Feel So Discouraged, I Hate This Feeling, The Type Of Feeling That Makes Me Want To Scrap What I'm Working

Whoops....okay, sleep deprivation isn't the best time to work on things. I accidentally submitted a picture with text backwards 8D I have a habit of working on things flipped and forgot I was working on it flipped when I drew some text....haha.... But then again I have a few shirts that have backwards text so I can read it when I look in the mirror 8'D (Trying to justify mistakes.) I also forgot to put my signature, but er. ....idk. Just a reminder that sleep deprivation does cause mistakes even without machinery haha...

I finally finished this :D I was making this on the side while I’m working on all my other sculptures. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lapis Lazuli, this is inspired by the Fayth from Final Fantasy X, this type of scene kept popping in my head when I would listen to this song- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (((these are the lyrics, this has been my favorite song for quite a long time, this band has been my fav since middle school. 83))) https://youtu.be/V8xG3X4ECrc ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Oceania” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (((Should I make any of the other gems like this?))) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ALSO, I’m sorry about how the text is, I don’t have a computer and mobile doesn’t post properly at all, I decided to delete most of the text ;_;

Design sketch thing of virus!cry ._.  this is a reference thingy for another thing being worked on~

w.i.p. of opal and size comparison among sculpts the only part almost finished is the shape, the rest is just so I can visualize things I’m placing better and what not, also this is so big it will fall over on it’s own, I’m sure it will stand once I make the body solid, the hair will most likely be able to separate due to general size but who knows.

Is there a site that's like a dating site but for friends? Like compatibility, interests, if they live in a certain distance, area code, etc. I really need some..it's not even a joke.

I made Opal from SU awhile back, sadly it was when I had horrible paints+breakage due to moving. I was almost done painting, touching up scrapes and such but realized that there was so much done I'm not satisfied with how she turned out AT ALL. Her feet and bow need to be painted as well... The question is, should I finish and post it anyways, or just toss it?

Still making opal, just lack a drive due to personal reasons... But once I am able to I want to make other stuff, more detailed I guess, like practice with bodies I guess, it might help me with my drawings and what not, it just seems I can pump out sculptures more than I can drawings, so it’s kinda discouraging when I draw something for a long time I don’t get as much satisfaction as seeing something sitting in front of me. I love drawing, it just feels kinda pointless even though I think I finally found “my style” after all these years, it’s funny though, ever since I was kid I’ve always been involved/interested in the same things, drawing, minerals, outerspace and sculpting, I would rarely hang out with others. I’d always just draw and dig outside looking for pretty stones and stuff, a teacher handed me clay with a sculpting book on how to make beads and tiny food when I was in 5th grade, I enjoyed building things out of wood in middle school and then ceramics in HS, it’s funny in HS it got to the point pretty much any teacher would let me sculpt and draw in class, I miss school, I miss being able to feel “important” or like I meant something, that I had people to talk to about whatever, being able to actually step outside without having a panic attack (heck a bear running in front of me at 5am on my way to school didn’t even freak me out as bad as just speaking to someone now. I’ve regressed so badly, I want to be how I used to be, I want to be able just to walk to a park and sit outside, I want to try my hand at an anime con again and maybe even trying to get a table in AA, but....I don’t know what’s happened to me, all these hopes and dreams I’ve had are all just....so hard to comprehend anymore. 

Possibly venting here~

Seriously though, how do I get more "out there" I do what I think is my best, I upload as often as possible, well cept a tad before "lately" I'll admit, I'm easily discouraged, I don't know how to help myself apparently, been trying for ages, but it seems as useful as a ghost knocking on a window asking to be let in. What am I doing wrong, everyone around me is flying by in some sorta way, while I just kinda watch...like I'm running as fast and hard as I can while everyone elses light warps past me. (in general)

Reason why I haven't posted in awhile. (Please involve no one please..)

I’m so sorry I haven’t been online, my life has been terrible lately and just a ton of bad.

I really hate to mention this *here* but I haven’t posted anything.

I am in a bad relationship, my computer and tablet gets threatened to be broken, I get physically harmed because my tics due to tourettes cause me to “warrant” it…

I have no motivation or will or anything and have been trying.

It has been horrid.

I am scared that he could see this right now.

Hopefully though…hopefully that will change soon, or I can endure long enough until the time comes where I won’t be this way.

Please trust me I just want out of this relationship with no involvement of others.. That is all but I am EXTREMELY dependant on someone, idk…

Please don’t make me afraid to post I am just letting it known why I haven’t posted in ages.

Please forgive me. I have a plan finally, after years of dealing with this…and it is possible, please believe me.

Hey, yeah, I have bad problems going on, just informing and maybe asking for help?

WOOO, guess what, gonna be homeless soon :D like within a month because people like to steal checks meant for rent and not pitch in on rent either, so yeah, I'm screwed. EVERYTHING bad keeps happening... Anyways,a certain individual I know said I should try to get commission work, but I said I'm not well known enough to even get one :D so, they said I should try to "expand my audience" join other fandoms, idk, I'm just always afraid of...uh, most things associated with doing so, but yeah, bad situations, as well as seeing a random post made me realize, maybe I shouldn't be afraid of doing what I want to do and actually trying to contribute to "popular" things. So, I'm gonna TRY, still might cower out but any help would be great,