I Love When I Warn People Over And Over And Over Again That I Have "ugly" Symptoms Of My Mental Disorders

High off the way you speak

Submerging me

Can't think, think, think

It's only you

I feel like I have no valid reason to complain about the direction my life is going in. I mean it's my fault right? Like in the end it's not really the mental illness that made me stop going to college and move away from my family. Like in the end those were decisions I made right? It doesn't matter that I was depressed and it doesn't matter that I've got impulse issues. In the end it was me who chose this.

non sexual intimacy!!!! bathing together, washing each other, playing with each other's hair, kissing every inch of their body, writing love letters on their back with your finger, connecting their moles and freckles to create constellations on their skin, running your hands up and down their thighs, ugh just expressing physical love without it having to be about sex!!!!

I'll never get closure because I don't even know what I'm looking for

"Mental health matters!" But the second I show a symptoms I'm a terrible person.

"Why are you so negative?"

Because growing up, nothing ever went right, so now I just expect things to go wrong. I expect abandonment, so I either cling on or push away, I expect things to not work out because that's what I've known. Whether it's a relationship, a goal, anything.

I also just have a severely low self-esteem that was consistently reinforced.

It's true that I can be positive when it comes to others' lives. I believe others can heal and become the best versions of themselves, I believe anyone else can deserve happiness and love. Me, on the other hand? Nah.

Literally so impossible to find a real life person nearby that actually wants me and wants to be loyal to me and has stuff in common with me?? Like yeah I'm borderline and frankly kinda dumb and really bad at socializing but fr man I just wanna be someone's lil princess baby girl ok??? Why would the world give me mental illness AND a tight pussy and NOT someone to take care of me????