Me: My God.. I Did It.. I Killed Him..!

Random goon: Hey boss, were you the one to pick that name as an alias? And why this one?

Red Hood : I used to have another name, before... A long time ago. But that person is dead now. I get to choose for myself now, they can't take that from me. I won't let them.

Goon: Huh.

***

Random Goon: Say boss, why do you never take off your shirt in front of us?

Red Hood: Well uh, I actually have that really fucked scar on my chest and I'm not comfortable with...

Random Goon: Don't worry boss, we get it, you don't have to explain yourself to us.

***

Red Hood, high on some toxin: God, I wish my family...

Random Goon (on boss-sitting duty): why not try reaching out to them?

Red Hood: They would never accept me as I am now... They wouldn't agree with my so-called "life choices". Besides, they don't miss me, they miss the person they think I used to be... I wasn't even a man when I last saw them.

Random Goon: Damn boss, that sucks.

***

And then the goons throw the Red Hood a party on trans visibility day and Jason is so confused he straight up cries.

i feel like the paparazzi should have had a bigger role in hoo. i mean since piper was the daughter of one of the most biggest actors in hollywood and percy is one of the america's most wanted, both of them on a suspicious cruise ship with some other mysterious people causing random chaos everywhere should have caused a little bit of hysteria among the media.

for one, i feel like it would add a lot of humour and chaos. imagine every dinner or lunch scene on the argo II starting with a funny update of what the newspaper has to say about their new globetrotting adventure. imagine the paparazzi reminding percy more about his life ("mr. jackson, are you going to explode another monument?!" "bestie what r you talking about?"). imagine every fight scene being interrupted by people asking questions.

but imagine the angst potential too. imagine the paparazzi affecting piper's arc of figuring herself out. and the additional pressure she feels to maintain this relationship with jason. imagine percy and annabeth falling into tartarus because the flashing lights prevented the rest of the seven from getting to them on time. imagine all the mental breakdowns on camera. imagine them worrying that sally and grover would see everything on tv.

I tried to slip CBD gummies into some kids halloween candy like i saw on the news but the kids recognized them and laughed at me for not having any real weed

desperate for a tv show filmed like modern family or the kardashians of the batfam, titled “watch out for the waynes” or something like that.

bruce signed for the limited series to keep up appearances.

dick acts like a love island contestant.

damian is only ever in the corner of shots, staring into the soul of the cameraman.

cass, similarly, does not contribute much, but looks to the camera like she’s in modern family whenever shit happens.

tim finds every way to be the last laugh, the one-liner guy, the “unexpected, effortless, fan favourite™️”.

duke frequents the interview room.

jason sends subtextual messages to the audience through the books he’s seen reading in a scene:

bruce and tim are having a tiff about who’s idea is better while jason’s reading “the metamorphoses - book iii 339-358” (narcissus).

everyone’s having a grand old time at a gala while jason’s at a table reading “vile bodies”.

damian’s in a mood and nobody’s picked up on it yet while jason is seen reading “american psycho”.

nobody can find steph and tim and jason’s sat literally reading the back of a “dazed and confused” dvd to get his point across.

martha and thomas wayne are gotham's 9/11

Had an absolutely INSANE void state experience last night.

So basically I was in bed and was affirming stuff like “I am void” and “I am pure consciousness” and then I get this idea that I should talk directly to the universe. So I ask the universe to give me a sign if it is listening to me and I shit you not that I suddenly feel like I’m floating and raising out of my bed.

So then I ask the universe to take my hand and guide me out of my body, and my hand just starts to move outwards completely on its own?? Like I had no control over it at all. Then I feel like my soul is being sucked out of my body and if floating away from me.

I was so massively freaked out that I completely lost focus and ended up putting my hand down by myself, but oh my days it was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had.

I’m obviously going to try again tonight because in all the time I’ve been attempting this I’ve never had such visceral results. Has anyone else experienced something like this??

of course you have blood all over you. and pronouns

do you ever think about how all of percy’s demigod cousins absolutely do not exist on paper other than thalia and jason? like. hazel and nico are from the past, thalia was a tree, and jason was raised by wolves. that’s not even counting the fact that percy was wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism. how do they go anywhere. 

but imagine if they got arrested 

it would probably go somewhat like this 

officer: so you actually don’t have any paperwork so i’m just wondering if i can get in contact with one of your parents? 

nico: literally fuck off 

- 

officer: it says here that you were wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism, and then you were released from those charges, could you tell me how you got released from them? 

percy: yes i murdered the judge 

officer: you what 

- 

officer: so we took your prints and they match perfectly to one of the missing children that beryl grace had 

thalia: i burnt off my fingerprints please tell me how you got my prints 

officer: no you didn’t i have your prints right here 

thalia: those aren’t my fingerprints 

officer: what

the fucking cops finding out that two of the people they have in custody don’t exist, two of them are missing children of a dead movie star, and one of them was wanted for murder and terrorism and was a nationwide criminal

the dude would really go to his superior like “ok so we have 5 kids here… and the least confusing one was wanted for murder and terrorism but somehow got released from those charges…? anyways 2 don’t exist. we ran their prints, there is literally no evidence of them existing, no school papers, government ID, dental… absolutely nothing. the other 2 we think are the two missing children of a movie star, we have records for the girl as late as age 7 and the boy nothing past age 3….”

the dude interrogating them would get so tired so fast 

officer: is it possible that i could get in contact with one of your parents? 

percy: no 

officer, tired of questioning these kids: okay.

jason’s probably trying to do damage control and he is. failing to say the least

percy and hazel cussing out the cop: you motherfucker come back here so we can beat your fucking ass- 

jason: guys please. please stop. why.

-

officer: I need an actual number if you want a lawyer  

nico: fuck off 

jason: nico please stop swearing at the cops 

-

thalia: no you can’t prove those are mine, they could be fake 

jason: thalia, please stop trying to convince the cop that you don’t have fingerprints 

-

jason: percy, percy please. please stop telling the cop about the judge you killed. you didn’t kill any judges 

-

hazel: wanna know where you can shove your damn notepad? right up your a- 

jason: hazel you were suppose to help me not join them please hazel

-

officer: what happened to your first stepfather? because it says here that he just disappeared-  

percy, popping bubblegum: i killed him 

officer: what 

percy: you heard me

-

hades would send ms dodds to play lawyer again and then her and percy would really have an interaction like this

ms. dodds: i’ve murdered a judge before what’s stopping me from killing this one 

percy: haha same 

ms. dodds: what 

nico: don’t look at him. don’t kill the judge, my dad doesn’t want to deal with the paperwork

and that’s not even counting what they have to tell the gods 

zeus: sorry, you what? 

thalia: okay so basically, nico kept telling the officer to fuck off and he asked for a lawyer multiple times but when the officer called the number nico gave him it wasn’t a lawyer, it was a line that conner and travis set up that goes, “haha i fucked your mom” and needless to say the cop did not like that. and then percy convinced the cop that to get out of the murder and terrorism charges he murdered a judge and honestly i’m not sure if he’s telling the truth or not but the cop also did not like that. 

zeus, massaging his temples: okay. and what did you do? 

thalia: i convinced the cop that i had burnt my fingerprints off and we had a 30 minute argument about whether those prints on the paper were mine or not.