥺

The vexed person here is not Kim but WIK. He was surprised after hearing even teachers found Porchay as promising as he did. He did spend time tutoring Chay & as a teacher, he was hoping his student to do well.

He also knows Chay is neither incapable nor weak. He was not like regular kids whose main struggles were graduating high school or getting into college. Porchay was coping with their uncle's betrayal. Porsche abruptly leaving him alone with a letter & no way of communication. He was fighting his battles alone the whole time & still managed to stay positive.

Kim probably went thinking Porchay lost confidence & needs reassurance. But then he realized he had been a monster all along. Because it hit him that WIK was the reason Porchay learnt to dream. And KIM was the one who crushed it.

When Porchay tells him off, Kim realises for the first time that he's not in position to lecture anyone. Now that he let someone know about his double life, who was he to teach about separating personal & professional lives? What right did he have to tell anything, when Porchay reminded that he never interfered in Kim's life?

When Kim left warning "From now on, what you do is your darn decision" I don't think he meant, "I'm no longer going to care about you or protect you."

Rather, he must have meant, "You're growing into an adult who needs to take responsibility of his life. So don't do anything that you would regret later." He's right. Porchay should have prioritised college. He's got a long life ahead to wallow, date & break up.

But it doesn't look right when it's coming from Kim, who grew up the way he did, has almost no issues listening to his head over his heart, and is now failing to either hold on or let go. He first leads him on, breaks his heart, and still continues to show up like a knight in shining armor. Only walk away without even an elaborate apology. He can't nurse his broken heart & move on until you withdraw from his life P'Kim😪

Now ik we're all rooting for a happy ending for our y/n x celebrity in a mafia au 😂

It's unrealistic to expect Kim to turn into this openly affection person with good communication skills. It's also weird if Porchay adjusts seamlessly into the world of organised crime. Yes even I want Kim to go out of his way & give Porchay a grand apology. I also hope Porchay says that he understands but he's still hurt. That he takes his time to heal & forgive.

A believeable happy ending would be the one where Porchay agrees to make an effort to understand Kim & his life. Meanwhile Kim stops separating parts of himself and promises to love Porchay as Kimhan Theerapanyakul instead WIK or KIM.

Love is not an end result but the efforts made every single day.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Possible explaination for Vegas visiting a temple

It is a known fact that Vegas wears a million masks & has lost himself in the process. These could be one of the two reasons he visits a temple despite being a ruthless criminal.

Guilt : As his human side surfaces in ep 11, it now seems believeable that Vegas indeed feels a tinge of guilt for any of these reasons :

Taking away innocent lives

Manipulating people to fall in love with him only to kill them later (they could be the only form of affectionate touch he gets except from Macau)

Having to raise Macau, the only family he loves & trusts, in a toxic environment

Vegas probably wakes up every morning only to fulfil his duties as a son & heir without any self driven motivation. (He doesn't even seem to know himself as Vegas without the Theerapanyakul) He is probably clinging to this mafia life just because there is no alternative. Also there's a need to shield Macau from their toxic father.

Perhaps he goes gives offerings to the temple to beg forgiveness for the sins he's obliged to commit. He could've felt guilty for failing to protect Macau or constantly disappointing his father by always being the second best after Kinn. He might also believe he is paying for the sins of his past lives. Or fear the sins of this life shall carry on to the next.

Which leads me the second possible reason - Lack of purpose.

People commonly turn to spirituality to find answers for questions like - Who am I? What is the purpose of life? Questions which Vegas definitely seems inclined to find answers for. Because he feels unwanted. Unloved. Unworthy. And then in ep 7, he watches Pete.

Pete, who happens to be passing by, stops & bows when he notices a shrine. Earlier in the ep we see Pete asking Big to stop trashing a rival gang member afraid it would lead to his death. This shows Pete's compassionate side despite being in a job that demands you to be violent & merciless. (Yes they needed him to live to make him talk but he neither seemed to have bled nor fainted. We only see Big hitting him only a couple of times prior) Vegas must have considered if faith in God is what keeps a person like Pete from crumbling. So decides to give God a chance.

But someone makes him realize he wants something from life. Which for once, doesn't have to do with his family. Pete.

He might have tried talking to deal with the awkwardness of being caught while spying. But this sentence means a lot to Vegas who has probably never experienced platonic love. No one had ever asked him about his likes or dislikes without intending to use it against him. And now all he wants is someone to whom he can ask about interests & be asked back . So he answers.

However, the peace may not be from just hearing the sermon, but from hearing it alongside Pete. Vegas has never been treated like a commoner before. The absence of hierarchy in this conversation oddly liberates him. And for the first time, he admits to having desires; in his own way.

By next life he could have meant "In a life where we are not us". He wished Pete was his friend in a world where he could afford to have one. A life where he was not his father's son or the minor family's heir. An alternative universe where Pete was not one of his rival's fiercely loyal head bodyguard. Where Vegas didn't have to constantly switch personalities & Pete was still his non-judgemental self.

For the first time Vegas could sense a craving for a human relationship that didn't have to be bound by money, blood or blackmail. And he readily did a ritual if it meant something to his newfound desire.

But the type of love he craves can be found in any relationship. Considering his upbringing, he seems to believe blood or romantic relationships are utilitarian. Which only leaves friendships. A luxury he never had as a mafia prince.

Now to ruin the mood we all know what happens next😂 Pete is fucking attractive so Vegas couldn't hold back & needed an excuse to touch him I guess 🤣🤣

However it is worth noting that humans have multiple layers to their personalities. Moreover humans do tend to look for what they lack in their partners. So it's only normal for Vegas to find that comforting friend in Pete.

PS forgive me if I'm wrong this is my first time posting my own theory/interpretation 😛😅😭

GIF by @gunsatthaphan

Payu be a walking red flag but red is my favorite color 😭

Watching as a pre debut Noeul stan 😪✋🏻

A fanfic of Vegas' villian origin story in KinnPorsche

Imagine Vegas being allowed to go on a field trip to a beach in a village when 13. It's got to do with his father's mission but he's grateful for the chance to use the school bus for once. Like other kids. Cut to Vegas sitting alone waiting for his father in the evening. His classmates have left for home.

He grabs fistfuls of sand & watches the grains slip from his hand while realizing the salt water on his chin is not the sea spray. Suddenly, a hand on his shoulder causes him to flinch. A cracked male voice enquires, "Are you lost?". He shakes his head sideways. On turning around he can't tear his gaze away from the sculpted features of a boy in oversized clothes & messy hair.

"Do you want a friend?" The boy asks again, flashing his dimples & eye smiles. Vegas nods in agreement. The boy sits beside him. "I'm Pete. Even I'm alone today. All my friends are away for vacation. Grandma will be back tomorrow morn. What's your name?" Vegas hesitantly responds, "Vienna. I'm just waiting for my father."

Vegas reads him a story and Pete listens to it with fascination. Pete picks & shows him various seashells but Vegas is only looking at his hands until he spots his father at a distance. Afraid of being spotted together he tells him to hide from his scary father & scurries away.

Since that day Vegas turns to that chest tingling memory for warmth & comfort. He even tries to find that boy but doesn't find any useful leads. Plus the nostalgia of first love also brings regret with it. The fact he didn't even say goodbye. To the boy who deserved to know his real first name at the least. So he tries to distract himself. By plotting against the major family to please his father (spoiler alert : he always fails to)

On a particular bad day the last thing he'd want to do was meeting the major family. But the minor family's heir didn't have the luxury to rest.

This time a new bodyguard greets them with a tight smile. Vegas catches himself thinking "He's cute" as the new recruit escorts them to the meeting room before taking a spot beside Tankhun and half of Vegas' attention.

As they're exiting the room Vegas picks up the new recruit's fallen ID card. He shakes his head in disbelief on seeing a familiar name. There's no way on Earth they could find the one only he knew & never found, right?

His face loses colour when he flips the case. It's like seeing the mirror of Erised. It was a face only he knew from seven years ago. With the same eye smile that had made him feel weak in the knees for the first & last time. There was an old woman in the picture too.

The major family somehow always seemed to have everything he wanted & never got. Loving parents, wealth, power, status, self esteem & respect. Life couldn't be more unfair. One boy, whose memory was only his, his first love, his sole comfort memory that didn't include his deceased mother. Somehow even this was bestowed upon the major family. The one he yearned for was now serving his rivals. They didn't even worship him like he did for 7 long years.

Vegas sought revenge. If he couldn't have his love then he'd never let his rival Kinn be in love either. So he pocketed the card & set out to trap Tawan.