I'm Sorry. Y'all Didn't Follow For All This Sad Stuff. I Don't Have People Offline To Share My Vulnerable

I'm sorry. Y'all didn't follow for all this sad stuff. I don't have people offline to share my vulnerable self with so easily. I've tried and tried to push through and figure things out by myself. I just feel like an absolute wreck of a person. I'm not even a person. I have something I must do that I've been putting off, and of course, it must be done alone. I'm very scared and angry and crying as I type this. I can only hope against hope against hope against HOPE that I will finally receive peace when it is done. That I can move on and be normal and happy and a real person again. The kind of person you'll like. I've let my family down. I've let myself down. And I feel like I've let you down. Things will be different. They'll be better. I have to believe it.

donate to black trans groups

the following organizations accept donations via Venmo, PayPal or Cashapp:

Homeless Black Trans Women Fund: supports Black Trans women that live in Atlanta and are sex workers and/or homeless

Trans Justice Funding Project: supports grassroots trans justice groups run by and for trans people, focusing on organizing around racism, economic injustice, transmisogyny, ableism, immigration, and incarceration

Trans(forming): membership-based organization led by trans men, intersex, gender non-conforming people of color, to provide resources and all around transitional support

Black Trans Men Inc.: the first national nonprofit social advocacy organization with a specific focus on empowering Black Transgender men by addressing multi-layered issues of injustice faced at the intersections of racial, sexual orientation, and gender identities

Kween Culture: provides programming towards social and cultural empowerment of transgender women of color

Heaux History Project: a documentary series and archival project exploring Black and Brown erotic labor history and the fight for sex workers’ rights

Tournament Haus Fund: mutual aid fund for protesters and trans/non binary BIPOC in the ballroom scene in Portland/Tacoma/Seattle

Black Excellence Collective Transport for Black NYC LGBTQ+ Protesters: raising funds to provide safe transport for Black LGBTQ+ protesters (NYC)

F2L Relief Fund: provides commissary support (and legal representation & financial assistance) for incarcerated LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit POC in NY state

Trans Sistas of Color Project Detroit: uplifts, impacts and influences the lives and welfare of transgender women of color in Detroit

Black Trans Protesters Emergency Fund organized by Black Trans Femme in the Arts Collective: supports Black trans protesters with resources like bail and medical care

Black Trans Travel Fund: a mutual aid project developed to provide Black transgender women with the financial resources to self-determine safer alternatives to travel, so they feel less likely to experience verbal harassment or physical harm

Reproductive Justice Access Collective (ReJAC): a New Orleans network that aims to share information, resources, ideas, and human power to create and implement projects in the community that operate within the reproductive justice framework

the following organizations can be donated to individually or all-together via this split donation form that will split your donation amount to equal parts:

Okra Project/Tony McDade and Nina Pop Mental Health Fund: provides Black Trans people with quality mental health & therapy and addresses food security in Black trans communities

For The Gworls: provides assistance to Black trans folks with travel to and from medical facilities, and co-pay assistance for prescriptions and (virtual) office visits ⁣

Third Wave Fund: an activist fund led by and for women of color, intersex, queer, and trans people under 35 years of age to resource the political power, well-being, and self determination of communities of color and low-income communities; rapid response grantmaking, multi-year unrestricted grants, and the Sex Worker Giving Circle

Unique Womens Coalition (Los Angeles, CA): supportive organization for and by transgender people of color, committed to fostering the next generation of black trans leadership through mentorship, scholarship, and community care engagement work

Black Trans Women Inc.: a national nonprofit organization committed to providing the trans-feminine community with programs and resources

SisTers/Brothers PGH (Pittsburgh, PA): A transgender drop-in space, resource provider and shelter transitioning program

Love Me Unlimited for Life: helps transgender community members reach their goals and fulfill their potential through advocacy and outreach activities

My Sistah’s House Memphis (Memphis, TN): designed to bring about social change within the Trans Community in Memphis by providing a safe meeting space and living spaces for those who are most vulnerable in the LGBTQ+ community

Black LGBTQIA Migrant Project: builds and centers the power of Black LGBTQIA+ migrants through community-building, political education, direct services, and organizing across borders; provides cash assistance to Black LGBTQ+ migrants and first generation people dealing with the impact of COVID-19

Taja’s Coalition at St. James Infirmary (San Francisco/Bay Area): navigating housing, medical services, legal services, and the workplace, as well as regularly training agencies

Marsha P. Johnson Institute: helps employ black trans people, build more strategic campaigns, launch winning initiatives, and interrupt the people who are standing in the way of more being possible in the world for black Trans people

Black & Pink Bail Fund: national prison abolitionist organization dedicated to dismantling the criminal punishment system and the harms caused to LGBTQ+ people and people living with HIV/AIDS who are affected by the system

Black Visions Collective (MN): healing and transformative justice principles and develops Minnesota’s emerging Black leadership, creating the conditions for long term success and transformation

Middle Tennessee Black and Indigenous Support Fund (Middle, TN): a community fund for Black and Indigenous queer and trans folks to foster wealth redistribution in its larger community, direct the funds to Black and Indigenous community members, and build the leadership of Black and Indigenous community members

SNaPCo (Atlanta, GA): a Black, trans-led collaborative to restore an Atlanta where every person has the opportunity to grow and thrive without facing unfair barriers, especially from the criminal legal system

Brave Space Alliance (Chicago, IL): created to fill a gap in the organizing of and services to trans and gender-nonconforming people on the South and West Sides of Chicago

House of GG: a nonprofit, founded trans activist Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, that is raising money to build a permanent home for Transgender people and be part of a growing network of Southern trans people who are working for social justice

TGI Justice Project: a group of transgender, gender variant and intersex people inside and outside of prisons, jails and detention centers challenging and ending human rights abuses committed against TGI people in California prisons, jails, detention centers

Trans Women of Color Collective: creates revolutionary change by uplifting the narratives, leadership, and lived experience of trans people of color

Youth Breakout (New Orleans, LA): seeks to end the criminalization LGBTQ youth to build a safer and more just New Orleans, organizing with youth ages 13-25 who are directly impacted by the criminal justice system

Translash: a trans-led project uses the power of individual stories to help save trans lives, shifting the cultural understanding of what it means to be transgender, especially during a time of social backlash, to foster inclusion and decrease anti-trans hostility

TRANScending Barriers: empowers the transgender and gender non-conforming community in Georgia through community organizing with leadership building, advocacy, and direct services

My Sistah’s House: a trans-led nonprofit providing first hand experience and field research to create a one-stop shop for finding doctors, social groups and safe spaces for the trans community, providing emergency shelter, access to sexual health services, and social services

TAKE Birmingham: focuses on discrimination in the workplace, housing advocacy, support for sex workers, providing trans-friendly services, and working to alleviate the many other barriers that TWOC face

Dem Bois: provides charitable economical aid for female to male, FTM, trans-masculine identified person(s) of color ages 21 years old and older for them to obtain chest reconstruction surgery, and or genital reassignment surgery

G.L.I.T.S: approaches the health and rights crises faced by transgender sex workers

Emergency Release Fund (NYC): aims to ensure that no trans person at risk in New York City jails remains in detention before trial; pays cash bails

HEARD: Helping Educate to Advance the Rights of Deaf Communities: supports deaf, hard of hearing, deafblind, deafdisabled, and disabled people at every stage of the criminal legal system process, up to and including during and after incarceration

Black Trans Advocacy Coalition COVID-19 Community Response Grant: works daily to end discrimination and inequities faced in health, employment, housing and education to improve the lived experience of transgender people

Princess Janae Place: provides referrals to housing for chronically homeless LGBTQ adults in the New York Tri-state area, with direct emphasis on Trans/GNC people of color

The Transgender District: aims to stabilize and economically empower the transgender community through ownership of homes, businesses, historic and cultural sites, and safe community spaces

Assata’s Daughters (Chicago, IL): Black woman-led; organizes young Black people in Chicago by providing them with political education, leadership development, mentorship, and revolutionary services

Collective Action for Safe Spaces: A grassroots organization that uses comprehensive, community-based solutions through an intersectional lens to eliminate public gendered harassment and assault in the DC area.

The Knights and Orchids Society (TKO) work for justice and equality through group economics, education, leadership development, and organizing cultural work throughout rural areas in Alabama

The Outlaw Project (Phoenix, AZ): prioritizes the leadership of people of color, transgender women, gender non-binary and migrants for sex worker rights

WeCare TN (Memphis, TN): Supports trans women of color

Community Ele'te (Richmond, VA): provides safe sex awareness and education, linkage to resources, emergency housing assistance

TAJA’s Coalition (San Francisco, CA): ending violence against Black Trans women and Trans women of color

Black Trans Task Force: intersectional, multi-generational project of community building, research, and political action addressing the crisis of violence against Black Trans people in the Seattle-Tacoma area

The Transgender District: stabilize and economically empower the transgender community through ownership of homes, businesses, historic and cultural sites, and safe community spaces

Black Trans Media (Brooklyn, NY): #blacktranseverything storytellers, organizers, poets, healers, filmmakers, facilitators that confront racism and transphobia

Garden of Peace, Inc. (Pittsburgh, PA): for black trans & queer youth, elevates and empowers the narratives and lived experiences of black youth and their caretakers, guides revolutionary spaces of healing and truth through art, education, and mentorship

House of Pentacles (Durham, NC): Film Training Program and Production House designed to launch Black trans youth into the film industry and tell stories woven at the intersection of being Black and Trans

Minnesota Transgender Health Coalition (Minneapolis, MN): committed to improving health care access and the quality of health care received by trans and gender non-conforming people through education, resources, and advocacy

RARE Productions (Minneapolis, MN): arts and entertainment media production company for LGBTQ people of color that promotes, produces, and co-creates opportunities and events utilizing innovative artistic methods and strategies

Baltimore Safe Haven (Baltimore, MD): providing opportunities for a higher quality of life for transgender people in Baltimore

Transgender Emergency Fund of Massachusetts: recently helped organize a Trans Resistance Vigil and March through Boston, in place of the Boston Pride Parade that was cancelled due to COVID-19

Semillas: in Puerto Rico, the trans, gender non-conforming and queer communities are facing many obstacles to survival

Street Youth Rise Up: change the way Chicago sees and treats its homeless and street based youth who do what they have to do to survive

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loycspotting

9 months ago

SFW Alphabet: Christian (Moulin Rouge!)

I was inspired to make one of these thanks to @parvulous-writings 😁 This is based on the movie version of Christian and it was really fun to imagine how I think he would act. I can totally see myself doing this again with a different character. Also, shoutout to @palfriendpatine66 and @elysabeththequeene for helping me when I got stuck 🫶. @elysabeththequeene writes a lot of Moulin Rouge fanfic btw and they're amazing! Tell me what y'all think!

A - Affection (How affectionate is he? How does he show it?)

If you look up the word affectionate in the dictionary there's just a picture of Christian. The man is SUPER affectionate! He would like nothing more than to always be within arms reach of you. As far as showing it, anything goes as long he can touch you. He likes giving and receiving subtle touches like letting your legs rest on each other while sitting or brushing hands when walking past the other.

B - Best Friend (What is he like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

Christian is a very supportive and present friend. He values your opinion and asks you for advice or to read over his writing. The two of you could talk for hours about nothing in particular. You just enjoy spending time together no matter where or when. The friendship started when Toulouse invited you to have dinner with him and his friends. You and Christian didn't talk a whole lot that night but you felt a spark which only grew the more you hung out.

C - Cuddles (Does he like to cuddle? How does he cuddle?)

Of course he loves to cuddle! After a long day of work, he looks forward to decompressing by tangling his limbs in yours. He's fine with any cuddle position and especially loves laying in your lap while you stroke his face or hair.

D - Domestic (Does he want to settle down? How is he at cooking, cleaning, etc.?)

100% he wants to settle down though he's not skilled at cooking or cleaning. However, he doesn't expect you to pick up his slack. He's willing to learn so he can take care of you.

E - Ending (If he has to break up with his partner, how would he do it?)

Christian is a sensitive soul so if he had to break up with you it would tear him apart. He would agonize over the decision but ultimately would tell you face to face in private and be as gentle as possible. He would try to stay composed but would probably get misty-eyed seeing you hurt. Once he was alone, he would break down.

F - Fiance (How does he feel about commitment? Does he wanna get married?)

He is not afraid of commitment whatsoever and takes it very seriously. He is completely loyal to you and definitely wants to marry you. He's just waiting for the perfect moment to pop the question. He wants it to be magical!

G - Gentle (How gentle is he both physically and emotionally?)

Christian is the most gentle man you've ever been with. This gentleness extends to all living beings, not just the person he is dating, which endears you even more to him. He is very considerate and does things like shield you from the rain even it means he gets wet, or massage your feet after a tiring work day. Emotionally, he is great listener and always wants you to feel safe talking to him about your troubles.

H - Hugs (Does he like hugs? How often does he do it and what are they like?)

Christian is a hugger for sure! Greetings, goodbyes, comfort, celebration, you name it, he does it any chance he gets. He likes to engulf you in bear hugs and always rubs your back before pulling away. His body is soft so his hugs feel like you're sinking into a pillow.

I - I Love You (How fast does he say the "L" word?)

Pretty quickly, nor does he try to hide when he falls in love with you. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Once he knows that he loves you, he doesn't have a problem saying it.

J - Jealousy (How jealous does he get? What is he like when jealous?)

He's not an especially jealous man. He's very secure in his relationship with you and trusts you entirely. If he ever does feel a twinge of jealousy it's usually because one too many wealthy suitors have flirted with you. He knows that you can have someone more rich and successful than he is and he wonders if you'd be happier with someone who could give you the life he wishes he could. Luckily, it's not difficult to reassure him that your heart belongs to him alone.

K - Kisses (What are his kisses like? Where does he like to kiss you? Where does he like to be kissed?)

His kisses are passionate and a bit inept. He is new to the whole love thing after all. His lips are silky soft and he always kisses you like you're water in a desert no matter how brief the kiss. He loves to cup your cheeks and kiss your forehead. His favorite place for you to kiss him is, well, his lips lol.

L - Little Ones (How is he around children?)

He's very good with children and they pretty much flock to him! He would love to be a father one day.

M - Morning (What are mornings like with him?)

Mornings are a quiet affair. He wakes up early when he's working on a show and gets ready for the day as quiet as possible so as not to wake you. You wake up anyway, if just to give him a sleepy "have a good day" before falling back into slumber. When he doesn't have to rush off to rehearsal then you enjoy coffee and the morning paper together.

N - Night (How are nights spent with him?)

If mornings are quiet then nights are the exact opposite. The two of you make a mess in the kitchen while cooking dinner and singing all the while. Sometimes, you catch the latest moving picture at the theatre or dance the night away at the Moulin Rouge. When it's time for bed, you catch each other up on the day's events while snuggled close. You often awake alone in the middle of the night to find Christian frantically typing away on his typewriter, desperate to get his sparks of inspiration on paper before they disappear. You kiss him on the cheek and he guides you to sit on his lap while he writes. A cute gesture which never works well for long.

O - Open (When does he open up about himself?)

To reiterate, Christian wears his heart on his sleeve. He doesn't really have any secrets. If you want to know anything about him, just ask, and he'll be happy to answer. He's also a great conversationalist so he volunteers information about himself pretty naturally.

P - Patience (How easily angered is he?)

He's not quick to anger at all. Since he's a writer, he'd rather use words to solve conflicts.

Q - Quizzes (How much does he remember about you?)

Everything! Not just the things you tell him directly either. He pays close attention to what you say and do. You're constantly surprised by the little ways he brightens your day all because of a random comment he remembers you making .

R - Remember (What's his favorite memory with you?)

It's impossible for him to choose his favorite memory with you for they are all dear to him. One memory that holds particular fondness for him though is from early on in your friendship. He was working on a song and softly singing it to himself. You were sitting next to him and you laid your head on his shoulder like it was the most natural thing to do. You said you liked the feeling of his voice vibrating. Your touch made his heart feel like it would burst out of his chest. He knew in that moment that you were going to have a special place in his life.

S - Security (How protective is he?)

He has an average level of protectiveness. Of course he doesn't want his loved ones to be hurt or taken advantage of. If he feels like that is happening then he'll do what he can to remedy the situation.

T - Try (How much effort does he put in?)

For Christian, there's no such thing as too much effort. He's a sincere man who loves wholeheartedly. He would walk a thousand miles on his hands just to see you smile.

U - Ugly (What are his bad habits?)

He needs to dial back on the absinthe.

V - Vanity (How concerned is he with his looks?)

Not very. His looks are important to him only as much as they affect you. If he knows that he's going to see you then he primps and preens so you'll hopefully like what you see. (You always do)

W - Whole (Would he feel incomplete without you?)

What is a singer without their voice? Or a house without a roof? That is Christian without you. You are the very air he breathes.

X - Xtra (Random headcanon)

He likes when you read to him. Even when he's taking a bath, he'll ask you to sit with him and read a story.

Y - Yuck (Something he doesn't like in general or in a partner)

He doesn't like pessimists. He's a very optimistic person and people who constantly tear down others' dreams or can't find the good in anything aren't people he associates with.

Z - Zzz (What is a sleep habit of his?)

He receives a lot of inspiration from his dreams and keeps a dream journal.

I hope you enjoyed this! Anything you agree or disagree with? Let me know! I love talking about Ewan's characters!

The Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage (EMSP) List

I thought it'd be helpful to make a list for the movies that I've reviewed so far. I will update it as new reviews are posted. Unfortunately, I'm not yet able to add links to direct you to the full review. The letters EMSP stand for " Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage" which is how long he spends on screen in a given movie. It is ordered from his highest screentime percentage to lowest. I hope this helps those looking for a new Ewan movie to watch!

Young Adam (2003): 70% (69 / 1 hr. 38 min.)

2. Rogue Trader (1999): 69% (65 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

3. Nora (2000): 56% (60 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

4. Trainspotting (1996): 55% (52 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

5. Nightwatch (1997): 51% (52 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

6. A Life Less Ordinary (1997): 51% (53 / 1 hr. 44 min.)

7. Eye of the Beholder (1999): 47% (48 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

8. Down with Love (2003): 46% (47 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

9. Shallow Grave (1994): 44% (41 / 1 hr. 33 min.)

10. The Serpent's Kiss (1997): 42% (44 / 1 hr. 46 min.)

11. Moulin Rouge! (2001): 40% (51 / 2 hrs. 8 min.)

12. Brassed Off (1996): 24% (26 / 1 hr. 47 min.)