Do You Ever Think About How All Of Percy’s Demigod Cousins Absolutely Do Not Exist On Paper Other Than

do you ever think about how all of percy’s demigod cousins absolutely do not exist on paper other than thalia and jason? like. hazel and nico are from the past, thalia was a tree, and jason was raised by wolves. that’s not even counting the fact that percy was wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism. how do they go anywhere.

but imagine if they got arrested

it would probably go somewhat like this

officer: so you actually don’t have any paperwork so i’m just wondering if i can get in contact with one of your parents?

nico: literally fuck off

officer: it says here that you were wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism, and then you were released from those charges, could you tell me how you got released from them?

percy: yes i murdered the judge

officer: you what

officer: so we took your prints and they match perfectly to one of the missing children that beryl grace had

thalia: i burnt off my fingerprints please tell me how you got my prints

officer: no you didn’t i have your prints right here

thalia: those aren’t my fingerprints

officer: what

the fucking cops finding out that two of the people they have in custody don’t exist, two of them are missing children of a dead movie star, and one of them was wanted for murder and terrorism and was a nationwide criminal

the dude would really go to his superior like “ok so we have 5 kids here… and the least confusing one was wanted for murder and terrorism but somehow got released from those charges…? anyways 2 don’t exist. we ran their prints, there is literally no evidence of them existing, no school papers, government ID, dental… absolutely nothing. the other 2 we think are the two missing children of a movie star, we have records for the girl as late as age 7 and the boy nothing past age 3….”

the dude interrogating them would get so tired so fast

officer: is it possible that i could get in contact with one of your parents?

percy: no

officer, tired of questioning these kids: okay.

jason’s probably trying to do damage control and he is. failing to say the least

percy and hazel cussing out the cop: you motherfucker come back here so we can beat your fucking ass-

jason: guys please. please stop. why.

officer: I need an actual number if you want a lawyer

nico: fuck off

jason: nico please stop swearing at the cops

thalia: no you can’t prove those are mine, they could be fake

jason: thalia, please stop trying to convince the cop that you don’t have fingerprints

jason: percy, percy please. please stop telling the cop about the judge you killed. you didn’t kill any judges

hazel: wanna know where you can shove your damn notepad? right up your a-

jason: hazel you were suppose to help me not join them please hazel

officer: what happened to your first stepfather? because it says here that he just disappeared-

percy, popping bubblegum: i killed him

officer: what

percy: you heard me

hades would send ms dodds to play lawyer again and then her and percy would really have an interaction like this

ms. dodds: i’ve murdered a judge before what’s stopping me from killing this one

percy: haha same

ms. dodds: what

nico: don’t look at him. don’t kill the judge, my dad doesn’t want to deal with the paperwork

and that’s not even counting what they have to tell the gods

zeus: sorry, you what?

thalia: okay so basically, nico kept telling the officer to fuck off and he asked for a lawyer multiple times but when the officer called the number nico gave him it wasn’t a lawyer, it was a line that conner and travis set up that goes, “haha i fucked your mom” and needless to say the cop did not like that. and then percy convinced the cop that to get out of the murder and terrorism charges he murdered a judge and honestly i’m not sure if he’s telling the truth or not but the cop also did not like that.

zeus, massaging his temples: okay. and what did you do?

thalia: i convinced the cop that i had burnt my fingerprints off and we had a 30 minute argument about whether those prints on the paper were mine or not.

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