I Am Not Violent. I Am Not Malicious. I Am A Result.

renfarber​:

Oh, this was dangerous. He shouldn’t be looking at her like this. And she shouldn’t be looking at him like this. They were grown ass adults now, and they should know better, and they had responsibilities, and they’d broken up for a reason, because she’d done something horrible, and then he’d said some horrible things, and enough time had passed now that there shouldn’t be any feelings left of any kind, but… there were. She could tell from his eyes that there were. And anyway, Ren had always rather liked danger.

He smiled at the mention of her mother, and he joked about her ridiculous old friends, and she laughed at his dumb jokes and his smug smile and his popcorn-throwing, and what had felt dangerous a moment ago, now felt familiar and safe. Safe enough that she felt comfortable reaching up to fix some stray curls that had fallen over Leo’s eyes.

“Do you remember the night we met?” she smirked. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, honestly. They were at work, and it was a particularly slow night, and nothing of interest really happened except for Ren meeting the only man she’d ever fall in love with. They’d spent the whole shift talking and laughing (and getting yelled at for talking and laughing), and sneaking booze from behind the bar. “I told you I felt like I’d known you in another life. And that nothing you could say would ever surprise me because of it. …I was a fucking weirdo back then,” she laughed, “but I still kind of believe that.”

-

The way she looked at him was almost becoming unbearable. Did she realize that she was looking at him the way she use to? Was he giving her the same adoring look that he had reserved for her all those years ago? Would the desire to stop wanting to reach towards her subside? How could he even approach her in such a way when she knew she was married and very clearly had honored that sanction far more than he did? No matter the answers, he had to behave, he had to. 

 Leo didn’t flinch or back away when Ren’s hand came to his obstructed view. He actually kind of welcomed not seeing her so clearly. It offered a bit of a shield, but she had brushed his shaggy curls away, giving him a sharp view of her stunning features once again. He’d never get over just how ethereal she appeared. And just like that, the urge to just move closer, grab her face and just kiss her took hold of him again. But thankfully she had given him another distraction.

He looked at the cute smirk upon her face as he took her question. The night they met. Arguably one of the best nights of his twenties. He would never tell her, but he even knew what phase the moon was in the sky that night; a crescent moon. He also regrettably even knew what the special was that night; a honey roasted duck. Which now he realized was probably the reason for the slow night. He kept his gaze on her as he recalled the rest of the details, the more important ones. Like how when their eyes first met, he became a stoic fool, melting into a stranger’s eyes. But then how quickly he had warmed up to her because of her charming demeanor, one that he matched up with his own. He definitely chose humour to captivate her, and he was smitten with her honesty no matter how eccentric it was. As he listened to her recalling their conversation about other lifetimes, his face had softened and there was smile shining from his eyes as well as his lips. “I think I remember it a lot better.” He gloated, of course, needing a spotlight on him being right once again. He leaned in closely, his elbow completely taking her arm rest as he did so. “Because you said, you felt like you’ve known me in a thousand other lifetimes.” The glint in his eyes still shown as he reminded her of that detail, the lighting of the movie’s glow helped ignite it brighter. “I asked if I were rich and successful in any of them and you said yes. And then like a lameass trying to shoot my shot, I asked if I got to see you naked in any of them.” His voice lowered an octave as if to keep that part intimately between them than it already was. Leo’s gaze, however, dropped down to the exposed skin at her collarbone before he forced it back up. His clutch on the popcorn bucket was unfortunately becoming obvious with the crinkling of the cardboard. 

You're so self centred

who else am i supposed to be centred on

PENN BADGLEY — The Paper Store (2016)

giselesilvas​:

She could hear the shoes scuffing around the stall as the guy froze, and it was hilarious seeing, well, not seeing technically, how no matter how old people got, men in her own personal experience, they still froze and fumbled when caught in an indecent position. Like a kid with his hand in a cookie jar. When she finally caught sight of the guy responsible for the ladies’ room now being a giant capsule, Gisele didn’t lose any time to look him over quickly. He looked… Good. Older than her but not by much. Nicely groomed, his hands looked delicat- Married? Her eyes went straight to his wedding band. One would imagine he’d come in here with his wife, get high and then fool around in the bathroom a bit, away from prying eyes. But… Maybe his wife wasn’t here. And now she started to see the real fun in this encounter.

Gisele caught his eye again and smirked as she saw him looking down at her chest and then come back up. Where do you want me?  Fuck, he’s in it as well. “Well, I’d have you sitting back on that couch if it were up to me, but then we’d still be in the same position” Red lips turned up with a smile, her tongue running over her teeth with a mischievous look on her face. “I thought you’d never offer” She joked, hand over her chest in an exaggerated dramatic flare, reaching out to grab it and once she did, she replaced the joint in his hand with her free one, shaking it gently “Gisele”

-

Leo’s brows shot up at her response but he easily settled back into his smugness. she was bold and matched his energy like it were breathing. She certainly had her handle on his attention now. Is she flirting with me? he thought, though he was sure his shiny wedding band was a good determent. it usually was. but wedding band or not didn’t keep him from openly leering at her. her skin looked so soft and she had a face that could stop a man in his tracks. and quite frankly, she did cause him to freeze up. he returned her smile with the crooked one of his own and let her take the joint of his offering hand. 

“Gisele,” he repeated, testing her name on his tongue, as he wrapped his hand around hers. “Leo—Leo Davis.” he said returning the handshake and introducing himself. He let go of her hand gently and rested it back at his side. Where his hand flexed slightly at the interaction. He hadn’t had a charged physical attraction to anyone that wasn’t his wife lately. Unfortunately, those moments with his wife were becoming less frequent. And he’s never laid on finger on his secret valentine that was confined to his phone. This was different for him for sure, especially while intoxicated with a cross of weed and alcohol. his favorite mix. 

He tried to behave his gaze because even though he believed he could be found attractive to anyone, he didn’t want to act on it if he was wrong. No, he didn’t want to act on it because it’d be wrong to do so, because he was lawfully bound. He rubbed his free hands on his pants at the tops of his thighs before smoothing out the velvet. “So, since you can’t have me on the couch, where’s that vent?” He questioned, tearing his eyes from her curves that so intimately spoke to him. He craned his neck up to see the chandelier lighting fixture but none were the exhaust she mentioned. He looked at her again for an answer. But he honestly, didn’t care if he smoked out the restroom. He’d happily continue to get absolutely loaded on the couch. But now it was lady’s choice. 

“To survive, I had to stay unfamiliar to myself, neutralized, at arm’s length. Sometimes, I think, all these years later, I’m still hunting the part of myself I exiled.”

Places I’ve Taken My Body; ‘The Broken Country: On Disability and Desire’ by Molly McCully Brown

I’m the worst kind of monster: the kind that comes with a pretty face, a cold heart, and a reason to be that way.

(via vindictadulcis)

renfarber​:

He smiled at her, and she was twenty-one again, and the guilt that she’d been suppressing broke through. Before him, she’d never believed that she had the power to hurt anyone. She’d known that Leo loved her, but she hadn’t known how much, until she watched as his heart shattered in her hands. She hadn’t wanted that power ever again, so she’d never let anybody else that close.

And so, “Fuck no,” was her response to his question. It was automatic, instinctual, and she had no time to think better of it before the words were out of her mouth. “I mean… I’m happy that you’re happy, but it’s just not… for me, I don’t think,” she said, looking down at her hands and wondering how much was too much to say. “I do have a kid, though, so… that’s weird.”

-

Leo’s eyes widened slightly at her response. He had once objected to the idea of marriage just as strongly as she did. Especially after things ended with Serenity all those years ago. But meeting his wife made him see how beneficial life with a partner could be. Happy, though? He forced a nod, agreeing with her that he was happy. That’s how a marriage was suppose to be. Or appear to be. 

“A kid?” He questioned, his voice chiming too loud with surprise. “Like a whole person that you grew inside you and then…” he gulped thinking about delivering a baby and then being stuck with it. “That is weird. You’re a mom now.” He agreed and then began to mess with his popcorn bucket. not having the appetite for the snack. This was a lot to learn. There was a child out there that was hers. He bit his lip as he looked at her and tried to picture it. But the only thing his mind went to was who was the man that shared half of her son with. “Your boyfriend’s the father; I’m assuming?”

PENN BADGLEY in The Paper Store (2016)

Dumb & Dumber (1994)