Without My Mental Illness I Wouldn't Know Who I Am But, Because Of My Mental Illness I Have No Sense

It gets so old watching people have and get the things you so badly want. I just sit there hoping one day, it'll be me. But I've hoped for so long with so little in return that I'm finally starting to realize that it will never be me. I was born with the promise of being pitiful and undeserving.

"Why are you so negative?"

Because growing up, nothing ever went right, so now I just expect things to go wrong. I expect abandonment, so I either cling on or push away, I expect things to not work out because that's what I've known. Whether it's a relationship, a goal, anything.

I also just have a severely low self-esteem that was consistently reinforced.

It's true that I can be positive when it comes to others' lives. I believe others can heal and become the best versions of themselves, I believe anyone else can deserve happiness and love. Me, on the other hand? Nah.

as i get older i really do understand why people abuse substances now

I hate how tall I am. I'll never be pretty and delicate. I'll ALWAYS look big compared to other girls. It doesn't matter how much weight I lose

Wish I had thighs but if I gain more than 5lbs I want to kill myself 🙄