How This All Came To Be Is Beyond Me...okay I Lied

my face when my sister surprises my broke ass with Taco Bell.

listening to phil collins

mugwomps

replied to your photo

“Sometimes when I’m working, Kaiju will violently shove the laptop away…”

I’ve never kept reptiles other than catch-examine-release…does your Very Large lizard actually want cuddles from you? Is she, um, bright enough to know you from other humans? Sorry, I am as ignorant as I am curious!

That is actually an EXTREMELY GOOD QUESTION and something I’ve been working on defining for as long as I’ve known Kaiju! It’s hard to describe affection without being anthropomorphic, so I usually approach this question by looking at what I know about reptile behavior and then trying to figure out what specific behavioral sets mean. This is gonna be a long post- it’s something I REALLY LOVE talking about.

Reptiles socialize in ways that are very different from mammals, and this can be really confusing- especially when one of the big things they tolerate humans for is our body heat. Research into reptile behavior suggests that lizards can definitely distinguish between people by scent alone, as well as by sound. It’s not uncommon for captive lizards to recognize their primary keeper- who’s feeding them, who’s interacting with them. Kaiju can actually differentiate between my clothes and other peoples’ clothes (she’s a horrible laundry thief). The people don’t even need to be in them. But beyond that, the most interesting things (in my opinion) happen in larger lizards- things that are big enough not to be everybody’s prey species, things that are able to be a little more confident and less reliant on hiding or running away.

The benchmarks for attention-seeking behavior and and curiosity/interest in humans that isn’t food-driven have been best studied in Komodo dragons due to interest in the zoo industry because encouraging these behaviors has become a key part of Komodo dragon management. These criteria include interacting with human keepers in a non-food context, expressing heightened interest in items that smell like a specific human, and non-predatory non-regulatory behavior- i.e. play. Trooper Walsh, who’s the guy at the National Zoo who got Komodo dragons to breed in captivity and Gordon Burghardt from UT, as well as a bunch of other herpetologists lay it all out in a chapter of Komodo Dragons: Biology and Conservation, which is one of the best books about big reptiles I’ve ever read. An example of both play and preference is seen here- Kraken, the dragon in question, has no reason to want that handkerchief. It’s not food, it doesn’t smell like food, and it doesn’t look like food. And it’s not feeding time! But she’s gonna take it regardless. Kraken was also notorious for stealing shoes and sticking her face in them, which is something Kaiju does as well. (I think that’s Walsh in the video with her.)

Now, Kaiju is a tegu, not a monitor lizard. But a lot of this still applies- tegus are extremely curious. There’s actually an evolutionary advantage to that- they’re scavengers with extremely broad diets, and investigating novel things can have great rewards. Being able to solve problems and work through natural puzzles is beneficial- there’s definitely incentive to be curious and to get highly comfortable with the environment.

There’s also a lot of anecdotal evidence that just… suggests that they like being around people, that they’re interested in what people are doing. 

This is one of my favorite videos because it’s really cool visual evidence that these tegus… well, want attention. The human offers food and they’re all far more interested in contact and attention. And I don’t think it’s just these tegus- I think it’s any tegu that’s learned that humans can be trusted. I’ve met a whole bunch of really well-socialized tegus, and they definitely have their people- they’re happy to accept pats and scratches, but at the end of the day, their human is their constant. They’re built for different worlds that the one we live in, and while they are highly adaptable and curious, having something they know is safe to return to is probably very comforting. 

So how does this look for my very large lizard in particular? I represent a constant- I’m something that she associates with pleasant things, comfort, and food. But I also represent a continual source of entertainment- I do new, strange things and make odd noises and sometimes dispense food. I pet her- if I don’t, she shoves her face into my hands until I do. Anecdotes aren’t data, and it’s not a rigorous study or anything, but time and again I see her making decisions that put her in proximity to me. I see her scratching at the cage door when I come home. I see her climbing into my bag in the mornings before I go to work, even when she’s got a million other places she could hide. I see her having all this space to move around and regularly choosing to be near me- even when it has nothing to do with thermoregulating or food. When I came in to pick her up from boarding, she fought the lady bringing her out to me and then wouldn’t let me put her down for hours after I got home. It was a struggle to get her in the pet carrier. I see this wild animal falling asleep on my lap, and I have to wonder- this isn’t a dog. This isn’t a cat. She’s not domesticated, and she wasn’t even raised by humans- she’s a feral animal from the swamp in Florida. And yet she feels safe enough to fall asleep on me. I think that means something. 

An odd moment at a bank.

I believe it's from reading too many horror novels or horror movies or possibly even both, but I get these ideas that lead my imagination to run away and imagine the worse possible thing to happen while in public. Like last Wednesday, at my local TD Bank I went in to deposit a check and to fix a problem I have with online account. After depositing my check I asked the bank teller where I can get help with my online account to which I was directed to the area for customer service.

A woman came over and asked me to come back to her desk. When I got there I explained my situation and she then went to the site and whatnot so I can show her that I can't log into the site. After that we had to sit through a long wait for a call to go through to some service to aid me fixing my online account. As I sat there I recalled how crappy my day has been. Especially the part where some empty headed girl spilled Dr.Pepper all over the comic I was lending to a friend. I remembered how she didn't even care and how I wanted to end her life. But, back to the bank.

There I sat, really enthralled in how the day has been going so far. The woman from costumer service mentioned how bad the day has been going so far and how bad the whether's been. I agreed with her. The small chat ended and I sat in silence. Behind me was a bald man from costumer service helping out a mother and daughter (I presume) with someone's account. My mind then went on it's natural course and made a monster out of this guy.

I can see how this would've happened, the man, an employee from the bank one day gets sick, violently sick. Possibly from eating the wrong food or just mysteriously becoming ill from working overtime. if that's even possible. I then thought up how he would be talking to the mother and daughter and cough some mucus up, he'd spit it in a tissue and throw it in the trash can at his desk. As he talked about setting up a new account or something but then he feels his throat crawl, yeah that's right, I said crawl. What comes next is up for debate on what it means. A sudden red growth pushes it's self out of his mouth and slams onto the desk in front of the mother and daughter. The woman who was waiting on a call would scream and I would turn around to see what the freight was about. Then I'd see it and my mind would be messy with an explanation.

The red glob would then lift up and the man would still be attached to the creature and he would most likely be dead or still alive to be the vehicle for the creature. It would then be imposing in the air as the entire bank stared at it. Following natural horror laws, the creature would attack most likely the mother and/or daughter. Possibly for more sustenance or to spread it's offspring like a parasite. At that moment I would run for the doors as the creature attacked the mother and daughter or anything closest to it. Security would fire shots at it and possibly kill it or well...yeah you see where I'm going with this.

As I dissected this whole idea I focused on why the customer service man would have to suffer the terrible fate of being host to such a parasite. I figured that this whole thing would happen since banks are much like parasites and are symbiotic to whom ever has an account with the bank. Or I was just really having a bad day and I figured that would be the most impossible thing to happen and if it did then my day would get worse times two.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

Remade and touched up some playlists and mood boards so here they are

Stanton Creek Sounds

The smell of misty midnight woods and the feel of the itchy truck seating. The sounds of lonesome folk guitars and gravel on the road. You’re following that light through the trees and really hoping your friend was the one that just put Black Sabbath on the radio … 

Trond Oftebro, Red Rabbit

The dreams are getting hard to ignore and the nausea’s getting to you, and as hard as you try to fight, something else in you wants to come out. For the time being though, just get back to the palette and pencils. There’s a story to paint, and if you can get that something onto canvas, it might be the catharsis you need. Just keep your chin up and look for bluer skies (and silver discs).

Farrah “Torn and Toked” Gerschwitz

 You’re not the asshole you used to be, but something else entirely. You’ve endured the week all for this day so treat yourself to something weird and mean. Let the taste crawl down your throat and into your mind. Lock the doors, turn the lights off, and let the void wash over. You’re here, you’re angry, and you’re gonna remind the voice in your head you don’t forget and sure as hell don’t forgive.

At this point I'm just skipping around with the years they came out. Not sticking to chronological order.

My beetles keep stacking on each other and NO they aren’t fucking