"With Fractured Soul Come Debts Divine, An Unfortunate Responsibility Of Mine,"

Or two moms. That's an option.

traditional child-rearing sensibilities maintain that if a mother gives her son attention he’ll turn out gay, and if she doesn’t he’ll turn out autistic. if this is true, then logically every gay autistic person was raised by a mother in a constant state of quantum uncertainty, simultaneously giving and not giving affection. i call this hypothetical parent georgine bauer—schroedinger’s mother

i can't do this anymore! i mean i can, and i will, obviously. but i can't fucking do this anymore!

Feral McGee™

It starts with the Joker. 

His goons picked up Tim Drake. Not specifically because it was Tim Drake, he just so happened to be in the Joker’s neighborhood, and we'll, he can't pass up that opportunity now can he? 

Except Tim Drake is watching, along with the rest of Gotham, at the Batcomputer. He’s nursing a broken foot and has been put on monitor duty until he's cleared for field work again. 

The guy looks enough like him, though. Black hair, blue eyes, and bags under his eyes for days. He's also got the same lean sort of build like he does. 

It happens like this. 

The Joker is doing his monologue thing where he explains whatever twisted game he's come up with this time. He takes up the majority of the screen, so nobody can see Not-Tim behind him, not until the big reveal. Then he covers the screen again, getting up close and personal, before stepping back. In those quick few seconds, Not-Tim is no longer sitting there tied to the chair. 

Someone off camera lets the Joker know, and he whirls around, confused as the rest of Gotham. 

And then Not-Tim comes in with the steel chair. 

Or, well, a crowbar, but the reference holds up. 

He takes out one of Joker’s knees before punching him in the face. The Joker drops like a bag of stones, out cold. 

Then he looks towards the camera. 

“Hey there. I'm not really sure where I am, but also if he was after Tim Drake, he got the wrong guy. I'm not him, I'm just some dude. Anyway, I'll just-yep-” he carefully steps over the unconscious Joker, gives the camera a little wave, and then leaves. 

Batman and Nightwing enter shortly after, with the Joker and his goons out cold and tied up. The knots were complicated enough where, in the end, the police resorted to cutting the ties off of them so they could be properly cuffed and taken to Arkham. 

“A constrictor knot,” Batman tells Nightwing as they watch the villain be taken away. “Often used by sailors to temporarily tie things together to keep something in a bag, or to hold something to glue it back together.”

“Huh,” Nightwing says, scratching the back of his head. “Go figure.”

—

The next time it happens, it’s the Riddler. 

He’s laughing, giving his riddles to the Bats and recording himself to all of Gotham while his victim, one of the Wayne brats, hangs over a vat of something. From a distance, he looks like Tim Drake, or maybe a lankier Dick Grayson. And he’s not the only victim, they’re all scattered across the city, but he thought an important figure such as a Wayne should be under the Riddler’s direct supervision while he enacts his schemes. 

While the Riddler cackles and plots and waves his cane around, in the background all of Gotham can see the figure escape. Several Gothamites recognize him as the kid from before, who clocked the Joker. They all watch with bated breath as he sort of wiggles his way out of the ropes holding him up. Once he’s free, he climbs the rope and gets himself down safely. 

Gotham holds their breath as the kid casually walks up to the Riddler, who’s mid-rant. He politely taps him on the shoulder, and as the Riddler is turning around, the kid clocks him just as brutally as he had the Joker. He’s down with one punch. 

They think he’s going to say another sort of awkward goodbye, but instead he pats the Riddler down until he finds a piece of paper tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. 

“Right,” the kid says, looking at the list. There’s a lot more static overlay now, and several wonder if it’s damage to the cameras. “Uh, the Clocktower, the Docks, and-” he squints at the page for a moment-”Mama Nacaroni’s? What the fuck is that? Anyway, uh. See you later, I guess. Oh! And we’re at the Gotham Arena. Have fun with him, I guess.”

The kid tosses the paper off to the side before the camera cuts to black. 

Just like last time, everyone is out cold and tied up. The Riddler himself is sporting a pretty bad shiner, but well deserved nonetheless. 

“Stop it,” Red Hood tells him. Batman just looks at him, and though Hood can’t see the top half of his face, he can tell that his eyebrow is raised. “You know exactly what I mean, B. Put the adoption papers away.”

“Hn.”

—

After that, it sorta becomes a game. The rogues of Gotham are no longer after a Wayne, or after anybody who holds any kind of social status like usual. They’re all going after this one kid, all determined to be the one to hold him. And each one is televised. 

Mr. Freeze freezes him in a block of ice, but due to the cameras glitching out, nobody can really see how he got free. They do, however, see the kid suplex Mr. Freeze. It should seem impossible, given his lanky figure, but he evidently has more muscle than he’s originally let on. 

Two-Face gets a hold of him, using chains and some power-dampening cuffs just on the off-chance that he’s a meta. They all watch as the kid leans down, pulls a bobby pin out of his hair, and picks the locks on his cuffs. One punch, and Two-Face is down. 

Gothamites are going wild for the kid. They’ve dubbed him Feral McGee™ (an online poll, of course), because every time he goes in for the punch he gets this feral look in his eyes. Also, just the fact that he casually goes up to these rogues and takes them out with all the casualness of doing something incredibly mundane? Incredible. The Gothamites are eating it up. However, despite the video evidence, nobody has been able to properly identify the kid. They know he has black hair and bright eyes, but any time he gets near a camera, it’s like there’s this weird, sort of warped quality the camera takes on. It doesn’t usually calm down until the fight is done-as one sided as they usually are-before he awkwardly skedaddles away.  

He gets kidnapped by the Penguin, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (though that was more just a friendly chat than anything), Mad Hatter, and the Riddler again. 

And then the Joker escapes. 

It’s no surprise as to who he’s going to go after. 

Due to one too many careless goons, they manage to find their way to the Joker’s hideout pretty quickly. This time, it’s all Bats on deck, and they all hide away in the rafters as Feral McGee™ is hung over a vat of acid. His whole body is tied up, hardly a single inch of exposed skin to be seen except for the neck up. 

They watch the goons, they watch the Joker, and they watch Feral McGee™. 

The Joker is monologuing, practically begging the bats to come find him before the timer runs out. When it does, the kid gets dumped into the vat of acid. 

Despite these stakes, the kid seems to be only mildly annoyed. 

“Fuck this, I have homework I still need to finish,” they hear him say. 

They all watch, amazed and confused, as the kid starts gnawing through the ropes. Human teeth shouldn’t be able to do that so easily, but one bit after the other, and soon enough the kid’s got himself freed enough to just climb up the rest of the rope. When he’s at the top of the crane holding him up, Batman lets down a rope and pulls the kid up and out of danger. 

“Oh, cool, you’re all here,” the kid says casually, as if meeting the entire Bat Clan is just a normal Tuesday. And then he pulls out a notepad and pen and hands it to Red Hood. 

“Can I get an autograph? You’re dope as fuck, dude.”

Red Hood has to look away and hide his face in his arms for a few moments to not give away their location with his laughter before signing. And then, one by one, the others do as well. They pass along the kid’s notebook with shit-eating grins and barely contained snickers despite the fact that the Joker is still right below them. Even Batman signs it, after his children don’t stop hounding him about it. 

In their distraction, they didn’t see the kid sneak away. He’s far away from them now, nearly right over the Joker. Danny waits, though, until the Joker has turned around as the timer almost runs out. They watch as he snickers at Joker’s flabbergasted look. The Joker comically looks back and forth and under objects the kid obviously isn’t under. However, before he can do or say anything else, the kid drops from the rafters and right on top of the Joker. He crumples to the ground, unconscious. The kid, however, just brushes the dust off of himself. Despite the fall he took, there isn’t a scratch on him. 

When the bats join him, they give his notepad back to him, barely able to contain their laughter at the absurdity of it all. The kid, too, joins in the camaraderie, laughing and joking along with them as Batman secures the Joker. 

“Okay, okay, but I gotta ask, dude,” Red Hood says at one point, looking at the kid. “How do you keep getting kidnapped?”

The kid just shrugs. “I get distracted easily. And I’m sleep deprived, so you know. Social awareness is kind of at an all time low right now.”

“Why are you sleep deprived?” Nightwing asks, barely hidden concern in his voice. 

 “Finals are kinda kicking my ass right now. Especially this dumb English homework I have. You guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Oh, lucky for you,” Red Hood says, wrapping an arm around the kid’s shoulders as he walks them out of the warehouse, “I happen to know a lot about English. So, it is Shakespeare?”

“Yeah, Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

As they walk off, Batman calmly watches, though the rest of the bats can see his jaw twitching. Nightwing comes up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

“If you don’t adopt him, I will.”

“Hn.”

"They have black hair and blue eyes, Master Bruce. I do believe that is referred to as the pot calling the kettle a serial adopter, sir."

Danny and Dani and Dan get Alfreded in three fell swoops

So like, sad time, but Alfred dies while Bruce is doing his world tour. He never survived long enough to see Bruce become Batman. Died alone in the Manor, after a particularly nasty fall and a broken neck.

But that was unacceptable.

Master Bruce, insufferable boy, could not lose another paternal figure in his life. Also the Manor was still a mess, and Bruce would need someone to make sure he didn't accidentally poison himself.

So he hid his corpse on the Manor grounds, and got to work.

And he was so glad he stayed; sure, it had taken a bit to stop glowing, but really the floating thing was amazingly helpful in reaching the chandelier, and after Master Bruce had returned he had gotten so many grandchildren.

Fast forward; Danny defeated Pariah Dark, he is Crown Prince of the Infinite Realms, Dan is attempting reformation and is technically a Prince by relation, and Dani is attempting to be Dan's parole officer and is definitely a Princess 100% she never forgets that no sir.

And Danny gets approached by some of the Observants, and they tell him that there is a very powerful ghost in Gotham, one that fully and completely blends in with humans and really needs to come to the Infinite Realms to complete his paperwork. But whenever they show up, this ghost thinks that they're there to force him to stay in the Infinite Realms.

And he kicks their asses.

Brutally.

For a bit he had a tiny kid ghost with him kicking their asses as well, but the kid randomly disappeared one day.

The Observants very clearly outline that this ghost is not Gotham herself, although the tax-evading criminal has been seen having tea with her.

Danny has no desire to deal with this; he just graduated high school and needs to focus on what college he's going to choose, so if Dan or Dani want to throw hands with some weird Gotham Ghost then by all means. Fuck taxes anyways, what did the Zone even take for taxation, what-?

So Danny splits his time college hunting and trying to find out how tax laws work in the Ghost Zone.

Dani goes to the old man first, and Alfred promptly sits her down and gives her cookies and hot chocolate, treats her like the kid she's never been treated like between Vlad and all of the Zone focusing on the Princess thing, and she feels at home for the second time in her half-life.

Dani gets a call from a nervous Observant, and promptly tells him she isn't going back either so nyah.

Dan goes to pick her up, and Alfred asks him if he is quite alright, he looks rather tense, and that if it is a fight he wants then the Justice League could probably use a new member, after all Alfred knows an upstanding young man when he sees one, and clearly Dan just needs a chance to prove to himself that he can be good.

Just like another young man Alfred knows.

Dan gets a call from a nervous Observant, and tells them that he's a little busy stopping an alien invasion, and is a tentative member of the Justice League now so he doesn't have time for their bullshit.

Also fuck taxes.

Finally, Danny has no choice.

He goes to drag this random old man and his little sister back to the Zone himself.

Alfred takes one look at him and slowly slides a flier for Gotham University across the kitchen island.

"Your younger sister speaks well of you," the dead butler says, eyes beaming, "and I believe that, given what she has said, you qualify for one of the Wayne Educational Grants for a full ride, so to speak."

Alfred never gets dragged into the Ghost Zone, although eventually he does learn that they weren't trying to drag him into the Land of the dead but were just trying to get him to do paperwork.

He never goes.

Bruce, however, is very fucking confused as to where these strange kids came from.

Danny: You left me! Alone! I needed you and you weren't there! (Talking about Constantine leaving him to deal with the ghost portal, that fucker)

Constantine: You're a big kid. You handled it. You're not my responsibility. (Danny had it under control, and Constantine does not want to touch Amity park with a ten foot pole)

The Batfam: 🫢

Dp x dc

A classic au where the batfam adopt Danny and they dont know his secret (yet)

Then one day Constatntine come to the mannor to discus something ofthe league, see Danny and is is like

"Brat"

"Jerk"

And start yelling.

No one of the bats know why, but then somone tell as joke: " ha ,maybe Dany is constantine bastard and he is demanding the inhetitance"

The bats grow in silence wirh the realization

The first piece of fanart, I've ever gotten and it's incredible. Thank you so much @doodlesforfics this is amazing. And they have other fanart too for other fics on AO3, go check them out!

Who’s Old Now? by @lirabuswavi​ (um i hope i tagged the right person, cause like im 80% sure you are same ao3 lirabuswavi, if not im sorry <;D)

ok this one-shot literally opened my eyes to sheer chaos possibility of Adult!Fenton adopting kid Billy B. while Teenager!Phantom being mistaken as Shazam’s ward and just ladskjsdk??? superhero/magic/ghost community would not be prepared. amazing fic. such fun.

and some doodles inspired by the fic

let lil Billy have retired ghost superhero possibly eldritch overpowered being Phantom as protective Dad.

There is too pure for this world Marvel iterations, and then there's slightly unhinged Marvel iterations.

"I can't drive, but I can hotwire it for you,"

"Cap, why do you know how to hotwire a car? Cap? Marvel!?"

Green Lantern: We need someone to drive the car. Cap, why don’t you get behind the wheel?

Captain Marvel: Nope, can’t do that.

GL: What? Why?

Cap, secretly 12yo: I…don’t have a license. It’s irresponsible.

GL: You don’t ha- This a covert mission! Just drive.

Cap, never even played Mario Kart before: It is my moral obligation to obey all traffic laws.

GL: Just drive the car!

Cap: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME

Dinah's never been particularly... religious. She hardly ever prays, but even less expects to be answered. But the last time, she was, and now...

Dinah knelt at the small altar she had made. It was simple, and honestly more of a completed checklist of things from the book Constantine had given her.

A metal bowl of offered food. Dinah went with grapes as it seemed the safest option, given she didn't know who or what she was praying too. Sticks of incense, an unoffensive orange blossom scent. A cup of rose water, as a fancy but low key offering. She wasn't still entirely sure about doing this, but, well... They'd answered her before, and she didn't know if they'd answer again. Better to establish some form of rapport now.

John's book had been very clear that there was no fury like a god scorned, and Dinah would rather not to have to fight off another invasion.

Dinah carefully lit the incense and clasped her hands in what she hoped was an appropriately prayerful position.

"Hello," Dinah said quietly. "I am Black Canary, and two weeks ago you answered my prayer to help protect people. I don't know if it was a one off thing, or you want me to be a follower of yours, or what you want at all.

I'm not going to demand anything. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for answering my prayers. Thank you for lending me the power to protect people. Thank you for helping me save my loved ones. Whoever you are... thank you,"

Dinah kept her head lowered for a few moments more, breathing in the orange blossom incense and out her worries and fears. It felt a little like meditation.

When Dinah lifted her head, her eyes immediately zoned in on the empty bowl and cup. The cup was empty, but in place of the grapes there was a scrap of blindingly neon green paper.

Dinah picked it up carefully, and not for the first time hoped that John hadn't steered her wrong.

I'm glad I could help, it read. I'm called Phantom, and if you need help protecting people again, I will be there if you call. Acceptable offerings include chips, soda, and NASA souvenirs if it's a really big thing.

Well. Dinah blinked at the paper. That could have gone worse.

Black Canary is in a tight spot. She prays to any high power that might be listening to help, and she actually gets it.

There's a huge alien spacecraft about to land, it's a total invasion attempt, if that mothership lands then it's gameover, and it's all hands on deck.

Specifically, the Mothership is an unholy amalgamation of magic and alien tech, and if it lands, it'll start pumping pollutants that will change the ecosystem on Earth and make it unable to support Humans.

It'll terraform into something for the aliens at an extremely accelerated rate.

Everyone is preoccupied.

The Mothership is getting closer.

Dinah prays to someone, anyone, to help her keep that thing off the ground.

She opens her mouth...

...And lets out the strongest, most powerful scream she's ever let out.

The Mothership isn't just thrown back, it's torn to pieces. Those pieces are then shoved well past the stratosphere.

Anything that was in the air around the mothership is decimated.

The buildings below it are starting to crumble.

Black Canary stands on the street, voice gone from the strain, and stares blankly at the destruction.

Who, exactly, had she called on?

Or: Undirected prayers go to the Infinite Realms, for anyone to look at. Prayers allow the Prayee to borrow something from the Being that accepts the Prayer. Danny accepts Black Canary's, and lets her borrow his Wail. Except he wasn't expecting the difference between his home dimension and hers to be so great, because while it's considered an overpowered ability even in his own dimension, in her's it could accurately be classified as Godly.

Danny: He gives me free Healthcare too.

Superman: Because he's putting you in danger in The FIRST PLACE.

Danny: No, I did that myself. I just get paid now.

Submitted Prompts #31

*Shakes out drawstring bag to give you several small rocks with fossilized fish, a sparrow skull, and also a prompt!*

I was watching this “I Have a Boy” video and I couldn’t stop thinking of dp x dc.

Ok so, imagine the following video, but instead of weedwacking it’s John Constantine explaining to the Justice League why he’s paying a glowing child three dollars to beat up ghosts with a thermos when he could just perform an exorcism himself:

DP x DC idea where Danny is already fighting a group of nondescript green ghosts, you know the kind like Walker’s guards, but the JL come to see what’s going on and potentially take care of the problem. But in the frenzy Danny mistakes Martian Manhunter as a ghost and sucks him into the thermos too. Only no one realizes until after the fight, so a few days later they have to track down Phantom and ask him what he did with the ghosts they fought. But he already released them into GZ, so now he’s taking a group of JL members into the GZ to find their lost pal.