I Remember Bits And Pieces, But Not The Whole Night.

do you think I look at you with longing that will never be satisfied in every universe?

gay people can never just plainly say I love you it's always gotta be shit like "I forgive you" bitch stfu your husband is leaving the house *the bookshop* do something

I miss having a best friend

are you a real person?

la plus belle des ruses du diable est de vous persuader qu'il n'existe pas

"the devil's finest trick is to persuade you that he does not exist"

so I'm real as I made you belive that I am, nothing more, nothing less.

i think we are all forgetting something when we talk about how toxic patrick, tashi, and art are — or when we decide one is “worse” than the other. they all have moments of seeing right through it, seeing each other’s toxic behavior for what it is, and STILL want and need each other in this possessive, envious, visceral way.

1. in the way beginning, tashi is clearly flirting more with art than patrick, and patrick is visibly annoyed. art sees right through it and even challenges him like “okay, let’s leave”, and has this little smirk on his face because he knows patrick won’t give up on tashi.

2. tashi immediately sees the visible tension and love between art and patrick, and literally orchestrates their first kiss. she sees right through their repression, and even calls herself a “home-wrecker” but still entangles herself with them, especially patrick because he’s clearly the better tennis player at that point and that is tash’s ONLY true love. tennis. that’s what she desires most in him, and patrick knows that. he even calls her out on it in the dorm room scene. but they have this mirroring fire in each other that neither of them can give up, not until patrick breaks the balance and bails — tashi’s injury is literally a metaphor for the balance shattering between all three of them when patrick leaves her.

3. before this, patrick sees right through art trying to break them up, and even admires that quality — maybe even feels smug and flattered because art is jealous and feels left out from both tashi and patrick. patrick has known this all along, we saw it in the “tick-serve” scene, where he even swears to tashi he won’t tell anyone but he still tells art, who is desperate to feel a part of them and patrick wants that, too — even keeps that close intimacy with art that we see in the churro scene (swoon swoon swoon).

4. haven’t you noticed that arts desire to be great is only ever tied up in patrick and tashi? how he needs to beat patrick to win tashis affection, how he needs to win in tennis so that tashi can live through him, how he lives up to his potential in the ending only because tashi and patrick push him to it, in their little fucked up ways? he knows this — he even admits that he’s playing for tashi, that he knows she’s living through him. he even admits he’s playing a fucked up little game with patrick when they’re in the sauna. yet he still does it. again, he knows what’s happening, sees right through them — still does it, still loves them.

5. when tashi calls patrick to come pick her up he knows it’s not just to tell him to throw the match — and despite how she battles him about it, they still have sex in the car, because he already knows. he’s so fully aware of her and her game and he’s so willing to be caught up in it, the same as art.

just some examples of how they all have moments of clarity and agency and yet they still choose to be entangled in one another because they’re all fucked up in their own, individual ways, and they’re all living through each other for their own specific needs. arts is to be seen as worthy, as great, but only through their gaze. tashis is to have the career that was stolen from her. patricks is truly to be in love and in lust with both of them, because we even see that from the beginning that tashis love alone will never satiate him; it has to be arts love, too. that scene in the sauna when he thinks he’s lost it from art is the most sad and fucked up we ever even see patrick. on top of tashi asking him to throw the game — he’s so defensive of arts feelings.

in short this is an actual love triangle (and i would go as far as to see it as a polyship). you can’t erase one without the whole thing unraveling, and you can’t say one character was the “worst” without picking apart the motivations and pointing to the fact that their bad behavior was never a secret or left unchecked.

even at the end, patrick signals to art that he slept with tashi — art knows and they still have that intimate completion at the end, all three of them. art living up to his potential and embracing patrick fully (id argue this could even be a metaphor for embracing his bisexuality), patrick having both tashi and arts affection again, and tashi playing a phenomenal tennis match through her little white boys — in such a visceral, emotional way that she cries out like she did in the beginning and the last frame is her smiling.

in a fucked up way, they all get what they wanted out of each other.

the most seen i’ve ever felt by a character is claire from fleabag. she’s sharp, controlled, untouchable. but underneath she’s holding on by a thread and that’s where i see myself the most. the constant push for perfection, for things to make sense, while quietly feeling like nothing ever will. it’s the ache of wanting more but never being sure if you’ll ever get it. she’s tough, she’s cold, she’s misunderstood. and she’s exactly what it feels like to keep everything together when you’re coming apart at the seams. there’s a pain in her perfection, a truth in her restraint that i understand on a level i don’t even know how to fully explain. she’s every part of me that i’m still trying to make sense of.

need something very lesbian to happen to me this December

I’m just saying that sapphic Destiel would have been so powerful. Not that they’re not powerful the way they are, but can you imagine???

I feel like I make it very obvious that I’m a lesbian sometimes. 🫣

nobody has more emotional power over you than your mom on the driver's seat

I just finished the Grand Budapest Hotel and I must say THIS IS CINEMA.like all the cinematography and the visuals.the over extended politeness of it all in the times of war.the fact that,at the end, M.Gustav was just another painted clown like all of the ones he used and manipulated before.how Zero lost everyone he cherished to stupid reasons and causes because that's just life. the story in a story in a story being a story trope ✨and you still can just sit there and enjoy the movie amidst the chaos

just right before this moment crowley offers him a ride in 3 different ways THREE different times

do you reckon he just meant the speed of the car or something something how crowley wants to take this bond to another level and aziraphale struggles with facing what that means🤏and yes I'm mentally ill to answer your question