Feel Like I Could Just Disappear.

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Last night there was a part in my dream where I was watching a Danny Gonzalez and Drew Gooden YouTube video. I don't think the video was actually public though. It was like I had access to their b-roll footage and stuff cuz they would say something or do a bit and one of them would say "wait, let's try that again." and they'd retake the shot. I was very excited to witness their process of creation. It just felt so personal.

During filming, Danny had a drink on the desk that he would occasionally sip from and Drew, whether accidentally or intentionally, ended up also drinking from the same straw. The boys found this hilarious, though unhygienic, and Danny wanted Drew to do it again but remarked that only his son drinks after him because they're family. Drew responded by saying it was okay because they're family too. They're boyfriends (jokingly referencing the fanfiction video). Danny corrected him saying, "actually we're married." They were giggling hard and kinda blushing. That's when I started to suspect that what Danny had been drinking the whole time was beer and he, and possibly Drew, were tipsy. I think Danny said something like, "since we're married we should kiss, that way we don't have to worry about sharing germs." At this point, they had scooted much closer to each other and Drew had one arm around Danny's chair. Again, the pretense was that they were joking around but I couldn't help but feel that they had forgotten a camera was recording them.

They started "pretending" to almost kiss. And I put pretending in quotes because by now, I was certain that the joke was over. The only thing stopping them was that they had wives. Their faces were really close to each and they kept whispering something that I unfortunately no longer remember. Drew would cup Danny's face, lean in, then pull away at the last second blushing and giggling. Then Danny would would stroke Drew's cheek and do the same. It was like watching a game of chicken. I could see their minds working overtime trying to decide if they should go through with it or not. The footage abruptly ended on a shot of them centimeters away from brushing lips.

Funny enough, none of this phased me. I just shrugged and figured if they haven't already, they would work through feelings eventually.

I've had some time to think about it and I'm feeling better!

I reminded myself that I'm the odd one out here. Of course people think I look weird! Just because I love Star Wars and Jedi doesn't mean everyone else feels the same and know what's going on. I'm in the real world not online. The unfortunate truth is that adults who dress up in costumes will always be seen as weirdos/immature/losers etc etc. I signed up for that when I decided to step outside wearing something unconventional. It sucks that I had some negative reactions. But you know what? I've started to have some positive ones too!

A little kid recognized my costume!

I got to take a picture with a coworker who dressed up today for her first time (up till now, I've been the only person in the whole store who's been dressing up) even though she's been scared to do it all week!

An elderly person exclaimed, "WOW, I love your outfit!" When I walked past them and said they wish more people were like me where they're from!

It's been a learning experience and I'm thankful for the reality check. I don't have to play by society's rules, but doing so is gonna make me an outsider. I gotta be okay with that 🤷

Thanks again for y'all's kind words! I love you guys 🫶

I really appreciate you guys. I wore my Jedi costume to work... let's just say my coworkers weren't as supportive as y'all...

I'm genuinely bummed out. I know my costumes aren't good. I don't get them special made or anything. I just use what's in my closet or from the thrift store. This is my third costume this week and I'm starting to realize I was probably being made fun of the entire time.

I know I'm not attractive. I can't help it. I wish I looked good like everyone else. I just like dressing up cuz it's fun. It's silly and makes me happy.

I'll still do Stranger Things tomorrow since it's supposed to be a group costume (even though I'm thinking I'm gonna be left hanging) and after that, I'm not sure...

I'm glad I have y'all. When I start getting down, I think about how y'all were nice to me 💜

(Ewan Matchmaker Game)

After much deliberation, the Matchmaker has chosen your perfect boyfriend...

Christian! (Moulin Rouge)

You definitely have a type and it's sad, broken men who are love-starved (highly specific, I know). Luckily for you, Christian is THE sad, broken, love-starved man of all time! He's sweet, sensitive, and will love you with a passion that can ignite the stars. And don't worry, this bad boy can take the trauma of a lifetime and still maintain purity of heart! No matter how bad things get, his love for you will never falter. Just give him some kisses and cuddles and he'll be yours forever.

Thanks for playing!

(and sorry for the wait)

Oh!! YES I LOVE SAD BROKEN BOYS. He’s so whipped in this movie… wowowow to have him be whipped for me…. 🥵

He might remain pure of heart but I will make sure that he is soul is defiled.

Thank you!!!! (Also I totally noticed after I posted it that one of the questions was supposed to be a 3 word answer and I gave you a paragraph. I have piss poor reading comprehension, sorry lmao)

BEHOLD my Jedi costume!

At my job, we're allowed to wear Halloween costumes throughout the month of October!

It'd be a shame if I didn't dress up as at least ONE Ewan McGregor character.

Obi-Wan is probably the only genuine costumey character, but in the very likely event that I can't find the materials to do his outfit, I need a backup.

Can you guys help me brainstorm costumes to put together?

thank you so much! You're too sweet! 🫂

It's my best friends birthday (late/early idk) wanted to make him a birthday post since he's the most kindest person I've met.

He will listen about your day and yap with you.

He will give great advice. He will even do everything so you never feel alone. He is my favorite person in the earth ever (well Olivia is first lol )

Also when I came out as trans he was supportive.

So wish him birthday wishes . Thank you so much for bringing purpose to my life you are my best friend I'm glad you where born.

@loycspotting

I GOT THE MOVIE AND SHIRT TODAY

Bonus shirt I bought. It's from Stranger Things and I thought it was cool. There was a Hellfire shirt too but I couldn't find it so it was probably bought already.

We got an Obi-Wan Kenobi t-shirt at work today! It was him in The Clone Wars and I got so excited! It was priced super cheap too so it will probably be gone tomorrow but still. I also Ewan's movie The Ghostwriter for sale and it was still in the wrap! Cool stuff

I'm glad to see you active, I've been worried about you. 💖🫂

I had to take some time away for a bit.

Thank you for thinking about me. 🫂 I didn't think anyone would notice my absence because for some reason, I believe that I don't exist unless I'm actively doing something for someone else, smh. It means a lot that you cared.

To those that left me kind messages after my last post, I don't know what to say. I didn't expect anyone to read it or care. Your compassion touched me deeply. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

Yes, Jetset has some amazing deliveries from Gerard! My favorite being "Aw sugar" 😩 goddamn I struggle to describe how it makes me feel. It's just perfect!

Another small moment that I absolutely adore and is probably my favorite out of the MCR songs I've heard so far is in I Don't Love You. At the final chorus after Gerard whispers the first part and then belts the rest. The way he goes from screaming to literally growling out the line "I don't" is just so gutteral and raw. It's fucking *mwah* 🤌

I was thinking about my tattoo question and I think I would get the lyric "run run bunny run" (or just run bunny run" on my neck or collarbone. I love the way Gerard sings the line and it's my favorite part in the song.

Is there a small lyric/moment in a MCR song that just scratches your brain perfectly?

Collarbone is such a good place to get a tattoo. I think the “alright” in jetset (actually all of the lyrical deliveries in that song) even though it’s not a good tat. I also love “hair black collar up jet black so cool”, “and without you is how I disappear”, and “put the stake in my heart” so fucking much

Only the Shadows Know

Movie: Mortdecai (2015)

Characters: Inspector Alistair Martland

Oneshot / Yandere / Drabble

Word Count: 100

Synopsis: While her husband is away, Martland pays Johanna a secret visit.

A/N: So of course the moment I said that wanted to write at least once a week, I didn't touch the computer for a full month 🤦‍♂️. Well, no better time than the present to start again! I wasn't feeling any inspiration and didn't know who to write about. Finally, I realized that inspiration isn't something that's always there. Sometimes, you have to just sit down and start writing. Otherwise, you may be waiting for inspiration for an eternity lol. This is my first yandere. I've become interested in the genre and wanted to give it a shot. This is only drabble so it's very short but dang! Writing exactly 100 words was way more challenging than I expected lol.

Martland gazed lovingly at the woman deep in slumber before him. His desire to see her, to protect her, outweighed the risk of being caught. Besides, the sleeping pill he encouraged her to take was doing its job well. How could Mortdecai roam the world and leave his most valuable treasure defenseless? “I would never leave you, my love.” He softly muttered to himself. One day, he will confess his devotion to his angel and she will understand her place is with him. But for now, as he hides in the dark recesses of her room, only the shadows know.