Oh, The 12th House.
Oh, the 12th House.
Sometime between middle and high school, I had a dream. I was using Tumblr, logging on, and seeing what other people were saying. There had been some catastrophe, and not everyone had the internet. It wasn't guaranteed. But I somehow had access to the internet, and I logged onto Tumblr through my TV. People hadn't posted in weeks, months.
I thought it was weird that I was scrolling through Tumblr on my TV. This was 2010. It wasn't a flat screen. It was big and chunky and a box. These days, you can check Tumblr on a TV. Technology has come a long way. Airplay. Screensharing. Smartphones.
Could that dream have been a premonition? Of the decline in use of Tumblr over the years. I had just discovered Tumblr in the 8th grade. I was one of the first users, back when hipsters and mustache and converse pictures were just about to become the rage. Myspace was still around, though becoming a graveyard more and more by the month. Scene kids never die though. Rawr :]
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What could the dream have meant? Perhaps that TV would be my own demise? My armageddon?
When I first read about the 12th house, I was a first-year at Centre College. The 'best' college in Kentucky. Private, small, liberal arts college with a hefty endowment. Most people have never heard of it. So much for the prestige and recognition.
I read Liz Green's article about the 12th house. I had just started getting into astrology. I'm smart. Was an IB / International Baccalaureate student at one of the best high school's in the city. But astrology gave my little 18 year old mind & heart some peace of mind. Homework and ambition can only do so much.
Harvard. Thanks to Gossip Girl, Brown University became my dream school. I applied Early Admission, seeing as the acceptance rate was slightly higher, and I thought my desire and longing to be upper class would carry the weight for my acceptance. AAAANNNHHHH!!!! Nope. Try again. You were just an above average student, thought not straight As or rich and well connected. Of course, this got my admittance to other good schools. Just not an Ivy. You probably would have hated it anyway, seeing as you had a nervous breakdown your second semester into college. And that was only two hours away from home! :) Rhode Island? not a chance.
My intuition told me not to go to Centre. But my ego persisted. I wanted to go to the best school in Kentucky, and I wouldn't settle for less.
I got so drunk the weekend I visited campus my senior year. The guy blamed himself for letting me get carried away. But I knew what I was doing. Granted I didn't mean to get that fucked up. But I wanted to get drunk. My bad homes.
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So, I wanted the conventionally successful life. I did. Graduate college in four years, maybe be a banker or something. Make money. It really seemed so simple to me. Then my life became a living hell. Torture. I became so reclusive. Would walk around in the night, and miss my classes in the morning. I had no money. No car. Surrounded by strangers, rich strangers, in a small town two hours from home.
I fell apart.
I ended up in the Psych ward for a week. Took the rest of the semester off to join a new religion, the Mormons. Came back the next Fall only to be completely miserable again in a couple weeks time.
I guess I just thought I could handle it. I wasn't disciplined enough to stick it out. I was crazy enough that it became too difficult.
I was in fact crazy. I didn't realize it at the time. I do now. It's why I blacked out all those years.
Thanks, 12th house.
The 12th house in Astrology. The house of Psych wards, Prisons, Monestaries, Rehabs. A single drop of water in the vast vast ocean.
The unconscious. Spirituality. Bipolar disorder. Photography. Drugs. Weird religion. Gay.
Boy, I had it in for me. All things considered.
I realized though, my dad's Sun was also in the 12th house. Mine and his. So I guess we asked for this. We're in this together. Two wackos.
Great.... :(
I guess what they say is true.
The 12th house makes you crazy. I'm living proof. But it also gave me psychic powers. Gifts. The days you feel like you are completely drowning, though, are the worst.
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Internet Archive
I rather like this edit. The time surrounding it was horrible, emotionally, due to a quite ghastly breakup. However, know ye tom riddle? this gives me his vibes. think half blood prince movie.
im a ravenclaw by birth, however i’ve grown into being a slytherin. to this day i’m not sure which i would choose, if the sorting hat were put on me today. who am i kidding, i’d choose slytherin. most of my friends agree, however, when i was younger i always liked ravenclaw most. and there’s the occasional person who pegs me as a ravenclaw. overwhelmingly though, people guess slytherin. and i quite like that. i could delve deep into my thoughts concerning that. whether that makes me a bad person. but i think slytherin is much more than just being bad.
if i’m just a ravenclaw gone awry, who knows. maybe i’ll change my mind in ten years, if i make it that long. but slytherin is definitely about that edge. that “i don’t give a ****” mentality, which i totally have. i can’t gryffindor. i hate anything common, blasé, popular. i’ve struggled with arrogance throughout my life (rather, others struggle with it. haha) if it weren’t for others b****ng, i wouldnt have had a problem.
but one thing that does make me remarkably slytherin is the water component. the unrequited love. that is something that has been profoundly impressionable on me in my life. i’ve fallen in love with guy after guy, only for it to be unreciprocated. it’s hurtful, yet deep and profound. and i’m still not sure what sense to make of it. but i really relate to severus in his love for lily. the pain. yet the love remains, even when it’s not reciprocated.
my heart also goes out to malloy. and it was quite beautiful how narcissa protected him in the end. and i love loyalty. i’ve been like a broken record, complaining about how unloyal people are. it’s so nice to have people you trust. slytherin is also the house of water, and i am a cancer sun, which is a water sign. so it’s only natural i suppose i relate to it. i do have quite a bit of air in my chart, the element of intellect. so no wonder i felt so drawn to ravenclaw when i was younger!
safari disco club
“You will always remember what you were doing when it hurts the most.”
— Ocean Vuong, from “Night Sky with Exit Wounds: “Untitled (Blue, Green, and Brown); oil on canvas: Mark Rothko: 1952"”, originally published c. 2016.
Sagittarius Eclipse Thoughts
Sagittarius is an important sign for me, because many of my family members, close friends, my ex, and my dog are all sags.
being a cancer sun, we crave comfort and emotional sensitivity. sagittarius is kind of contradictory to this, never being comfortable and always looking to expand. my virgo moon also isn’t very harmonious with this, always wanting things to be organized very neatly and concretely, but not everything can be.
It’s ironic because my only placement is with pluto in the fifth house, but given its aspects to my other planets, and the fact my mom’s a scorpio, I could be considered a plutonic person. Not to mention my sagittarius grandmas moon is in cancer, and i am a cancer sun.
my draconic sun is in sagittarius, and that’s supposedly what your “soul” is. your natal chart is what you are in this lifetime. my draconic moon is in aquarius, and that’s funny because i have an 11th house stellium, which is aquarius’s house. i’ve always liked sags and aquas because i feel so pulled down by my emotions sometimes. im not sure if that’s due to just depression or the fact my sun squares my saturn, which is in the 9th house, the house of sagittarius. my sun is in the 12th house, and honestly i’m learning to love that placement.
i’m writing this post because i can definitely feel the sagittarius energy. last night i felt almost manic, like i NEEDED to move and get out and do something. like it was a strong pull. and that reminds me a lot of my early twenties, how i never can quite stay still. for a cancer, i’m definitely not a homebody! perhaps this is due to my pluto, which is a very energizing planet.
that’s all i have for now, i’m just kind of mapping out my own life and noticing coincidences and patterns through astrology. it’s pretty interesting :)
Ho trovato ciò che non mi piace della Francia!!!!
Macron
[Sarebbe stupendo vivere in un luogo dove ti senti fortemente rappresentata ma tant'è che mi chiedo " Esiste?" ]
Indiana : American Countryside
Midwest, Great Lakes Region
Summertime
A Father’s Day Weekend
I sit with him on the lakeside
It’s peaceful
The weather is rather humid
We picnic
ናድያ நதியா приятел ナディア ناديه ਨਾਦੀਆ
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