Lilquackhere - NOT PRO A Fat Anorexic

waking up to stars on the ceiling and bruises on pale skin and battered feet on & off the scale and almonds in ziploc baggies and bite marks on fingers and hair down the drain and measuring crunches by the spots left on the spine and enough water to drown organs and eating an apple with a knife and fork and battered feet on & off the scale and desperate hands clutching ribs and standing up & the world goes dark and carrying an emergency rice cake in your purse for weak spells and enough green tea to drown organs and how many calories are in toothpaste and whatever nail polish color covers yellow and battered feet on & off the scale and is today the day my heart gives out and how many calories do you burn when you sneeze and pillows squeezed between thighs and waking up in a new body everyday and fingers clasped around wrists and notebooks filled with numbers and purple crescents below the eyes and accidentally knocking your elbow on your hip bone and being afraid of your own reflection and i’m not hungry or i already ate or i’ll eat later or i don’t feel well and oxygen that tastes like splenda and battered feet on & off the scale

Sorry just so I don’t lose it

I’m starting this 10 week challenge. Whose with me?

I’m starting this and going to try my hardest to continue this for the next 10 weeks. I’m starting today (August 19, 2019) and will do this workout everyday after school. I will eat only dinner (and maybe a small lowkey snack if I feel faint). I will check in every Monday and update you on my consistency, weight, mesurements (when I get a measuring ribbon) and anything else that Id like to. Stay safe, love you :)

August 19 - Weight: 119.4

Biggest inspo ever

Ive been fasting for 127 hours and I have to break it today and I’m terrified. I hit 73.40kg which is awesome and by next week I hope I hit 72.80-73.00kg cause I need to lose so much weight I hate being over weight it’s literally horrible.

The only horrible thing about this is I am not seeing and or much physical changes like I’m still huge, yeah the number on the scale isn’t 85kg anymore but I’m still humongous I just want to be petite already.

Poetry about having a ED:

Some of this is so accurate for me!☹️

problems of anas starting at an actual obese weight

-your lowest weight is other peoples highest.

-people never noticing that you don’t eat due to your weight.

-ACTUALLY being medically fat, not just feeling fat.

-having legitimate problems working out (knees can’t handle all the weight, asthma, etc)

-”you probably shouldn’t eat that, should you?” when taking your first bite of a remotely unhealthy food in MONTHS.

-losing over 70lbs and still not be close to ‘thin’.

-thinner anas looking down on you because you’re not skinny enough. (actually happened)

-thinner anas telling you to ‘stop starving yourself’ or ‘turn back before you get sick’ when you’ve actually been doing this longer than them.

-MORE SIDE EFFECTS!

-being petty and offended when people half your size call themselves fat in front of you, well knowing you weigh twice as much as them. (this is a personal problem but still)

-actually being happy to be at a NORMAL weight for once. 

-”MY BMI IS FINALLY UNDER 25!”

-lower chances of actually hitting your ugw because your body literally can’t lose more.

-LOOSE SKIN. L O T S OF IT. 

-knowing you’ve lost more than most of the fellow anas, but not being able to talk about it because your cw isn’t low enough just yet.

so shoutout to all the bigger people with anorexic tendencies, because they deserve way more. because they’ve gone through this pain for so long without enough recognition. because within the ana community, they’re often not even acknowledged. because THEY ARE VALID TOO. 

i started at over 250lbs and hit my first plateau at 149, so i do have a right to complain, thank you very much. (i’m just over 5′4. just imagine.)

I’m at a plateau still 🥲

I’ve literally been at this weight for a month and I am crying.

I am going to try high cal restriction for a week instead of just a few day. Around 1200 - 1500 cal (5028kj - 6285kj)

I’m hoping this will boost my metabolism and get out of this weight cause I was going amazing and losing a 1kg a week and now I’m, well, here in a plateau.

Any other tips are greatly appreciated 😊