Littlecigs - Out Of Body

today my mother called me crazy

Getting that stupid decision itch

"Why are you so negative?"

Because growing up, nothing ever went right, so now I just expect things to go wrong. I expect abandonment, so I either cling on or push away, I expect things to not work out because that's what I've known. Whether it's a relationship, a goal, anything.

I also just have a severely low self-esteem that was consistently reinforced.

It's true that I can be positive when it comes to others' lives. I believe others can heal and become the best versions of themselves, I believe anyone else can deserve happiness and love. Me, on the other hand? Nah.

time is going too fast and I can’t keep up. the month seems to go by in a blink but the days are long. one day you wake up and realize a full month has passed, and you have nothing. you don’t have many memories, you don’t have the potential to do anything, and you don’t have many reasons to be here anymore.

And when you're tired, think of me

And when the world is all dark and bad dreams, think of me

And when you can't talk, can't walk, think of me

And when the air gets thick and your lungs get twisted, think of me

And when you're lonely, think of me

I'll be there

genuinely happy for people who can say their trauma doesn't define them but me personally that shit shaped me fundamentally and dictates every choice i make every single day. lol

une étape

silencieux

corps pressé contre le vent

sueur et larmes

qui est là? ils appellent

il n’y a pas de réponse

silencieux

gelé contre des arbres dansants

pourquoi moi? ils disent

mais ils sont un

et ils sont seuls

il n’y a pas de réponse

une étape

silencieux

(it’s not my first language so, apologies if the grammar is off slightly)