OKAY! This Is In My Wheelhouse Cause I Kinda Was In Like This Exact Situation My Junior Year And I’ve

hi guys🤭

so full update of the current school situation i have.

i’m completely not going to school, i’ve missed so much of this semester and i’m not mentally or physically capable of attending, so we’ve switched me into a credit recovery class and i will probably do summer school (maybe?)

but that’s not what i’m here to say,

i emailed Mr.K and as we know, he’s the cutest thing on earth.

i emailed him, here’s the bullet points

im not coming to school anymore

are your new classes as good as my class

hehe that’s silly no class can compare to mine ;)

i went on a date with a boy who was in our shared class with mr k

it was awful

i miss you

hey do you think i’ll regret not going to prom and graduation and such

do you? (he didn’t finish high school he went through a GED course)

advice?

love you miss you

and i finished it with a wholesome meme/picture of two bunnies and it said “no bunny compares to you”

and the next morning he emailed me back with

omg i missed you too

sad to hear you aren’t physically capable to come in for school

classes are good

definitely not you tho ;)

sorry about that date

i never liked that kid either

i do regret not going to prom and those experiences

but it worked out for the better

no matter what you choose i know you’ll be great

miss you bye

and signed off with a ~Mr. K

all cutesy like 🤭

i just love the kindness he naturally exudes.

anyway i love love love him, i really wish i could see him every day like last semester but emailing will do for now

I look at this picture of Matthew and see spencer meeting his child for the first time

i need his hairy, bear body crushing mine as he pounds me thx 🎀

doctor, you’ve clearly never been a teenager girl before!

i don’t think this reached enough people

lately i’ve been seeing lots of posts on here saying things like “how to be a better person”, or “how to be a classy woman” and while i think they have the right ideas at heart, they’re just being very obtuse with the words they choose.

to be a better person you don’t have to speak 7 languages, or only eat raw vegan, or even let everyone tell you their problems.

to be classy you don’t have to have perfectly flat, fly-away-free glossy hair.

the people i see saying these things aren’t thinking about actually being better;

to be good isn’t to be perfect, to be classy doesn’t mean you have to be a white woman with straight blonde hair.

what made me a much better person was realizing i wasn’t a good person.

most of the people giving this advice don’t realize it’s not going to change your life, it won’t make you smart or kind to wear the colors that match your skin tone best. though you might look great, that doesn’t solve the pain.

i think you all deserve some advice from someone with mental illness, who isn’t vegan, who isn’t perfectly tidy, or even popular.

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ

i became a softer, kinder, person when i sat down and saw who i really was, a self centered, mean, sad, bully.

i am fortunate enough to has access to therapy, which absolutely helped me but i did a lot more growth on my own. i’m not gonna say journal, or do shadow work because that meant nothing to me at the time, not to say i don’t journal but whatever, what actually helped me was spending time outside.

i called it “outside time”, original i know, but genuinely everyday for months straight i would go out on the porch in the mornings (i started in winter and through spring - cooler months are best) and i would sit. alone. with nothing but my mind, a piece of paper and a pencil, and the sound of birds and the breeze. it became integral for my day, i had to do it or i didn’t have a good day. these moments were the times i wrote my best poems, or saw myself as who i truly was. i got back into reading and ate through book after book.

spending time outside with nothing but the universe and classical music playing gave me time to ask the universe some questions. i asked her how i got here, what i need to change, why she lead me to this realization, and i got my answer every time.

no, god didn’t come down and speak to me, the stars didn’t write it out, and no one actually said anything. the universe told me through memories, late night conversations with myself, and daydreams of better lives.

i picked up some things through this healing process that i think had a hand in my softening.

baking, cooking in general. though it started as a new year resolution, i learned it’s my love language. sharing my recipes and taking requests, it makes me feel wanted.

i started sleeping better, which was a breakthrough for me. i was prescribed a sleeping medication for chronic insomnia, and it’s helped a lot.

i started spending more time on self care.

now this is what i saw a lot of in the posts i was talking about. i saw lots of, “start a keto diet, start doing face masks, shower twice a week, always go on a run or workout!”

but that’s not what i mean. i started washing my makeup off at night, a revelation for someone with such awful depression at the time. i started brushing my teeth which certainly wasn’t a priority when i was rotting in bed everyday. i learned how to properly care for my curls. i even just left dr.pepper for tea. don’t get me wrong i have a dr.pepper sat next to me right now. i never cut it out i just laid off it.

one of the far more controversial aspects i changed was, not letting everybody dump their trials and tribulations onto me. i have always been very empathetic and therefore seen as a person to talk to about your troubles. and while i tried my best, i don’t have the advice a 50 year old woman in the middle of a divorce is looking for (and i was asked for it). i didn’t just let people tell me what they were going through. it seems cruel but it really helped me let go. i always described my mental health as those statues in dispicable me that slowly get crushed. and most of that came from listening to everyone’s thoughts and also carrying my own.

inevitably i had to stop. i had to let people know i wasn’t the person who could help them, and when i would listen my advice was, “i suggest you talk to someone better equipped for these issues”. i lead a lot of people to school counseling, or even social services at times. but i never forced them to take the steps to get better, because they were never my responsibility.

of course i wanted to help, sometimes i understood more than you could imagine, i never said it, because when someone reached out for help i chose to grab their hand and lead them to the real recuse team. because you and i are not trained therapists, we aren’t cps, we aren’t letting ourselves be crushed.

growing for me meant guiding people to the people who helped me. i wasn’t mentally prepared for someone to share a trauma or a struggle, i had and still have my own to work through.

.

all this is to say; no one grows the same way. maybe for some, reading classic literature changed their mentality in life, but i find books from the 1800s boring; and maybe some people feel classiest in all gold jewelry, maybe i don’t get it.

that’s just not what i think would save me. so, if you’re trying to carry yourself with more kindness, if you want to be the ‘it girl’, if you plan to be your best. before you jump to a new wardrobe or a drastic diet change, try spending time with your head. no stimulation, no music or books or anything. sit and color in a coloring book by an open window. ask the universe how you got here, and wait.

frighting with your head won’t get you where you dream to be, sometimes work has to stop for you to start again.

i really hope that the people who truly do want to change, find the right ways to.

with all my love, i am rooting for you.

love, K

she is sooo me

ik it’s like the job, and they do this kinda thing all the time - but, if i was aubrey idk if i could casually be pals with him after a kiss like that.

like, the way his body naturally moves closer to her hips in such a fluid manner, his hands are practically clawing at her, and the way he kisses…it’s like he’s has an awful craving he couldn’t place his whole life and kissing her has fulfilled this primitive hunger. his body is responding like he’s wanted her for the longest time.

and they’re just friends.

like other scenarios of the show with them as a pair are very..racey. that’s their whole dynamic, a sexual tension that is suffocating the characters and the audience.

and the director yells cut, they get up and are done, and they go home like that wasn’t pure passion. they come in for work the next morning and they face each other as if they didn’t make out furiously a few hours ago. they go home and come back and they aren’t in love. they aren’t flustered and shy. they are friends. who feel no attraction towards one another.

i do not believe that’s possible

I need this man to kiss me like that. I need him to suck the soul out of me. (and a shit ton of other things that I cannot explain here because that would be very R18 and some of yall are minors.)