✨The Magnus Archives As Onion Headlines Part 1 (?)✨

rusty quill i present

✨The Magnus Archives as onion headlines part 1 (?)✨

jon:

martin:

tim:

sasha:

melanie:

georgie:

basira:

daisy:

elias/jonah:

peter:

Edit:

(Image Description: several screenshots of article titles. They read:

Jon: “Scientists Baffled By Man’s Ability to Fuck Up Every Time.”

Martin: “Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Had.”

Tim: “When I Die, I’m Going To Haunt The Fuck Out Of You People.”

Sasha: “Fast-Learning New Hire Gains Quick Grasp Of How Terrible Job Is.”

Melanie: “Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back.”

Georgie: “Area Woman Not Yelling At You, She’s Just Saying.”

Basira: “As Chief Of Police, I Believe Even 500 Murders Is Too Many.”

Daisy: “Violence: Is It The Answer?”

Elias/Jonah: “Asshole Admits To Being Asshole In Supreme Asshole Move.”

Peter: “Hungover Man Horrified To Learn He Had Made Dozens Of Plans Last Night.”

END ID.)