I Just Want To Feel Like A Person Again

a solid sort of artificial sensation

the kinds that digs and claws and sinks it's filthy teeth into everything you are

leaves you in a place of remote isolation

and travels deep within the confines of what you use to explain yourself

there's no one here that truly gets it

no one who really wonders if you feel alright, past the point of superficial friendships that you know will never last a lifetime

never last more than a few months, weeks

it's over now, you think

and everything is meaningless

Wish I had thighs but if I gain more than 5lbs I want to kill myself 🙄

this. this one.

Please please eat me alive turn my body into something sacred I don't want to be here anymore everything is so tiring and I get no reprieve from the monotony and the pain and oh this pain is too much for such a little body I'm desperate please I'm tired I'm scared I don't want to be here anymore

Without my mental illness I wouldn't know who I am but, because of my mental illness I have no sense of self. Like the logic is super crazy.

I dreamt of you last night

It was still Christmas

And I was a fairy

But that's not important

I went shopping with friends I don't have

And had fun

Then I ran into you

And got angry

We had a fight

But you kept following me

And I woke up

So viscerally uncomfortable

I had the urge to scream

Lovesick and loveless

Empty hearts and empty stomachs

Quiet nights and weekend dates

With mannequins and seedless grapes

And skin too tight, too loose, too close

Skin on skin on skin on bones

Within these walls I cry alone

There's no one real inside this home

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Alice Feeney