Guys. I Can't Tone.

I have gone fragilely numb

I know this sounds quite dumb.

You strike me and I will ache

Yet there is no joy that I can take.

The only sensation that can

Reach into my brain

Is nothing like bliss

But only dull pain

There is no escape

From eternal ache

I scratch

and I scrape

Like a mouse

On the tape

But there’s still

no escape

Silent scream

Mouth agape

Mind reduced

To an ape

But there’s still

no escape

My heart tears

And then breaks

But there’s still

no escape

So I give up on my self

Fall prey to self hate

I struggle in vain

But there’s still

no escape

Christianity and hate (Ice cold take guys)

YOU ARE NOT CHRISTIAN IF YOU PROMOTE HATE.

YOU'RE NOT.

I don't care what verse you cite. I don't care what justification you give. Christianity is about LOVING OTHERS. THIS IS WHAT PUSHES PEOPLE AWAY. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE LEAVE. If you look at someone and say they are lesser because of xyz, you're NOT CHRISTIAN.

People I know and that I see that have the audacity to go ahead and say you can't curse and then use the lord's name in vain because 'this is an abomination!' just make me SO MAD. YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN IF YOU CLAIM JESUS PREACHES ANYTHING BUT ABSOLUTE LOVE. YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN IF YOU GO TO CHURCH AND THEN TURN AROUND AND TELL SOMEONE THEY'RE GOING TO HELL. THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE.

[Coloured text- YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN IF YOU CLAIM JESUS PREACHES ANYTHING BUT ABSOLUTE LOVE. YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN IF YOU GO TO CHURCH AND THEN TURN AROUND AND TELL SOMEONE THEY'RE GOING TO HELL. THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE.]

I'd Rather

I’d rather be a lot of things

Than myself

On nights like these.

I wish I were someone new

Someone I’ve never seen

Someone who can tell me I’m alright and

There’s nothing wrong

With me.

I’d rather be a mindless beast

Than see humanity again

And I’d rather not wake up

Than face myself again.

I’m scared of myself

And the person I’ll be

And I’d rather be a lot of things

Than myself

On lonely nights like this.

I wish I could just say

How very tired I am

But I’m wrong and I know it

I’m ruined and I know it

Please let me speak

But you won’t

And I know it.

I’d rather do a lot of things

Than try again for you

I’m so tired

I’d rather cry

Than tell you how this feels

I’d rather be ashamed

Than fail again

I’d rather, I’d rather

But that doesn’t change

I’m still myself

On nights like these.

I wonder what it’s like to be normal If anyone normal really exists And if they do, what does it feel like? If it hurts less Or if they’re hollow on the inside Fitting in flawlessly with the world around them I’m dying to know If it’s worth it or if it means losing what’s inside me When I see a normal girl living a normal life I wonder if her insides are twisting like mine Or if she really is as glossy as she looks I’m dying to taste normal just for a second To see if it exists To see if it’s worth it Or if I’m better off Unclean

^ actual blessing of a post

Today in therapy I learned the term double bookkeeping and everything makes much more sense now

“Double bookkeeping is a term introduced by Eugen Bleuler to describe a fundamental feature of schizophrenia where psychotic reality can exist side by side with shared reality even when these realities seem mutually exclusive.”

This is why I can know I’m schizophrenic and still believe my delusions. My psychosis is its own separate reality where everything is possible. Logic doesn’t apply there, I’m unreal, my reality is unreal so unreal things can happen. I know it’s physiologically impossible and implausible, I know it’s a symptom of psychosis and not an experience I share with most of the world, but it’s still real to me

Do any other schizospec folk experience this?

A Coward's Guide To Being Brave

Bravery

A seven-letter word

And here’s a guide

Of seven parts

To teach us all

How to be brave

One

Fake it till you make it

Keep smiling till it’s real

Keep talking till you find

It’s getting easier

Two,

Give second chances

To those that you know

Compassion can change

And learn when

A second chance

Will only hurt you

Three,

Be honest

If only with yourself

About how you feel and

How you don’t

Discover what your passions are

And relearn yourself again

Four,

Keep both feet on the ground

You’re not meant

To be walked over

Or to keep falling down

Until your knees are bruised

Five

You are a work of art

Treat yourself like

You are holy and

You are in control

Even if you’re hurting and you’re bleeding

Your scars inside and out

Make you a canvas of the human life

Six,

Remind yourself you are worthy

You are cared for

And your experiences cannot

Define you forever

Because it’ll hurt

And forever is a long time

For you to forget

You are worthy

Seven,

Remember you’re not a coward

When it’s hard and you

Can’t remember what it’s like

For the sun to shine and the rain

To give you a break

Even when it’s hard to recall

When you loved yourself

And you just keep faking it

But you feel you

Will never make it

You are not a coward.

Bravery

A seven-letter word

And here’s a guide

Of seven parts

To teach us all

How to be brave.

-A coward

Circles

I sit here

And in circles I go

Round and round this carousel

My mind and my heart at war

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

But the flower is just as confused.

I lay here

And in circles I go

Around and around and around

I can’t feel my soul and my heart is losing the fight

They love me, they love me not

I love me, I love me not

I’m out of flowers and I‘m just as lost.

I tumble down

And in circles I go

Round and round and round

I can’t breathe and my mind is screaming

He  loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

A roll of the dice away from something stupid

A spin away from losing my mind

I can’t put the shovel down

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

In circles and circles I go

Around and around this carousel ride.

ooooo, fun game to play? Am I Faking Having Headmates And It's All A Hallucination?? Extra hard mode activated: have had extra hallucinations and intrusive thoughts lately, so there's no way to tell!!

My poor little traumatized meow meow who was groomed and mistreated by two separate shitty father figures

dear gods the world does NOT need a Cult of the Lamb x 40K crossover. Noooo thank you the lamb is already a menace without the chaos gods

combine your first real fandom with your current one to create a terrible, terrible au