Children Are Meant To Cry

Children Are Meant to Cry

Lilia Vanrouge, Yuu

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I’m supposed to be the strong one. I’ve always had to be the strong one, the one everyone could rely on, the one who always has a level head in any situation. I’m not supposed to show any kind of weakness or vulnerability, because if I do, how am I supposed to hold my head high as I play the role of the person who knows what to do? How am I supposed to give advice that I can’t even take myself?

Even after being suddenly sent to a new world, after losing contact with everyone I’ve ever known and loved, even after facing overblot after overblot, and almost dying multiple times, even after everything I’ve faced in Twisted Wonderland, I’ve never been able to bring myself to be vulnerable. 

After all, why should I need to be vulnerable? I’m mentally strong enough to get through everything I’ll ever face, because I’ve been mentally strong enough to get through everything I’ve already faced. I’ve been fine my whole life, I can’t start being ‘not fine’ now. 

I’m not dead. That’s all that matters. 

So, content with this in mind, I put the finishing touches on dinner for Grim and I. Before I’d arrived here, I wouldn’t have spent much time or effort on dinner. It wasn’t worth it when it was just me. But…

I have Grim now. I can’t let him go hungry. 

I bring our plates into the dining room where Grim waits. 

Or…not?

“...Lilia. What brings you here…?” The plates in my hands lower slightly as I focus my attention on the room around me looking for Grim. 

“Oh, not much~! Sebek just needed a study partner and Grim so valiantly offered.”

I raise a brow, knowing very well that Grim wasn’t one to offer to put in actual effort like that. 

Lilia floats up from the chair he’d commandeered and settles in to my left, hovering just around shoulder height. “Well, I offered him some cans of tuna. Kyee hee hee~”

That explains it. 

“And you’re here…why, then?”

“I just thought I’d let you know where he was. I wouldn’t want you to worry.” He floats over to my right side with that smile of his slightly covered by his too-long sleeves. 

I set the plates down, coming up with a new plan for the evening now that Grim was out of the picture. Who was going to eat all this food with me? I sure couldn’t. 

Oh. Maybe…?

“In that case… I don’t suppose you’re free this evening? I wouldn’t want you leaving on an empty stomach, especially since you did me the favor of getting Grim to actually study.” Probably, anyway. 

“Oh? Are you inviting me to dinner~? I’d be delighted!” He settles back into one of the chairs, choosing one by one of the plates I’d set down. 

“Is there anything in particular you’d like to drink? I have water, a few kinds of soda, and if you’re willing to wait a few minutes, I could make some tea.”

“I’ll take a soda. You can surprise me on the flavor,” he replies with a smile. 

I give a nod as I return to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for Lilia’s soda and a drink for myself. 

I return to the dining room, placing Lilia’s drink near his plate and my own drink near my plate. I sit down next to Lilia, picking up my fork and taking my first bite, testing the flavor to make sure it was a good enough quality for Lilia. 

After a moment, I glance over at him to make sure he’s enjoying it. He seems to be enjoying it well enough, seeing the delighted smile on his face and the fact that it’s already almost a third of the way gone. 

I continue to slowly make my way through my own food, still checking on Lilia every few bites to make sure he’s still enjoying the food, or if it seems like there’s anything he needs. 

He seems to notice me checking in on him, because at some point he slows down a bit and looks at me. 

“Is there something on my face~?” he jokes, though he seems to know there’s something more to it, judging by his tone. 

“No,” I reply after checking just to make sure. “Are you enjoying the food?”

“It’s delicious. I might have to get the recipe from you later so I can make it for the boys~! Kyee hee hee!” 

“Oh, well…I kinda just…” How do I get away with *not* telling him the recipe? “Umm… There’s not really a ‘recipe’, per se…”

“Oh, is that so? A shame, really. Maybe I’ll just try to recreate it…?” He looks out the window with a pondering look on his face I *really* don’t like. 

“Or…I can make it for you guys sometime…?” What am I getting myself into here…?

“Kyee hee hee~! Well, I think I might have to take you up on that sometime.” He takes another bite with a smile, and I can’t help but return it. After all, he’s enjoying it. I couldn’t ask for anything more. 

At some point, his expression changes as something seems to cross his mind. He looks at me with an almost pondering look as he takes a few more bites. 

Eventually, he voices what’s on his mind. 

“You really care about people, don’t you?”

I look over at him with a bit of surprise at the sudden question. “I… Where did that come from?” I give a bit of a nervous laugh, now wondering where he intends to take this conversation. 

“Kyee hee hee… You just put a lot of effort into taking care of others. You worked hard on making this food for Grim, you’ve been checking in on me constantly. You always make sure everyone is having a good time.”

I slow down eating a bit, narrowing my eyes ever so slightly at his words. 

Does he intend to use the knowledge that I care about my friends against me? Does he intend to use the knowledge that I’d even *consider* them friends against me?

…No. That’s not in his nature. Right? That doesn’t seem to be what he wants. I think. 

“No need to be so suspicious~! It’s just lovely to see in you youngsters.” He looks at me with a smile, but it seems like he’s analyzing me even closer than before now. 

“...Indeed,” is the only response I can think to muster as I feel his gaze on me, and I find myself wondering just what exactly he’s looking for. I keep my gaze on my food, now wanting nothing more than to avoid his searching gaze. 

Finally, he turns his gaze back to his food, but I still feel like something is on his mind. 

“So, how has your stay here been?” He watches me with that same searching look that I continue to avoid. 

“Good…?” What else am I supposed to say?

“Mmm… Is that so?”

Finally, I meet his gaze with a look that asks ‘What do you want me to say?’

He seems to get it, since he responds with some kind of knowing chuckle. 

But his expression changes slightly. “Well, I suppose I just want to check in. You’ve been through a lot, after all~.”

Is he…concerned about me? I’d better shut this down quick. 

“I’m doing well. Thank you.” I give him a polite smile in an attempt to placate him with his questions. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

His usual smile fades ever so slightly at my response, and it is then I realize that I’ve somehow made a mistake. 

“...Yuu. I’ve seen the look in your eyes from many people in my travels. Those who constantly put others before themselves, those who disregard their own well-being.”

A sense of panic begins to well up in my chest as Lilia seems to show concern for my well-being, and I realize what’s about to happen.

I’m supposed to be the strong one. I’m not supposed to have problems. I’m supposed to be able to take care of myself, always. 

“...You don’t need to put everything on yourself. One so young shouldn’t have to bear that kind of burden on their own.”

No. Stop.

“You’ve been through a lot for someone so young. It’s okay to not be strong all the time.”

My gaze grows distant and my grip on my fork stills and tightens. 

I’m fine. Why is he showing concern? He doesn’t need to. 

“...You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. You’re too young to bear that kind of responsibility.”

Too young? Then why did everything have to happen like that…?

…If I was really too young…then why am I like this?

For some reason, Lilia stops talking. Is he done…? 

He’s still looking at me…

Wait…

Too late, I realize why Lilia had stopped. 

I look down at my plate, seeing a few little droplets of a clear liquid that weren’t there before. 

Am I…crying?

…When was the last time I did that…?

Lilia lifts from his chair, floating behind me and reaching a hand to the top of my head. 

He gently runs his hand from the top of my head to the side, gently repeating the motion a few times with a gentle voice. 

“You’re strong, Yuu. You’ve made that obvious. But you can be weak for a bit.”

After a moment, my fork drops to the table and my hand reaches towards my face to wipe away a stray tear that immediately gets replaced with another. And another. And…another. 

I almost died. I’m stuck in another world and I can’t go back to my friends and family, I can’t even talk to them. I…

Have I really been so stressed about all of this…?

By now, my breathing has been replaced with full-on sobs as Lilia continues to stroke my head. Gentle and comforting, like a father comforting his child. 

A kind of comfort that I haven’t felt in a long time. 

Lilia then pulls me into a hug, holding my sobbing face against his chest as he continues that comforting stroking motion. 

“...There you go. Let it out. Children are meant to cry.”