Dashicns‌:

What I am telling you, before you begin my story, is this: I crave truth. And I lie.

Tana French

*drops down on one knee* will u sin with me

seojvns‌:

“well,” he begins in defense, because he’s not the camping type at all, “i’ve never been. it’s one of those bucket list kind of ideas that i’ve always wanted to do but just haven’t gotten around to?” he tries to explain. the thought of camping with his own parents is enough to make him physically cringe, but as soon as kian mentions the idea of camping with him being an eight out of ten, the smitten expression that’s usually on his face when jun’s with him reappears. “like a horror movie?” he questions, eyes widening at the thought as kian explains exactly why they’d never make it out of the woods alive. “i’m not into girls,” he protests, before correcting himself, “i mean, i am, just not exclusively. i like everyone,” and after the briefest pause he’s explaining himself again, “not, like, everyone, just,” he huffs in frustration, feeling flustered. “i like boys and girls,” he says after letting out a breath, “and i don’t have a double life,” he adds with another huff. “the thought of me doing anything on this table is…” he laughs nervously, “really ridiculous. i’d never,” but never’s a strong word and he’s a weak boy - so to say never was probably a lie, even if he didn’t necessarily realize it. 

“no worries, junnie.” he says, features stretching into a grin, “i’ll take your camping virginity.” and he leaves it at that, turning another page, and pretending like he’s at all interested in what the words say. “must be why we get along so well.” he says, nonchalantly. “i also like everyone. gender doesn’t mean shit to me, kinda stupid when you think about it, you know? like— if you’re lucky enough to find someone who you really dig and who digs you back then why would you let something so trivial stop you? imagine falling in love, but you’re so caught up in the person being the same sex as you that you throw it all away, only to lead a miserable life.” he shakes his head, thumbing at the corner of the page. “what do you mean never?” he questions, head lolling to the side to look at him again. “it’d be fun. i mean, it’s already sort of an adrenaline rush being here when we’re not suppose to so think about what it’d be like to fuck someone in a place that you’re not suppose to. every time you’d step foot into the library, it’s like you’d have your own little secret. i bet people have fucked in here before.” he says, suddenly turning on his side again, the book completely forgotten. “i have a question.” he states. “where is the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up with someone?”

moonsus‌:

on top of the list of moonsu’s traits, being oblivious was definitely leading him through his relationship with kian. it was terribly naive of him to believe he was as special to the boy as he made him feel, but did he think it was the honest to god truth? absolutely. there was nothing, in his mind, that was leading him to believe otherwise. every word that he heard come out of kian’s mouth was taken to heart, and all of it made him fall more and more into the relationship they’d built. for once, moon felt like he wasn’t too much. in most relationships, moonsu felt like he had to tone down his personality to make the other person comfortable, but he’d yet to have that feeling with kian. that mix had been the perfect mess to completely pull moonsu down under, wrapped around kian’s finger and willing to do whatever he could to make sure he felt as appreciated as possible.

a lot of firsts. the words catch him by surprise, but moonsu doesn’t call it out. maybe he just doesn’t understand the obvious implications behind it. he was a theatre student - it wasn’t like his smarts had gotten him all that far, anyway. “of course it’s all for you… i mean, i’d like half the pizza and some of the wine, if you don’t mind, but the rest of it? all yours.” he nodded excitedly, watching the other boy take it all in. the kiss was enough for the tension in moon’s shoulders to fall - the confirmation that he’d done a good job and made him happy satisfying enough to make him forget the few mistakes that were rolling around his brain. as if kian would look him dead in the eye and say, ‘sure, this is great, but you couldn’t light all the candles? i think we should break up.’ that didn’t stop moonsu from thinking it, however, his dramatic head and heart making things like that seem far too realistic. 

he focuses more on the pizza until the three words fall past kian’s lips, and moonsu is pretty sure his heart just stops altogether. there had been plenty of ways he dreamed of his boyfriend reacting, but a declaration of love hadn’t been much more than something he fantasized happening further down. it was such a stretch - such an impossible reality, really, and yet moonsu took every single word that came out of the other’s mouth and made sure it all went directly to his heart. “you couldn’t scare me away,” he assured after a moment, embarrassed that he felt himself fighting off a threat of tears. no one had ever said that to him, let alone first, and one would think the feeling of it all being too good to be true would clue him in on the truth. instead he was nodding his head and shifting closer to kian, cupping his face in his hands and forcing eye contact. “i’m in this for the long haul,” he repeats back, leaning down to kiss him with far more passion behind the two from before. “i love you, too,” he mutters against his lips, nodding in assurance, because it just makes sense to him. it fits the fantasy world that kian built up for him, and he has no problem completely falling into it. he doesn’t think there should be anything stopping him. “i don’t know how i’m supposed to focus on anything else, now,” he mutters with a small pout, pulling back enough to look down at him again. “i just wanna kiss you… maybe give you the rest of your gifts.”

the reaction that moonsu grants him is infinitely better than anything he could have ever imagined. it’s almost as if kian can see, feel, smell the adoration and love pouring out of him. it’s overwhelming, but he drowns in it. he loves this feeling; he loves being at the very center of people’s universes. and now he can mark step one off of his list. moonsu has already fallen for him whether he’s fully accepted it or not and now all kian has to do is make a home in the spaces between his ribs. he wants the other to not be able to listen to certain songs (whether sad or happy) and not think about him, wants little things like the fountain in the middle of the park to remind him of the times they spent together, and, most of all, he wants moonsu to feel like he can’t live without him. he wants him to swear up and down to himself that he would rather die than be without kian. he wants to kill him in the most legal way possible — by ripping his heart out and stomping all over it. he wants to humiliate him, make him feel worthless, yet, somehow, he’ll still want kian. he’ll hate him, but he’ll long for him day in and day out for months and months, wishing that things could go back to the way they used to be.

when he feels his boyfriend’s hands cupping his cheeks, he melts into the touch, and smiles. it’s genuine, but not for the reasons that it should be. in his head, he’s thinking i can’t wait to destroy you but on the outside he’s conveying i’m so in love with you. and when they kiss again, he does so fervently; but he’s unable to push it a little further before the boy is breaking it. it’s worth it to hear the confirmation of reciprocated love though because he knows moonsu means it. and, despite everything that he is, kian loves to be loved. “the rest of my gifts?” he quirks a brow, curiosity getting the best of him. he leans over a little closer, placing his hand on moonsu’s thigh, and smiles innocently. “there’s no rush, we have all the time in the world.” he tells him. “but i’d love a hint to tide me over.” he says, batting his eyelashes as if he were pulled straight out of a corny romantic comedy. though, he supposes, everything with moonsu kind of feels that way; he definitely has a way with turning the most menial things into something extravagant. it’s an art that kian sort of respects.

“let’s not take too long though, you know i’m impatient when it comes to these things.” he laughs, pulling back to reach for a piece of pizza. but he stops himself and digs his cracked phone out of his pocket. he lines it up best that he can and takes a couple of pictures. “plus, i have a few gifts for you as well.” he grins, scooting closer to moonsu so that their thighs are touching. “say cheese.” he instructs, holding his phone up. he presses his lips to the other’s cheek and snaps a quick shot. he looks it over and hums in approval before setting it off to the side and reaching for a slice again. he grabs two for himself and two for moonsu because he’s generous like that. “can i ask you something?” he questions, though he’s going to anyway with or without permission. “have you ever been in a serious relationship?” he asks, popping the bottle of wine open. “before me, i mean.” he clarifies, sucking some of the liquid off of his hand that had spilled out before pouring each of them a glass.

seojvns‌:

for @kians. ♡

he’d dozed off a few times now while waiting up for kian and was starting to think, in the brief moments of consciousness, that maybe he wouldn’t be back to their dorm at all tonight. it wasn’t surprising, but it was frustrating. seojun didn’t plan his life around kian or anything - he wasn’t that invested, but he liked knowing that he was here and safe. especially with everything that’d been going on lately. was it really that much to ask of kian for him to send him a brief text on the nights he wouldn’t be back anyway? seojun certainly didn’t think so, but maybe kian would disagree. the worst part was that he didn’t have the right to feel so protective over him and, yet, here he was. as protective as ever. 

as soon as he heard the door open, his head lifted, eyes snapping open as all sleepiness he felt previously quickly evaporated. but he still looked sleepy, with his eyes puffy and his hair messy from falling asleep on the couch. “hi,” he said, his voice soft, his eyes staying on kian. he wanted to ask where he’d been, but knew it wasn’t fair to, so he didn’t. instead he stared, hoping for any bit of attention kian was willing to give him - if he even was. “um, welcome home,” he said, pulling himself up off the couch. “are you… hungry? i could make you something to eat, if you want,” he offered, all too willing to do anything that kian wanted. but that was nothing new. he’d jump through hoops all day, if he were asked.

kian does everything for a reason. the way he dresses, the way he smiles, and the way he does his hair always depends on which toy he’s playing with that day. if he can’t get something out of it then he doesn’t do it, period. it wouldn’t be fair for him to put in so much work if he got nothing in return. lucky for him, he knows nearly everything he needs to about his roommate and he definitely uses it to his advantage. spending so much time together in such close quarters has given him the leverage he needs to pull on seojun’s strings a little harder and push him a little farther. and, god, he’s so fun to play with. he might be kian’s favorite. he barely has to do anything at all and, yet, is given so much. it’s like christmas every day. he takes his time walking up the stairs to their dorm, reading over texts that he doesn’t plan on answering, and he even takes a break to catch the breath that he never lost in the first place. it’s just so exhausting being him.

switching to the camera on his phone, he checks his appearance and notes that his eyes are a little red from his activities earlier that night. still, he rubs at them a little more and even touches his eyeball to get them to water before wiping the tears away. he wants to look like he’s been crying. when he’s satisfied, he carelessly drops his phone to the ground then picks it back up again. it doesn’t crack the first time around so he repeats until it does. when he sticks his key in the door, he counts to five, then enters. he isn’t surprised to see that seojun is there, waiting for him, but he pretends to be. “oh!” he says, making a show of wiping at his eyes. “i didn’t expect you to be up.” yes, he did. “you didn’t have to wait up for me, junnie.” he says, forcing a sad smile onto his face. he turns away to lock the door and pretend like he doesn’t want to look at the other.

“i’m—” he swallows hard before clearing his throat, “i’m fine.” he says. “thanks for the offer though, i appreciate it.” he adds, reaching forward to caress his cheek. “you should go to bed.” he states, pressing the button on his phone as he pretends to check the time. but, really, he just wants to make sure seojun sees the cracked screen. “it’s late.” he mumbles, shoulders slumping. he places his phone down on the tv stand then shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes. he pretends as if he’s just going to head for his room then quickly turns and pulls his roommate into a tight hug. “i don’t deserve you, junnie.” he whispers. “i know you’d never hurt me. you’d never break my heart like he did or break my phone just to add insult to injury.” he sighs. “how did i get so lucky with you?”

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