Request For You To Not Be A Bitch

any other day, one where the sun wasn’t in her eyes or the wind wasn’t messing up her hair — or where lili wasn’t paranoid that chicken shit had gotten underneath her fingernails — maybe lili would have tickled her competitive bone. but no, apparently that day was not today. and lili knew a losing game when it’s been had and from the get go — soap? was no winning contender in anyone’s book.

it wasn’t as if the people around here went through soaps as quickly as they would water — they couldn’t be that dirty, could they? she sniffs, trying not to appear too miffed by the idea before turning back to emi.

“surprised — why?” she feigns her own little raised brow in confusion, a smile playing on her lips as she looks at the juice cups. her finger dances in the air around them as she tries to choose, “which do you recommend, you’ve been here all day — which has been selling the most?” 

she swore, just when she thought she had legacy figured out, they wanted to throw another curveball-- like sending them out into the country, having them feign for themselves, or at least it felt that way sometimes. really though, all mimi could do was cackle at the different shenanigans they had been put through. it was all in a good fun, and honestly, she hadn't realized how sick of the practice room she was until they were heading far far away from it.

fresh air would do her some good anyway, it had been a rough couple of weeks.

and she liked competing. it was fun, it lit a fire under her, even more so when she realized she was losing. so to say this weekend had been... eventful was an understatement. it was nice to get closer to the trainees and unnies, though.

sometimes, this makes it easier to feel like she fits in.

juice selling was going well, and the team was excited, hushed whispers around their future spoils of vicotry when the voice rings through and emi turns, blinks a bit at lili as she tries to hide her snort. she takes the bill with ease, moving to get change, and gestures to the juices. "take your pick, take your pick. i am a little surprised you wanted to get one from us, though." she admits with a chuckle.

໒꒱ . DATE LOTTERY # 2024 _ THE DECISION 、

it’s almost sickening the way the nerves crawl upon her skin — because what did lili have to be nervous for? it wasn’t like this was some end of it all will she or won’t she a la the bachelorette; it was whether or not she’d like to — as they say — ‘continue the adventure with their current partner’. and if she said no, she could always call minkyu the next day and it'll be fine — right?

( it would all be fine? )

and as nauseating as it did sound — because whoever came up with seriously needed to be re-enrolled in romance 101 — lili couldn’t find it in her heart to deny it.

even if it went against all her principles — and maybe lili liked to think she was a better person than someone who’d reject one of her closest friends and then be fine with spending the day with them as if nothing had happened — she knew deep down that: she wasn’t a better person.

and she was just the type of person to do such a thing.

but when the cameras rolled and she’s asked the dreaded question, lili is answering before she can even tell herself that her mask was slipping.

“i’m glad it was minkyu — if anything, relieved?” she tastes the word on her tongue — as if testing it, the korean phrase a hard sell for a foreign linguist. lili nods, once she’s reassured that that is what she means. “that my date was with him. i don’t normally share much of my personal life — my childhood with many people — but since i’ve met minkyu before, being able to show him something that’s so dear to me was really nice. i think it made us closer.”

and she really did — think — that it had made them closer, rather in the superficial sense that lili usually built her relationships — in particular with minkyu, bolstering him around town with her black card through meals and little gifts — the fact that this had neither to do with any of the above made it different, made it feel different and lili still couldn’t quite describe that feeling other than … nice. it was — it is nice.

“and i think that’s why,” she pauses, licking her lips as a finger catches a stray hair before pushing it behind her ear — building the suspense through a charming grin and a small, gentle hum before she nods. “i’d like to go on another adventure with him, wherever that may take us.” 

because even if lili pretended that she was fine with burning bridges and acting fine, another part of her — the needier part that had spoken in harsh tongues and pleaded her not to — had already shown too much of her real self in the form of a happy childhood memory for all the world to now see. and she couldn’t deny that because of this, lili — whether professionally or personally — didn’t want the world to see her burn a bridge that she had now, despite her initial refrains, cemented in stone. 

•  ໒꒱ . CHUSEOK # 2024 、

lili wakes in a bed not her own on september seventeen.

the middle of the week, from below, seoul had become a ghost town; veteraned city dwellers crawling back to their hometowns for the three-day holiday. from where she woke, lili lays in bed, still stuffed in her pajamas and the lush terry-cloth robe afforded by the hotel.

it takes her a moment to react, still trying to figure out how and why she was anywhere but her bed in the dormitory or her bed in her apartment in cheongdam then she remembers and kind of wishes she doesn’t. pulling the covers over her head when she hears the notable knock on the door, the sign of the room service she had requested the night before when she had been left on her own by the end of the day.

ramming her feet into the pair of slippers at the end of the bed, she makes to the door — still not ready to start the day but it was now or never.

and well, lili was never one to dwell on spilled milk, anyways.

( even if the traces of such a thing were still found having run dry on her cheeks )

having promised her september sixteen for her time, lili still could not believe it. it was unheard of, yes, and lili, quite frankly, hadn’t expected her grandmother to be so proactive in scheduling for her time and yet, lili could not help but be excited. 

expected to spend the day, arriving to seoul that very afternoon, they had booked a quiet lunch at a hotel in myeongdong. it had been months since she last saw her grandmother, was it last year that she had seen her last? it had been that long.

with a laundry list of grievances, lili puts it behind her, puts her best ( read: newest ) dress on and rides to myeongdong with a smile that could not be contained. even the driver, who’s known lili since she had arrived in seoul, finds it questionable but doesn’t press her for it, lest it loses its shine from the most minor intrusion.

arriving on time — consideredlate in her grandmother’s book — she rides to the top floor, all the nerves and anguish bundled in her tiny fist as she clutches her fendi to her chest and steps, head held high, towards the hostess.

the expected, “your party has already arrived, follow me.” makes lili’s insides twist but her smile doesn’t fall; keeping in time with the woman as she follows behind to a pair of doors centered at the back of the restaurant, it’s patrons littered to a select few due to the nature of the holiday.

when the other makes a move to open the doors, lili stops her, thanking her for her guidance only for lili to take a hand to the knob herself. she needed the moment to be alone, she needed the breath that she had been holding in ever since she had stepped off the lift.

with a brief one, two — inhale, exhale — she pulls the door away from its hinges, stepping into the room.

and her guise falls.

her expectations have run dry and to no one’s surprise, her smile finally loses its luster.

“so, where is she?” she asks, taking her seat across from one of her grandmother’s lesser-of-importance assistants. one who probably knew korean and wouldn’t have minded the mini-vacation, the one that she had been granted after she took care of the errand her grandmother had sent her on.

the errand?

breaking the news to her beloved granddaughter.

“beijing. they’re awarding her for her work in the eco-development of ….” that’s when lili tunes her out, feeling the grip on her fist loosen as her eyes lose sight of the person in front of her and all she wants to do — all she really can do is wait there until the woman finishes whatever she was ordered to do.

“the chairwoman paid for your stay at the hotel, if you’d like to eat we can also order a meal.”

that’s when lili stands, fingers now digging into the beads of her bag. “no, let’s go to the room, i’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”

she watched the assistant round the table and knew the other was counting her blessings; out of all the things lili could do, she was lucky to have found a day lili was too tired to try.

making someone’s life hell could be saved for another day, lili was too busy trying to pick up the pieces of her pride.

they ride down to a different level and lili follows her down the winding hallway to a suite on the far side of the floor. 

a hand waves the key card to its function and the click of the door has it open before lili can slip from her daze.

“would you like me to —”

“actually,” she cuts in, then, hand on the door to stop the other from entering. “i’d like to be alone. please wish my grandmother a happy 中秋节 for me.”

she had the sense to know that, at least, her grandmother would check in whether the assistant had completed her job before she would ever pick up the phone to actually call lili about it — not when the fuse and all the dramatics that come with it had been lit.

leaving lili with the room key, the door closes and the first thing lili does is toss her bag to the bed, noticing the packed suitcase by the balcony door and she can’t help but laugh. the woman really had planned it all despite saying she would make time for her.

and rather than own up to her mistake of ever promising anything, she found a way around it, with a non-apology of money — the stuffed pack had barely fit in her bag — and a paid stay at a luxury hotel hotel. 

lili knew she shouldn’t have held her expectations — 

fuck, but she had already let them run away with her before she could help it, she thinks, sinking herself into the comfort of a warm duvet and the low-lit chandelier. feeling the depths of the silence render her emotional. 

had the quiet ever felt so lonely as it did today? 

she tells herself she’ll allow herself the tears. she’s granted it this one time and after that, she’ll never think of it again for the rest of the year.

what lili doesn’t consider is the way the tears come and never stop.

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

soaking up the springtime sunshine

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

a complaint is already halfway up her throat, almost to her lips, when she bites it down. the warmth a very necessary welcome to limbs that were nearly tinted blue from the cold. 

does lili say her thanks — no, instead she smiles and says, “but this coat doesn’t match my dress.” all while buttoning the coat up and swallowing herself into its warmth. admitting defeat in the most quietest of ways.

it was parker, she thought waving a white flag this once in his presence would be fine.

her first white flag of the year — who knew it would happen this soon.

she muddles over the information parker passes over, almost whining as he skips over the best parts — “okay, but what about the dirty stuff, they sound nice and all but they have to have some cons, right?” 

and it wasn’t lili if she didn’t have a good pro and con for everyone she met. like for parker — pro: he was kind, con: he was so kind he was a bit naggy in a do what i say or it will break my heart kinda way and lili didn’t like to make a habit of letting people down like that.

least of all the people she thought of as hers.

Parker plays up the pain of Lili’s kick with a hop away and a small hiss, though barely any pain registered. He had certainly been kicked harder by his real sisters, but even as he had somehow become the older brother of some, especially the group he was meeting up with for Lunar New Year, he couldn’t pretend to be completely mature.

 “It’s the girl who’s going to be sick the rest of the break,” he comments with a roll of his eyes. He is already shrugging off his coat and forcing it over Lili’s shoulders with the roughness of someone who already knows they’re going to be refused but has no intention of taking their coat back. A bit of his red button-down can be seen between his scarf and the thick half-zip he had on under his coat; it’s warm enough for this distance to the restaurant, though he is not thinking about how he’s getting home yet. Maybe a drink or two will help. “They’ll like you just fine as long as you’re not sick over dinner.” 

He tips his head to indicate she should follow him but in truly Lili fashion she’s already pulling him along. “You really don’t need to impress them too much; they’re trainees like you are— or well… one of them is.” It’s been so long since he’s talked to Yuxi that sometimes he forgets she more than six months prior. “Yichen is really nice, and Yuxi…” he faulters in his steps to think of the best way to describe the other girl. “Honestly, I think you’ll like her. She’s a wannabe cool girl like you.” 

There really aren't very many people around the point they meet up, but the closer they get to Daerim-dong, the more people seem to pop up. While a good deal of the Korean residents are with their families, the official Chinatown shows more life with red and gold decorations.

thank god it’s not the ugly burger outfits she had seen during the briefing. it was the least they could do — hitting rock bottom in terms of stage outfits shouldn’t be a given, not when they were already putting their vocal chords on the line with the atrocitious catallena screech.

( honestly the sound alone had begun to haunt her in her sleep )

she steps towards the selections, cycling through the arrangements with a pursed lip — fingers flipping through the outfits with an discerning eye, noticing that the names had, in fact, been hung alongside the attires. oh, it was as bad as she had feared. 

“i hate to be the bearer of bad news.” she didn’t, it was probably one of her favorite things to do — but this was maylin, and lili couldn’t help but have a soft spot for the girl. so, she chooses to ease her into the burn — if one could call it that. “but — alright,” turning away from where she had spotted their name tags alongside the outfits, she takes maylin by the hand and corners her attentions.

“would you rather be a tuna nigiri or a salmon maki?”

 not that it would matter, but wasn’t it more fun to build the suspense?

the silence came rolling in, along with the carts of hats that stared back at the girls. maylin could have sworn she saw sparkles for a split second. while the others were giddy and filled with excitement to wear such clothes and perform on a stage that would be broadcast to the public, maylin could feel her blood temperature drop for a second.

talk about the digital footprint.

the brunette's arms dropped to her side in sudden disbelief. she figured this round of costumes would be a bit more unique and different, though, this was as unique as it got and with how significant it was for the actual song - there was no avoiding her fate. "i truly can't believe i will have to talk about this exact moment when we all debut. we'll never live this down." dramatically, yes, but every word that came out was true.

"do you think we get to pick out which outfit we want? that would at least allow me to not feel so burned."

his reaction is one that she does not expect. her eyes slow to the sigh that she pulls from him — a raised brow in expectance to an explanation she knows she’ll never get — nor does she really deserve, they weren’t friends. at least not in that way.

mere acquaintances, really, if lili were to categorize hyunsoo as anything other than some boy she liked to annoy. ( with a list that seemed to grow longer and longer by the day as she learned of new things to prick into his side like some voodoo doll ) 

“why — mama’s boy isn’t fighting with his — oh, wait — are you guys really?” she wants to laugh — but the hilarity of the situation has since left her the moment his mother had decided that a text or two would do her no good and had gone as far as calling her grandmother and inviting lili for lunch with the motive of baiting her. 

now that was never funny, lili liked to play games — but not when they were played without her consent. 

“i would but now, i’m interested.” she says, though, instead of turning off her phone, she moves to block his mother’s number — hoping at least this could be the end of this thread — then thinks against it, letting the phone screen fade to black without another click.

Lili's presence brings out a certain side of Hyunsoo — one not quite seen by his casual friends and coworkers. It is a special sort of relationship the two of them have; if one could even call it that. The woman had a way about her that he could only see during the get togethers and fleeting moments within the luxurious circles he wished he could leave behind. Lili serves as a reminder that he would be unable to stray too far from his roots.

"I don't know what you are referring to..." The statement is as plain as his tone, the tail end muffled as he takes another sip. His eyes follow hers as they flicker here and there. He even turns his head back to the coffee truck just in time to see one of the baristas ducking to pretend she's been busy at work. He forgoes waving for an amused chuckle.

By the time he returns his attention to Lili, a phone screen is presented in his direction with a barrage of texts from his recently estranged mother. "Or who you are refe—"

A heavy sigh falls from his lips. "I am not reading that," his fingers grip his straw, tempted to run it through again out of sheer irritation; he folds it instead. "Can you not tell her that I am too busy to contact her now? Or... ignore her. You are not responsible for me, nor her middle man."

BLANK SPACES. lili hates to bother (she doesn't, in reality, she is the bother) but desperate times call for desperate measures — @lgcrua

her head is blank. a struggle lili has never once encountered before. then again, not once had she ever thought she would be attempting to choreograph something for herself again. it’s been years since ballet school and the recitals and the long nights of endless, frustrated grueling over steps and motions that lili had thought she had put behind her.

and yet —

she stands, with her hands on her hips as she lets the song play again through her airpods; repeating the motion as languidly as possible so that she doesn’t tire herself out like all those years ago when she would just run full-throttle into every move. 

it still didn’t look right — didn’t feel right either — as she does the move thrice over. because of this — she could feel the vein in her forehead ready to pop, frustration bubbling to the surface. lili hated being wrong, but she also hated wasting her time. 

from the side she spots — rua, was it? — plucking a pod from her ear, she waves with as much finesse as she can muster despite herself, “hey — rua, right?” 

“can i get your opinion on something? i keep doing this move but i feel like it doesn’t look right.” 

appalling.

lili could only look even more worse for wear as jiah remarks on these pink gloves that lili does not even remember being offered to her — she feels her jaw go slack. “and you didn’t think to even offer me a pair? you traitor.” she wrinkles her nose, using the water from the faucet to flick some drops onto her roommate from the side before finally turning off the faucet. grabbing one of the spare kitchen towels, she dries her hands before turning to the other with another look of disbelief.

“don’t even joke — if you come into our room smelling like garlic, you’re going to sleep on the couch.” her hip bumps into the other’s before turning to glance at one of the older ladies who had accompanied them into the kitchen, turning to jiah when the woman begins to dictate to them about the meal plans. and while lili prided herself when it came to learning korean in such a short span of time — the woman’s accent was definitely interfering with lili’s comprehension. 

“what did she say?” lili asks when the older woman finally leaves them, again. 

Jiah is having a blast. It feels refreshing to go to the countryside and be surrounded by nothingness and the elderly who seem to like her well enough despite just meeting her for the first time. It's just like when Jiah and Jino visited their grandparents, and the neighborhood association doted on them for being one of the few young people around there. She feels at home.

The same can't be said about Lili, whom Jiah likes dearly, but also thinks it's so entertaining how she isn't fit for the environment they are in. Of course, one can learn to adapt, but they'll be around only for three days, and Lili doesn't look like someone who's enjoying themselves. It's a shame, but it's also kind of funny. Jiah doesn't even have the good sense to hide her smile when Lili addresses her. She just raises an eyebrow at her friend and checks her hands for any signs of dirt. "I used the gloves they had available, Lils. You know, the bright pink ones. How did you miss that, love?" To Lili's credit, being in a big group and having cameras on them doesn't make this any easier. Jiah was lucky that one of the ladies they were working with liked her enough to remind her to put the gloves on.

"I seriously hope I don't because the food would taste awful, but if they ask me to, I will have to, no? I mean, it could be fun. I could smell like garlic for the next two weeks. Who knows?"

“would it be so bad if i said i didn’t mind a kfc,” now who was she and what had she done with xu lili? the girl who complained about the smell of fried chicken oil and how it would induce a zillion and one underground pimples by morning seemed to be nowhere to be seen. “at least they would welcome our presence.” 

would they make a cake out of chicken legs if she mentioned that it was her birthday?

“yea —“ her eyes drift to her heels, “for sure, definitely not dressed for anything outdoorsy. let’s also not climb any hills, i don’t think my body can take any more stress.” she knows seoul is made up of nothing but hills but if anything, it was a subtle yet desperate plea for a taxi ride rather than slumming it in the subway.

her steps begin to slow as she thinks over the options more seriously, feeling the chill in the air as she suddenly comes to a stop and is not incensed by the warmth from walking. “mmm, i’d say warm and cozy. anything but cold, please.”

"we can make it work, even if its..." jisoo side eyes lili, "a hole in the wall." at this point, most things truly were closed around this time, but he's sure there were some homely mom and pop shops, or businesses that knew they could take advantage of these days, where everyone else had off. "i promise, i am not dragging you to KFC or anything that defaults in that direction." that would make it even more of an unhappy birthday now, wouldn't it?

"but you didn't even have a birthday cake... we're going to have to remedy that." hopefully it didn't mean him baking one but if it had to happen. if his eye does a slight twitch, jisoo doesn't comment.

"not to be completely lacking adventure, it is not about me and i'd rather not completely misguide it so would you prefer something warm, or cold, relaxing... cozy, or random and," heaven forbid, "i am not going to give you the option of outdoorsy because a, we aren't dressed for it and b, i'd rather us not end up sick."