what in the actual fuck.
i thought i had met the one. no, for real this time. i say that every time i meet a guy. i swear.
my chart
his
he was chubby, just my type, and we did the same drugs. grew up in the same part of town. he had a house and a job. bingo.
i ask if he knows his moon sign, he responds that he doesn’t know what it’s currently in. i had to ask him to repeat himself because of how disbelief i was in. i coulda melted there on the floor.
later he shows me his printed out natal chart and i examine it on his bed.
unfortunately i do our synastry chart and he only had one key aspect. most of my exes usually have more than one. first red flag, i ignore.
keep telling myself maybe he only has one because he’s the one key for me. even though the key aspect was a bad one.
he’s a cancer sun like me. my lilith is also in cancer and supposedly that means you attract the darker aspects of that sign. that would line up. his moon is in gemini, mine is in virgo. kinda at odds there. he constantly wanted to argue. like to the point where it didn’t make sense. like pulling arguments out of thin air and kept running out of ideas.
all his personal planets are in cancer. mine are in gemini. his moon is in libra 7th house, my uranus is in 7th house. i have a tattoo of uranus glyph on my ring finger because it’s my favorite planet for what it represents in astrology. supposedly moon in 7th makes needy for like constant social interaction and having people around. also adds up. he has a lot of friends, and he’d use that to hurt me.
he had pluto in 11th house. i have mars, mercury, and venus there. i really feel like he livened me up. helped me see a light and grow comfortable in my skin and environment. pluto is power and i definitely felt empowered.
my sun is in 12th house, his was in 8th. compatible houses. we talked about spirits and the occult. he told me he had seen a demon one time. it made me fall for him harder. i have a vacant 8th house so it really piqued my interest. i thought it was cute, sexy. an 8th house sun.
he had outer planets in the 12th house, and a bunch in his 1st and 2nd. i have a vacant 1st house. not my favorite house to be honest. could explain why he’s such a dick and ok with hurting others. i feel like first house is a self centered house.
2nd house, i have my moon there. another placement that makes sense. i thought i could make a home with him. i loved his home. i wanted to learn everything about him and spend years with him. i looked at him and saw a husband.
but it got so sour so fast. he wouldn’t let up. it makes me think he was sabotaging it, us. for reasons unknown. maybe he’s just a bpd narcissist and there’s no sense to make. maybe it’s cuz his ex died and his mother is also deceased. i have no clue. maybe it’s just because he’s a big ol bottom.
but i really thought he was the one. i hate that so much of his chart made sense, but i’ve felt like this before about someone. it really hurts having to constantly let go.
we also had north node and chiron conjunct. i thought that was interesting because not a lot of people have that placement ? or maybe they do ? but his were located in gemini in the 7th house. mine are located in libra in the 3rd house. isn’t that so ironic? it’s like it’s mirrored.
he was also born in 1984 which was so sexy to me because george orwell. but he is kinda small minded and i feel diminished my shine in some ways. im just so upset. this doesn’t make any sense to me.
if you’ve read this and have any observations or insight, i’d love to hear it.
safari disco club
totally missed halloween, idk why i didn’t post these
flighty and petit. will know how to make good conversation, unless you have chiron in3rd or virgo moon like i do. passionate, and a sharp tongue. insult is an art. forgetful. indecisive. curious.
mars 11h w merc + venus. square moon. opposite pluto. guess that means i’m intense. woof.
Sagittarius Eclipse Thoughts
Sagittarius is an important sign for me, because many of my family members, close friends, my ex, and my dog are all sags.
being a cancer sun, we crave comfort and emotional sensitivity. sagittarius is kind of contradictory to this, never being comfortable and always looking to expand. my virgo moon also isn’t very harmonious with this, always wanting things to be organized very neatly and concretely, but not everything can be.
It’s ironic because my only placement is with pluto in the fifth house, but given its aspects to my other planets, and the fact my mom’s a scorpio, I could be considered a plutonic person. Not to mention my sagittarius grandmas moon is in cancer, and i am a cancer sun.
my draconic sun is in sagittarius, and that’s supposedly what your “soul” is. your natal chart is what you are in this lifetime. my draconic moon is in aquarius, and that’s funny because i have an 11th house stellium, which is aquarius’s house. i’ve always liked sags and aquas because i feel so pulled down by my emotions sometimes. im not sure if that’s due to just depression or the fact my sun squares my saturn, which is in the 9th house, the house of sagittarius. my sun is in the 12th house, and honestly i’m learning to love that placement.
i’m writing this post because i can definitely feel the sagittarius energy. last night i felt almost manic, like i NEEDED to move and get out and do something. like it was a strong pull. and that reminds me a lot of my early twenties, how i never can quite stay still. for a cancer, i’m definitely not a homebody! perhaps this is due to my pluto, which is a very energizing planet.
that’s all i have for now, i’m just kind of mapping out my own life and noticing coincidences and patterns through astrology. it’s pretty interesting :)
all too relatable
You ignite my heart aflame to burn in vain
when i was 18 i wanted a complete identity change for some reason. i was going to change my name to Jack Caliber. i wanted to go so far as to get a new social security number. and then i did run away without telling anyone and hopped on a greyhound to utah xD
did not last long cuz it was impulsive. aries saturn 9h. :p
does any other 12th houser get a sudden urge to disappear?
La Méthode. Paris, 1960
Photo: Christer Strömholm