WIP #3

I thought I didn’t have RSD until it was pointed out to me that I take things like a personal attack and that I’m super emotional. So I researched it again through this lens. This happened just a few days ago and now I can’t unsee it.

Unpacking my own neurodiversity is weird, even after all these years.

This is one of the better descriptions of what I see.

I hate having aphantasia. It's total bullshit, give me access to the internal images so I can draw better.

I almost lost a kitty this way. So not worth it. No lilies at home with kitties.

Seriously just a bit of pollen could make your cat sick within a matter of minutes. Stay far away from Easter lilies if you have kitties!

What the fuck

So recently I have learned that neurotypical people are not aware of things like the following at all times:

How their clothing feels

Their body odor

The taste of their saliva

The hum of electronics

What. The. Fuck.

I don't understand that at all

To me sensory issues are like my chronic pain. I can let it fade into the background a lot of the time but it's always there

Like I am always fucking having to deal with it and other people just don't?

What the fuck!

Things to think about and ponder

fully personal opinion

see many autistic people online treat someone calling self “high functioning” as a red flag, and some view it more extremely as irredeemable and make immediate assumption about person.

and i don’t… fully agree?

like of course see where they come from. there definitely are autistic people who identify as “high functioning” (high functioning autism, HFA) or “aspie” to separate self from the other autistics because they look down on other autistics. others may even believe HFA is this new evolutionary goal and people with HFA and only high functioning autism is better than everyone else, allistics included. they are yucky.

i carefully curate n select my internet experience because know if get mad, won’t be able to step away. so i don’t see these people much at all online. also because of dominant views in online autism community, these aspie supremacy HFA people don’t really participate in online actually autistic community.

but the reason i say i dont fully agree is because….

for so long me as a higher support needs level 2/3 austistuc and my friends who are similar or have more support needs as me & may be labeled “low functioning”, we been spoken over in online autistic community. dominant view of autism in online actually autistic community say every autistic all the same just mask differently or stuff like that. can look at my other posts for more context.

so, i really do appreciate when… how to say… an autistic respond to my posts say “i’m high functioning and i agree/thank you for bringing light to issue/etc etc.”

like. call themself as “high functioning” to, yes, separate themselves from me, not in the “im better than you i worth more than you”, but in the way of “i acknowledge me being/being seen as high functioning means i have different experiences than you, and on higher support needs/level2 3/low functioning issues i don’t have the lived experience and i need to listen.”

like i fully appreciate the latter, you know?

it’s also okay to say like. “while i don’t identify as high functioning, i do acknowledge i am often seen as high functioning, and that means i get treated better than those called low functioning.”

anticipate some people will say “well there still are better terms out there, like low support needs.” and the thing is, high functioning, levels, and support needs may all be trying to describe similar things, but they don’t neatly translate to each other. they don’t exactly mean same thing. “high functioning” doesn’t necessarily always mean low support needs.

and it not my place to tell other people how to self identify!

also because, i do like functioning labels when voluntarily used as self descriptor.

so, TLDR, i do oppose professionals & other people forcibly labeling autistics with functioning labels, i do hate those aspie supremacist high functioning autistics. but i think there is more nuance (always more nuance) to the “call self high functioning = bad” conversation. sometimes really do appreciate when someone self describe use “high functioning” to note difference in autistic experiences.

idk just personal thoughts. idk make sense.

I wasn’t prepared to cry again so soon!

Your future self is hating you for the poor decisions you’re making today.

just had a realization. if you're heavily distressed every day. i think... i think that's called living in crisis. that's not normal. that's not healthy. that's an urgent health concern. you deserve better...

The writing process seems counterintuitive to me. It makes more sense to start writing, then edit to make things fit. College teaches you that you should plan and do the opposite, organize first then write.

Is there a writing process that better fits neurodivergent brains? College makes me feel broken sometimes.

Having ADHD, I’ve never felt like I took good or pretty notes like other people in school. I still don’t feel like I do, but this coding class I’m in makes me look like I can take notes like anyone else! Now if only I understood it better…

Jellycat Prince Penguin Stim Board

Disclaimer: images are not mine unless otherwise stated. Sources listed below for credit.

SENSORY WARNING: Some sources below contain other stim images.

Sources: x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x