181 posts
Latest Posts by letscats74fan - Page 3
Y'all's goin about @burrotello 's super awesome Fight Club AU,
while my headcanon Pomni already knows how to throw them hands XD
Its me, your feral godmother
So I’ve seen a few people go over the AU idea of Vaggie being found by Carmilla after she falls, and I thought what if she was rescued by Rosie instead?
Like after the Extermination the little boy she spares tells Rosie and the other cannibals about this Angel that let him run away, and insists on dragging them back there because he heard her screaming from his new hiding spot.
They find Vaggie passed out and back and face soaked in ichor, but instead of eating her Rosie brings her back to Cannibal Town and patches her up as a way of saying thank you for saving that little boy (though the towels and rags used to clean her wounds and her old clothes get heavily fought over because everyone wants to know what ichor tastes like).
Vaggie of course is very disoriented upon waking up and is incredibly uncomfortable with the whole cannibalism thing, but she also really doesn’t want to piss off the people who could rip her apart.
need a scene where Charlie's visiting Carmilla looking to convince her into doing more active support, and Vaggie's in the background checking out a new angelic weapon drop, piping up occasionally like-
Vaggie: “This one's also fake”
Carmilla: “(sigh) I'll need to get an explanation for that.”
Vaggie: “Can i watch?”
Carmilla: “You can do the honors if you like.”
Charlie: “NO killing.”
Vaggie: “Aww sweetie of course no killing. We wanna see the weapon drops improve, not die off.”
Charlie: “Good! That’s good. Jussst checking.”
Carmilla: “A sharp spear and a mind for business. I can see why you made her your hotel manager.”
Charlie: “Oh she's a lot less stabby back at the hotel!”
Vaggie: (tries and fails to look like this is true)
Carmilla: "Really."
Charlie: “....She's, SLIGHTLY less stabby back at the hotel…?”
Vaggie: (Can'tEvenDenyIt.jpeg)
Carmilla: “Then I’m impressed you have any guests still living there.”
Charlie: “We’ve had some close calls.”
Vaggie: “HA! They wouldn’t have just been ‘close’ if I’d had a few of THESE bad boys on me.”
Charlie: "...."
Charllie: “… you know what? Maybe we should hold off on the whole weapons deal for now. Maybe we’re good on weapons.”
Vaggie: “Wh- but- Charlie!"
Carmilla: “Are you sure? You’ve been pushing for this deal all week.”
Vaggie: “Sweetie noooo, LOOK AT THIS THING! Think of the range I’d have- the blunt force trauma- the blood loss-”
Charlie: “I’m thinking one former exorcist in the hotel is weapons enough, actually.”
Vaggie: “-and I have WINGS again now! Can you imagine slinging a spiked ball and chain around while airborne-”
Carmilla: “Yes. I see your point.”
Vaggie, being lovely led out of the weapons storeroom by Charlie, making sad puppy eyes at all the angel slaying weapons she's leaving behind, hurriedly whispering "save the ball and chain for me Miss Carmine? please??" to a mildly amused Carmilla as she sees them out
Honestly I feel like Charlie is the type of person who genuinally checks herself and her temper because if she ever had a moment where she loosed her shit, it would probably be the scariest thing ever. You know those type of people who are one of the most sweetest and kindest people you know, and the idea of seeing them angry just never crosses your mind? And then when you actually see them upset, and I mean genuinely will rip your head off in a second, it's the most terrifying thing you could ever imagine because you would never imagine someone so gentle being capable of this level of anger and fury.
suddenly stuck by the thought of Charlie, in the early days of chaggie, getting lonely and insecure whenever Vaggie took time away from them to clean and check over her stupid angel spear, to the point that at least ONCE Charlie full on seduced Vaggie away from weapon maintenance and back to bed JUST to prove she could
like, with vaggie in canon getting jealous over something dumb-
(Charlie, one of the friendliest people ever, holding hands with Emily, the other friendliest person ever)
it'd be so funny, charlie getting equally jealous over something just as silly- and having a running feud with vaggie's 100% non sentient spear, not only for taking up vaggie's attention but ALSO for being (in charlie's very private opinion) an unhealthy and self destructive influence on vaggie's life (it's mainly the first reason though) (vaggie likes keeping the spear near or under their bed and sometimes reaches out to grab it in her sleep and THOSE are the days charlie starts off with a scowl) (she was lying Right There next to vaggie) (and she is much softer and warmer and more cuddly than any stupid spear)
Rivalry: Charlie & ...Spear?
Check out @a-dauntless-daffodil for original thought. It's great!
Charlie: (holding the spear hostage as she paces around the room) So.... let's get one thing straight here.... You may have come first, but I'M the one who share's Vaggie's bed!
Spear: (taped up from pommel to guard haphazardly with the two ends tied off to the arms of a chair, keeping it in place so it looks like it's sitting) ...........
Charlie: So what if she slept with you for the first few months she was here?! She was scared! You brought her some sort of comfort, and who would I have been if I denied her that? A horrible person, that's what!
Spear: (sunlight glints off it's edge)
Charlie: *gasp* How dare you laugh at me?! I am the Princess of Hell!!! YOU are just a spear! A hunk of metal!
Spear: (slowly falls a little to the side but gets caught by the tape)
Charlie: Well, now I'm the one who takes the right side of the bed. YOU just get to sit in the corner. All. Alone. and WATCH me snuggle Vaggie in a way a piece of scrap metal like you never could.
Spear: ...........
Chair: (slowly spins and creaks)
Charlie: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LIKE THE VIEW!?!?!?! YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!!!
Spear: (glints again as the sun streams through the blinds)
Demon Charlie: (growls as her horns and tail grow) What am I gonna do about it? What am I gonna do?! Oh, don't you worry. I have ways of putting you in your place. (holds up a rough, volcanic whetstone from Wrath)
Spear: (slips a little further)
Vaggie: (enters the bedroom) Hey, babe, have you seen my spear? (sees her spear tied up with Charlie demoned out, gripping the shaft with one hand and bringing a volcanic rock to the spear's edge with the other) What are you doing?
Charlie: (freezes) NOTHING!!!
Vaggie: Uh-huh.... Well, I have to clean the angelic blood off my spear so it doesn't rust, so can I have it back?
Charlie: (stands up straight and riiiiiips the spear from the tape) Of course, babe! Anything for my lovely, sweet, kind, caring, snuggly, super amazing girlfriend!~
Vaggie: Uh... Thanks, hun. I'll be down in the common room if you need me. Love you. (turns to leave)
Charlie: Love you too~ (glowers at the spar resting against Vaggie's shoulder) This isn't over.
Angelic Steel: Chaggie
Charlie: Has anyone seen Vaggie?
Husk: I think she's out back in the shed.
Charlie: But... we don't have a shed.... (walks out back and sees a sizeable shed) WHEN DID WE GET A SHED?!?!
Husk: About a week ago when Vaggie had an epiphany to try a new hobby.
Charlie: Wait. Vaggie's trying a new hobby? AND SHE DIDN'T TELL ME?!?! (stomps over to the shed and rips open the doors, instantly getting blasted by heat that's hotter than Wrath itself) Vaggie!
Vaggie: (looks up from a forge, shirtless, blacksmith apron covering her front, and covered in sweat and some soot with her hair tied up in a messy bun) What's up, babe?
Charlie: (jaw drops as her eyes turn red and scour Vaggie's exposed skin) Wha...... *gulp* What... uh... what are you-?
Vaggie: (pulls a white hot rail of steel out of a handmade forge with a smile) I figured out how to make and forge angelic steel!
Charlie: (blushing as her tail sprouts and starts flicking back and forth like a cat) You're forged angelic steel~.....
Vaggie: Uh... Babe?
Charlie: I never realized how much I've wanted to make love to a sexy welder all my life~ (slides the shed door shut and starts prowling forward in demon mode)
Vaggie: (sweat drop) .....T-Technically... I'm a blacksmith.... SHIT!!! (drops the rod, cursing at herself when she hears the steel shatter, and runs for the backdoor of the shed)
Charlie: (gives chase) Where are you going, forge goddess?!~ I have a fire you can play with!~
thank u @ckducky for drawing funny art of charlie's silly spear jealously and making THIS mental image pop into my head XD
Vaggie: "Thanks for doing this for us again, Ms. Rosie."
Rosie: "Oh my dear you know I'm just TICKLED PINK to help!"
Vaggie: "Well we really need it."
Charlie: "No we don't. I'm acting completely normally for this situation. I am being Totally Rational."
Vaggie: "Sweetie-
Charlie: "TOTALLY. RATIONAL."
Vaggie: "Charlie, you promised you'd be open minded about this...."
Charlie: "I am open! I just also know Rosie is going to AGREE with me on this!!"
Rosie: "Ohoho I suppose we'll see about that, won't we~?"
Rosie: "Now, why don't we put that spear away, hmm? And then the three of us can settling in for a nice long chat while you tell auntie Rosie all abut it!"
Vaggie: "Uh, actually. The spear has to stay."
Rosie: "Oh?"
Vaggie: "I'm kinda just dropping it off?"
Charlie: "Dropping IT off? Oh thanks Vaggie for coming alllllll this way- for the SPEAR."
Vaggie: "Them. I'm dropping THEM off."
Rosie: "... I'm afraid I don't quite follow? You came here for relationship advice, yes?"
Vaggie: "Right. Charlie's having relationships issues."
Charlie: "IT'S NOT AN ISSUE."
Rosie: "You mean, you and Charlie are having issues?"
Charlie: "THIS IS A NORMAL LEVEL OF FRUSTRATION!"
Vaggie: "No."
Charlie: "I'VE BEEN DEALING THIS THIS FOR Y E A R S AND HONESTLY I THINK I DESERVE A MEDAL FOR IT AT THIS POINT!!"
Rosie: "Charlie and... the spear?"
Charlie: "THAT BITCH!"
Vaggie: "Yeah."
Rosie: "I feel as though I understand even less. Isn't your spear-"
Vaggie: "Inanimate, yeah."
Charlie: "Oh don't let it fool you. It knows EXACTLY what it's doing-"
Charlie: "-SEE? SEE!! Look at it GLEAMING all SMUG in the sunlight, all nice and cozy where Vaggie so very CAREFULLY snuggled it into it's own chair-"
Vaggie: "Anyway thanks again Rosie for helping I gotta get back to the hotel."
Rosie: "I.... darling, I'm not sure this quite my...."
Vaggie: (ignores her) "I'll pick th- I'll pick CHARLIE up in an hour."
Rosie: "Wait-"
Vaggie: (smooching charlie's cheek) "Try to talk things out a bit, okay?"
Charlie: "Hmph! There's nothing TO talk about!"
Vaggie: "Okay. But venting to smeone might make you feel better?"
Charlie: "...maybe."
Vaggie: "Good. That's all I care about."
Charlie: (melting) "Yeah?"
Vaggie: "Yep~"
Charlie: "All you care about huh..." (sulking) "What about the spear."
Vaggie: "Literally just a spear, babe." (smooches her again) "Have fun with this, Rosie!"
Vaggie: (leaves)
Rosie: "......"
Charlie: "......"
The spear: (is a spear)
Rosie: "....right then! For this I think, tea will NOT be precisely what we need!" (pulls out a bottle) "One shot, or two?"
Charlie: "Did you know she RUBS that thing with OIL every night?"
Roise: (smiling and nodding) "Five shots it is then~"
Vaggie: “Charlie? Can I have a pick-me-up?”
Charlie: “!! YES!!! OF COURSE ALWAYS!!!”
Charlie: “Uh- where to start, um- Oh oh oh! You have the most AMAZING laugh whenever you to relax enough for it and your voice is INCREDIBLE really easy to get lost listening to- You take skirt wearing to whole other level, you snore SO cutely in your sleep, and even if it’s a little concerning how fast you are with that spear, it’s also really kinda h-”
Vaggie: “I meant literally, babe. Like, thanks for making me blush, but…”
Charlie: “Ohhhh you want UPPIES?”
Vaggie: “Girlfriend-based personal vertical augmentation- yeah. I’d, I’d like uppies. Please.”
Charlie: “One vertical upgrade via your girlfriend coming right UP!” (giggles) (picks up) “Heheh, how’s this?”
Vaggie: (is up picked) “Perfect, sweetie. Now carry me over to Alastor?”
Alastor: “?”
Charlie: “Okay?” (starts walking) “…why…?”
Vaggie: “I wanna punch him in his stupid smiling extremely punchable face.”
Alator: “Oh I AM flattered!”
Vaggie: “Great he’s given implied consent to a beating, let’s go.”
Charlie: “Okay.” (turning around) “We’re not doing that.”
Vaggie: “We don’t have to. I’ll do the punching, all you have to do is go over there and hold me at eye level.”
Charlie: "Vaggie-"
Alastor: “Get on a level with ME? Rather impossible for you, I’m afraid. You simply lack my, dare I say DEPTH of vision, ha ha! DO take care you don’t suffer from altitude sickness in the attempt through, hmm?”
Vaggie: “Two seconds of being held up to his face, Charlie, that’s all I’m asking.”
Charlie: “Vaggie, that’s still assault on my part. That’s assault with a deadly weapon, even!”
Vaggie: “I’m not armed?”
Charlie: “Are you breathing?”
Vaggie: “Uhh, yeah..?”
Charlie: “If you’re breathing then you’re a threat.”
Vaggie: (grinning) “Aww, Charlie.”
Charlie: “ESPECIALLY to guys like Alastor. No offence, Alastor.”
Alastor: “Compliment accepted!”
Vaggie: (beaming) (didn’t hear him) “You’re just saying that.”
Alastor: (annoyed dial tune) “Ahem. Well, I just said-”
Charlie: “I’m saying it because it’s true, and my ex still instinctively flinches at any HINT of a red hair bow at around chest height.” (switches to cuddling vaggie) “So let’s go be a threat over here instead, okay? Out of Alastor punching range.”
Vaggie: “Still within spear throw.”
Alastor: “Ahh yes, your darling divine toothpick. How quaint!”
Charlie: “Would you really wanna get his blood all over your spear?”
Vaggie: (HEAVY SIGH) “Nnnnno… I guess not.”
Alastor: (honestly insulted) “Rude.”
Charlie: “Didn’t thinks so!” (muttering) “The way you fawn over the stupid thing when it get’s so much as a stupid little smudge from me poking it in it’s stupid perfectly polished face…”
Vaggie: “What?”
Alastor: (evil static) “SHE said-”
Charlie: “Nothing! Petty revenge always ends up biting you in the ass! Anyway.” (grins brightly) “We’ve got better things to do than punch people in the face!”
Vaggie: “Good point.” (touches charlie’s jaw thoughtfully) “...this angle is pretty useful for more than just punching.”
Alastor: “AhaHA! And there is my cue to get off the air!”
Charlie: “Yeah…?”
Vaggie: “Yeah..”
Alastor: “Indeed!”
Charlie: “Like for tongue wrestling~?”
Vaggie: “….”
Alastor: “….”
Alastor: “Oh dear~!
Vaggie: “….”
Vaggie: “What.”
Charlie: “Well if it’s combat you’re after- we COULD have a battle for dominance. Y’know. With our mouths.”
Charlie: (wink)
Vaggie: “….never mind. You can put me down now.”
Alastor: “Oooh~”
Charlie: “!! NO NO WAIT I TAKE IT BACK-”
Vaggie: “Charlie. It’s seared into my brain.”
Alastor: (grinning) “Dreadful! Truly dreadful!”
Charlie: “NOOOO NO NO UN-SEAR IT! UN-SEAR IT FROM THE BRAIN!!!!”
Vaggie: “I don’t feel up for punching anyone either anymore, so don’t worry.”
Charlie: “Would, would punching put you back in the mood!? Vaggie please wait hold on just one sec-”
Charlie: “ALASTOR! CAN YOU COME OVER- NOOO DON’T WALK AWAY, I NEED-”
Charlie: VAGGIE!!! Wait!! I’m sorry! Please wait up! Please I’m sorry I just got SO in the mood and kinda COMPLETELY lost my mind with your talking all low right next to me like that, like when we-”
Alastor: (distantly) “Dear ones~ I am not yet out of hearing range~”
Vaggie: “Good. Suffer.”
Charlie: “I’m suffering IM SUFFERNG! PLEASE!!!” (trailing after girlfriend) “Vaggiiiiieeeee..! S-smooches????”
Vaggie: “Sweetie, I can’t even look at you right now.”
Charlie: “We could do the smooches without looking!!!”
Vaggie: “Even worse. Every time I close my eye I see your tongue suited up in armor, waving around a sword.”
Charlie: (horrified) “No! NO!!! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A METAPHOR!”
Vaggie: “Metaphorically speaking, I’ve been scarred.”
Charlie: “Th- then let me kiss it better!”
Vaggie: “Not how it works, babe.”
Charlie: “ARGH!”
Angel Dust: “Hey’a tootes! Guess who’s back from LONG and HARD day of… the fuck is wrong with her?”
Vaggie: “She’s fine.”
Charlie: (clutching vaggie’s arm) (wailing) “FANFIC RUIN LIVES!!!!!”
Angel Dust: “Ain’t that the truth. Porn tip- NEVER try adapting a smut fic for the screen. Choreography’s a nightmare…”
Vaggie: “Wow thanks for the amazing advice that we definitely needed.”
Angel Dust: “Ya welcome.”
Charlie: “We might still need it! Right Vaggie!? We might still be doing stuff like that in future-”
Vaggie: “What we could really use right now is a few drinks. Angel, I’ll spot yours if you can convince Husk to open early.”
Charlie: (slumping over bar) “I hate my life.”
Angel Dust: “That’s cute, Charlie-horse.” (lean down to whisper at vaggie) “Ya sure she hasn’t already had any...?”
Vaggie: “I’m sure-”
Charlie: “-the whole PROBLEM is me NOT GETTING ANY!”
Vaggie: “Annnd now everyone knows it, perfect.”
Angel Dust: “Oh now this is JUICY!”
Charlie: “What everyone? I only told Angel…?”
Vaggie: “Angel can’t keep anything to himself, including himself.”
Angel Dust: “Spittin’ nothin’ but truths tonight, huh Maximum Vaggige? Cherri will love this- I’m gonna need ALL deets! Wait right here and I’ll get Husker fluff to loosen those gossipy tongues right up!!”
Vaggie: “Great. More tongue stuff.”
Charlie: “UGH.”
Vaggie: “….”
Charlie: “…”
Vaggie: “Charlie.”
Charlie: “Meh?”
Vaggie: “I swear, if I could kiss you right now without physically cringing, I would.”
Charlie: “...Vaggie.”
Vaggie: “Yeah?”
Charlie: “What if we’re never able to kiss again?”
Vaggie: “…”
Charlie: “…Vaggie this is the part where you say don’t be silly and reassure me.”
Vaggie: “I know.”
Charlie: “Tell me I’m being silly, Vaggie.”
Vaggie: “Charlie, I… I will always love you, no matter what.”
Charlie: “That’s-”(sitting bolt upright) “THAT’S NOT REASSURING!”
Vaggie: (slumping next to her at the bar) “Where the FUCK is Husk and those drinks.”
Angel Dust: “D’ya ever get a weird feelin’ about this place?”
Husk: “Yeah. Sweet an sickening. Like fucking syrup.”
Angel Dust: “NEVER fuck usin’ syrup UGH.”
Niffty: “I think the floor right under the second story banister railings feels weirdest! Almost bouncy when you SMASH into it!”
Angel Dust: “Not what I meant, NFT. It’s more like-”
SOMETHING: (blurs past the open door behind them)
Door: (...crreeeeks softly on it’s hinges...)
Them: (turns and stare)
Angel Dust: “…it’s like, a cold draft, innit?”
Husk: (spooked) (fur fluffed) “Cheap as fuck place. Run down.”
Niffty: “Prime roach real estate!”
Angel Dust: “Unsettlin’. The word I’m lookin’ for is, unsettlin’.”
EYES: (blink open and glow in the shadowy corner above them.)
Angel Dust: “Creepy, even.”
EYES: (rotate 360 degrees) (still staring)
Angel Dust: “I dunno. Don’t ya just get the shivers sometimes in here? Brr.” (shudders)
Husk: “Guess the eternal pep can be kinda fucked up from the owner. No one in hell is really that fucking happy all the fucking time.”
Niffty: “I AM!!!”
Husk: “No one who’s not fucking Niffty is that happy in hell.”
Niffty: “I LOVE it here. You only got to die ONCE back in the living world.”
Angel Dust: “Once should be enough for anyone, Niffters.”
Niffty: (giggling) “Not for me! Not when it's comes to eating spiders.”
Husk: “Oh FUCK that-”
Niffty: “Think the thing watching us right now also eats spiders?”
Husk: “…”
Angel Dust: “…”
EYES: (blink) (vanish)
The Three of Them: (turn and stare)
Angel Dust: “….Husker? Any room in ya bed for guy who doesn’t wanna be alone tonight?”
Husk: “Fuck no. Anyone tries getting in my room tonight is being served a motherfucking Molotov cocktail on the house.”
Angel Dust: “I can make it worth ya while. Tire us both out so’s maybe we can get some actual sleep.”
Husk: “You think I’m gonna fucking sleep?”
Niffty: “Sometimes I eat the spiders in my sleep…”
Husk: “Niffty, I need you fucking shut up talking in that creepy little girl voice.”
Niffty: “Okay! But whyyyy~?”
Husk: “THAT’S fucking WHY.”
Angel Dust: “-shh! SHH SHHHH! D’ya hear that!?”
Husk: “Wh- don’t fucking touch me-”
Angel Dust: (strangling him a little with holding) “Husk holy shit!”
Husk: (claws out) (super floofed) “What? WHAT??”
Niffty: “Ohhh…..”
Angel Dust: “It’s COMIN’!”
Niffty: “Nooo it’s naaaw-auuuught~”
Husk: “WELL WHICH THE FUCK IS IT-!?”
Niffty: “It’s Here~”
SOMETHING: (drops in from the open window)
Them: (SCREAM)
Vaggie: “Have you guys seen- Stop screaming it’s just me- have any of you seen Charlie around?”
Husk: “FUCK! FUCK!!!”
Angel Dust: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, MISS I CUNT USE THE FREAKING DOORS!”
Husk: “FUUUCK ME FUCK YOU FUCK ALL OF THIS-”
Niffty: “Aww.” (slumps) “Hi Vaggie….”
Vaggie: “Yeah hey… What’s got into you all?”
Angel Dust: “Into US? YoU-”
Niffty: “We’ve been terrified. It’s been fun!”
Husk: “YOUR FUCKING SHIT HOTEL IS FUCKING HAUNTED! Shit!”
Angel Dust: “You and ya rich girlfriend have hell’s worst unpaying guest creepin’ around, and ya wonder what’s up with US?!?!”
Vaggie: “Oh. So you have seen her.”
Niffty: “Ohhh…! It’s a her!”
Angel Dust: “HER WHO WHO HER YOU KNOW THE WHORE OF HAUNTING?”
Vaggie: “Sure. And don’t fucking call her that.”
Husk: “I don’t wanna fucking know I don’t wanna fucking know I don’t wanna I don’t wanna no no no fuck NO-”
Vaggie: (rolls eye)
Vaggie: “Sweetie? Can you stop with the friendship notes and come out now?”
Something: (from shadows) “I’m bi!”
Vaggie: (smiles) “Out in the open where they can see you, babe.”
Charlie: “Aww, Vaggieeee…” (slips out of shadows with notebook and pout) “You’re messing with the sterile observed conditions and data collection. They were bonding!”
Angel Dust: “TOOTS!?”
Husk: “Oh.. fuck… you.”
Vaggie: “They sure were clinging to each other at least.”
Husk: “Fuck you MORE I fucking wasn’t.”
Angel Dust: “TOOTS I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!”
Vaggie: “Weren’t stopping him from climbing you like a tree though, were you?”
Charlie: “Sorry about that, Angel Dust. I just got so excited-”
Husk: “Get. Fucked.”
Vaggie: “My girlfriend takes care of that already thanks.”
Angel Dust: “EXCITED? To be stalkin’ a guy like he’s a freaking gazelle on a shitty nature doc that skips all the fucking an’ only shows the non-sexy rippin’ an tearin’ an eatin’ alive bits!?”
Charlie: “Well-”
Niffty: “Hi Charlie! Were you watching us like bugs in a bug trap? Right before they get SQUISHED?”
Charlie: “-um no. No I wasn’t-”
Niffty: “Awww why nooooooooot?”
Charlie: “I wasn’t... trying to?”
Husk: “Oh that’s not fucking terrifying to fucking hear.”
Angel Dust: “TRY HARDER NOT TO NEXT TIME! Ugh! I’m too shaky to even make a hardness pun- AND I think this gave me STRESS WRINKLES. I WORK WITH THIS FACE! Among other body parts- I cannot fucking AFFORD wrinkles, Charmeleon!”
Charlie: “Aw guys I’m sorry! I just saw you three chatting together and.” (waves notebook) “Y’know?”
Vaggie: “I know, babe.”
Angel Dust: “NO!?”
Husk: “Fuck. No.”
Niffty: “Nope! I would’ve gone STRAIGHT into hunt and kill mode!”
Husk: “Which is what it fucking FELT like you fucking did.”
Charlie: “Ooookay then, my bad. But! You all feel better now you know it was just me, right?”
Them: “….”
Charlie: “B- because you know I’d never actually hunt any of your through the halls of my hotel. Right?”
Them: “……”
Charlie: “…you, you guys know you’re safe here and I didn’t bring you here for some fucked up creepy personal murder torture reason… right…?”
Them: “……….”
Niffty: (raises hand) “I-”
Charlie: “NIFFTY THANK YOU!! See? She believes-”
Niffty: “I felt really GREAT thinking you were hunting me for sport! Can I go back to thinking that?”
Charlie: “-that, you, oh. No that’s-” (droops) “…sure … whatever makes you happy, Niffty.”
Niffty: “YAY FEAR!” (hugs Charlie’s knees) (skitters away)
Angel Dust: “Oh yippie. Getting’ high off my ass and blackin’ all this out from my memory will make ME happy.” (flounces off) “Sweet dreams, toots! I sure as hell won’t be havin’ ‘em!”
Charlie: “I’m sor-”
Husk: “Anyone fucking needs me, don’t.”
Charlie: “Husk, I really-”
Husk: (already gone)
Charlie: “….”
Charlie: “….. fuck.”
Vaggie: “It’ll be fine.” (pats Charlie gently) “Don’t freak out about it. They’re just, shook up.”
Charlie: (tired) “Except Niffty.”
Vaggie: “Niffty’s uhhh, she seems like the exception to most things yeah.”
Charlie: “She likes being scared of me.”
Vaggie: “Well. Thrilled? By you? I mean she gets her kicks out of it, so…”
Charlie: “I don’t like being scary.”
Vaggie: “You’re not.”
Charlie: “I scared them.”
Vaggie: “Startled and creeped out a little. It’s not the same thing.”
Charlie: “Isn’t it? I’m- I hate that I'm-”
Vaggie: “No.”
Charlie: “Vaggie.”
Vaggie: “You. Are. Not.”
Charlie: “But-”
Vaggie: (takes hand) “You’re a lot of things, Charlie Morningstar. Sometimes you’re a lot of those lot of things- which I love-”
Charlie: “Heh.”
Vaggie: “But being scary just by existing? Isn’t one of them. You can be you, all the way, the whole demon princess Charlie package- and not scare anyone. I promise."
Charlie: "Tell that to my ex..."
Vaggie: "I'll carve it into his stupid fucking skull- kidding! I'm kidding."
Charlie: "I'd believe that more if you hadn't already tried."
Vaggie: "Well believe me NOW when I'm trying to say- You can get scary when someone you love is hurt or threatened, sure. That's, not a bad thing. There's nothing about you that you need to hide to have people in your life. Living with you, every part of you, is great."
Charlie: "....."
Vaggie: "Charlie c'mon- I should know. If we’re talking observed data and stuff, I’ve already got three years of it. Right?”
Charlie: “…right.” (weak smile) “I did it again though, didn’t I?”
Vaggie: “What, the intensely following around someone you’ve invited into your home trying to figure out how to make them feel more comfortable without bothering them or spooking them, working hard not to let them see how you spend hours just staring at them, taking in every little detail you can, but staring so hard they can feel it on the back of their neck anyway?”
Charlie: “And you’re sure that’s not scary. Like at all.”
Vaggie: “I always thought is was cute. Intense and a kinda worrying sign of how alone you’d been, sure, but cute.”
Charlie: “Hmph.”
Vaggie: (leans up to smooch her) “And our hazbins will too. Just give ‘em time.”
Charlie: “Our hazbins?” (grins) “Our? Oh now THAT’S cute.” (opens book and scribbles note) “Today… Vaggie.. bonded with…”
Vaggie: “I did not.”
Charlie: “…OUR- underline underline add some hearts- hazbins!”
Vaggie: “Charlie I didn’t. I barely even spoke with them.”
Charlie: “You’re comparing them to your past self and making connections between you when we first met and them now, aren’t you. You’re empathizing with them! That’s bonding! That’s ADORABLE!!”
Vaggie: (sigh) “That’s my cue to drag you off to bed.”
Charlie: “You’re adorable~”
Vaggie: “Says the cute demon lady lovingly stalking her new friends.”
Charlie: “Do you think they’ll be friends with me? I mean I’m friends with them, but-”
Vaggie: “Charlie, they’ve met you. It’s inevitable.”
Charlie: “Heheh. Juuuust like this kiss~”
(smooch)
(smooch some more)
Vaggie: “Whoa there!” (chuckling) “Save it for the bed sweetie, or we’ll never get there.”
Charlie: (giggling) “Sorry. I’m not used to not having everything all to ourselves. And I suppose making out in the public areas wouldn’t be very polite, even in the middle of the night with no one around.”
Vaggie: “Probably. We’ve freaked them out enough for one day I think.”
Charlie: “There are definite downsides to having a hotel with actual other people living in it, huh….”
Vaggie: “Worth it?”
Charlie: “Mm. I hope so. I hope they’ll think so too.”
Vaggie: “They will, babe. They will.”
-Next Night-
-Alastor’s Radio Tower-
Alastor: (humming and happily prepping the next track for broadcast)
SOMETHING: (slowly rises up beyond the window behind him)
Alastor: (ears twitch) (adjust audio balance knob)
SOMETHING: (presses against window)
Window: (Distinctive flesh-dragging-across-glass sound)
Alastor: (stops)
SOMETHING: (fades into shadows)
Alastor: (turns)
Window: (has smudge mark on it)
Alastor: “….hmm…” (walks over) (wipes window) (smudge stays bc it’s on the outside) “Interesting...”
Alastor: (goes back to disc jockeying)
SOMETHING: (reaches up and drags finger through smudge mark)
Alastor: (stops and turns)
Alastor: “Ohoho? My my my, now isn’t THIS just droll! Who COULD have left a message here for me. On my own radio tower! Smudging my glass! (smirks and walks over) “Hmm? Something dire and THREATENING no doubt? Not something they will REGRET I am SURE ha ha ha!”
Alastor: (bends down to read) “It appears to say…”
Window: (smudge has the word ‘FRIENDS’ written through it)
Alastor: (snaps back upright) (stares) (steps back) (stares harder)
Alastor: “…how… amusing.”
Alastor: (goes back to control panel)
Alastor: “….”
Alastor: (relaxes) (picks up microphone and holds it casually at the ready)
Alastor: (reaches for a record-)
SOMETHING: (slips past window behind him)
Alastor: (turning) (Shrieking) “KKKKSSSSSSSSFKKKSST” (yeets record out through window)
Window: (shatters)
Vaggie: “….”
Vaggie: “….hope that one wasn’t important, pendejo. It’s on the first floor now. In about a hundred pieces.”
Alastor: (lowering microphone) “Oh my dear I DO apologize!” (simpering) (Glowering) “Poor thing. Not hurt, are you? Not frightened at all I hope? Really I don’t know WHAT would have happened if I had happened to HIT you!”
Vaggie: “Me frightened? No.” (tosses cleaning rag over shoulder) “The scary little smudge is gone anyway, so I’m off. Bye.”
Alastor: “Oh delightful! You KNOW ABOUT-”
Vaggie: (gone)
Alastor: “……hmmmmmm….”
Charlie: “….”
Charlie: “She’s so hot when she’s all ‘doesn’t even blink when something almost would've decapitated her if she hadn’t casually leaned back’ isn’t she?”
Alastor: (shriek is broadcast all over Pentagram city, shattering the remaining windows in his radio tower)
Vaggie: “Charlie? Can I have a pick-me-up?”
Charlie: “!! YES!!! OF COURSE ALWAYS!!!”
Charlie: “Uh- where to start, um- Oh oh oh! You have the most AMAZING laugh whenever you to relax enough for it and your voice is INCREDIBLE really easy to get lost listening to- You take skirt wearing to whole other level, you snore SO cutely in your sleep, and even if it’s a little concerning how fast you are with that spear, it’s also really kinda h-”
Vaggie: “I meant literally, babe. Like, thanks for making me blush, but…”
Charlie: “Ohhhh you want UPPIES?”
Vaggie: “Girlfriend-based personal vertical augmentation- yeah. I’d, I’d like uppies. Please.”
Charlie: “One vertical upgrade via your girlfriend coming right UP!” (giggles) (picks up) “Heheh, how’s this?”
Vaggie: (is up picked) “Perfect, sweetie. Now carry me over to Alastor?”
Alastor: “?”
Charlie: “Okay?” (starts walking) “…why…?”
Vaggie: “I wanna punch him in his stupid smiling extremely punchable face.”
Alator: “Oh I AM flattered!”
Vaggie: “Great he’s given implied consent to a beating, let’s go.”
Charlie: “Okay.” (turning around) “We’re not doing that.”
Vaggie: “We don’t have to. I’ll do the punching, all you have to do is go over there and hold me at eye level.”
Charlie: "Vaggie-"
Alastor: “Get on a level with ME? Rather impossible for you, I’m afraid. You simply lack my, dare I say DEPTH of vision, ha ha! DO take care you don’t suffer from altitude sickness in the attempt through, hmm?”
Vaggie: “Two seconds of being held up to his face, Charlie, that’s all I’m asking.”
Charlie: “Vaggie, that’s still assault on my part. That’s assault with a deadly weapon, even!”
Vaggie: “I’m not armed?”
Charlie: “Are you breathing?”
Vaggie: “Uhh, yeah..?”
Charlie: “If you’re breathing then you’re a threat.”
Vaggie: (grinning) “Aww, Charlie.”
Charlie: “ESPECIALLY to guys like Alastor. No offence, Alastor.”
Alastor: “Compliment accepted!”
Vaggie: (beaming) (didn’t hear him) “You’re just saying that.”
Alastor: (annoyed dial tune) “Ahem. Well, I just said-”
Charlie: “I’m saying it because it’s true, and my ex still instinctively flinches at any HINT of a red hair bow at around chest height.” (switches to cuddling vaggie) “So let’s go be a threat over here instead, okay? Out of Alastor punching range.”
Vaggie: “Still within spear throw.”
Alastor: “Ahh yes, your darling divine toothpick. How quaint!”
Charlie: “Would you really wanna get his blood all over your spear?”
Vaggie: (HEAVY SIGH) “Nnnnno… I guess not.”
Alastor: (honestly insulted) “Rude.”
Charlie: “Didn’t thinks so!” (muttering) “The way you fawn over the stupid thing when it get’s so much as a stupid little smudge from me poking it in it’s stupid perfectly polished face…”
Vaggie: “What?”
Alastor: (evil static) “SHE said-”
Charlie: “Nothing! Petty revenge always ends up biting you in the ass! Anyway.” (grins brightly) “We’ve got better things to do than punch people in the face!”
Vaggie: “Good point.” (touches charlie’s jaw thoughtfully) “...this angle is pretty useful for more than just punching.”
Alastor: “AhaHA! And there is my cue to get off the air!”
Charlie: “Yeah…?”
Vaggie: “Yeah..”
Alastor: “Indeed!”
Charlie: “Like for tongue wrestling~?”
Vaggie: “….”
Alastor: “….”
Alastor: “Oh dear~!
Vaggie: “….”
Vaggie: “What.”
Charlie: “Well if it’s combat you’re after- we COULD have a battle for dominance. Y’know. With our mouths.”
Charlie: (wink)
Vaggie: “….never mind. You can put me down now.”
Alastor: “Oooh~”
Charlie: “!! NO NO WAIT I TAKE IT BACK-”
Vaggie: “Charlie. It’s seared into my brain.”
Alastor: (grinning) “Dreadful! Truly dreadful!”
Charlie: “NOOOO NO NO UN-SEAR IT! UN-SEAR IT FROM THE BRAIN!!!!”
Vaggie: “I don’t feel up for punching anyone either anymore, so don’t worry.”
Charlie: “Would, would punching put you back in the mood!? Vaggie please wait hold on just one sec-”
Charlie: “ALASTOR! CAN YOU COME OVER- NOOO DON’T WALK AWAY, I NEED-”
Charlie: VAGGIE!!! Wait!! I’m sorry! Please wait up! Please I’m sorry I just got SO in the mood and kinda COMPLETELY lost my mind with your talking all low right next to me like that, like when we-”
Alastor: (distantly) “Dear ones~ I am not yet out of hearing range~”
Vaggie: “Good. Suffer.”
Charlie: “I’m suffering IM SUFFERNG! PLEASE!!!” (trailing after girlfriend) “Vaggiiiiieeeee..! S-smooches????”
Vaggie: “Sweetie, I can’t even look at you right now.”
Charlie: “We could do the smooches without looking!!!”
Vaggie: “Even worse. Every time I close my eye I see your tongue suited up in armor, waving around a sword.”
Charlie: (horrified) “No! NO!!! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A METAPHOR!”
Vaggie: “Metaphorically speaking, I’ve been scarred.”
Charlie: “Th- then let me kiss it better!”
Vaggie: “Not how it works, babe.”
Charlie: “ARGH!”
Angel Dust: “Hey’a tootes! Guess who’s back from LONG and HARD day of… the fuck is wrong with her?”
Vaggie: “She’s fine.”
Charlie: (clutching vaggie’s arm) (wailing) “FANFIC RUIN LIVES!!!!!”
Angel Dust: “Ain’t that the truth. Porn tip- NEVER try adapting a smut fic for the screen. Choreography’s a nightmare…”
Vaggie: “Wow thanks for the amazing advice that we definitely needed.”
Angel Dust: “Ya welcome.”
Charlie: “We might still need it! Right Vaggie!? We might still be doing stuff like that in future-”
Vaggie: “What we could really use right now is a few drinks. Angel, I’ll spot yours if you can convince Husk to open early.”
Charlie: (slumping over bar) “I hate my life.”
Angel Dust: “That’s cute, Charlie-horse.” (lean down to whisper at vaggie) “Ya sure she hasn’t already had any...?”
Vaggie: “I’m sure-”
Charlie: “-the whole PROBLEM is me NOT GETTING ANY!”
Vaggie: “Annnd now everyone knows it, perfect.”
Angel Dust: “Oh now this is JUICY!”
Charlie: “What everyone? I only told Angel…?”
Vaggie: “Angel can’t keep anything to himself, including himself.”
Angel Dust: “Spittin’ nothin’ but truths tonight, huh Maximum Vaggige? Cherri will love this- I’m gonna need ALL deets! Wait right here and I’ll get Husker fluff to loosen those gossipy tongues right up!!”
Vaggie: “Great. More tongue stuff.”
Charlie: “UGH.”
Vaggie: “….”
Charlie: “…”
Vaggie: “Charlie.”
Charlie: “Meh?”
Vaggie: “I swear, if I could kiss you right now without physically cringing, I would.”
Charlie: “...Vaggie.”
Vaggie: “Yeah?”
Charlie: “What if we’re never able to kiss again?”
Vaggie: “…”
Charlie: “…Vaggie this is the part where you say don’t be silly and reassure me.”
Vaggie: “I know.”
Charlie: “Tell me I’m being silly, Vaggie.”
Vaggie: “Charlie, I… I will always love you, no matter what.”
Charlie: “That’s-”(sitting bolt upright) “THAT’S NOT REASSURING!”
Vaggie: (slumping next to her at the bar) “Where the FUCK is Husk and those drinks.”
Charlie saving Angel Dust or if she was more demonic ahahah
its kinda trash
You are apparently the most powerful magical being of your time. But the thing is….you’re not. You spend the entire story trying to convince everyone that’s you’re not being humble, you’re genuinely not the person they’re looking for
You are the Chosen One. The Dark Overlord is currently trying to seduce you to their cause. To their great surprise, you accept almost immediately because you absolutely loathe your job and your companions.
The Aftermath of the Chosen One
Summary: Dulce is a Hero. The people who made her one better hope they never see her again. TW: mentions of violence, ptsd, panic attacks
————.
She is a villain when the adventure is over. It creeps up on her slowly. The shortened temper, the unnatural laughter, the darting eyes. She looks up at the corners of rooms for demon bats that don’t exist in this world and claws at her own flesh when she doesn’t find them.
Her companions come find her six months afterwards.
What does it look like, a prince and a knight and a mage walking into a McDonald’s? It’s 1 am, closing time, when she finds out.
“Dulce!” Prince Amor clanks through the fronts doors. He’s wearing the Royal Armor, the set that seems to glow from within with the Holy Light of his Blessed Ancestors. The crown on his head is as gold as his eyes. Everything about him looks fake under the artificial dining room lights, but he doesn’t notice. His golden eyes are locked on her. “At last, we’ve found you!”
She’s covered in a fine mist of oil, slashes of burns from the heat lamps marching up her arms. Her black pants are grey under a dusting of spilled flour and she knows her short, brown hair is frizzed up after her eight hour shift. She blinks at the three walking into the dining room and can’t find the words.
“I told you I’d find her,” Mage Kira says proudly. Her black dress looks like it belongs in a gothic version of the Nutcracker. She waves her flowering wand over her head. “Dulce’s magic has always been so distinctive, I knew it would be easy to find her in the Mundane World!”
Mundane world, Dulce thinks. That’s what they think of Earth. Mundane. Run-of-the-mill.
Not special.
Not worthy.
Dulce’s stomach cramps so badly that she sways on the spot. Why did she send the other girl home? Things would be so much easier if she had another human here.
Keep reading
This is definitely a miscolor by the colorist but why is Bruce buttass naked studying the xenomorphs
ive just been born into the world what are some good games for beginners
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
I redownload this app for one day once every maybe two months and unfortunately I’m rewarded every time
Sokka: Who do you think would win between Zuko and Katara?
Azula: Comparing Zuko and Katara is like comparing apples and oranges.
Zuko: We’re both unique in our own ways?
Azula: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.
Zuko: Which one of us is the orange?
Azula: Don’t do that to yourself.
Post Reveal Convo
YOR: “Ooh, I stopped counting after I got into the triple digits.”
MELINDA: “Oh… oh my. D-does your husband know?”
YOR: “He does! It took me a while to tell him the truth, though. These kinds of conversations can be so troublesome, after all. But it turns out, we have a very similar number of conquests!”
MELINDA: “Uh… you don’t say?”
YOR: “Yes! Isn’t that funny? Although, not to brag but lowers voice I have nearly a dozen more than him.”
MELINDA: “Er-“
YOR: “Similar levels of experience really do matter in situations like this, don’t you think? Loid and I are quite capable of handling all kinds of situations together! One-on-one is rarely an option with our lifestyle, so we’re quite used to handling multiple people at once. I prefer to get up close and personal, but Loid does love his toys. Especially projectiles.”
MELINDA: “Projectiles???”
YOR: “Oh yes! Not my preference, but I must admit they always leave such interesting splatter patterns.”
MELINDA: …
ALSO MELINDA: “Sooooo, I don’t suppose you and your husband are busy this Saturday night, huh?”
This will go amazing with my bathtub that is just full of eyeballs
If angels are terrifying monstrosities that tell you “be not afraid” are demons adorable harmless creatures that demand to be feared?
Hey remember that episode of Spongebob where Sandy sings about being homesick for Texas and Spongebob and Patrick overhear it and are worried that she’s going to leave Bikini Bottom so they have a Texas party at the Krusty Krab with all their friends, recreating things in Sandy’s song but they fuck it up like, pecan pie is just a can of peas shoved in a pie, barbeque is barbed wire in the shape of a Q, and the ten gallon hats are just plastic water jugs on their heads, and like…. Sandy just laughs so hard she breaks into tears, cause she sees what they’re trying to do for her to make her feel at home because they love her and don’t want her to leave…………… yo do you ever think about that goddamn episode
