Ranpo, First Time Meeting Dazai About Chuuya: My Special Abillity Says There's A Man In Your Life You're

Dazai: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant other and-

Chuuya: I wrote you a poem.

Dazai, already crying: You did???

Chuuya: I had no idea you were so willing to die for me.

Dazai: Trust me I can hardly believe it myself.

*married soukoku au*

Chuuya: I dont understand. I thought we were on the same page about kids. We talked about this.

Dazai: We did?

*flashback*

Chuuya: Aw, look at these pictures of Q and Elise.

Chuuya: *shows photos of the kids in a water park*

Dazai: Mm.

Chuuya: We should do this someday. What do you think?

Dazai: Are you kidding me? Of course!

*end of flashback*

Dazai: I was talking about going to the water park! You were talking about having kids???

Chuuya: Yeah! I said, "Do you think we can afford it?" and you said, "We'll start saving right away."

Dazai: So you mean, all that water park money I've been saving, you want to spend it on kids now?

Atsushi: So is this thing between Dazai and Chuuya supposed to be a secret?

Akutagawa: Hardly, the only people who don’t know are Dazai and Chuuya.

*how Dazai overcame his fear of dogs*

ada Dazai: They say that the phobias are overcomed by taking incremental steps to confronting the phobia in question.

ada Dazai: In my case, that started with watching a tv show that was adored by all children but for me was a staff of nightmares.

*flashback*

15!Dazai: *watches Scooby Doo*

*end of flashback*

ada Dazai: The next step was to come face to face with real dogs.

*flashback*

15!Dazai outside a pet shop, looking at 5 adorable puppies: Ok that's enough. *runs away scared*

*end of flashback*

ada Dazai: AND finally, a close encounter of the third kind; physicall contact with the canine spices.

ada Dazai: *points at Chuuya*

Dazai: Would you slap your crush's face for 2 million dollars?

Chuuya: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free.

Dazai: Savag-

Dazai: Wait...

Dazai: WAIT-

Chuuya, panicking: fgqhcwgnaklud-

Kunikida: Ranpo have you seen Dazai?

Ranpo, clearly lying: Um, no. That idiot's probably off working his dumb plan.

Ranpo, who also helps Dazai with his plan: He's so stupid.

Kunikida:

Ranpo: You know, the only reason the president hasn't fired him is that we're worried that he'll kill himself.

Ranpo: *leaves*

Kunikida, internally: Yep. They're up to something together.

Dazai, yelling: KUNIKIDA HAVE YOU SEEN MY TOP?!

Kunikida: Chuuya's in the office.

Dazai: Ok thanks :).

Chuuya, from the office: THE FUCK?!

Chuuya: I find that I adore a person pleasantly more if they can speak a second language, especially French.

Dazai: Ma ciao!

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Okay, listen... We just gotta stop hanging out with geniuses because you're gonna figure out that I'm really stupid.

Dazai: What? Don't worry about that.

Chuuya: *smiling* Hmm?

Dazai: I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.

Chuuya: *contemplating murder*