I Had To Take A Piss Test For A Job I Got Hired At Today, And This Is The Name Of The Fuckin Company

biege, ochre, and everything mediocre

As an alternative to 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'

I present: 'salt, vinegar, and everything sinister'

I once was at a religious gathering with my parents (none of us are religeus but our grandparents who where with us are). The priest there said behind the back of my cousin who has an autoimmune disease that she deserved it as recompense for some grand plan (this is a hindu temple so past lives or godly forms or some other bullshit excuse). We own the temple so he was fired imeadeatly, but in the moment there were some temple goers who agreed with him, and my dad turned to me and we shared a communal moment of "lets get out of here" so we left with some excuse and drove off.

shrimphony

what am i doing

last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

i wasn’t joking

Not as bad but as what you went through but once at my gradmothers house I was painting and I left my art book on the table to go take a piss. It was open but only on the page I was working on. My grandmother flipped through it, found some art I did of jumping off a building that I painted when I was suicidal, and called me out at the lunch table in front of the family.

yes. just yes

FUCKING BLOOD FUNGUS

I was eating sugarcane and i saw red spots an i knew it was fungus but just for a second i freaked out because i thought it was blood. It is completely eldritch that there is a fungus that looks, acts and feels exactly likle blood.